Once Upon A Time in Disneyland ºøº
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: Once upon a time, Emma had the "brilliant" idea to take the entire extended family (Gold, Belle, Snow, Charming, Cora, Regina, Henry, Emma, Neal, and Hook) on a family vacation to California's Disneyland and California Adventure Park... this can't end well. All your favorite ships, including Rumbelle, Snowing, and Swanfire. (I own nothing.) UPDATED DAILY! Hosts: Regina and Emma
1. We're Going On A Trip!

At 3:00 AM in the morning, a very excited (not to mention hyper) Henry bolted full-speed into his grandparent's room.

He eagerly switched the bright lights on and played a loud song on his cell phone- well, it was really Emma's, but that isn't the point.

"GUYS! WAKE UP!" Henry yelled.

"NO! NOT MY CUPCAKES!" Snow screamed, bolting upright in bed. Charming fell out from under the covers and onto the floor.

"Grandma, are you okay?" Henry asked.

"Yeah, you just startled me," Snow said, pressing a hand to hear heart in shock.

"I'm fine, too," Charming grumbled from where he was lying face-down on the floor.

"Guess what?" Henry babbled excitedly, ignoring Charming's remark. "We're going to Disneyland with the entire extended family and all!" Charming and Snow stared at the hyper little boy for s brief second. Finally, Snow broke the awkward silecne.

"What's Disneyland?" At this moment, Emma rushed into the room (good timing).

"Guys, I packed for you two. Now, we just need to go pick up Gold, Belle, Cora, Regina, and Hook." Emma paused for a moment, if only to catch her breath. "Then I'll lead us all to the airport," Emma said, clapping her hands together and beaming.

"Why Hook?" Charming groaned.

"Because the entire extended family is coming," Emma explained. "Hook counts as Henry's step-grandfather. That's why he's coming."

"What if Cora kills someone?" Snow whined.

"She won't," Emma said, haughtily glaring at her mother. "You need to stop with the whole 'she's-evil' thing. It's driving us all insane," she said.

"What if I kill someone?" Snow pressed. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Are you getting old and forgetful, or something? Hello? You're Snow frickin' White. You wouldn't kill a fly. The day you kill something..." Emma shuddered. "Is the day the world is under a zombie apocalypse and Slenderman is our ruler." Snow gave her a puzzled look.

"What's a Slenderman?" Emma groaned.

"Well... Slenderman is... um... oh, forget it, you'll get nightmares." Snow laughed.

"What I get is worse than nightmares," she said, a funny look on her face.

"How can it be worse than nightmares?" Emma questioned curiously.

"Have you ever had a dream where all the animals were singing and you were skipping around singing 'Happy Working Song'?" Emma pondered this for a moment.

"Probably not," she finally said.

"My point," Snow said.

"Guys! I'm still here!" Charming moped.

"Okay," Snow said, turning her attention back towards Emma. "But what is a Disneyland, anyway?"

* * *

"Regina, you need to take off your high heels," Emma pressed. The Queen defiantly shook her head.

"No. They're my heels. MINE." Emma groaned and suppressed the urge to bang her head against the table.

"It's only for a minute. Then you can put them back on." Regina stared at her, as if Emma was asking her to surrender Henry instead of her shoes.

"Hey, mom, if you get over here, then we can go get an ice cream or something, just the two of us," Henry called from the other side of the security line. Regina's shoes were in the bin faster than Emma could think 'nice one, Henry'.

"I hate airports," Gold grumbled from the corner.

"Come on, honey, we just need to put our stuff in there, okay?" Gold rolled his eyes.

"What do you know? Next time, they'll ask us to take off our goddamn clothing," he mumbled. Emma shook her head.

"They won't. Just do it, okay?"

"I'd love to see you without your-" Hook began, before Emma stomped on his foot in frustration.

"Can you go five minutes without an innuendo?" Hook pretended to contemplate this idea for a moment.

"I don't know, love. I am a pirate," he said after a long moment.

"And I am married, you know," Emma shot back. "I'm being serious."

"And I'm not," Hook quipped.

"Hey, where's Cora," Emma asked, abruptly changing the subject once she had passed the security check system. Snow's eyes widened.

"I think she went to that ice cream place with Henry and Regina... why, did someone die?" Emma slammed her palm up against her face.

"Why are you so set on the idea that someone is going to die here?" Emma groaned.

"Let's see... our entire extended family is here," Snow pointed out.

"Touché," Emma said.

* * *

"I can't believe I got the seat in between you two," Snow mumbled to Regina and Cora. "How did I get myself into this mess anyway?" Regina laughed for a brief moment.

"As if it's any fun for the two of us," Regina said.

"I SEE A BIRD!" Cora screamed from where she was sitting at the window.

"Shh," Regina said, leaning over and shutting the window before Cora could cause any explosions. "there are other people here, you know," she said.

"People and birds," Cora said.

"So, guys, do any of you know what a Slenderman is?" Snow said, smartly changing the subject.

"You don't know who Slenderman is?" Now it was Regina's turn to shout.

"Umm... no?"

"Slenderman is an internet meme. Some say his origins came from creepypasta, and-"

"What's creepypasta?" Snow wondered.

"Never mind," Regina mumbled. "That's what I get for creating a town in the 80s."


	2. The Grand Californian PALACE

Emma groaned and slid out of her seat, the plane had just landed and now she had to deal with everyone, including all the drama of jet lag and finding their hotel and a taxi, etcetera.

"Rumpel, wake up," Belle said, ushering her husband out of his seat.

"I'm tired," Rumpel said, glancing at his watch. "For heaven's sake, it's-"

"California is three hours behind Maine," came Emma's voice from the seat in the aisle. She was currently being crushed by an overexcited Henry and a sulky, spineless fop- David. "In other words, it's 9:00 PM for California and it's 12:00 AM for us."

Everyone groaned, except for Henry, who was in the process of stuffing his mouth full of cookies.

"What hotel are we staying at?" Cora questioned.

"The Grand Californian," Emma quickly answered. Cora scowled.

"So it's a place for peasants?"

"No, I mean... um... It's The Grand Californian Palace," Emma quickly said. "Just... um... a lot of kings and queens tend to go to this hotel." Cora narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but Regina covered for Emma.

"Hey, mother, I bet they have... um... servants there. To take care of your needs and whatnot. I mean, that's proof that it's a palace, right? And I bet you would be superior to everyone there." Regina shot Emma a you-need-to-work-with-me-here look, before directing her attention back towards Cora.

"Um, yeah," Emma said, because she really didn't know how to please Cora at this point.

"Hey, Grandma, want a cookie?" Henry said with his mouth full as he passed the bag of cookies to Cora.

"What's a cookie?" Cora asked.

"Just eat it. It's good." Cora grabbed the bag from him, took a cookie, sniffed it suspiciously, and took a tiny bite.

"Good job," Emma whispered to Henry.

"Don't I get any credit?" Regina whispered to Emma and Henry.

"No, she's your mom, you have to handle her."

* * *

"Mother, stop playing with the faucet," Regina whined from where she was lying on the bed. A grunt of frustration echoed into the room.

"I don't understand what magic this is!" Cora cried.

"I'm trying to sleep!" Regina growled. "I've been trying to do so, but every time I try to get you to bed you want to know what the light is and how the coffee machine works and how the faucet functions and I'm sick of it!"

"Fine, I'll go to bed," Cora grumbled.

"You forgot to turn off the light," Regina pointed out.

"How do you turn it off?" Cora wondered aloud.

* * *

"WAKE UP NOW!" Emma pounded hard on Regina's door and she groaned. "IT'S SIX O' CLOCK, WE HAVE TO GET GOING NOW!"

"6:00?" Regina mumbled from the bed. Cora yanked the sheets off of her.

"Get up, the dumb blonde says so," Cora said, tossing Regina a coat and a hairbrush from the suitcase resting in their room. "And get dressed, I can't have my daughter running around in only pajamas."

"Says the woman who yelled at birds in the airplane," Regina mumbled as she walked over to the bathroom, combing out her hair as she walked.

* * *

"GET UP, IT'S SIX O' CLOCK!" Emma shouted.

"I heard, you just yelled that right next door," Gold said, answering the door.

"Oops," Emma said. "Sorry, I'm getting used to this whole vacation thing. Is Belle ready to go?" Gold nodded.

"Yes, but she doesn't get why we have to wake up at six in the morning."

"Is that grumbling I hear coming from the Dark One?" Emma deadpanned. Gold ignored her snide comment.

"Why?" Emma rolled her eyes.

"Fine. We have to wake up at six because we're at this hotel, the Grand Californian-"

"PALACE!" came Cora's voice from the other end of the wall in Gold's hotel room.

"Palace," Emma said quickly, "and we have special benefits. Meaning that we're allowed to go into the Disney park an hour before the public arrives- and that also means that we can catch the best rides before we have to wait in lines." Gold nodded, Emma had already explained to the group about Disneyland on the taxi ride to the hotel.

"I understand." Emma blinked.

"Why do you have to be so formal all the time?" She wondered aloud. Gold raised an eyebrow.

"What are you proposing, Miss Swan?" Emma groaned.

"Is it just me or do all the villains in Storybrooke sound so intelligent? I mean, 'proposing' sounds like such an old word. For old people."

"And I'm not old?" Gold deadpanned.

"Good point... But you do look great for your age."

* * *

"Which ride are we getting on first?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Pirates of the Caribbean," Hook read on his map. "Does that mean there'll be pirates on this ride?" Emma nodded.

"Yeah, Walt Disney himself worked really hard. That ride was built really really long ago, nearly cost him all his money, but he just kept on digging down there. The technology used on that ride still manages to baffle me..." she shook her head as Hook began to drool all over his map like an overexcited teenager.

"YES!" He shouted. Cora smacked him in the face with her scarf and casually continued to walk, but she did toss the "infected" scarf in the rubbish bin later.  
"Hey, Emma, do you want to take Henry on California Soarin' later on?" Neal asked. "It was my favorite ride as a kid," he said with a wink.

"Can we?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Sure, why not, we can head over to California Adventure Park later on in the week," Emma said, glancing back down at her map. "Now, our first stop today is going to be Space Mountain," she said. "Since it's really close to the entrance of the park." Cora made a funny face at her map.

"What is it, mother?" Regina asked.

"What is this so-called 'Storybook Land?'" she asked.

"I don't know," Regina said honestly. "Do you want to go there later?" Cora nodded, but she didn't lift her gaze from the paper.

"Can I burn it down?" Cora asked.

"No, mother, no fire here, okay?" Cora skulked all the way to Space Mountain.


	3. Space Mountain, Star Tours & Snow White

_**Thanks to those who have taken the time to read this! I hope you are all enjoying the story. :-) Updates should come quickly for this as I have a lot of ideas for other rides and other such things.**_

_**Now, I would like to ask everyone to do me a favor (spam, I know) and check my other story out, it's called "Once Upon A Musical" and it's basically what I think would happen if Once Upon A Time had a musical episode, like Buffy. **_

_**It features Gold, Belle, Emma, Henry, Regina, Hook, Cora, Grace, Jefferson, Snow, Charming, and Archie, and it's told from Ruby's POV.**_

_**I would really appreciate it if you checked it out, and, say, if I get at least 5 reviews on it I will upload chapter 4 for this story again today.**_

_**Thank you for all your support, you guys have already helped me so much!**_

* * *

"No line, awesome!" Emma exclaimed, fist pumping in the air. The family eagerly dashed up to the ride, except for Cora and Gold who were both really sulky and neutral.

"YES!" Henry said, bouncing up and down once they'd reached the ride. They were directed into the coaster. He was still a little bouncy, even when he was sitting down in the seat.

"I don't like this very much," Cora said as the ride began to move. She squirmed uncomfortably and a look of fear inched across her face s-l-o-w-l-y.

"Calm down, Mother, it's only a ride," Regina reassured.

"I think I'm going to die," Cora said, her voice reaching an octave higher than anyone knew it could go.

"Is it just me, or do you think that Cora and Hook have a thing going on?" Emma said.

"NO! I WOULD NEVER DATE THAT PIRATE!" Cora shouted, calming down a little. Neal slapped Emma a high five for quieting Cora down. Sarcasm, yay.

"It's dark in here," Belle said, gathering herself a little closer to Gold. Regina snorted.

"Afraid of the dark, Belle?" she sneered.

"It's dark in here," Belle repeated.

"Just like Regina's soul," Gold cackled, earning himself a glare from the former Evil Queen.

"That's not very nice, Rumpel... but I will admit that it was a good comeback," Belle said, slapping the former Dark One a high-five. Regina mumbled something about dumb brunettes and directed her attention back to the front.

"OH MY GOD I CAN SEE THE STARS!" Mary Margaret screamed from the front seat. Emma laughed.

"That's the point, you see, Space Mountain is basically a roller coaster built in the dark. They string up lights, take you to the top, and then you spiral all the way down the 'mountain'."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Hook grumbled.

"I'm captain of the Swan Queen ship, but okay," Emma said.

"WHAT?" Regina asked, but Emma began to casually whistle.

"WHEEEEEEEE!" Henry shrieked from the front seat. A random old lady sitting behind him covered her ears and scowled, reaching for her hearing aid.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Cora screamed as they hit a drop.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" both Regina and Emma screamed at the same time, before shamefully folding their arms and looking in the opposite direction.

"I don't see what all the commotion is about," Gold said.

"Come on, honey, it's fun," Belle said, holding her arms up.

"Still, I think- AHHHH!" Gold yelled as they hit a big drop. His hat flew off somewhere in the distance, landing on the old woman's face smoothly.

"Great, now do I need to fix these glasses?" the old woman mumbled.

* * *

"That. Was. AWESOME!" Henry yelled once they'd gotten off the ride and Mr. Gold had retrieved his hat from a rather pissed elderly woman (even though he was older than her).

"I know, right?" Emma said. "Now, our next stop is..." she glanced down at their agenda. "Star Tours. It's a virtual ride, and basically, the concept is that you're in a ship and-"

"SHUT UP! SPOILERS!" Cora screamed.

"But I-"

"ENOUGH!" Cora shouted.

"Okay, then," Emma said, leading them to the short line, where Henry jumped up and down at the sight of the R2-D2 and C3PO replica robots.

Before they knew it, they were on the ride and moving.

"We aren't moving," Cora said, her eyes closed.

"Mother, you're supposed to open your eyes and put on your glasses," Regina pointed out. Cora followed her instructions.

"THE BRAKES! THE BRAKES! WHERE ARE THE BRAKES?" the loud overhead voice shouted. Henry cracked up.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cora and the voice both screamed. "WHY ARE WE MOVING?" Cora yelled. The ship led them up to a sea of stars.

"OH MY GOD, I CAN SEE THE STARS AGAIN!" Mary Margaret screamed.

* * *

"We're heading off to... um... Snow White's Scary Adventure," Emma said as they passed some old-looking buildings. "See up there, in the window?" she asked, making a gesture up towards the top of the ride that had a window, the back was concealed by curtains. Henry was currently preoccupied with the giant Merry-Go-Round and the Sword In The Stone.

"Well, every once in a while-" Before Emma could complete her sentence, she was startled when a very ugly witch suddenly appeared in the window.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Both Mary Margaret, David, and Regina screamed at the same time.

"the Evil Queen comes out," Emma mumbled.

"IS THAT YOU?" Cora shouted. "WHY ARE YOU SO UGLY LOOKING, REGINA? WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR FASHION AFETR I FAKE DIED? DID YOU JUST CASUALLY TOSS IT OUT THE WINDOW? HUH? HUH?"

"Mother, calm down. I'm just as scared as you are," Regina said. Mary Margaret and David nervously watched the fake Queen slowly recede from the window.

"I'm scared, David," Snow said. "Will you hug me?"

"Not in public, guys," Emma said, pulling the two apart. "Now, let's get into the damned ride already. And, Henry, STOP PLAYING WITH THAT SWORD, IT WON'T COME OUT OF THE ROCK! IT'S BEEN THERE FOR, LIKE, 100 YEARS! IT'S ANTIQUE BY NOW!" A little girl who still believed in magic and who had heard Emma suddenly burst into tears and she skulked away from the little statue.

* * *

"OH MY GOD!"

"THE HORROR!"

"IT'S JUST LIKE ONE OF MY NIGHTMARES!"

"It's dark in here, but I like this ride," Belle mumbled quietly. Nine sets of eyes stared at her.

"Are you high or something?" Neal asked. "We just saw Snow singing- and she's terrible, and, and, and... there were SINGING ANIMALS, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" Belle shrugged.

"Snow seems to be enjoying it now." she said.

"Where is she, even?" Hook asked curiously.

"COME MY LITTLE FRIENDS AS WE ALL SING A HAPPY LITTLE WORKING SONG!" came Mary Margaret's voice from far ahead of the cart.

"Mom! What are you doing out of the cart? Didn't you- Oh, just get back in here and quit hanging around the attraction!"

"I am now part of the attraction," Mary said, trying to pet a plastic bluebird.

"MOM!"


	4. Peter Pan, Storybook Land & cotton candy

"THAT WAS NOT HOW OUR STORY WENT." Snow ranted. "WHERE WAS REGINA AND THAT B***** MOTHER OF HERS, CORA? AND WHERE WAS THE HORSE AND ME FALLING OFF IT AND WHY WEREN'T THERE EIGHT DWARVES? THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE EIGHT BUT I ONLY COUNTED SEVEN. AND THAT BIRD I TRIED TO PET WAS ROCK HARD." Charming mumbled some reassuring words, trying to steer his wife away from a confused crowd of strangers.

"Now what?" Hook groaned. Emma checked her agenda.

"Let's see... since we're in this area, I think we should at least get on Peter Pan. Maybe we can catch Dumbo and Storybook Land while we're at it." Neal nodded, glancing over her shoulder at the agenda.

"Okay, so, can we go to Peter Pan now?" he asked after a long moment of silence.

"Okay," Emma said.

* * *

The first thing they saw in the ride was a room full of toys.

"Why- this was not part of my life," Neal complained. Hook laughed.

"I will admit that that's true, but I do enjoy being in bedrooms," he said, sending a haughty smile in Emma's direction.

"Come on, buddy, here we gooooooooooooooooo!" a loud overhead voice shouted. Cora jumped and Mary Margaret screamed from the carriage behind them.

"Why are we flying over a purple town now?" Neal questioned. Emma shrugged.

"Dunno. I didn't build the ride."

"You sure act like it with all your explanations," Henry pointed out.

"Touché," Emma said with a shrug.

The "ship" bucked and swung the group up towards a starry sky full of lights.

"I CAN SEE THE STARS AGAIN!" Mary Margaret screamed from the carriage behind them.

"I can tell," Emma mumbled.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Hook said.

"Why am I siting next to you?" Neal asked suddenly.

"Because I thought it would be funny," Emma said with a giggle. "Since we're on Peter Pan and all."

"HEY, THAT'S NEVERLAND!" Neal suddenly screamed.

"Shhhhh, I'm trying to calm Belle down!" Gold shouted from the carriage behind the carriage behind them.

"It's dark in here," came Belle's quiet voice.

"OH MY GOD, IS THAT ME?" Hook screamed as they approached two robotic figures of Hook and Peter Pan swordfighting. "WHERE IS MY EYELINER? AND MY SEXY PANTS AND MY COAT AND MY LOOKING GLASS AND-"

"What?" Neal said, blinking. "Why am I dressed in green, and why do I look like an imp?" He continued to stare at the figures nervously. "JUST BECAUSE I'M THE SON OF AN IMP, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO WEAR GREEN AND HAVE POINTY EARS AND AN UGLY HAT AND LOOK LIKE AN IMP. SUCH STEREOTYPES."

"Who are those kids tied up on the deck?" Hook wondered aloud.

"No clue," Neal said, breaking out of his rant. The ship swerved and presented them with an image of Hook standing on a crocodile's sharp teeth.

"WHAT?" Neal, Hook, and Gold both shrieked at the same time.

"THAT WAS NOT MY CROCODILE," Hook said. "MY CROCODILE WAS AN IMP. THIS IS A CROCODILE, THE LITERAL KIND."

"Dad... did you turn yourself into a crocodile?" Neal asked seriously.

"Did not!" Gold shouted defensively.

"Ouch," Henry said, wincing at the sight of Hook dancing on the crocodile's sharp teeth. "That's gotta hurt bad."

* * *

"Storybook Land is next!" Emma sang from the front of the group. They had stopped for a quick snack break and now everyone was covered with cotton candy.

"I want a dress made out of this sh!t," Cora said, patting the pink fuzz.

"It'll melt," Henry pointed out.

"Whatever."

"Guys, come on, just eat your stuff so we can get on the ride!" Emma whined. "I really really want to go on this one!"

"Okay, okay," Gold said, cleaning up Belle's face with a napkin. "Just hold on, okay, sweetie?" He magicked a moist towelette out of nowhere.

"No magic on trips," Emma said seriously, trying to scrub some cotton candy off her leather jacket.

"Want a towel?" Regina asked.

"Sure," Emma mumbled, taking the wet cloth from her former enemy.

* * *

"For your safety, please keep your hands and arms inside the boat at all times-"

"LOOK, A FISH!" Mary Margaret screamed, trying to jump out of the boat to go give it a hug.

"Madame, please keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times," their guide said and it was obvious that he was trying to sound calm. It was also obvious that he was very peeved.

"Mom, come on, there are people here besides us," Emma said. The guide raised an eyebrow.

"She's your mom?" he asked seriously.

"No," Emma said quickly, realizing her mistake. "I mean, we're sisters, just... um... I call her 'Mom' as a nickname to show affection." The guide raised his eyebrows seriously. "We're Swedish," Emma lied.

"Säker..." their guide said.

"What the frequently asked questions did he say?" Emma whispered to Cora.

"It's bright in here," Belle whispered.

At this moment, the guide suddenly decided to go back to doing his job.

"Now, as we are swallowed by Monstro, the giant whale-"

"WHALE? WHERE?" Snow screamed. "I DON'T WANT THAT PERVERT ANYWHERE NEAR ME, NOT AFTER THAT ONE NIGHT'S STAND!" she shouted.

Emma slammed her face against the boat's railing in frustration.

* * *

_**"Säker" means "Sure" in Swedish. Just wanted to point that out.**_


	5. Alice, Dumbo, Teacups, & Small World

"That was the worst one yet," Emma mumbled. "You're lucky we weren't kicked out." Mary Margaret whimpered.

"I'm sorry, I was scared." Emma rolled her eyes.

"It's not you that bothers me, it's the part where David decided to take his sword out and whack the whale display to calm you down that gets me worried," she said. "Where the hell did you get that sword, anyway?" David hung his head in shame.

All fingers pointed to Regina.

"Really?" Emma's face was priceless.

"It was just for fun, I didn't think he'd actually use it." Emma groaned.

"Pull a prank like that again and I'lll.. umm... tell the SwanQueen shippers that you're dating... a cucumber and then sic them on you."

"Good one, Emma," Cora said. Regina glared at Cora's snide look but didn't say anything else.

"Let's go to Dumbo next," Henry suggested.

"Okay, kid, why not?" Emma said with a shrug.

* * *

"I'M FLYING! WEEEEE!" Henry shouted from his elephant which was swerving in all directions.

"So bored," Belle said to Gold. "It's windy up here."

"I CAN'T SEE THE STARS!" Mary Margaret screamed. David started to laugh and tried to control the elephant.

"Mother, stop trying to take the ride apart," Regina whined.

"I need to see what type of magic this is," she said, absorbed in thought.

* * *

"Can we go home now?" Regina asked finally. Emma shook her head.

"Nope. We're going on 'Mad Tea Party' next." A chorus of groans sounded from the group, although Henry seemed to be the only one excited for this ride.

"Can I sit this one out?" Regina asked hopefully.

"No," Emma said.

* * *

"NO! STOP SPINNING THE WHEEL, HENRY!" Cora shrieked.

"But, Mother, it's fun." Regina put a hand on her mother's shoulder. In the distance, some CoraxRegina shippers cheered.

"NO IT ISN'T! AND GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY SHOULDER, YOU'RE EXCITING THE INCEST SHIPPERS!" Regina quickly withdrew her hand from her mother's shoulder and wiped it on her pant leg.

"THIS IS TERRIFYING!"

"Mother, relax, it's just a ride," Regina deadpanned. "Look, you even made Henry start spinning the wheel faster." Her son giggled.

"I like her reaction, is all."

"And that makes one of us," Regina grumbled.

* * *

"Next is Alice in Wonderland," Emma said, carefully watching Cora spin in circles.

"Oh, no," Regina said. "I don't want to see what the Queen of Hearts looks like again."

"Again?" Cora asked blankly.

"Emma made me watch the original Alice in Wonderland 1951 cartoon," Regina explained. "We had a movie night."

"Ooooooooh," said several off-screen SwanQueen shippers.

* * *

"Please keep your hands, arms, feet, legs, and crazy fangirls inside the attraction at all times," a speaker disguised as a rock spoke.

"Why do they always say that?" Emma wondered. David shrugged.

"No clue. But after last ride, I think I understand a little," he quipped. Snow giggled and slapped Belle a high-five.

"I still wanna go on that Pirates of the Caribbean ride," he grumbled.

"NOOO! WE'RE GOING DOWN A HOLE!" Snow suddenly screamed as the caterpillar-cart they were sitting in suddenly bucked and sent them down a rocky passageway that resembled a hole.

"Down, down, down the rabbit hole," an overhead voice spoke.

"That's what she said," Hook said. Emma whacked him on the shoulder with her hand but didn't say anything else.

"There are children on this ride, Hook," Belle scolded.

"Are there, now?" Hook asked, slyly raising his eyebrows.

"Shh. We're going into the woods now," Snow said as they passed by giant leaves and swirly painted patterns on the wall.

"It's dark in here," Belle whispered.

"Most of Walt Disney's rides are," Emma remarked dryly. "He did it so that you can't see the overhead bars and beams and pipes- pretty brilliant, actually. He liked to make a lot of his rides underground."

"Where is he now?" Belle asked curiously.

"He's dead," Emma said. Belle's face looked aghast.

"Awkwaaaard," Henry mumbled.

"Hoo! Hoo!" a nearby fake owl on the tree yowled.

"HOO HA, HOO HA! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Charming clamped a hand over Snow's mouth.

"She gets like this sometimes," He told Emma. "She's obsessed with this thing called Toybox."

"What's Toybox?" Emma asked curiously.

"It's basically innuendos smuggled into children's music," Charming admitted.

"And you know this how...?" Emma questioned, making Charming shrug.

"Guilty pleasure."

"INNUENDOS? WHERE?" Hook screamed.

"Shut up," Cora threatened. "Or else I'll... um... uh... kiss you!" Hook paled visibly and slouched down in his chair.

"This family is messed up," Henry mumbled.

"You got that right, kiddo," Emma sighed.

* * *

"Now what?" Henry asked.

"Since we're in FantasyLand right now, why don't we head on over to some other attractions in the area?" Neal suggested. Emma groaned.

"I don't want to go on It's A Small World," Emma said. "I hate that song a lot."

* * *

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL SMALL SMALL SMALL WORLD!" Cora chorused with the singing dolls on the sideview and most of the family. Emma had her earbuds in by now but it would not block out the loud noise coming from their boat. The public had been let into the park by now and people were staring... duh.

"This is really, really traumatizing, even for me, and I'm a frickin' pirate," Hook grumbled.

"Tell that to Regina. She used to be the Evil Queen and right now, things look like there's about to be a matricide," Emma said, making a gesture towards Regina's horror-stricken face.

"Mom, join in with us! It's a small world after all, it's-" Regina clamped a hand over Henry's mouth.

"Either you stop singing, or no more sugar for you today."

Henry was very silent for the rest of the ride.

"YES!" Emma exclaimed. "See those bubble blower thingies up ahead? That means the ride is almost over." Hook's face lit up.

"BUBBLES!" Regina screamed, immediately jumping up and popping as many as she could.

"Okay... I can handle the other creepy, insane things she does, but to tell you the truth, she's freaking me the frig out," Emma mumbled.

"See, Belle, that thing is what locked you up," Gold said, pointing out Regina frantically popping bubbles. Belle shuddered.

"Oh my," was all she could say.

"DIE! I WILL KILL ALL THESE STUPID BUBBLES! GALINDA! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU!" Regina screamed.

"Please keep your hands, feet, arms, yolos, and legs inside the boat, madame," an overhead voice said. Regina spun around.

"WHO IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY? WHAT IS A YOLO?!" She screamed. Flailing arms and legs, she fell out of the boat.

* * *

_**I just saw the new promo (SPOILER WARNING) and I was soooooo sad when I saw what they were doing to Regina. I swear, if they kill her off, I'm gonna die. And probably write a crapton of AU fics. -_-**_


	6. Lunch & Matterhorn Bobsleds

"Next up, we have Matterhorn Bobsleds," Emma said, casually reading off of her agenda as if it was nothing and as if Regina was not soaking wet behind her.

"I'm so cold," Regina shivered.

"Magic the water away," Belle suggested.

"Yeah, mom, it'll be okay, just this one time," Henry said with a wink.

"All right," Regina said, waving her hand, the trail of water behind her vanishing and landing straight on Hook's head. The family stared for a long while, before Henry broke the silence with his laughter.

"Have I ever told you that you're insane?" Neal commented to Regina, who shrugged.

"I get that a lot."

"GUYS! WE HAVE MATTERHORN BOBSLEDS NEXT! AREN'T YOU EXCITED?" Emma screamed. Gold paused.

"Actually, Belle is a little-" sadly, Gold never got to finish his sentence.

"I'm hungry," Snow and Charming chorused. Emma glanced at her watch.

"Shoot! It's already half past two! Okay, so... I guess we can stop by Village Haus Restaurant for burgers now," Emma suggested. Cheers arose from the group.

* * *

"This hamburger is really good," Henry commented as he bit through the bun, the condiments dripping off oh his chin.

"Hold still, Henry, so I can magic this away," Regina said, focusing hard. As for Snow and Charming... they were paying attention to something much different.

"What the hell is that thing?" Snow shrieked, pointing at a Disney cosplayer, fully dressed as the docile cartoon Snow White. Emma smiled.

"That's Snow White," she said.

"Preposterous," Snow mumbled. "I'm Snow White."

"Hello, my friends, are you enjoying your meal?" Fake Snow said as she sent a creepy smile in the family's direction. Belle's hamburger fell onto her lap and Regina covered Henry's eyes.

"We were until you got here," Gold mumbled, trying to calm Belle down.

"I'm Snow White!" Fake Snow said, ignoring Gold's comment.

"YOU STUPID ROLEPLAYER!" Mary Margaret shrieked. "I'M SNOW!"

"Pardon?" Fake Snow asked, her tone evidently filled with confusion.

"I AM SNOW WHITE. YOU ARE AN IMPOSTOR. GET OUT OF HERE OR I WILL SUMMON MY WOODLAND CREATURES TO RIP OUT YOUR HAIR AND PECK OUT YOUR EYES." Fake Snow stared at Mary Margaret for a long time.

"I'm... sorry...?"

"Damn right you're sorry," Mary Margaret sneered.

"Okaaay, mom, that's enough," Emma said, pushing Mary Margaret away from the Fake Snow in order to stop death glares from happening. "I'm sorry, she's in... she's on high medication right now. You know, crazy, and all that," Emma said, twirling a finger around by her temple to prove her point.

"AAAAH!" Fake Snow finally screamed, bolting right out of the place and throwing her Disney Employee badge on the floor as she did so.

"I hate this place," Regina mumbled, removing her hand from Henry's eyes. "All Snow White's are insane."

* * *

"LIIIIIIINES," Hook deadpanned. Neal was on his phone texting random strangers, and Snow was playing Minecraft with her iPhone.

"STUPID CREEPERS!" she shouted.

"Kid, you are so lucky you have at least one sane person in the family," Emma said, giving Henry's hand a squeeze.

"Who? I don't see anyone sane here- not for miles, at least," Regina deadpanned.

"Well, what about... um..." Emma paused for a moment.

"My point," Regina mumbled. "We have Neal, who is positively normal except for the fact that he's, like, centuries older than you and you're his wife. Then, there's Gold, who dated both my mom and is currently dating a woman you know is much younger than I..." Several GoldxBelle shippers in the distance prepared ammunition but otherwise stayed calm.

"...which of course, is also totaled by the fact that my mother came back to life twice now, Snow is addicted to woodland creatures, Charming is a fop, you are a dumb blonde, Hook is... well, Hook is Hook, and I used to be the Evil Queen," Regina finished smoothly.

"I applaud you," Emma commented dryly. "You just managed to insult our entire family and ultimately bore us all to death." Regina smiled.

"I try my best."

"When are we gonna get there?" Henry whined. "It's already 3:00, and we haven't even made it onto the ride yet."

"Actually, Henry, we're pretty lucky," Emma said. "The wait for all the other rides have been fairly short, not many people are coming to the park today. Besides, we've only been waiting for a little."

Henry shrugged and looked back at the snowy peak. Little holes dotted the corner of the mountain and every so often a cart full of screaming people would fly past, it was as if they were mocking him.

"NOOO! STUPID CREEPER!" Snow screamed, throwing her phone on the ground. Charming bent over to pick it up.

"Did the creeper blow up your log cabin again?" Charming was used to his wife's insane antics by now.

"No! It was horrible!" Snow shrieked. "The creeper killed me and my farm of ducks!"

"Oh, no, how sad," Charming said in mock disappointment.

"SHUT UP!" Henry yelled. "We're getting on the ride, finally!" he sighed.

"Please keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the coaster at all times," an overhead voice said. The message was repeated in several languages including Swedish.

"As if Swedish people come to Disneyland," Cora sneered. Regina whacked her in the arm.

"I'm scared," Belle said, as the cart took them high up a dark track.

"It's okay, Belle," Gold said, rubbing her arm reassuringly. "I promise we'll be- AHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as the cart plummeted downwards suddenly. Belle's eyes widened as a mechanical figure of a white monster with flashing red eyes shrieked at them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henry yelped, covering his eyes. Regina sent a glare in Emma's direction, as if scolding her for letting Henry on this ride. The look on Emma's face was sheer terror. For some reason, Hook and Cora were laughing like maniacs.

The cart swung around, and in the corner, glowing diamonds were visibly shown. Snow's eyes widened and Charming reached out to try to grab some. Unfortunately, the cart went around another swing and, to the visitors down in line, their cart was visible through a little gap in the mountain. The fun didn't last for long, though, they were greeted by another yowling monster.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emma screamed, grabbing onto the cart for dear life. Regina joined Cora with laughing. Hook was crying tears of laughter by this point.

The cart significantly sped up, but for a while, no Yedis were visible. The group breathed a sigh of relief. Regina was spared a few moments to breathe.

"Phew," Emma said. "I think the worst is past us."

Another Yedi suddenly appeared in view, and Snow screamed, Charming's arms flailed, and somehow Belle was knocked out of the cart.

* * *

_**Thanks to impureevilregal for the Disney character idea! ^^ **_

_**Let's see... hmm... how about this? My 50th reviewer will get to pick whatever ride they want and I will center the chapter around that ride. **_

_**(Can't be Pirates, though, you would waste your vote, 'cuz Pirates is the next two chapters [hey, one of my favorite rides, I couldn't help it].)**_

_**Please R&R and I'll see you next update!**_


	7. Pirates of the Caribbean Part 1

"That was really traumatizing," Snow sobbed into David's sleeve. "I think I'm going to vomit."

"You guys are hilarious," Cora cackled, slapping Regina a high-five. Henry, who had now calmed down, beamed.

"Wow," was all Emma could say. "That was one hell of a ride," she mumbled.

"I'll say," Gold deadpanned. "Anything to say, Belle?"

"It was dark in there," Belle mumbled.

"That's what she-" Hook started, before Emma cut him off.

"Next, we're heading over to New Orleans Square to visit the Haunted Mansion Holiday and Pirates of the Caribbean. After that, I think we can retire for the day, after all, the wait lines are pretty long," Emma said. The group nodded and they continued on.

* * *

"Wow. You weren't kidding when you said the lines were long," Henry mumbled. Hook was bouncing around in the corner like a crazed madman.

"I'm so excited!" he was saying over and over. "I'm a pirate, this is a ride for pirates, I feel like I'm home!"

"Trigger warning," Emma mumbled under her breath.

"Wow, this is cool," Henry said as they walked up the platform to see little rowboats floating around in a canal of water. There was a little man-made island out of sand in the middle, on it was a stand with a parrot squawking various things.

"Those aren't pirate ships," Hook said, dismayed.

"Too bad, loser," Cora chanted.

"You're just trying to get Gold's attention by insulting me, but, really, I know you're the captain of the Golden Heart ship," Hook sneered. Belle paled and Gold tensed up but nothing else was said.

"Sooo, we're getting on our boat now," Emma said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah," Snow mumbled.

"I never get any lines in this," Neal groaned. Emma looked up from her agenda.

"What was that?" Neal shrugged it off.

"Never mind," he said through gritted teeth.

"Ahoy there, crew. For your safety, please keep your hands, arms, legs, feet, and tentacles inside the boat, and be sure to watch your children," an overly enthusiastic overhead voice spoke slowly. Hook winced.

"We're out of witty comebacks," he mumbled.

"No joke," Emma said.

"It's so awkward in here, I swear I can hear crickets chirping," Snow mumbled. Henry looked up.

"I hear them too."

"Same here," Cora said.

"It's supposed to be like that, guys," Emma mumbled. "It's a part of the ride."

"Cool," Hook said, although he didn't seem so excited after hearing the overhead voice speak.

"Shh, we're moving, and there are people eating there," Emma said, motioning across the lake at the restaurant called "Blue Bayou". Hook's eyes widened.

"WHY ARE PEOPLE EATING THERE?" He screamed.

"Calm down, Hook," Emma whispered. "People are staring. As for the people eating... it's at a restaurant called 'Blue Bayou'. It's a restaurant basically built into the ride." Hook anxiously stared at the seating area.

"Can we eat there later?" he begged, like an overexcited teenager.

"We'll see," was all Emma said.

"It's still dark in here," Belle whispered.

"Will you shut up about that?" Cora hissed. "It's getting annoying. We get it, okay, all the rides here are dark."

"Like your soul," Gold cackled. Cora spun around to address Gold who was sitting in the back.

"Cut it out this instant," she hissed.

"Guys, girls, you're both hideous, now shush," Regina said. "Besides, Hook is going to kill you if you ruin this ride."

The boat pulled them along to a scene where an old man was sitting on his porch, playing music with what appeared to be a banjo.

"Why is there an ugly chick playing a banjo?" Hook wondered aloud.

"That's an old man, Hook," Neal corrected.

"Shut up, imp in a green costume," Hook said. "You'll offend the lady."

"Do I look like I'm in a green costume?" Neal shot back.

"Shhhh," Emma shushed. "Henry's getting hyper."

"These seats are bouncy," Henry said, bouncing on the hard plastic.

"The seats are plastic, but," Mary Margaret countered.

"THEY'RE BOUNCY!" Henry screamed, effectively shutting Mary Margaret up.

"Okaaaay, then," Charming mumbled, quietly patting Snow on the back.

"Dead men tell no tales," a talking skull rasped as their boat came to a halt by a tunnel-looking entrance.

"What does that mean?" Henry wondered aloud, nervously tugging on Emma's sleeve.

"I-" Emma started, before she was cut off by a chorus of screams from the group as they plummeted down a dark, watery escape- er, drop.

An overhead chorus of voices sang the lyrics to

A Pirate's Life For Me'. The group took a moment to soak in their new appearances, they were in a underground cavern now with dim lighting and damp rock walls.

"That was awesome," Hook yelled, his voice roughly echoing through the snaking tunnels.

The group joined along, chanting to the words in the song as well. Regina seemed to be the only one there who could actually sing on-key, and everyone else gaped.

"Regina, I didn't know you could sing," Emma mumbled. The former Queen looked taken aback.

"You- what- I... wait... oh, never mind," she mumbled, dismissively waving a hand. "Just focus on the ride already."

"I don't- AGGGGGHHHHH!" Emma yelled as the boat tipped and they plummeted down another steep drop. They were surrounded by colorful crystals, now, and you could literally see the moneybags in Hook's eyes as he contemplated how to distract the group long enough for him to sneak out of the raft and steal the display.

On the right end of the raft, there was another sandy island, only this one had a rock and a pirate's skeleton nailed onto the cold stone surface with a sword, a squawking parrot on his shoulder that chanted "dead men tell no tales". Both Hook's and Snow's eyes grew wide as saucers at this sight.

"NOOO! JASON!" Snow screamed.

"Who's Jason?" Henry wondered.

"THE PARROT YOU DOPE!" Snow squealed. "He's stuck on that rock with that icky pirate!" Hook gave Snow an incredulous stare.

"Are you insane? The icky pirate? HE'S DEAD, probably because that goddamn bird has been sh!tting on his shoulder for God knows how long now," Hook yelled. People began to stare, and Hook had stood up in the boat at this point.

"Shhh," Emma said, yanking Hook down.

"Belle, I hope you understand that this family is not normal, under any circumstances," Gold mumbled. Belle's eyes were glued to the scene.

"No joke," Emma mumbled.

* * *

**_Pirates Part Two is next chap! Review, review, and... review! Thank you!_**


	8. Pirates of the Caribbean Part 2

"Mom! Look! There's a pirate!" Henry shouted, pointing at the display of a pirate skeleton steering his ship. His clothing was battered and virtual rain and lighting pelted the deck of his ship and collided with his strong figure.

"Yes, I think you can expect to see pirates on the ride Pirates of the Caribbean," Emma remarked dryly.

"AHOY, MATEY!" Hook screamed.

"See, children, this is why you don't do drugs," an old woman told her two grandchildren from the boat behind Hook's.

The boat swerved and took the family towards a scene where another skeleton-pirate was sitting on a stool in what appeared to be a bar. Two other skeletons were also visible sitting at a table.

"See, Belle, that is what would've happened to you if you stayed like Lacey," Regina taunted, pointing towards the pirate sitting on the bar guzzling down a drink of some sort. The liquid was visible as it poured through the skeleton's ribcage. Belle shuddered.

"Regina, I swear I'm gonna-"

"Where's Hook?" Regina asked all of a sudden. Gold lowered his cane (that he had been planning to maul Regina with) and suspiciously looked around.

"DOWN HERE MATEYS!" Hook yelled from the display where he was tossing display coins into a big sack.

"WHAT THE HELL HOOK!" Emma screamed. "Do you want to get arrested?" Hook appeared to ponder this for a moment, before he spoke.

"Pirate."

Emma groaned. "Great, now he's turning into Johnny Depp."

"I got it," Regina mumbled, waving her hand and teleporting Hook back into the boat.

"What about the people who saw?" Regina shrugged.

"They won't remember, dear, I cast a spell," Cora said with a wicked grin.

"No offense, but when you call people 'dear', it doesn't sound sweet like how most grandmas do. It sounds creepy as hell," Emma mumbled, before pausing. "Well, then again, we aren't exactly a normal family.

"Shut up and enjoy the damn ride!" Regina hissed.

"Look," Henry mumbled, pointing at a pirate lying on a big king bed.

"Why are all the pirates on this ride dead?" Hook wondered aloud as he watched the pirate stare into the mirror with hollow eyes- er, bones. Emma laughed.

"Wanna join them?" Gold asked.

"Nope," Hook said.

"Good, then leave Belle alone," Gold mumbled. "She's all scared now."

The boat pulled them further along, to a scene where a broken chandelier lined with cobwebs hung still above a table littered with various items.

"BOUNCY SEATS!" Henry yelled. Emma pulled her son back down.

"Shh. People are trying to sleep," she said, pointing towards the grandma who had fallen asleep on the ride a few minutes ago.

"Oh. Sorry," Henry whispered.

"TREASURE!" Hook screamed as they passed a display of a treasure room. A huge mountain of gold coins was displayed in the middle, where a pirate sat at the very peak.

"This is actually pretty cool," Emma admitted. "I do like the look. So much to see here." Snow got up and started to wave at the pirate on the display.

"Hi! My name is Mary Margaret Blanchard, mister Pirate! Although most of my family tends to call me Mary Sue. I don't know why, really, because Sue isn't my last name. Do you have a name, mister Pirate?"

"Shh," Emma said. "Mister Pirate is trying to sleep."

"SORRY!" Snow yelled as they passed the display into a narrow tunnel. Neal squinted.

"What's that, over there?" he asked finally.

"Looks like a waterfall, mate," Hook answered smoothly.

"No freaking duh," Emma mumbled.

"Wait... aren't we headed straight towards it?" David wondered aloud. "The waterfall?"

"I believe we are, mister Nolan," Regina mumbled under her breath.

"Oh, no! We'll get wet! Our ship will sink!" David yelled as they approached the waterfall. Regina let him think it was real, rather than telling him it was actually a projection on fog. Quite suddenly, an image of Davy Jones appeared on the waterfall.

"NOOOOOO! NOT DAVY JONES!" Hook screamed, flailing his arms like crazy. As if on cue, the projection vanished along with the mist.

"You killed him!" Henry yelled. "You murderer!"

"Guys, it was just a projection on mist, calm down," Emma mumbled.

"SHIP!" Hook suddenly screamed as a ship came into view. Men were standing on the rails, yelling various things as they shot at a pier.

"We're in the middle of the fight!" Henry yelped.

"Is that Captain Barbossa?" Regina whispered to Cora.

"What do you mean?" Cora asked, confused.

"I think it's Barbossa," Regina mumbled, girlishly smiling.

"Watch out, Henry, Regina's smiling like an infatuated teen," Emma whispered to her son nervously. "And that isn't ever good news."

"CAPTAIN BARBOSSA, I HAVE COME FOR YOU!" Regina screamed, jumping up and down in the boat. "ALL THIS WAY TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!"

"Does she realize he's an animatronic?" Emma whispered to Cora, who shrugged.

"Don't think so."

Unfortunately, Captain Barbossa's ship took this as an opportunity to fire a cannonball at the group. There was a flash of orange in the water, and then water spouted up from the spot.

"AHHH!" Regina screamed, falling back into the boat. Hook's eyes were glue to the scene.

"My fellow pirates!" he yelled. "My place is with you!" He dove out of the boat and started swimming towards the ship display.

"Oh, boy," Cora muttered.

"This isn't normal, is it?" Mary Margaret wondered aloud.

"Someone get him back in the damn boat already!" Neal snapped.

"I would ask Regina, but she fainted at sight of Barbossa," Emma mumbled. "If I didn't know better, I would say she has a crush on Geoffrey Rush."

"Cora, get him back in the boat this instant!" Neal yelled.

"Nope," was all Cora said.

"I do hope you understand that I'm still here," Gold said, waving his hand and sending Hook tumbling back into the boat.

"I'm dry," Hook said suddenly. "How did you do that?"

"Magic, dearie."

* * *

_**Pirates Part Three is up next... sigh. I'm insane, now. But it'll be up today (two chaps in one day), so keep an "aye" out!**_

_**...R&R! You have no clue how much they mean to me!**_


	9. Pirates of the Caribbean Part 3

"Guys, look, a town!" Henry exclaimed as the boat took them towards a scene where people stood around a well, dunking an unfortunate man inside its watery depths.

"SOMEONE HELP THAT MAN!" Snow screamed. "HE'S BEING HURT!"

"It's a robot, you guys!" Emma yelled. "Why doesn't anyone get it?"

"They look really real," Henry pointed out.

"That's true, Walt Disney actually almost went bankrupt making this ride," Emma admitted.

"Stop it, Emma, stop being the know-it-all!" Cora cried. "It's so annoying! I'm sorry, but you have driven me to this point." She tossed the woman with a blast of magic into the well and sat back down.

"Wow, it's so much more quiet in here when she isn't around," Gold finally said, examining a scene where pirates ruthlessly chased a woman around in her house.

"Rotating plates," Emma sputtered from the well. She dipped back in and then out again. "Figures are loaded onto the rotating plates." More sputtering. "And then they present the image of a chase scene."

Henry smacked his hand against his forehead.

"Nana, what's a wench?" Henry asked as they approached the Auction piece, a large banner reading "Take a wench for a bride".

"Queen Eva was a wench," Cora said with a smile.

"So are you," Gold shot back.

"Guys, stop flirting here," Emma said, wringing water out of her hair.

"How did you get back in the boat?" Hook mumbled, dismayed at the fact that she was now getting water all over the place.

"Regina let me in."

"Ooooooh," chorused a bunch of SwanQueeners.

The boat took them under a bridge to another chaotic scene. Emma was too busy wringing water out of her hair to give them an explanation of the scene.

"Look, it's Captain Jack Sparrow!" Henry whispered to Cora, pointing towards an animatronic pirate sitting in a barrel. Another animatronic dog barked at him. Jack sunk back down into the barrel and out of sight.

"This ride is so long," Neal said from behind his iPhone. "So long, I bet it would take two whole chapters in a book if we were to write it all down."

"Yeah," Emma cautiously agreed.

"The tables have turned, Hook," Regina said, motioning towards a woman with a broom chasing two pirates around in a set. Hook visibly paled and Emma smirked.

"How barbaric," Belle mumbled.

"I agree," Gold said. "And I'm the Dark One. Pirates are pretty bad."

"IT'S ON FIRE!" Henry screamed as they reached a scene where buildings were burning. A blast of heat hit the group in the face.

"It's actually real flamethrowers?" Emma wondered, her eyes widening. "That was not what I researched."

"At least it's warmer in here," Hook mumbled.

"Are we gonna tell her that we actually magicked that heat?" Regina asked her mother.

"Don't, I think they deserve to believe in magic. Or flamethrowers."

"Look," Henry whispered, pointing towards a few pirates locked up in a cell they were approaching. One held a bone and the others were cooing things like "good boy" and "want the bone" and other such phrases to a dog that held he keys in his mouth.

"That dog's been there for ages," Emma said. "I don't think they're gonna escape any time soon."

"Awe," Gold mumbled sarcastically. "What a shame." Hook stared at the fellow pirates.

"I WILL SAVE YOU, MATES! I GIVE YOU MY HONEST WORD!"

"Pirates have honest words?" Neal mumbled. Hook pondered this for a moment.

"Good point."

"NOOO! NOT AGAIN! WE'RE CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE!" Henry screamed again as two pirates fired shots at each other with their pistols. A blast of air struck the group.

"I didn't do that this time," Regina whispered to her mother, who shook her head.

"Me neither."

"Look, I think it's almost over," Neal whispered as he pointed up the climb they were about to make.

"You're right, what a shame, isn't it, mate?" Hook asked, disappointed.

"Did you seriously just call me 'mate'?" Neal yelled.

"Look, there!" Cora shouted, pointing towards a Captain Jack Sparrow animatronic on the side of the lift. He held a gold chalice in one hand, the other was lazily tossed onto the armrest on the chair he was sitting on. He sang softly to the tune of "a pirate's life for me".

The group was too dazed to speak for a moment, before Hook literally jumped out of the boat.

"CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW! OH MY GOD I AM YOUR BIGGEST F'IN FAN!"

"Jack Sparrow looks so real," Henry said, as if the fact that Hook was now smothering the animatronic with a hug was normal.

"What the FAQ kind of family is this?" Emma mumbled.

* * *

"Now what?" Neal finally asked.

"I don't think I like your attitude, mister," Emma mumbled. "Have you forgotten already, we're in Disneyland? No need to sound so pouty."

"I mean, what's next?"

"Still sound pouty." Emma sighed.

"We have to go to Haunted Mansion, and then we're gonna head back to the Grand Californian hotel," she said.

"PALACE!" Cora screamed.

"Yes, the Grand Californian Palace," Emma said, before pausing.

"Wait, where did Henry and Hook go?" Regina nervously looked around.

"Beats me, too many characters are in this, not everyone gets a chance to say something," Belle said with a smirk.

"Look over there!" Emma said, pointing towards a Pirates of the Caribbean gift shop.

"Oh, no," Regina mumbled.

"Damn right, 'oh no'," Cora growled. "What the hell does he think he's doing? NO TOUR SHOPS PERMITTED ON FAMILY VACATIONS, HOOK!" she screamed, charging towards the shop.

"I think I'm gonna just stay here," Gold mumbled. Belle clung to his arm, and Cora was there in a moment.

"You know what, I think I'm gonna stay here with you, too," she said, blushing like a little girl. Or an overexcited teen, whichever you prefer.

"Okaaay, then," Emma said, dragging Neal into the shop where Regina was trying to pry Henry off of a plastic gun.

"But I really, really, really want it!" he whined.

"Beats me," Emma mumbled. "Where the hell is Hook?"

"He's stealing the souvenirs," Henry said truthfully. Hook appeared with a movie prop crown on and a very large chalice in one hand.

"You know I love you, mate, but at this rate you'll never be a pirate. You need to learn how to tell a L-I-E."

"Superpower," Emma pointed out.

"Please, you couldn't lie to save your life, luv. Not to mention that your so-called 'superpower' is a fake. You can't tell when someone's lying even if you got a lie detector."

"I got about 15% of that," Neal said slowly.

"Stop talking about lying, you'll leave a bad influence on Henry!" Regina shouted. People were turning to look now.

"Says the Evil Queen," Emma said with a smirk.

"Yeah, Regina," Snow said, taking this as an opportunity to gang up and sass Regina. "Anything you can do, I can do better."

"You shouldn't be talking, Snow. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you." She paused. "Plus, I'm prettier than you."

"Uh, have you forgotten? I'm the fairest in the land!"

"Actually," Hook said, butting in. "Snow is the prettiest in the land. But Regina... she's damn hot."

"Damn right," Regina said, slapping Hook a messy five.

"Well... I'm prettier than you on the inside!" Snow shouted.

"Let's just go," Henry said.

"Yeah," David said, who was still trying to decide if Hook was really right about Snow and Regina after all.

"Great, then," Emma mumbled. The group walked outside where they found Cora and Belle arguing.

"Old hag!" Belle shouted.

"Who are you calling old?" Gold and Cora chorused. They both looked at each other.

"He's older than me!" Cora shouted. "So if you're calling me old I don't know what you're calling him!"

"Come on, you guys, let's just head on over to Haunted Mansion holiday and just call it even," Emma said.

"Fine with me," Henry muttered.

"What's that in your hand?" Regina asked, trying to grab Henry's fist.

"Nothing," he said in a singsong tone.

"Henry," Emma warned.

"Fine," Henry said, presenting a replica necklace from Curse of the Black Pearl. A little skull was in the middle and the rest of the circular object was marked with, er... markings.

"What the bloody FAQ?" Emma asked aloud.

"That, mate, is cursed Aztec gold," Hook said with a wink.

"You're insane, Hook," Emma mumbled, before heading off to the next ride.


	10. Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters

_**Hey everyone! This ride is a request from EvilRegalGleek, so thanks a ton for reviewing and here you go~!**_

* * *

"Look at that damn line," Emma said, dismayed. "We'll never make it to the front before it hits six 'o clock."

"Let's go," Regina suggested, followed by a chorus of "yes" from the exhausted group.

"I'm so tired," Grumpy moaned. Snow looked up in surprise.

"Grumpy? When did you get here?" Grumpy shrugged.

"Guy named Oz took me here. Thought I was someone named 'Sourpuss' and that I needed to go to the happiest place on earth in order to smile a 'lil bit." Regina nervously chuckled.

"Did he happen to be engaged to someone named 'Galinda'?" she asked quietly.

"Sh!t," Emma mumbled.

"Yeah," Grumpy admitted.

"DAMN B!TCH, STEALING MY MAN!" Regina screamed. "I WILL BURST YOUR BUBBLE, GALINDA!"

"That is totally what she said," Hook mumbled, still completely in awe of how wrong the things this family could say could possibly get.

"For God's sake," Gold mumbled, waving a hand and teleporting the group to near the 'Star Tours' ride near the entrance. "Let's just leave."

"Why did you take us here?" Henry wondered. Neal grinned.

"For one purpose." Emma groaned.

"Oh, no, not now, sweetie," she moped. She leaned over and whispered into Cora's ear. "He's been planning this for as long as I can remember."

"I AM YOUR FATHER, HENRY!" Neal screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Well, this is one f*cked up family vacation," Hook grumbled. Emma patted him on the shoulder. "I swear to God, there is not enough rum in the world."

"What's that?" Henry asked, pointing towards the 'Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters' sign.

"Nothing," Emma said, walking casually in front of the short line and sign. "Nothing at all." Henry squinted suspiciousously, and Regina and Gold who were grammar Nazis winced at the atrocious spelling.

"You're lying, aren't you?" he nearly shouted.

"Calm down, kid, look, there is nothing here but me," Emma said reassuringly.

"NO!" he screamed hysterically. "There can't be nothing! There has to be something! Like air, or a building!" Emma paused.

"Well, then I guess I-"

"Can't lie to save your life?" Regina asked smugly.

"Yeah," Emma admitted.

"Trust me, Miss Swan, you can't tell when someone's lying, either. So much for your superpower," Regina muttered.

"Really?" was all Emma could manage to mumble.

"Well... let's see. I like apples, I am out for revenge against Elphaba, I love Mary Sues, I skin children in my spare time, and I am obsessed with Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean." Emma paused.

"Um... true, true, true, true, and true?" she asked cheerfully.

"Nope. I believe the answers are true, false, false, false, and slightly true- er, guilty pleasure," she admitted. "At least you got the apples and Barbossa, though. However, I don't like Mary Margaret and she's totally a Mary Sue, I actually am Elphaba-" she paused as she received odd stares from the group. "I mean, I'm Theodora," she said quickly.

Unfortunately, at this moment, while the two were extremely absorbed in their conversation, Henry was eagerly watching the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters line get shorter and shorter.

"MOMS! GRANDPAS! CRAZY CORA PEOPLE! LET'S GO ON THIS RIDE!" he shouted. Emma scrunched up her nose.

"I really hate video games," she mumbled.

"That's fine with me, I'll just sit with Henry this round," Regina said smugly. Emma opened her mouth to say something, but before she knew it Henry was surrounded by the Evil Queen and Neal, her husband.

"NEAL GET THE HELL BACK HERE!" she yelled, but the three disappeared into the ride.

"Is it going to be dark in there?" Belle wondered.

"For God's sake, Belle, shut up already!" Cora grumbled, magicking a wand out of thin air. "Just say 'Lumos' and give it a shake if you want light, got it?" she tossed the wand towards the brunette.

"That was awfully kind of you," Mary Margaret said with a smile.

"It was mainly just to shut her up," Cora admitted.

* * *

The first thing they saw in the ride was a bunch of dark and tiny little neon outlines. Belle shrieked and tried to hide her face.

Regina and Hook sat in a cart next to each other, and in the same cart only on the flipside, sat Neal and Henry. Emma sat by her lonesome this one ride, but on the other side of her cart sat Snow and Charming. Gold sat by Cora and on the flipside of Belle, who was sadly and unfortunately alone in the dark. Poor her.

"AAAAAH!" Henry screamed as he randomly shot at the little targets, tiny neon outlines in a square shape with the letter 'Z' in the middle. Regina smirked and casually shot bulls-eye every single aim. Hook apparently did the same, too.

"DAMN IT!" Emma screamed as she kept on continually missing the targets. "THIS IS SO DIFFICULT!" She paused for a second. "Wait a minute... I think... I think I hit one! Neal! I hit one! Neal!"

"This is cool," Henry said to Neal who patted him on the back.

"Don't go crazy on the shots," he said. "It's easier if you focus on one target at a time and try to do a good job. But don't go too slow," he added.

"Holy crap," Henry rasped. "Look at Mom." Both their heads turned to see Regina zapping every single target on the back of their cart, a smirk plastered on her face. "Has she even missed one yet?" Hook sat near her, the two appeared to be neck and neck.

"Don't pay attention to them, kiddo, I'm gonna beat you," Neal said, trying to get a little competitive with his son.

"Are you kidding? I'm gonna rock this show!" Henry grabbed his gun and continued to fire.

"AHHHHH! CHARMING, IT'S SLENDERMAN IN A PURPLE MASK AND SUIT! SAVE ME!" Mary Margaret screamed as she fired random shots from her gun.

"I WILL SAVE YOU!" Charming yelled. "I WILL ALWAYS SAVE YOU! NEVER FEAR, I'M A RAINBOW BELT IN KARATE, ZURG, SO TAKE THIS AS A WARNING!" Lots of heads turned towards the couple's cart.

"HOLY SH!T!" Cora yelled as the ride spun around and around, she leaned over to the side as if the wind was magically pushing her towards Gold. "SAVE ME, SOMEONE!" she pretended to faint. Gold gave her an amused stare but otherwise said nothing.

"Is this normal?" he asked Belle, who shook her head. The carts took them into a room where they were suddenly surrounded by little green animate creatures.

"You saved our lives," they chanted. "We are eternally grateful."

"Bloody hell," Hook mumbled.

"It's just like that monkey I saw in Oz," Regina whispered, horrified.

"MUST. SHOOT. THINGS!" Neal and Henry screamed as they continued to fire random shots in all directions (despite the fact that there were no more targets to begin with).

* * *

"What a ride," Emma said with a smile. "What did everyone get as their final score? No lying."

"87,400," Gold said with a smug smile.

"107,500," Cora yelled. "Beat that, b!tches!"

"107,600," Belle said with a little grin.

"What a high score, sweetheart," Gold said, giving Belle's hand a squeeze. A few veins appeared to be visible in Cora's forehead as she stomped behind the group.

"500,000," Henry said happily. Everyone in the group stopped what they were doing and proceeded to stare.

"WHAT?" Emma finally yelled after a long time.

"I don't know how it happened," Henry said with a shrug. "But I don't lie."

"Dammit," Emma mumbled under her breath.

"What did you get?" Hook wondered.

"100," Emma said sheepishly.

"What?" Regina finally asked after a long moment of silence.

"100," Emma repeated.

"You couldn't possibly have only hit one target, luv," Hook reassured.

"Nope, I only hit one," Emma admitted. "What did you get?" Regina and Hook looked at each other, then back at Emma.

"Nothing. We both broke the limit," they chorused.

"What?"

"Yeah," Regina said.

"I'm not sure I believe you," Emma said, stunned.

"Pirate," Hook said simply.

"Evil Queen," Regina said.

"Never mind, I believe every word of it," Emma mumbled. "Damn villains."

"I got 107,550," Neal said happily.

"Damn it, why does everyone keep beating my score?!" Cora cried.

"I got 900,000," Grumpy said happily. All heads swiveled.

"Grumpy? When did you get here?" Regina asked.

"I told you that already. Now, Henry, good job with your score," he said, sending a smile in Henry's direction.

"Did Henry really get that score?" Regina whispered to Cora.

"No," she said with a tiny grin.

"I figured. What was his actual score?" Cora paused.

"I don't know. I just bumped up his score and my score. A teensy weensy bit. Okay, well, maybe by over 500,000," she admitted.

"Did you bump my score up?" Regina asked suspiciously.

"Nope," Cora said quickly. Regina nodded and walked ahead, and Cora cracked a little smile.

"Limit breaker. As if that's possible." she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You may be a lot of things, Regina, but gullible is one of them."

"Well, I guess I better get going," Grumpy said finally.

"Okay, well, bye!" the group chorused, although the dwarf continued to walk in the same direction.

"The monorail- exit is that way," Regina said, pointing towards the monorail.

"I can only walk in one direction," Grumpy mumbled.

"Aren't we leaving, too?" Cora wondered. Regina slyly nodded.

"Yeah. But first, we're going to go get some cotton candy."

"YES!" chanted the group.

"I'd rather have some rum," Hook mumbled.

* * *

**_In case anyone is upset about the Henry/Emma conflict and all, don't be, the whole thing is mainly just a joke. You'll see next chapter._**

**_R&R!_**

**_...P.S. I have taken the liberty to do review responses every ten chapters. Since it's chapter ten, I will respond to comments/reviews. :-) I will only respond to questions and/or suggestions, however. Thank you for your understanding!_**

* * *

_**call me em . 4/23/13 . chapter 5**_

_**where is the henry emma bonding and i dont like all the rigina henry bonding**_

_**A/N: Sorry to hear about that. However, I promise there will be some Emma/Henry fluff in future chapters, so please stay tuned! Thank you! :-)**_

* * *

**_SirJacques . 4/22/13 . chapter 6_**

**_A couple things-  
1. Haha! Fake Snow! Brilliant  
2. Regina's rant about the family, really funny and pretty true  
3. Belle got knocked out of the cart!  
4. How are you keeping reviewers from say, leaving a bunch until they are the 50th?_**

**_A/N: 4: I'm not. ;P_**

* * *

_**Marcie Gore . 4/19/13 . chapter 5**_

_**That was Funny You swan queen?**_

_**A/N: Hmm. Depends. I've read a couple (curiosity, mainly), I understand some are well executed and all, I just doubt it would happen on the show, is all. As for this fic... I can't promise anything, but I don't think it's very likely this will become a SwanQueen fic. Sorry if this offends you.**_

* * *

**_nahbois68 . 4/19/13 . chapter 6_**

**_I would love to see Snow in the Tikki Room. I know it's not a ride, but can you imagine her trying to figure out why all the birds are talking and singing, but not to her? she could have a major meltdown!_**

**_OR what if they do the jungle ride, and Hook tries to kill the croc?_**

**_A/N: Really good ideas. I promise I'll take these into consideration! I'll most likely do the Tiki Room (can't promise anything, though) because my family happens to have a little history with that place... *wink*.  
_**

* * *

_**nahbois68 . 4/18/13 . chapter 5**_

_**This made me laugh so hard, Pepsi shot out my nose! It would be funny if someone bought Belle a glow stick or a flashlight to stop her from fussing about the dark.  
I agree that the universe will implode if they kill off Regina -or at least send all the fans to a place with no happy ever after. :(**_

_**A/N: :-) Your review was the inspiration for the "Lumos" wand thing, lol. Thank you for your ideas and support! ^^**_

* * *

_**Afterword:**_

_**Five pages of reviews! Keep em' coming, you guys! Thank you so much for sticking with the story so long! :P**_

_**(In case anyone's wondering, this author's note/reviews was 500 words long. Sorry for the spam, I'll try to keep 'em short next time. Don't wanna turn this into the "Subspace Emissary World's Conquest". Lol. [3,462,720 words long.])**_


	11. The Monorail

"Look! Nemo, the ride!" Henry shouted, pointing at two seagulls squawking various things from the platform where they waited for the monorail. Snow desperately tried to lean out to go talk to the birds but Charming held her tight.

"Come on, Snow, we can talk to the birds later," he cooed.

"But I wanna talk to them NOW!" she pouted.

"Shhh," Cora mumbled.

"Guys, we're boarding now," Emma said, dragging Henry onto the monorail and helping him over the gap. The group was greeted by a loud overhead message, the speaker being evidently male.

_"Hello everyone, welcome aboard the Disneyland monorail. We are now in a two and a half mile journey to Disney station and back." Cora nervously looked around._

"Regina, I don't see any horses," she said, fear wavering in her tone.

"Calm down, Mother, it's like a car," Regina assured her. Cora gulped.

"But on the outside, it looked like a snake," she said nervously.

_"For a safe trip, remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the cabin, be sure to watch your children, and no smoking, please."_ A bead of sweat appeared on Cora's forehead.

The message was reiterated in a different language, before the train pulled on.

_"You are riding aboard the latest generation of Disney monorails,"_ the overhead voice spoke cheerfully.

"Regina, I think I'm meeting my match. I can hear the voice of God," Cora whispered, horrified.

"Mother, it's a recording of a voice, they're just playing it on speakers," Regina said quickly, patting Cora on the back to calm her down.

_"Where Walt Disney introduced this attraction in 1959, it was the first daily operating monorail in the Western Hemisphere,"_ the voice continued. Cora began to pant. Gold leaned over to address Regina.

"Calm your mother down, before she wets herself. Thank you," Gold mumbled, leaning back into his seat. Cora fainted at how close Gold had gotten to her.

"Mom, can I play a prank on Nana? I just got an idea," Henry pleaded. Regina looked at him seriously.

"No."

"Please? With a cherry on top?" Henry begged.

"And rum," Hook added.

"No," Regina said.

_"Just ahead is Disney California adventure, where you'll find Disney stories told in unique and exciting ways. That tower in hotel in the distance is known as Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, where you can literally 'drop in' on Hollywood history,"_ the overhead voice continued to explain.

Henry eagerly directed his attention towards the tower the voice had spoken about.

"Wow," he murmured. Emma smiled.

"Sorry, kiddo, I dunno if we can make that ride when we're in this park," she said apologetically.

"But, Mooom," Henry whined. "If this gets too long, you can always just document it as a different FanFiction. Maybe 'Once Upon a Time in California Adventure Park," he pleaded.

"Maybe 'Once Upon a No'," Emma quipped.

"Come on, even you know that wasn't a good one," Henry mumbled.

"Maybe so, but I get the final say," she said with a smug smile.

"What's a FanFiction?" Regina wondered.

_"We're now passing Condor Flats, where you can experience the beauty and exhilaration of free flight in Soarin' Over California. And along the shores of Paradise Bay, the nighttime is a 'World of Color'. This dazzling spectacular brings a new dimension to Disney magic."_

"BIRD!" Mary Margaret screamed. Surprisingly, this didn't wake up Cora.

"Ba ba ba bird bird bird bird is the word," Charming sang. Regina scrunched up her nose.

"You sing worse than you think," she said.

_"This imaginary masterpiece was inspired by the states' natural wonders, and features the arks and craft style of the nineteenth century."_

"Look, a Geoffrey Rush," Charming said, pointing off into the distance.

"WHERE IS HE?! I WILL FIND YOU! I WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU!" she yelled, charging off into another carriage.

"Is that normal?" a random kid asked his mother, who sighed.

"It is if you're an insane fangirl," she coyly replied, a twinkle in her eyes.

Henry grinned at Emma. "Now we can play our prank!" he said excitedly. Emma rolled her eyes but smiled when Henry wasn't looking. He leaned over and positioned his mouth right in front of her ear.

"THIS IS YOUR CONSCIENCE SPEAKING. YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, CORA MILLS. YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS, IN A FEW MINUTES YOU WILL DIE IN A CRASH IN THIS METAL SNAKE," he yelled.

"WHAT?" Cora screamed, bolting upright. She looked around wildly, but everyone seemed to be acting normal. Henry looked a little pinker than usual, but she didn't seem to notice. Regina walked back in and sat by her, as Neal fought to stifle a laugh.

"R-Regina, we have to leave, now," she said, tugging on her daughter's sleeve.

_"Coming into view is Disney's Grand Californian Hotel and Spa."_

"IT'S THE GRAND CALIFORNIAN F*CKING PALACE! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE F*CKING GET IT?" Cora screamed. She received several angry glared from parents who were with their children. Emma was astounded that no one had been arrested yet...

_"We are now arriving at Downtown Disney station, gateway to the Downtown Disney district."_

"There were a lot of D's in that sentence," Henry mumbled.

"You tell me, kid," Emma groaned. "They have these things called 'hidden Mickeys'. But I won't stand for it. I think they're actual brainwashing devices. Swoozie agrees with me."

"Who's Swoozie?" Regina wondered.

_"If you will be leaving us here and returning later today, please hold on to your park ticket, and have your hand stamped as you leave the station."_

"STAMPS?" Cora shrieked.

"Shut up!" Gold yelled, standing up. Cora immediately did as she was told and Gold sat back down, nervously addressing the odd stares he was getting, especially from the children.

"My father is grouchy today," Henry explained to a little girl. Gold clenched his fists.

"Why must I always be their father?" he screamed.

_"You may re-board the monorail for a return trip to TomorrowLand up until one half hour, prior to Disney closing. Please remain seated until the monorail comes to a complete stop and the doors have opened. Then, gather your belongings, lower your head, watch your step, and exit to the left of the monorail."_

"Why should we lower our head?" Neal wondered suddenly.

"Maybe because some people have big hats?" Snow wondered.

"I'm thinking big heads," Emma said, casting a glance in Regina's direction.

"But big hats are bigger," Charming argued. Emma shook her head.

"No, because if you have a big hat then you need a big head in order to wear it." Charming pondered this for a moment.

"Good point.

_"Thanks for traveling with us today, and we hope you enjoy your visit to the Disneyland resort."_


	12. Return To The Park

Emma banged a hand against the rough wooden door.

"GET UP, IT'S SIX O'-" she froze when the door opened and out came Regina and her mother.

"Yes, we know it's six o' clock," she deadpanned. "Don't you have more important things to do, Miss Swan? Or are you only useful as an alarm clock?" Emma paled a little and nervously trekked back down the hall.

"Watch out for Regina, she's snapped out of the whole OOC thing," she warned David quietly. He gave her a look of surprise.

"What do you mean?" Emma shuddered.

"She's actually acting in character," she mumbled, before quietly slipping off to go wake Gold and Belle.

"Guys, it's six o' clock," she said, banging on the door. Startled, she jumped back when the door swung open.

"Yes, I believe Belle and I are both aware of that fact, dearie," Gold sneered.

"Damn it," Emma cursed. "Why does everyone have to act in character today, anyway?!"

"Are we going?" Belle asked curiously, appearing at the door with her wand in hand.

"I guess so," Emma said with a sigh.

* * *

"Snake," Cora whispered as the monorail approached the Finding Nemo ride.

"I think something's wrong with my mother," Regina whispered to Snow, standing up, however, Snow was too busy fidgeting and staring at the fake birds on display on the Nemo ride to actually pay attention to what Regina was saying.

"You're talking to Snow?" Emma asked, perking up. "Great, everyone's back to being OOC."

"No kidding, brother," Grumpy mumbled, joining Regina in a standing position. Neal raised his eyebrows, something odd was happening here.

"Uh oh," Emma said.

"I'm going under," Belle said, before closing her eyes very slowly and also standing up.

"I am a pirate, therefore I plunder," Hook said wryly, joining the others.

"There's something seriously wrong here, kiddo," Emma mumbled to Henry.

"No joke," he said with a giggle, and to Emma's horror, he also stood up.

"Poke!" Cora said, poking the window as she stood.

"STOP WITH THE OOCNESS!" Emma screamed. Everyone sat back down.

"Thanks for traveling with us today, and we hope you enjoy your visit to the Disneyland resort," the overhead voice spoke cheerfully, as the doors opened. Everyone stood once more and departed as if nothing had happened.

"This is a really f*cked up vacation," Emma grumbled.

"Someone needs to cheer up," Grumpy said, patting Emma on the shoulder.

"It was your idea to come here in the first place," Henry pointed out. Emma groaned.

"It was a stupid f*cking idea," she groaned.

"Stop swearing, you'll leave a bad influence on Henry, Miss Swan," Regina snapped. Emma looked aghast.

"Please be OOC again," she begged.

"Are we gonna go to the Haunted Mansion Holiday ride now?" Henry wondered. "I wanna start where we left off last time and all that stuff.

"Okay, I guess so, but, Henry, you know, it's really far away," she prodded.

"Easy, we just ask Nana to teleport us there," Henry said with a twinkle in his eye. Emma rolled her own set of orbs.

"We should walk," she said. "Besides, what if someone sees... you know, a whole group of people appearing somewhere via magic?" she made a wild gesture and Cora shrugged.

"We can wipe their memory," she suggested. "They won't remember a thing."

"You didn't need to say the latter," Emma mumbled. "Stop reiterating. I'm not THAT stupid, you know." The whole family, including Neal and Henry, looked off into the distance.

"What?" Emma snapped, infuriated.

"Well..." Snow began.

"I hate to admit it, Emma," Charming said nervously, "but I think sometimes you can be a little dense. And a little crazy."

"Oh, come on!" Emma cried out. "I can't have an idiot telling me I'm an idiot, what does that even mean? If you're an idiot and you think I'm an idiot, then I must be even worse than you!"

"Calm down," Charming reassured. "I just said you were a *little* dense."

"Ugh!" Emma screamed.

"How about we go to the Haunted Mansion now?" Henry suggested, nodding in Cora's direction. She nodded back, waved her hand, and then the group found themselves in front of the Haunted Mansion.

In the entrance, a brick and blueish gray gate stood. Little wreaths with teeth and eyes sat on either post, the words "Haunted Mansion Holiday" written on little plaques in their mouth. A blue plastic ribbon was also displayed right over the gate. Signs hung from the plastic ribbon, reading across in tiny red and blue letters, "FASTPASS Return" and "Stand-by Entrance". On one post, Jack Skellington dressed as "Sandy Claws" sat on a round pumpkin, playing with a little twirling snowflake.

Further up ahead lay the mansion itself, large and white with little green overhangs. Black ribbons lined the edges underneath the roofs and overhands.

"Wow," was all Henry could really say. Emma grinned.

"This is gonna be 'effin awesome," she said cheerfully.

"I want a house like that," Cora said, pointing towards the mansion. Neal shuddered.

"I don't know about you, mate, but that is one freaky f*cking mansion," Hook whispered, his face a shade paler than usual.

"Save us," Belle whispered, nervously whipping out her Harry Potter wand and grabbing onto Gold tightly. He patted her on the back, and received some unnoticed glares from Cora.

"Please refrain from cursing, sir," an usher mumbled to Hook, whose eyes widened.

"I'm very sorry, luv. Might I say that your costume looks absolutely..." he shuddered. "terrifying?"

"No lines," she said, smacking her gum. "You sure are lucky."

"You bet," Emma mumbled with a sigh.

* * *

_**I know this chapter was sort of pointless, but in order to do the ride I need to dig up some old files. See, for all my Disney rides here, I had to review all the vids I recorded in Disneyland. Oh, yeah, and the park maps. Navigation and writing for this story can get confusing. =_=**_

_**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I promise that next chapter I'll have the Haunted Mansion Holiday up for you soon (I would write for the original but I've only ever been on the Holiday ver. and I would like to keep it "genuine"). In the meantime, please R&R! Thank you!**_

_**P.S. In case anyone's wondering, I tossed in Grumpy 'cause he's on the cover pic and it's weird to have a character on the cover that is not actually in the book. *Sigh*. Please give me your feedback and I'll decide whether to keep him or not. Thank you!**_

**_UPDATE (PLEASE READ): I just finished the rough draft of Chapter 13, which will be posted on Monday (I still need to edit and fix some things) but it looks like it will be a long ride. Should I cut some parts and skip some parts of the ride? Popular vote is up! Thank you!_**


	13. Haunted Mansion Holiday Part 1

_**All right, guys, I'm really excited for this chapter! Ahhhh! One of my favorite rides. Sorry for the delay, I wanted to execute this as best as possible. B-)**_

* * *

"Come on, Belle, darling, do you want to get stuck out here?" Belle shook her head, and then nodded quickly. Gold sighed.

"I guess I'll be staying out here with Belle," he mumbled.

"NO!" Cora screamed. "Tough it up, b!tch, and go on the f*cking ride!" She grabbed Belle by the arm and dragged her into the room, the attendant by the door giving the family an odd look.

"Don't mind her," Emma said quickly. "She's just a little bold at times." Gold snorted.

"You think?"

"You can just ignore my dad," Emma said, stomping on Gold's foot. "He's usually grouchy like this."

"Why does everyone call me their dad?" Gold cried. "I can't take the pressure!" The attendant gulped and motioned for them to go inside the room. Henry flashed her a reassuring smile and she whimpered.

"Look," Henry said, pointing at a dusty chandelier in the center of the room adorned by dusty cobwebs. The room was empty, and everyone crowded in tight.

_"Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place that perhaps you've seen in your dreams,"_ an overhead voice rasped. Belle whimpered and grabbed ahold of Gold, who sent Cora a glare.

"I don't like how ominous this overhead voice sounds," she whimpered.

_"For the story that you are about to be told began in the holiday worlds of old."_

"Wow," Henry mumbled.

"If she faints from terror, you're carrying her," Gold told Cora, who responded with a sheepish smile.

"I won't carry her, but I will carry you," she said with a devilish grin.

_"I know you're curious to see what's inside; it's what happens when two holidays collide. Welcome, my friends to our christmas delight, come witness the ghoulishly glorious sight. It's time for our holiday tale to begin."_

"AH!" Snow screamed as the wall in front of them parted to reveal a large room shaped like an octagon. Little pictures were hung up around on the walls, and the group stiffened noticeably before relaxing.

The group nervously filtered into the room, Henry was the only one who seemed to be excited and bouncing up and down. Regina held up her hands nervously as if preparing an attack, and Charming was bragging about his rainbow belt in karate.

_"There's no turning back now, please, come all the way in."_

"Step away from the walls," an attendant yelled. Cora yanked Gold back from the wall and Belle fell onto the floor; she had been holding Gold's hand.

"Sweetie, can I have my wand?" she mumbled to Gold, who handed her the stick. Cora was seething.

"I don't know if I like it in here or not," Hook mumbled. Cora patted him on the back.

"I like it in here," she said finally. "I think I want a house like this."

_"Our holiday tale is a tale that's quite charming, but during this season it's sometimes alarming."_ Charming beamed and put his hands on his hips.

"I'm charming, all right!" he shouted. The attendant gave him an odd stare but otherwise said nothing.

"Stop it," Snow mumbled, grabbing his arm.

_"So, relax and reflect, feel free to take pause, as we tall you a tale about dear Sandy Claws." _There was an audible gasp from the group as the walls moved up around them and the pictures drastically morphed. What had been a bundle of toys now appeared to be a large snake coiling around presents.

_"Twas the nightmare before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was peaceful not even a mouse." _Henry was no longer jumping up and down and even Cora looked a little nervous. Belle actually looked pretty well for how she usually handled things like this- she was hysterically sobbing and grabbing onto Gold.

_"The stockings all hung by the chimney with care, when opened that morning would cause such a scare." _As soon as the overhead voice spoke "scare", the lights flickered menacingly. Belle screamed and whipped around, wand tight in hand, her knuckles turning white. Cora hugged Gold nervously, but only for a moment, before she was rudely shoved off.

_"The children nestled all snug in their beds would have nightmares of monsters and skeleton heads!" _The entire group, save for Hook, screamed when they saw a Jack Skellington skull appear on the roof in bright, bold lights that flickered with every word he spoke.

_"Happy holidays everyone! Eheehehehhehehe!" _A loud crashing sound rang throughout the room and once more they were sealed in darkness.

_"Now hurry along, as they say, look alive; this is one holiday you will want to survive! Muahahha!"_

The lights flickered on eerily and a new room was revealed, this was a hallway with pictures lining the entire length.

"Never mind, I don't want a house like this anymore," Cora whispered.

* * *

_**Part two will be up soon! Hopefully this doesn't turn out to be as long as Pirates... but it is a long ride with commentary. What do you think, should I skip some parts of the ride and cut to the chase next chapter? You decide! Hmm... you can cast votes, how about that? I quite like that idea... popular vote!**_

_**By the way, thank you all for the awesome reviews and your continued support! Nothing makes me happier than to come home from school every day and see so many emails! I never expected this story would get so much attention, the reaction has been absolutely astounding, and I thank ya all for that! :) To all my silent/ghost readers, thank you for your support, too! Even if it doesn't seem like a lot, one review can really make a difference in whether a story is updated daily or not. :p**_

_**Please R&R! Thank you all so much!**_


	14. Haunted Mansion Holiday Part 2

_"Jack Skellington came here from Halloween Town. You'll notice his handiwork scattered around."_ Cora gasped as she saw a image of a smiling Sally holding a christmas tree morph into a picture of Sally frowning and holding a smoking christmas tree that had evidently been burned.

"THE PICTURE MOVED!" she screamed. Meanwhile, the rest of the group was trying to figure out the two imprinted faces in the wall that appeared to look at you wherever you moved.

"It's f*cking creepy," Gold mumbled.

"No sh!t," Regina rasped.

"WAAAH! IT'S SCARY!" Snow screamed. "Even more so than Snow White's Scary Adventure."

_"This year he's decided to play Sandy Claws, but when Halloween creates Christmas, you might see a few flaws."_

"No 'effin dur," Regina mumbled.

"What if Slenderman is in here?" Belle nervously asked, whirling around and almost screaming at the sight of the two imprinted faces in the wall.

"WHAT IS A SLENDERMAN?" Snow screamed.

"Shh, we're boarding the buggies now," Emma said, motioning towards the attendant. "And there are other people here." The attendant nodded creepily and instructed them to get into the carts, two apiece.

_"And now a dark carriage will take you away. Sit back, rest in peace in your black christmas sleigh."_ Regina helped Henry into a sleigh, sitting by him. Emma nervously watched the two from the back and slapped Neal a high-five.

"Operation make-Regina-sit-by-Henry is complete," She said with a grin. Henry looked back and winked at her.

_"Your sleigh will accommodate one or two more. We hope you're prepared for what Jack has in store."_

"Bloody brilliant time to tell us, when we're already in the damn sleigh thingies," Hook mumbled. Cora let out a little chuckle but continued to uneasily look around at the giant display. Meanwhile, Snow was fighting with the bar.

"NO! THE BAR WON'T COME DOWN! WHAT IF I FALL OUT AND DIE?" she was screaming. Surprisingly, the attendant blankly stared.

_"Don't pull down the bar, it will float down with ease, and remember, no flash photography, please." _Snow groaned and leaned back into the seat.

"Never mind, then," she mumbled.

_"Yes, down through the chimney Jack flew like a bat, clutching his magical Sandy Claws sack."_ The carts took everyone up a steep lift where they saw the Vampire Teddy fishing for nothing in particular, the string dangling loosely in the air.

"Fishing for compliments, eh, dearie?" Gold asked wryly with a grin. Belle chuckled nervously but was still holding her wand-light.

_"He ripped open the sack and in moments it seems created a Christmas you have in bad dreams."_

"This trip is a bad dream," Hook quipped.

"Should I toss you out of the ride if you don't like it then?" Cora asked sweetly. Hook began to sweat.

"Oh, no, that's quite all right, Cora." he chuckled nervously before backing away.

"Stay back!" he suddenly yelled. "I have a... stick!"

Cora smirked. "One word; magic, b!tches. Hell yeah." A bead of sweat appeared on Hook's forehead, and he gulped.

"B-but that was more than one word," he said, trying to sound brave.

"Hey, Hook," Regina called from the first cart. "Cowhide band." she suddenly burst into snickers and Hook gaped.

"What?"

"Cowhide... band," Regina said, wiping away tears of laughter. "Cowhide band." Hook looked at Cora.

"I don't know if you've noticed or not, but your daughter has gone maniac," he mumbled.

_"More rabid than vultures, the mansion was changed; all was soon covered a-dawned and deranged." _Mary Margaret swallowed nervously as the buggies pulled them slowly down a hall. To their right, there was a short hallway with a pile of bones on the floor. And even further down, a tiny floating Zero continuously barked.

_"And what to your wondering eyes disappears- is Jack's little friend Zero, the ghost dog reindeer!"_

"Aww," Henry said, beaming. "Zero is sooo cute."

_"Nothing here was forgotten, it all looked so pleasant. A coffin, Jack says, makes a fine christmas present!" _The group gasped at the sight of a bony skeleton hand reaching out and shaking the black length.

"I'm really scared, sweetheart," Belle said, giving Gold a hug. Cora looked at the two menacingly before directing her attention towards the attraction.

"It's not even that scary," she mumbled.

_"Muahaha! A man eating plant makes a wonderful wreath- as long as you don't get caught in its teeth..." _The buggies leaned upwards to show the group a giant wreath with sharp fang-like teeth. Vague singing and laughter could be heard in the background.

"Well, that's one f*cked up holiday gift," Hook mumbled. "Bloody hell."

"Why do they call it 'bloody' hell anyway?" Regina wondered quite suddenly. "I mean, hell isn't bloody. Right?" Hook pondered this for a moment.

"Mom, look there!" Henry said, shaking the former Queen and pointing towards a door shaking violently. "Someone's stuck in there!"

"Never fear, Charming is here!" David yelled, sitting up and trying to get the bar off. He began to sweat and looked up fearfully at the door.

"Don't worry! I'll come save you... as... soon... as... I... get... this... bar... off..." Snow rolled her eyes, before perking up. You could almost see the light bulb above her head.

"Oh, oh, so scared," she said, before lying down and pretending to faint. She opened one eye, and Charming was still staring at the door.

"Jealous of a door, Snow Plight?" Regina cackled.

"It's White," Snow said, sitting up and sighing. Regina shrugged.

"Well, I'm only saying that because your heart is as black as the night..." she was grinning now and Snow gave her a perplexed stare.

"Crazy chicks," Cora mumbled.

_"Jack's holiday vision was unlike no other, so ring out the bells; there's more cheer to uncover!"_

"GASP!" Cora yelled as the buggies approached a room with a little suspended clear ornament. Placed inside the ornament, clear as daylight, was a green head with long, wavy pale hair. "OH NO THEY DIDN'T!" she almost jumped out from in the cart. "ELPHABA THROPP, I DEMAND THAT YOU GET YOUR HEAD DOWN FROM UP THERE AT ONCE!" Regina slammed her head against the buggy and Henry patted her on the back.

_"On the thirteenth day of christmas my goo love gave to me thirteen rings of power embracing strength that never ends, twelve signs of the zodiac that rule the future and transcend," _the head spoke. Henry shook his head in wonder.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE RING?" Gold suddenly yelled. "THE RING! THE RING! FRODO, THEY'VE TAKEN THE RING!"

"I think it's so sad that I'm used to it by now," Emma whispered to Neal.

_"Eleven candles floating their scent of mystery in the air." _The carts took the family out to a very large room and they gasped in delight at what they saw.


	15. Haunted Mansion Holiday Part 3

_"With some treats and some games, you can make a scene merry! Why, even a gingerbread house could seem scary."_

"Wow," Cora breathed. "I can smell it," she mumbled, as they approached a giant dining room with a long long table. Stretched out on its length was a giant gingerbread house. Fellow ghosts danced about on the floors and swung from the chandeliers.

"They do that," Emma said happily. "They scent the room like gingerbread here. Did you know that in Soarin' Over California, they sometimes scent the room like oranges and pinecones-"

"GHOST!" Belle screamed, grabbing onto Gold.

"_All at once, happy haunts did materialize, like a nightmarish painting."_

"Bloody hell," Hook mumbled. Cora elbowed him and sighed, shaking her head.

"Enjoy the damn ride already," she mumbled.

"I don't like this scented thing," Regina said, holding a cloth up to her mouth. "I think I may faint." Emma looked up at her, fairly amused.

"That's why you scented all those letters you sent me!" she shouted. "You were trying to make me sneeze!"

"You- you got that right- ACHOO!" Sneezy sneezed from a cart behind them.

"WHY ARE RANDOM DWARVES SPAWNING ON THIS AREA OF THE MAP?" Snow screamed. A few visitors gave her odd stares and she nervously smiled. "Um... I like tacos?"

"Tacos?" Charming asked, perking up. "I really would like some right now. I've been-"

"STOP IT WITH THE DAMN TACOS YOU GUYS! HENRY IS WAY TOO YOUNG TO GET A S*X TALK!" Emma struggled to reach out and strangle Charming.

"This is why I don't paint anymore," Belle said, motioning towards two paintings hanging on the wall. They were identical, each with two men holding guns, except for the fact that each was facing a different direction.

As if on cue, two ghosts suddenly appeared in front of the picture, each with a gun, they turned around, shot at each other, and then melted back into the painting. Gold dropped his camera, eyes wide.

"How do you do that?" he wondered. "I wonder if I could figure out a spell like that... hmm..."

_"A bag full of toys Jack had slung on his back, they were strange and bizarre (chuckles) and on the attack."_

"Funny story, actually, I always wish that we're gonna get frozen in that room so I can see everything going on," Neal told Emma.

"You've been to Disneyland?" Henry asked from where he was currently taking care of Regina, whose face was red from sneezing.

"Yeah," Neal said. "I'll tell you about it later."

As if on cue, Snow suddenly screamed as a giant jack-in-the-box sprung free from the enclosed space. As it sank back down, she continued to scream.

"Look, a naughty list," Henry said, pointing towards a long list.

"I wonder what you get if you're bad?" Hook wondered as he looked around the room full of horrifying toys.

"I wonder what you get if you're good," Regina sniffled as she watched, amused, as the Vampire Teddy Bear sat on a box and rang bells maniacally.

"It's a snake!" Belle shrieked as she leaned back and shrank away from the giant orange and black striped snake winding around the room.

"HARRY POTTER! SAVE US FROM IT! THE SNAKE! SAVE US FROM THE SNAKE!" Hook screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Prissies," Cora mumbled. She nearly skyrocketed up in the air, however, when something popped out of a nearby box.

"I know that something's gonna pop out of the box," David was saying repeatedly. "I will not scream like a little girl when it does." He was staring intently at one of the boxes, and Snow giggled before tapping him on the back. He tried to jump up but instead hit himself against the bar.

_"Sandy claws worked his magic both outside and in, but one final touch made his bony face grin. Now, what better gift on my friends to bestow than a graveyard that's covered in ghostly white snow?" _

The group rode down another downhill lift, where they were greeted by a floating Zero and grinning Jack Skellington at the bottom. Above, suspended on a line, the Vampire Teddy Bear hung, the entrails of his coat dangling loosely.

_"It's Christmas! Have you been good this year?" _Jack asked cheerfully.

"Yes, I mean, no, I mean, maybe," Hook said, who was still trying to decide which present was worse, good or bad.

_"I like this Christmas thing! See, Zero, I told you they would like my Christmas!"_

"F*ck," Cora said, horrified as she watched Zero happily bark. "He even got the f*cking dog to play along."

"What a cute doggie," Belle said with a smile, before pausing. "Wait... Wait... OH MY GOD, HE'S DEAD!"

_"Boo! What's this, what's this, what's this? We wish you a scary Christmas and a haunted New Year!" _The group was pulled towards a graveyard. Henry gasped and looked up at a giant hill covered with singing pumpkins.

"Look," Emma whispered to Neal, pointing towards a black backdrop with snowflakes floating down. "That's a projection."

"Shut up! We're trying to enjoy the ride!" Cora yelled. "I mean, come on, can't- AHHH!" she yelped in surprise as a skull-like figure popped out from behind a grave.

"Karma," Emma whispered to herself.

_"Hang on to your holiday! Too late now, it's time for your gift!" _The group approached a singing Oogie Boogie with a colorful wheel behind him resembling Wheel of Fortune.

"Are we on TV now?" Hook wondered, eagerly spinning around and waving in random directions. "Hello, viewers of America, I'm Hook, also known as the Random Sexy Pirate!" he shouted.

"Are we gonna tell him he isn't actually on TV?" Emma whispered to Neal, who shook his head.

"Needless to say, this is going on America's Funniest Home Videos," he said, pulling out his iPhone.

Their carriages were pulled to a room full of mirrors. Regina's and Henry's cart suddenly had the image of a coffin with a question mark on it. She frowned.

"Sidney, I appreciate the gift, but- OH SH!T TAKE IT BACK NOW!" she screamed as the image suddenly began to blast air in her face. Henry was laughing at this point and Neal couldn't decide which to point his camera at.

"NO! SIDNEY! STOP IT! IT TICKLES!" Regina screamed as she fussed about the wind blowing in her face.

"HOLY SH*T BLOODY HELL!" Hook yelled as his image in the mirror gained a wiggling mess of evil-looking candy canes. "I'M ON THE NAUGHTY LIST, AREN'T I! I'M SORRY! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!" Emma whacked her head against the bar for what seemed like the ten millionth time on the ride.


	16. Splash Mountain Part 1

"What next?" Snow whimpered. David gave her a hug.

"LOOK!" Henry screamed, pointing at a stand with little Jack Skellington plushies. He ran up and grabbed a Vampire Teddy Bear. "Can I have one?"

"That's f*cking creepy," Snow said with a gasp.

"I think it looks cute," Regina said, patting Henry on the back. "We can get it."

"You're freaking spoiling him," Emma mumbled.

"Says the woman who feeds him hamburgers and ice cream for lunch," Regina sneered.

"So not true," Emma said haughtily as Regina paid for the toy. "I feed him more than ice cream and hamburgers."

"Like what?" Snow wondered.

"Um... water," Emma tried.

"Where are we going next?" Hook finally asked. "Listen, luv, as long as it doesn't obtain any..." he paused for a second and shuddered. "any ghosts, I'll be fine with it."

"Yeah," Cora agreed.

"So much for 'I want a house like this'," Gold sneered.

"Hmm," Belle whimpered, pointing towards a giant structure up ahead. There was an open mouth, it showed a full water slide. Suddenly, a giant log holding several people shot down the watery escape, a flash lighting up.

"Oh my lord," Cora whispered. Hook was pale and Charming was just standing there with his mouth open.

"That looks really scary," Charming whimpered. Snow squeezed his arm.

"Don't say any more words. Just stand there and look cute," she advised. "You're better that way." Charming nodded and made a zip-my-lips gesture and threw the key away.

"Oh, that's Splash Mountain, we're going on it next," Emma said casually. Regina raised an eyebrow.

"Miss Swan, I do hope you realize that if you go on that ride, we will not be accompanying you."

* * *

_Five minutes later..._

* * *

"How did I get myself into this mess?" Regina mumbled as she stepped into the back of the log, Henry sitting in front of her. He made a face at the murky water that had collected on his seat.

"I hate that stuff," he mumbled. Regina smartly magicked the water away and Henry sat down happily.

"Just shut up," Gold hissed from the seat in front of Henry. Belle, who was in front of Gold, whimpered. Cora groaned from the front of Belle and turned around.

"Nobody cares about you, little Belle. I hope you fall out of the cart and die a horrible death." Belle stared at her, horrified.

"Emma ditched us," Hook groaned from the very front of the log as he watched Emma, Neal, Snow and Charming board the log in front of them.

"Hey, guys, we can still talk," Emma yelled reassuringly from the other log.

"I don't wanna talk," Hook huffed.

"You actually managed to piss of Hook," Snow quipped. "Great job."

"I do try," Emma replied smoothly with a grin. "Hey, everyone, guess what? The drop is fifty feet." The group groaned, it was sure to be a very long ride.

"For yer safety, stay seated with yer hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the log, and be sure to watch yer kids!" an overhead voice exclaimed.

"They always say that," Hook said as he nervously eyed a sign that read "REMAIN SEATED AT ALL TIMES".

The two logs were gradually pulled up a belt, and Regina let out a disappointed yawn.

"Well, this is boring," she admitted as the log slowly dropped into a watery canal.

"Again?" Belle mumbled as the logs went up another conveyor belt. The group eyed the landing to their right, just as a log fell down the big drop.

"Ooh," Neal gasped. "I may suffer from a heart attack after this ride."

"Well, the scenery is nice," Cora commented, looking around. "I wonder if they'll notice if it goes missing... do they have smoke alarms here?"

"No fire, mother," Regina snapped from the back.

"Hey, look, a drop," Hook casually pointed out, gesturing towards a drop quite some distance away from them.

"Doesn't look too bad," Gold commented.

"SQUIRREL!" Snow screamed as she pointed at the little houses adorning the edge of the banks. "Look at all the little homes, Charming," she sighed happily. "I wonder what would happen if I suddenly shrank and I was their size. That would be great. I could spend all day frolicking with my forest friends."

"Dear f*cking god," Cora mumbled, imagining what the outcome would be like if that happened.

"DROP!" Henry yelled as the two logs suddenly approached the drop. The group yelled quietly as they plunged downwards, a giant wave splashing the group. Regina flung her arms up and a huge barrier was created, protecting Henry and herself from the wave. The rest of the group was soaking wet.

"What the bloody hell?" Hook gasped. "That was a tiny drop!"

"Yeah, it was, but it was deep. The deeper the water is, the wetter you get. Luckily, the big drop is shallow, so we shouldn't get too wet." Cora groaned.

"This was a new dress. And now it's ruined."

"Fix it with magic," Neal suggested.

"Too lazy," Cora said, dismissively waving a hand.

"It's dark in here," Belle mumbled, her wet form shivering as the group was pulled into a dark tunnel with giant human-sized animatronic singing animals surrounding them.

"MY FRIENDS!" Snow screamed. "I HAVE SHRUNK DOWN TO YOUR SIZE!"

* * *

_**Sorry for the delay! Pages deleted all my stuff and... yeah. No other excuse.**_

_**Sorry! But please R&R! Note that every time we get 100, 150, 200, etcetera reviews I will let you select a ride! However, last time, Fabala Throp didn't want to pick a ride... so yeah. Sorry about that.**_

_**Anyway, review and let's see if you get to pick the next ride! 3**_

_**Rules for picking a ride:**_

_**-Must be in Disneyland California- no Tower of Terror or any other California Adventure Park rides (This doesn't mean I won't do California Adventure Park rides, though... I'm planning on doing a sequel to this one later on.)**_

_**-Can't be a repeat ride- so like they can't go on rides they've already been on**_

_**-Can't kill off any characters or injure anyone- however, they can fall out of the cart or somethin' like that.**_

_**-DON'T SUGGEST WINNIE THE POOH.**_

_**...If you really wanna, you can, I guess.**_


	17. Splash Mountain Part 2

"What if it's a scam?" Cora suddenly wondered as she looked around at the singing animals and singing Snow. "What if there actually isn't a drop? What if we're actually going in circles? Wait... what if there IS a drop, and we die!" she suddenly screamed, sucking in panicked breaths.

"Calm down, Mother," Regina said reassuringly. "We aren't going to die." Suddenly, she remembered Emma's comment on the 50 foot drop.

"Emma, we aren't going to die, right?" she asked after a nervous silence.

"OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO DIE! REGINA SAID IT HERSELF!" Cora shrieked.

"I don't know what they're saying, but they're talking in cool accents." Hook commented. "Why is everything so weird in Disneyland?"

Charming watched Snow continue to sing and dance.

"Okay, that is just creepy," Henry commented, looking at the singing animals surrounding them. "Are we still on Splash Mountain? This is not Splash or Mountain, this is just singing animals. They should name it animal mountain."

"Henry, did Emma feed you sugar before we went on this ride?" Regina asked nervously.

"Yep," he said happily. Regina tried to shoot Emma a glare, but they were sent tumbling down another drop.

"Bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz," singing bees harmonized.

"BEES!" Mary Margaret screamed. "PLEASE BEHAVE!"

"Beehive?" Charming wondered.

"BEHAVE!" Mary Margaret screamed again.

"What the hell is this?" Hook wondered. "Why are they singing about a Laughing Place?"

"It's based off of the cartoon," Emma explained. "Basically, Brer Rabbit tricked-"

"SHUT UP!" Cora screamed. "SPOILERS!"

Emma motioned for the group to stay silent and watched an animatronic sing, before joining along."You must beware the foxes, they're-"

"Ooh, vultures!" Mary Margaret squealed as they were pulled up a long conveyor belt.

"So bored," Belle commented.

"Hi vultures, my name is Mary Margaret, but everyone calls me Mary Sue!" the group was pulled way to the top, and it was only then when they realized that this was the big drop.

It hadn't looked that big before, but looking down now... it looked so long and so far. Henry squeezed his eyes shut, Regina let out a gasp, Cora's mouth was an O, Gold hugged Belle who was now pale, Hook rolled his eyes and yawned, before looking down, Snow was crying over the vultures who she now couldn't see, and Charming was nervously looking around for the exit.

"Oh, this must be the mountain, yep, definitely the mountain, yep," Henry was saying very quickly, all in one breath. Definitely definitely definitely-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the group screamed as they plunged downhill.

Meanwhile, in Texas, an old lady leaned over to try to sip from her tea cup. All at once, a loud "AAAAAAH" sounded in her ears and she dropped the cup. "Damn hearing aid," she mumbled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the group continued to scream. There was a long, dark, narrow tunnel at the bottom, and soon, the ride had slowed back to normal.

"Splash," Henry said quietly.

The group was pulled into a room with more singing animals, this time aboard what appeared to be a cruise ship. They all sang Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah cheerfully.

"Oh no!" Henry exclaimed. "Look at my pants and my shirt! Oh no."

"I'm sorry, luv, but we're all soaking wet," Hook deadpanned.

"WAA!" Snow cried. "I wanna see the vultures again! Waa."

"Does this mean the ride is over? It can't be over, it was only like, 7 minutes," Henry complained. "All I see is a glowing light. Oh my god, does that mean we're dead? Oh my god, we're dead!" he cried, reaching hysteria. "We died on Splash Mountain! NOOOOO!"

"Henry, calm down," Regina said. "We're not dead, I promise."

"Phew," Henry said, obviously relieved.

"Why do I suddenly have an urge to go sip from a cup of tea in Texas...?" Cora wondered.

"OH MY GOD!" Henry suddenly screamed. "There's another light! We're dead again! We're going towards the light!" at this point, no one made any motion to try to calm him down.

"Just let the sugar run out," Emma advised.

"Ooh, there's light at the end of the tunnel! Does this mean that the ride is over? We're gonna die, we're gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

The family wearily got off the ride, an overexcited Henry jumping up and down repeatedly.

"No more sugar for you today," Regina scolded him.

"Can we please leave now, Emma?" Neal begged. "That was really traumatizing for me." the rest of the family agreed.

"Fine... but after we see out picture," she added with a grin.

"They took our picture?" Cora gasped, horrified. Emma nodded sheepishly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Snow yelled as they approached the room.

There was a picture of the entire family displayed clearly on the screen.

Henry's eyes were squeezed closed. There was a bluebird sitting on Snow's head, comforting her as she cried. Charming made a weird face as if he had smelled cow dung.

You could best describe Hook as looking bored. Gold looked like he had just had a heart attack, and Belle was yawning. Neal's head had been chopped off, but his hands were white and attached to the bar.

Regina's mouth was shaped like an O, almost uniform to Cora. Emma was grinning and had flashed a thumbs-up at the camera.

"You sneaky b*tch," Cora seethed as Emma paid for the picture. "You knew there was gonna be a picture."

"Yes, I did," Emma said with a grin. "And now... this is going on Instagram."

"Any worse news?" Hook grumbled.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you all. We're going on Adventures of Winnie the Pooh next," she said happily. The rest of the family groaned, but Hook and Cora just looked confused.

"What's that?" Cora wondered. Emma smiled wickedly.

"You'll see," was all she said. "You'll see."

* * *

_**All right, so I hope you guys know how much I love you now. I'M DOING IT! I said I would never do it again but I'M DOING IT! AHHH! Yes, I may be overreacting.**_

_**Basically, in response to you, impureevilregal, I used to love that ride when I was little, so it's not that I have anything against it, it's just that... *shudders* A lot of these reactions you see in the story are my own reactions or family's. So what I'm picturing is Cora and a couple others resembling my parents sitting down being mortified while Henry- resembling me, is bouncing around all hyper and fangirly. Although I guess it'd make for good humor. XD No hard feels, right?**_

_**Anyway, I'll see you next chapter *shudders* and please R&R!**_

_**PS I started a new story, Once On This Island: Lost In Blue. It's basically a humor fic where all the entire extended Charming family gets stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. I'd really appreciate it if you checked it out! **_


	18. Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh

_"One blustery day in the Hundred Acre Woods, a little bear named Winnie the Pooh set off in search of honey."_

"Well, this sucks already, I can hear the overhead voice from here," Cora grumbled. Henry scrunched up his nose.

"It smells funny here... like... well, I don't know what it smells like," he admitted. "It just smells like... little kid." Emma shrugged. "I'm not like six anymore, mom," he mumbled as he got into the cart next to Emma.

"Well... look around. None of us are," she said with a smirk.

"This is... interesting," Hook mumbled, as he helped Regina into the seat behind Emma and Henry.

"I'm used to it by now," Regina mumbled.

"Why are we getting into oversized beehives?" Cora wondered as she and Charming loaded into their buggies. Snow happily bounced into the back of the cart with Belle.

"Forever alone," Regina whispered as Gold loaded his own cart. Unfortunately, at this moment, Neal got into the cart.

"What were you saying, dearie?" Gold called from the back. Regina angrily spun around and folded her arms over her chest like a fitful three-year-old.

"I'M NOT THREE YEARS OLD!" she suddenly screamed, as if she was reading the author's mind at that moment.

_"One blustery day in the Hundred Acre Woods, a little bear named Winnie the Pooh set off in search of honey." _An overhead voice spoke as the buggies travelled down a tunnel with leaves and other backdrops revolving out of the way.

"OH MY GOD!" Charming screamed. "I LOVE THIS RIDE SO MUCH ALREADY! LOOK AT ALL THE HAPPY FACES AND SMILING ANIMALS!"

"Holy sh*t," Cora mumbled as they entered a very dark room with neon-colored plants and animals. "It's so dark in here, it makes the neon seem bright."

"Not so bad," Belle chattered happily. Snow almost stood up when she saw a tiny Roo clutching onto a kite.

"IT'S SO CUUUUUUUTE!" she squealed.

_"Look, mama, look! I'm a kite!" _he exclaimed happily. Kanga's worried voice travelled over to the group.

_"Hang on tightly, Roo!"_

"What the f*ck? What kind of parenting is that?" Regina wondered.

"Reminds me a bit of myself," Cora mumbled, referring to that one incident a while back...

"But that was really long ago, Mother, no need to feel bad. I can't even remember. 1x09 or 1x12 or something?" Regina wondered.

"I think it was 1x18," Cora corrected.

"Yeah, 1x18," Regina agreed.

"OH MY GOD IT'S SO AWESOME!" Charming screamed.

_"Help, please!" _Piglet called from a river of water as the scene changed from a creepy forest to a dark, stormy night.

_"We'll save ya, Piglet!" _Tigger called, reaching out towards his friend.

"This is where bad parenting gets you," Regina commented.

"I think this ride is simply... creepy as f*ck," Snow commented. "I mean, it's really terrifying."

"Man up, Snow," Cora sneered.

"But I'm a woman," Snow argued.

"That may be so, but you ride like a man," Cora continued.

"OH MY GOD!" Hook suddenly exclaimed. "THAT COULD BE AN INNUENDO!"

"Please shut up, Hook," Cora said quickly, although she seemed slightly embarrassed. (Well, she actually looked really embarrassed, but she threatened the authoress not to say so.)

_"First the rain, and now this." _Eeyore complained duly.

"EEYORE! I LOVE YOU!" Charming yelled.

_"Wee! This is fun!" _Roo exclaimed from the river.

"ROO!" Regina screamed. "I'M SO SORRY! LET ME SAVE YOU! YOU'LL CATCH A COLD IN THERE!"

_"Goodness, Roo!"_

"Okay, let's just pretend Regina did not just morph into a temporary Mary Margaret," Emma said awkwardly.

"DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MATERNAL LOVE!" Gold yelled from the back.

"Wow..." Emma mumbled.

"Do... not..." Gold finished.

"No wonder Henry has issues," Neal grumbled.

"TIGGER!" Charming screamed.

_"Follow me right this way!" _Tigger exclaimed.

"STAY BACK, VERMIN!" Mary Margaret screamed. "I HAVE A HAIR CLIP!" she unclipped the bow from her hair and pointed it towards the tiger.

"Well... she sure is a martyr," Belle commented wryly.

"Aren't you scared, it's dark in here!" Cora yelled. "Shut up and say your punch line already."

"It's not scary in here, there's plenty of nice neon colors," Belle exclaimed happily, slapping Snow a high-five.

_"I'm Tigger! Whoooohoooohooohooo!" _Tigger giggled again.

"STAY BACK!" Snow screamed, holding up a metal baseball bat.

"Where the FAQ did she get that?" Belle wondered.

"I think the authoress gave it to her," Cora mumbled from the front of their cart.

_"Beware. Beware!"_ Pooh exclaimed as they rounded a corner. "_Beware... beware..."_

"THIS IS MORE AWESOME THAN SPOSE!" Charming yelled.

"We get it," Neal groaned. "Beware. You sound like a broken record."

"You mean Belle," Cora mumbled.

_"Elphalumps and woozlums steal honey! Beware... beware!" _

"BEE?" Mary Margaret screamed. "BEE? WHERE?"

"He's saying 'beware', not 'bee, where?'," Belle corrected.

"BELLE? WHERE?!"

_"Beware... beware! Beware, beware..." _A ominous projection of Pooh spinning in circles chanted these words.

"What?" Regina asked as they entered a room.

"The?" Hook gasped.

"FAQ!" Cora screamed at the top of her lungs. They were surrounded by neon-painted objects everywhere, singing an eerie song.

_"Beware, beware, beware, beware, beware!"_

"I think I may sh*t myself," Cora whispered as they passed two giant clown-like jack-in-the-boxes with eerie frowns.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" Charming yelled. "It's so colorful! It's like the wonderful world of color..."

"That's the sequel, sweetie," Snow reminded him bluntly. "No spoilers."

"OH, COME ON YOU GUYS, IT'S F*CKING CREEPY!" Cora screamed.

"Awwwww, they're so cute," Charming said, mellowing out a little.

"STAY BACK!" Snow screamed. "I'm warning you!" a jack-in-the-box showed up directly in her vision and she screamed and threw her bow at it. Unfortunately, it did not to much damage.

"WHY NO CRITICAL HIT!?" Snow screamed.

_"What a wonderful dream!" _Pooh exclaimed happily. Half of him was hidden in a wall of honey, and he held a pot in one hand that he was eating from.

"POOH IS STUCK IN A WALL OF HONEY!" Charming screamed. "IT'S HIS DREAM COME TRUE!"

"Oh, guys, come on, don't you even think the fact that he's jammed into a literal wall of honey is just a little creepy?" Hook pondered this for a moment, before speaking.

"No, not really, luv."

_"Wake up Pooh, wake up, Pooh, wake up!" _Little elephants resembling fireflies chanted.

_"Oh, boy, it's your birthday!" _Tigger eagerly exclaimed.

_"It's time for your party, Pooh!"_

_"Happy birthday!"_

_"Happy birthday, Pooh!"_

"The repetition, the high-pitched voices, the colors... it reminds me of Charlie the Unicorn a little," Henry commented.

_"I've never seen so many presents!"_

_"Hope you like my present..." _came Eeyore's blunt and depressed voice.

* * *

"So, what did you guys think?" Emma asked once they had gotten off the ride.

"It went from downright creepy to macabre to happy-tree-friend happy," Cora commented, she looked pale and very traumatized.

"AWESOME!" Charming yelled.

"Terrifying," Snow said, her hair was a mess and she looked very very tired. Belle giggled.

"I thought it was funny seeing all your reactions," Belle exclaimed excitedly. "But the ride was weird."

"It reminded me of Charlie the Unicorn," Henry said. "First it was really happy and weird and then it got kind of creepy. But it was funny overall. And there was singing."

* * *

_**So I'm planning on doing the Tiki room for all you guys soon. Funny story actually...**_

_**A story which I will save for later! Anyway, please R&R! You all rock! ^^**_


	19. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

_**A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews! B-) I received a total of 22 review emails for this story yesterday, you guys are awesome! While we wait for EvilRegalGleek's request to be fulfilled, I hope this will suffice! I've sadly never actually been on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad but once (I was eight) and I don't remember it, so I apologize if it is inaccurate. Thank you in advance!**_

* * *

"Howdy folks, please keep yer hands and arms inside the train and remain seated at all times. Now then, hang on to them hats and glasses, 'cause this here's the wildest ride in the wilderness!"

"Like I said before," Hook said dryly. "I can barely understand what they're saying, but I like their accents."

"Shut up and get on the train," Emma said bluntly as she directed the group towards a red train with a green cabin. The cabin was empty save for a motor, and the chairs were hard and plastic with a lap bar raised up.

"Umm... guys?" Cora asked fearfully. "There isn't anyone driving the train." Quite suddenly, she froze. "OH MY GOD NO ONE IS DRIVING THE TRAIN! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA DIE IN DISNEYLAND!"

"Shh, Mother, we'll be fine," Regina reassured. There was a long pause. "And please don't throw any fireballs," she added.

The message was repeated in several languages, and an attendant called out to them.

"All right, guys, pull down your lap bars!"

"WHAT?" Cora screamed. "LAPS HAVE BARS?" Regina groaned and leaned over, securing the bar over Cora.

"Oh," was all Cora said.

The message continued to repeat as they drove down the tunnel.

"Next thing you know, they're gonna play commercials during the ride," Charming grumbled. Snow elbowed him sharply. "Oww! What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his elbow.

"Don't give them any ideas!" Snow whispered harshly.

The train took the group up to a tunnel. The sound echoed off the walls and Hook winced.

"Ouch, love, I'm sorry, but sound hurts," he mumbled.

"Who are you talking to?" Regina wondered.

"Nobody," he replied bluntly. "I talk to myself a lot." he looked up at the sky quite suddenly.

"Scarlet Phlame, I swear to God, if you make me talk to myself again I will break through the fourth wall and kill you," he yelled.

"Okaay, then," Regina said, awkwardly shifting in her seat.

The tunnel began to flash weird colors and the group looked over to their left where there were plenty of stalagmites resting on the ground near a pretty red pool.

"WATER!" Cora screamed, preparing a fireball in her hand as they approached a waterfall that was parted to let them slide smoothly through.

"MOTHER STOP IT!" Regina screamed, grabbing the woman's hand and slowing her down.

"Oooh," ahhed a mob of CoraxRegina shippers. They then proceeded to grab their pitchforks and knives at the fact that the author neglected to give them an actual line (even though they should've been grateful they even got a part in the story)!

In her panic, Cora relaxed her arm and the fireball sizzled itself out. There were more rocky overdrives and tunnels.

"This is actually a pretty calm coaster," Cora said quietly.

"And it isn't dark," Belle piped up happily.

"LOOK! A HIDDEN MICKEY!" Henry screamed, pointing at a rock.

"Good point," Emma admitted. "But I think that may not have been intended."

"That was a long sentence," Henry said.

"CHARMING, YOUR IDIOCY RUBBED OFF ON HENRY!" Emma yelled up to the front. "SOMEONE INTELLIGENT COME AND FIX IT!"

"I still think we're gonna die," Cora grumbled. "I mean, someone's gonna die, our entire extended family is here."

"THANK YOU! FINALLY, SOMEONE GETS IT!" Snow screamed.

"Shut up or I'll turn you into a squirrel," Cora threatened.

"NOOO! NOT A SQUIRREL! ...Wait... actually, turn me into a squirrel," Snow suddenly realized. "It would be like a dream come true... I could frolic with my forest friends all the time and we could play all the day away."

"Shut up or I'll turn you into a squirrel and put you in Happy Tree Friends," Cora threatened.

"NOO!" Snow screamed. "I'll be good, I promise! Just not Happy Tree Friends! Please!"

The train pulled the group around a track and showed them a nice overview. Of course, by this point, the author did not quite understand that a train, which is an inanimate object, cannot show people a nice overview. Duh.

"There's snakes on that ledge!" Henry screamed.

"SNAKES? SNAKE? WHERE?" Hook screamed. "Wherever they are, get them away from me!" he continued to scream.

"Why are you scared of snakes?" Henry wondered.

"Go watch the cannibal cage scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, and you'll get it," Hook explained.

"SHUT UP!" Gold yelled.

"I'll quiet him," Cora said, waving her hand and setting the snakes on fire.

"BURN BABY BURN!" Hook sang.

"MOTHER I SAID NO FIRE AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Regina yelled as they plunged down a mild drop.

"DANGER BLASTING AREA AHEAD," a sign read up ahead.

"That looks terribly predominant," Gold commented.

"What does that mean?" Charming wondered.

"Sir, please keep your voluminous ego away from me," Gold said. He didn't get why he was sitting by Charming but he had an inkling it was because of someone named after a color...

"Stop using big words!" Charming cried.

"I swear to God if I have to listen to you talk for one more second I'm going to acquire pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis," Gold mumbled.

"WHY! I WANNA GO ON WINNIE THE POOH RIGHT NOW!" Charming sobbed. He continued to bawl so hard that even when the ride picked up speed and everyone else yelped in surprise at the sudden change of pace, he continued to act like a... fop.

"That's it?" Henry wondered as they pulled up towards the station again. "Seriously?"

"But it was so short!" Neal pouted.

"I know, right?" Belle mumbled.

"Where to next, Miss Swan?" Gold mumbled as he stepped out, avoiding the puddle of tears that Charming had cried all the way out of the cart.

"I want food," Emma said bluntly.

"But it's not even noon yet," Gold argued.

"Food."

"Not noon yet!"

"Food."

"Hold your sh*t together, Emma. I want more rides!" Cora yelled.

* * *

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Tell me if you enjoyed the fourth wall thing too. :P It's glass for now, so I'm just barely visible, but if you want me to keep it that way or build it back up again with bricks, let me know! If you're entirely confused by my odd antics and the way I worded that sentence, let me put it bluntly; let me know how you feel about the author interaction and I will decide if I wanna keep it hat way!**_

_**Please R&R!**_


	20. The Tiki Room

"This is such a far walk," Cora complained. "Where are we even headed, anyway?" Emma ignored her.

"You're just asking so you can teleport us there," Emma remarked dryly.

"Actually, I was just going to teleport myself there, but good observation," Cora said with a smirk.

"But you wouldn't bring me?" Regina pouted. Cora paused.

"No," she said after a long moment. "Mainly because you can teleport your own lazy a$$ there yourself."

"Damn it," Regina cursed.

"Really?" Gold asked dryly as they approached an odd looking hut area. "You spent all that time just to take us to the Tiki Room?"

"You know what the Tiki Room is?" Charming asked.

"No," Gold said quickly. "I just saw an advertisement for it somewhere." Charming narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You're boring us, look, even Cora neglected to nictate."

"STOP USING HARD WORDS!" Charming screamed. Gold smirked.

"We have no need for your trivial niddering," Gold spoke sharply.

"STOP!"

"You stop shouting or your face is going to meet my nieve," he said, continuing to grin. "And you will be plunged into nigrescence."

"WHY?"

"Hey, guys, if you're sad, then just sing Charlie the Unicorn songs, it helps all the time!" Henry called to the arguing men.

"What's that?" Charming wondered dumbly.

Henry suddenly sang the lyrics to 'Put A Banana In Your Ear' to demonstrate for Charming.

Charming sang along, liking the tune.

"Put a banana in your rear," Gold sneered.

"INCOMING INNUENDO!" Hook screamed.

"Guys, it's the Tiki Room," Neal said excitedly. "My all-time favorite ride here."

"You came to Disneyland when you were younger?" Emma wondered. Neal nodded.

"Yeah. I had this one really nice family, they were called the Darlings." Emma forced back a smirk.

"Interesting twist," she whispered to herself.

"But I really like this ride," Neal continued. "It's my favorite of all time."

"You said that twice already," Charming pointed out.

"Shut up, please," Gold snapped. "No one wants your opinion, your point of view is literally and quite adversely medieval."

"Stop it!" Charming cried.

"So, dad, why do you like the Tiki Room so much?" Henry wondered.

"I dunno. I just remember liking it," Neal said nonchalantly. Charming turned red at the fact that he had no clue what "nonchalantly" meant, and prepared to strangle the author to death for revealing his true colors and identity- the fop.

"Poor thing," Snow said, patting Charming on the back.

"Yes, Snow, I am a thing," Charming replied sarcastically. "And a very sexy thing, at that," he added, as an afterthought.

"OH MY GOSH!" He suddenly yelled. "I meant to say silly but my tongue slipped. Sorry!" He looked at the Fanfiction audience awkwardly. "Sorry."

* * *

Cora and several others looked on in horror as the animatronic parrots sang the song 'In The Tiki Room'.

"If this is a nightmare, please let me wake up," Cora silently prayed.

In the meantime, Neal had a look of horror on his face while Emma and Henry laughed hysterically.

"Oh. My. God," Emma gasped.

"This is so stupid," Henry said in between laughs. When he finally calmed down, he looked back up again at the singing birds again, and started to laugh maniacally again.

"This is my childhood you guys are insulting," Neal grumbled, even though it was easy to see that he was very embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Neal, but it's so stupid it's funny," Emma snorted.

"This is simply wonderful," Snow sighed. "I'm going to give that one a hug and that one a kiss and give a hickey to-"

"Sorry, miss, but no hickeys on the rides," an overhead voice spoke sternly. "But you can have Mickeys for $14.99 USD."

"IT IS THE VOICE OF THE AUTHOR!" Snow screamed, before getting down on her hands and knees and praying. Even though the author wasn't so corny as to put herself into the overhead voice and it was really just some ransom Disney employee.

"Wow," was all Hook could say.

"I LOVE YOU!" Snow screamed, standing back up and jumping up and down at the sight of the singing birds. "Someday, I'm gonna find a way to get to your size. We'll frolic in the forest and play the day away."

"I will set this place on fire if you don't stop," Cora threatened, waiting for Regina to tell her not to, but the protest never came. "Regina?" Cora asked impatiently. "Aren't you gonna tell me not to set this place on fire or something?"

"No," Regina said shortly. "Burn the place down if you want." She scowled. "I hate this place," she said sharply. "I HATE it."

Cora stuck up her chin. "Well, I'm not doing it."

"Why not?" Regina whined. Cora paused.

"Because I have morals," she said quickly.

"Since when?" Regina wondered.

* * *

_**nahbois68 5/8/13 . chapter 19**_

_**This is becoming an addiction with me -I do my happy dance every time I see you've added a chapter! Loved how Belle was happy on the Pooh ride -maybe she'll want Rum to paint his walls with neon so it will never be dark? Keep breaking the 4th wall -love how you have all the "shippers" getting a moment for their feels!**_

_**Can't wait to see Snow go nuts in the Tikki Room. Or maybe that might just be Gina's breaking point and she fireballs the place...**_

_**A/N: Thank you! I'm very glad you're continuing to support this story, and all your suggestions rock. ^^ I'll definitely see what I can do.**_

_**EvilRegal93 5/8/13 . chapter 19  
Love it! Love the POTC references :D but could you put Regina and hook together please ;) like she falls out and he saves her ;) hookedQueen :) next chapter please :D**_

_**A/N: We shall see. :D Thank you for reviewing!**_

_**So I know that chapter kind of sucked but please R&R anyway! I promise I'll be back next time with some more funny stuff for you guys! :D**_


	21. Indiana Jones Part 1

"Temple of the Forbidden Eye? Really?" Cora mumbled as they approached the Indiana Jones ride. "Why can't they name it 'Temple of the Forbidden Treasure'? Huh? Or do they just have a thing for eyes?"

"Maybe it's supposed to sound creepy," Hook suggested. Cora sighed.

"Nothing is scarier than Mary Margaret high on rainbows and singing animatronic birds," she quipped.

"Good point, luv," Hook murmured.

"This is scary," Henry commented as the group approached a narrow tunnel with rocky walls.

"You mean slightly intimidating," Gold said smugly. Charming narrowed his eyes but he was actually too scared to say anything.

"They put railings up here," Henry pointed out quietly. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose?"

"I don't like this," Belle commented quietly as they walked past a bunch of iron spikes on the wall with skulls impaled on the end of a couple. Suddenly, they began to close in closer to each other, before being pushed back up. Luckily, it appeared that someone had put a piece of bamboo in between the spikes so that it could no longer close. However, the bamboo was shaking furiously.

"SH*T!" Cora yelled, jumping back, before crowding in closer to the device. "How does that operate?" she wondered, inspecting the bars.

"Mother," Regina warned.

"I wonder if I can use it on Belle," Cora mumbled. Of course, at this point, Belle seemed not to listen, but quite suddenly, she jumped up and screamed at realization of what Cora had been talking about.

"Delayed reaction," Emma mumbled.

"No, Mother, no killing or I swear I will kill you," Regina threatened.

"You mean that a matricide is bound to occur," Gold said with a smirk.

"Wmm," Charming whimpered.

"Can I install one of these in the mansion?" Cora wondered, still staring at the device. Regina and her had fallen behind.

"No, Mother," she said sternly.

"But I want one," Cora whined.

"No, Mother," Regina repeated. "Now let's go, we don't want to fall behind. Plus you're holding up the line." Cora looked behind her to see a little boy with a balloon in his hand, his mouth wide open. He had obviously heard the conversation.

"Hello, little boy," Cora said sweetly. "If you tell anyone about this, your head will be impaled on one of those spikes by tomorrow morning," she continued, her smile fading.

"MOM!" Regina yelled, grabbing the woman by the arm and dragging her towards Emma and the rest of the group.

"Where are we now?" Cora wondered.

"We're still in line," Regina mumbled as they passed through more tunnels.

"Wow, it's a long line area," Cora commented duly.

"Yeah, it's a popular ride, luckily we're here early so we should be good," Emma said happily.

"Oh no!" Henry exclaimed as they approached the end of the line. "There's a line?"

"Like I said, it's a popular ride."

"I'm bored," Snow groaned, taking out her iPhone and tapping on it.

"Hey, Gramma, I'm bored too. Can I show you something?" Snow nodded and handed the boy her phone. He opened an app titled SoundEffects with a blue play button displayed in the middle.

"Huh, I didn't know I had that app," Snow commented.

"Yeah, I downloaded it before the trip," Henry said happily.

"What does it do?" Snow wondered. Henry pressed a button and the phone honked. Charming and Snow both jumped but everyone else simply rolled their eyes.

"Wow! How does it do that?" Snow wondered. Henry giggled.

"Just press the button and see what it does,"he said, handing her phone back.

"Look, an instructive," Emma said, pointing towards the screen in the room they had just approached.

"Now my friends, one final word," the tv spoke. "Once you are in the Chamber of Destiny, look not into the eyes of the ****. That would be dangerous." The screen showed a woman sitting in her seat one moment, then changed to a picture of a skeleton sitting in that same spot.

"What did he say?" Cora cried after the man faded away from the screen.

"Basically, if we look into the eyes of something, we die," Henry said bluntly.

"Okay, is that it? That isn't so- HOLY SH*T YOU MEAN WE COULD DIE?!" Cora screamed.

"Pretty much," Emma said happily.

"Look, the loading area," Henry said.

"I don't wanna die! I'm not coming on the ride," Cora whined.

"I'll sic the Swan Queen shippers on you and tell them you ship Evil Charming," Regina threatened. Cora paled.

"Never mind, I'm coming."

As a voice spoke and warned them to stay in the cart at all times, Cora realized it was same as the one that had reminded them not to look into the eyes of the ****.

"Look," Hook said, pointing up towards an archway with a stone face etched onto its surface. "It has a blindfold over its eyes."

"Is that a warning?" Emma wondered.

"Look at all those people riding towards their doom," Cora said happily, pointing towards another cart to the left of them. As if on cue, their cart began to move in the same direction. She paused.

"OH SH*T WE'RE GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION!" she screamed.

"Oh, hello, hello my friends? The brakes may be needing adjustment, but easy on the curves. Heh heh," the same man from before spoke.

"SCREW YOU AND YOUR SH*TTY SUGGESTIONS!" Cora screamed. "I CAN'T BELIEVE- wait. The brakes are screwed up? THE BRAKES ARE SCREWED UP!" she screamed as they approached a three-way fork in the road.

"You seek the treasure of Mara," a deep overhead voice spoke. "Glittering gold. It is yours."

"At what cost?" Regina wondered as the doors creaked open and showed them into a huge room.

"There's no place like home," Cora was whispering. "There's no place like home."

* * *

_**So I just watched the season finale and I think I'm about to die. IT CAN'T BE OVER! NO! WHO IS PETER PAN? WHY IS HE SO FREAKING CREEPY?**_

_**Yeh, that's about it. But please R&R for this chapter anyway, and happy finale morning! Cheers!**_

_**Who do you think Peter Pan is?**_


	22. Indiana Jones Part 2

"I DON'T WANT YOUR F*CKING GOLD!" Cora screamed as they were pulled up a sharp lift towards a giant sculpture of a head, identical to the one they had seen earlier, only this one was massive.

"Look," Henry whispered, pointing to their left. There were mountains of gold to their sides. Above, on the overhang, golden snakes rested eerily.

"Oh my god," Emma yelled as smoke began to erupt from the idol ahead's eye's.

"Is that f*cking fire coming out of her eyes?" Cora screamed, not being able to pry her gaze away from the soulless ones of Mara.

"You looked into my eyes, your path now leads to the gates of doom!" Mara shrieked.

"OH SH*T I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY I LOOKED!" Cora screamed as they swerved into a dark room. The backlights were blue and lighting flashed across the walls with ease.

"Not so bad," Emma said with a grin to Neal.

"INDY!" Regina screamed as they approached a figure of none other than Indiana Jones holding up a door with his strength. Flashes of light could be seen from behind the door.

"Go up... to the left..." he said in between groans. It was obvious he was straining to keep the door closed.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Regina screamed as she desperately tried to climb out of the cart. Tears stung her eyes.

"It's all right, Mom," Henry said soothingly. "He can take care of himself."

"But... but... Indy!" Regina wailed.

"Okay, seriously, he's a f*cking animatronic!" Emma yelled.

"INDYYYY!" Regina bawled as they were pulled away. The group was sealed in darkness, and when they finally saw a light, it was bright red and-

"FIRE!" Henry screamed as they approached another massive room with an even bigger idol. This one did not appear to be Mara, but it was quite terrifying. Luckily, everyone closed their eyes at this sight. When they opened them, they were in a cave, surrounded by skeletons decorating the walls.

"OH MY GOD!" Belle screamed, burying her face in Gold's chest and sobbing.

"HOLY SH*T!" Cora screamed. The swerves were awful and every time the cart turned, she would clutch onto the hand bars for dear life, her knuckles were turning white. The entire group struggled to stay seated as they took another powerful swerve, this time into a room completely dark. Luckily, the Jeep that they were in had lights, so they could see a little.

"I want my wand, but I'm afraid I'll lose it," Belle whimpered, her tone wavering.

"Then lose it. I don't want anything that belongs to Cora in my house," Gold mumbled.

"Your pink house," Regina said with a grin.

"F*ck you," Gold murmured. Something hit him in the face, and when he turned, he realized there were bugs covering the wall.

"F*CK!" he screamed as he scrambled away from the mess. Regina rolled her eyes.

"Prissy," she mumbled.

The Jeep drove over a steep bridge, when the group looked to their left they could see the giant idol again. Fire erupted from somewhere on the ground, and Belle was shivering violently. Emma best looked bored and Regina was completely neutral. Charming was crying like a baby.

They swerved into a room full of snakes. The entire right side of the cart, save for Emma, cried out and leaned towards the left side. A giant cobra looked down at them, eyes gleaming.

"SNAKES!" Regina yelled, just as they pulled out of the room and back into the fiery depths of the large room.

"I CAN'T LOOK! MAKE IT STOP!" Cora screamed, even though her eyes were wide open.

"Wait, everyone, stop," Snow said, as their Jeep slowed down. "I need a sound effect for this. Hang on. Hang on." she paused and hit a button, the entire Jeep was silent.

"Mooo," Snow's phone said.

"What?" Charming wondered.

"Wait, wait, wrong one, wrong one," Snow corrected. She hit another button and a scream erupted from the phone. The entire family jumped, except for Emma, who sarcastically called out.

"After everything we've seen, that's a delayed reaction right there."

The lights flicked on, and Cora spun around, before opening her mouth in a silent scream. They were surrounded by angry-looking wallpaper.

"NOOOOOO!" Cora bawled.

"Guys, look, it's f*cking wallpaper, seriously," Emma said dryly. All of a sudden, something hit the blonde in the arm and she screamed, violently jerking around. The family was bombarded with heavy puffs of air, and the Jeep finally picked up speed and took them out of that place.

"Be careful down there!" a voice that sounded suspiciously like Indiana Jones called out. Regina looked all around.

"INDY?" she screamed. "IS THAT YOUR VOICE CALLING TO ME FROM HEAVEN! DID YOU DIE? I'M SO SORRY, INDY! I'VE FAILED YOU!" she leaned over and cried.

"Look up," Emma said dryly. She did.

"OH MY GOD IT'S INDY!" Regina screamed as she looked up to see Indiana clutching onto a rope. "HOP IN THE JEEP!"

"AAAAAH!" the group shrieked as a giant boulder suddenly rolled towards them.

"IIIIINNNNNNNDDDDDY!" Regina screamed as they plunged downwards into darkness. There was a loud crash and Regina leaned over and continued to sob.

"Sound effect!" Snow suddenly yelled. "Everyone be quiet!" she leaned over and tapped her phone, sad music began to play.

"He was such a good man," Regina whispered.

"He was a f*cking animatronic!" Emma yelled.

"He was a better man than you'll ever be," Regina hissed.

"I'm not a man," Emma dryly remarked.

"F*CK YOU!" Regina screamed, before noticing a light at the end of the tunnel. Heart pounding, she leaned forward.

"Next time, you wear blindfolds, okay?" Indiana huffed as he leaned against the smashed boulder. The group cheered happily.

"HE'S A F*CKING ANIMATRONIC, JESUS!" Emma screamed.

"Jesus take the wheel," Cora smirked. "Oh, yeah, and fix the f*cking brakes while you're at it."


	23. Hungry Bear (Pun Contest)

Cora groaned all the way to the food court. "Listen, I hate to re_pea_t myself, again, but are you even listening? I don't want to eat right now!"

"I hate to _carrot_ you, but nobody _pears," _Gold said with a grin.

"Don't _pea_ stupid," Cora said with a smirk.

"_Wheat_?" Gold wondered.

"I'm not only insulting you just for the _halibut,_" Cora quipped.

"I didn't _drink_ so," Gold said dryly.

"Stop with the pun wars for a minute so we can eat!" Emma exclaimed, taking a seat. They were currently at the Hungry Bear since Emma whined the whole way out of Indiana Jones about food.

The family ordered before coming back to the table which Emma had saved for them.

"So tired," Belle mumbled. "Why do they have roofs set up around here anyway?"

"PUN WAR!" Cora screamed. Belle rolled her eyes.

"All right. I'll be punny," she promised, before pausing. "It's dark in here, I feel so _blinded_."

"_Night_ one, but please stop it," Cora said with a grin.

"Stop it, don't be so _shady,_" Regina joined in.

"Bloody hell," Hook mumbled. At this point, the server came and delivered their burgers and salads. At this point, the family didn't bother to do an eyeline check although he was staring at the waitress quite obviously. He smirked haughtily.

"I'd love to _fork_ her if you get my _point,_" he chuckled.

"Sorry, don't get it, but then again, I've never really been _sharp,_" Charming piped up.

"_Knife_ one, but you better stop it, the _spooner_ the better," Henry said jokingly.

"You guys are being complete _glasses_, quit it!" Emma yelled.

"Look at the lake thingy, my eyes are _watering_ from its beauty," Belle said, motioning out towards the harbor.

"Sorry, there isn't really much to _sea,_" Neal joked.

"Don't _beach_ that way," Emma said with a frown.

"_Palm_ down. I'm _surfing_ the web," Snow said from behind her phone.

"I hope your stomach doesn't _flip-flop _when we get on the next ride," Neal said as he dug into his burger.

"I'm _surfin_' I won't," Snow said with a grin.

"I'm warning you, I have a _wade,_" Charming joked. The family stared at him, obviously annoyed.

"That wasn't even good," Cora said dryly.

"I know. I'm _treading_ in dangerous waters," Charming said with a dumb grin on his face.

"Just don't _beach_ too stupid," Hook mumbled.

"I wasn't trying to _tree,_" Charming joked.

"Don't be _plumb,_" Regina snarled.

"No need to be an _apple,_" Gold shot back.

"_Pine_ with me," Regina said with a shrug. Cora got up.

"I'm going to go, I'm sick of this... whatever this is," she said, helplessly motioning.

"You're really gonna _leaf_ me alone?" Regina's voice was skeptical. "With these idiots?"

"Sorry, I can't _land_ myself a good pun," Cora said through gritted teeth.

"Are you still _leafing?_" Regina wondered duly.

"I just wanna be let _tree_!" Cora cried out, before she walked off.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Regina shrieked, getting up and throwing her napkin at Cora. She grabbed more tissues from her pocket and even a sweatband. She eventually ran out of items and grabbed a rock off the ground. Cora flinched when she lifted it up.

"I'm sorry, I don't _rock_ people. I wouldn't sink that low," Regina admitted as she put the rock back down.

"Stop acting so _stoned,_" Cora sneered.

"Sorry, too busy giving you the cold _boulder,_" Regina shot back.

"I'm not _graveling_ down this road," Cora mumbled.

"No need to be an _arrowhead,_" Regina mumbled.

"_Gravel_ all you like. I stand _a-stone_." Cora turned around and tried to leave, but Regina grabbed her and dragged her back towards the table.

"I know I'm not that _punny_, but please _bear_ with me," she told the group.

"We'll _claw_ our way outta here," Emma reassured her.

"Hopefully so, or else the outcome is sure to be _grizzly," _Cora mumbled.

* * *

"I hope we can meet _standards,_" Henry said, initiating a conversation again after the family had eaten. "I mean if anyone tries to arrest us for pun overload."

"Yeah, I can't believe you _S.A.T._ through all those puns," Neal said with a smirk to Cora.

"Don't _test_ my patience," Cora growled.

"I wasn't _scoring_ for that," Neal said quietly.

"_A_, at least we're okay," Belle said. There was a long pause, before the family broke up into laughter. Henry and several others fell out of their chairs, and, coincidentally, someone fell into the lake. Although that was not anything new for this family.

* * *

**Puns:**

**"I hate to _correct_ you, but nobody _cares_."**

**"Don't _be_ stupid."**

**"_What_?"**

**"I'm not only insulting you just for the _hell of it_."**

**"I didn't _think_ so."**

**"It's dark in here, I feel so _blinded_." (Blinded as in window blinds.)**

**"_Nice_ one, but please stop it."**

**"I'd love to _f*ck_ her, if you get my point."**

**"_Nice_ one, but you better stop it, the _sooner_ the better."**

**"You guys are being complete a**_es_, quit it!"**

**"Sorry, there isn't really much to _see._"**

**"Don't _be_ that way."**

**"_Calm_ down. I'm _surfing_ the web."**

**"I'm _certain_ I won't."**

**"I'm warning you, I have a _blade."_  
**

**"Just don't _be_ too stupid."**

**"I wasn't trying to _be._"**

**"Don't be _dumb._" **

**"No need to be an _a**hole._"**

**"_Fine_ with me." **

**"You're really gonna _leave_ me alone?"**

**"Are you still _leaving?_"**

**"I just wanna be let _free_!"**

**"Sorry, too busy giving you the cold _shoulder._"**

**"I'm not _traveling_ down this road." **

**"No need to be an _a**hole._"**

**"_Grovel_ all you like. I stand _alone_."**

**"I know I'm not that _funny_, but please _bear_ with me."**

**"Hopefully so, or else the outcome is sure to be _grisly."_**

**_A/N: Just put this up in case my puns were incomprehensible. Please R&R, and I hope you liked this chapter! I'll be back next swing, so be sure there's going to be a lot of playing a-ground next chap! Thanks!_**


	24. Jungle Cruise

"What's next?" Belle wondered as they approached the same area she recognized as Adventureland.

"We're going on Jungle Cruise," Emma said with a smirk.

"Uhh... but..." Regina started as she realized they were approaching a dock area. "But..."

"What?" Emma wondered as Regina whimpered.

"She's scared of open water," Cora informed her.

"But why?" Emma wondered.

"WAAA!" Regina bawled.

"Wow," Emma grumbled.

"This is f*cked up," Hook said with a wince as he watched Regina cry hysterically.

"I'll calm her down," Cora said, magicking a jar of dirt out of thin air. Belle stared at it blankly.

"That... is a jar of dirt," Belle said plainly.

"Thank you, Captain f*cking obvious," Regina mumbled, hugging the jar protectively against her chest.

"Okaaaay, then," Hook said, dragging out the sentence. "But are we going to get on that ride or just sit around here picking our noses, loves?" Charming wiped something on his pants and sheepishly smiled.

"Let's go, then," Emma said, clapping her hands together. The family began to walk away, but stopped when they realized Snow had not heard a word that had just been spoken as she was staring at her phone.

"Snow?" Emma wondered. "What are you doing?" Snow looked up.

"Every day I'm Tumblring," she mumbled, before looking back down.

"Oh sh*t," Emma yelped. "You're on Tumblr?"

"What's Tumbling?" Cora wondered.

"Tumblr," Regina corrected.

"Tumbler? Like the washing machine?"

"No, T-U-M-B-L-R."

"Oh." There was a pregnant pause. "But who would name anything that?"

"I don't know," Regina said with a shrug. "Who names their kid Snow or Charming?"

"IT'S DAVID!" Charming yelled, before pausing. "Or James... or Charming... or sexy thang..."

"TMI, Charming, TMI," Emma said, putting a hand up to signal his silence.

"Tumblr is this dangerous-o place that contains insanity and fangirling," Emma explained.

"I have one," Regina announced proudly. "And a blog. It's dedicated to Indiana Jones and H. Barbossa," she said with a dreamy sigh.

"Add me, then," Henry said, giving her a nudge. "Mine is henrymills-son-of-savior," he said excitedly.

"Son of savior?" Regina whimpered.

"Yep," Henry said proudly. Regina tapped in the address and frowned.

"Henry, this page is completely dedicated to Emma."

"Yeah, I know, right?" Henry asked excitedly. Regina continued to stare at her phone.

"What's yours called?" Henry finally asked.

"It's reginamills-awesome-mayor-person."

"STOP EXCHANGING TUMBLRS ALREADY GUYS I MEAN COME ON! WE'RE IN DISNEYLAND!" Emma cried out in frustration.

"Get on the f*cking boat already," Cora mumbled as she stepped onto the attraction, flashing a smile at the attendant who was dumbfounded at the outrageous amount of swearing.

"Kid, let's freak this chick out," Emma said with a grin. The two leaned over till they were two inches from her face and both simultaneously yelled "MOOO!".

"Weow," Gold mumbled, before pausing. "I meant wow. Slip of tongue, dearies." The attendant whimpered.

"N-now, welcome aboard... the... J-jungle cruise. T-today... I mean... please kee-eep your ha-nnds a-rms andfeetandlegsinsidethe-"

"Yes, yes, we get it," Cora said, dismissively waving a hand. The attendant yelped and dove out of the ship and onto the docks.

"Sorry about that," a dark-haired woman spoke as she walked on deck. "I'm Miranda. She's a rookie. Well, this sort of thing is my game. Now..." she clapped her hands together. "Let's begin our jungle cruise, shall we?"

"We gotta get her off the boat if we want to commandeer the ship, mate," Hook told Cora, who nodded.

"Right."

The boat slowly chugged along the river. Snow rolled her eyes.

"This is boring, but I have just the perfect sound effect!" she cried out, pulling out her phone. The Imperial March began playing and she quickly swallowed. "Sorry, sorry, wrong one. This is it." The group chuckled as "He's A Pirate" began to play.

"Now, as we ride along the river-" Miranda started, before Gold cut her off.

"I'm sorry, are there any parts in the ride that are dark?" he wondered, patting a frightened Belle on the back. Much to their surprise, Miranda sneered.

"Please stay away from me, I can feel the weird emanating from you," she said dryly. Gold stared at her for a long time.

"Pardon me?" Gold wondered finally.

"Eww," Miranda whined. "I would suggest investing yourself in a mirror. Maybe you would go out in public. And toothpaste, too. Definitely toothpaste."

"B*tch, please, I'm fantastic," Gold said with a grin. Snow gulped and scooted closer to her Charming.

"This isn't gonna end well, is it?" Snow wondered as Gold and Miranda continued to argue.

"Luv, we're gonna steal this ship sooner or later, right?" Hook whispered to Cora, who nodded.

"We wait for the opportune moment," she whispered back.

"Like I said, toothpaste," Miranda shot back dryly.

"He uses toothpaste," Belle said boldly.

"Oh. So sad, not even toothpaste can rid yourself of the dark stench that reeks from your soul," Miranda said darkly to Gold.

"You're just jealous of me because I have a ship," Gold said proudly.

"What ship is that? The Titanic?" Miranda quipped.

"The Rumbelle ship," Gold and Belle announced proudly. Miranda paled instantly.

"You mean the-"

"Yep."

"The ship-"

"Yep."

"NOW!" Cora screamed, throwing Miranda into the water. Hook ran to the helm and stood on the edge.

"Ladies and gentleman, you will always remember this as the day that- HOLY SH*T THERE ARE PIRANHAS IN THE WATER!" Hook screamed, whipping out a pistol from out of the thin air and shooting at the water randomly.

"AAAH!" Miranda screamed.

"Guys, you do realize that it's animatronic, right?" Emma wondered dryly.

"Nobody cares about you!" Cora yelled, grinning at the helm.

"This ship will sail and it will sail as fast as the speed of light!" Hook screamed.

"What's the speed of light?" Belle wondered.

"Its just this really fast speed," Emma said finally.

"Then what is the speed of dark?" Belle wondered. "Is it slow?" Emma pondered this for a moment.

"Huh. I don't know."

"This is really deep water," Belle mumbled. "But I wonder how much deeper would oceans be if there weren't sponges in there?"

"Stop with the deep sh*t!" Charming cried.

"I'm superior and you are inferior," Gold quipped.

"GODDAMNIT!" Emma yelled, banging her head against the helm. "What the hell possessed me to want to go on this trip?"

'The author did, that's who,' a voice from the sky said.


	25. Tarzan's Treehouse

"Please stop with your ridiculously petty comments," Gold murmured. Charming had not ceased to stop annoying the group with little shout outs and pointless screaming.

"Well... we have no need for your adversely dumb behavior!" Charming yelled. The group gasped.

"A LARGE WORD! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!" Snow yelled.

"I am inferior and you are superior," Charming said proudly.

"Yes, indeed," Gold said dryly, not wanting to correct his mistake as he obviously had mixed up the order and had no clue what 'inferior' and 'superior' meant.

"Well, I'm terribly nervous," Regina grumbled as the group approached a large area with plenty of children swarming over a jungle playset area. "What is this, anyway?"

"Fun house," Emma said with a shudder. "My worst nightmare." The group stared at her.

"Emma, it's a fun house," Charming said blankly.

"Yeah, I know, it's horrible," Emma whispered.

"Whatever," Henry yelled.

"Why are you yelling?" Emma wondered, looking all around, she couldn't see Henry.

"Because I'm on the playset," Henry called back. Emma looked up to see Henry playing around on the wooden structure. Her eyes widened in horror.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!" Emma screamed. Henry appeared to ponder this for a moment.

"Make me!" Henry teased, running backwards. Emma felt her knees buckle and she sank onto the floor.

"He was too young to die," she whispered.

"Emma, it's a f*cking playset," Charming mumbled.

"He's gone and he isn't coming back," Emma whispered.

"IT'S A F*CKING PLAYSET!" Charming screamed.

"CHARMING!" Snow yelled from up the playset. "Come and join me!"

"Hell no," Charming said seriously. "I'm not climbing up a tree." Snow pouted.

"But it's so lovely. There are cute little birdies and parrots and even snakes up here," she babbled happily.

"I don't care about the f*cking birds or the... SNAKES? WHERE?" Charming screamed.

"I told you I hate funhouses," Emma whimpered.

"Miss Swan, if you won't get our son down, I will," Regina said finally.

"You're married?" A passerby wondered. Regina turned red as a tomato.

"No... I mean... We... He's my son!" Regina sputtered finally.

"Well, he's my son too!" Emma shot back.

"So you ARE married?" The passerby continued.

"NO!" Both shouted at the same time.

"MY TREE!" Snow screamed from the branches she was now swinging on.

"SNOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF THAT TREE THIS INSTANT!" Charming yelled.

"BUT LOOK AT ALL THE HAPPY FACES, CHARMING! LOOK AT THEM!" Snow screamed.

"HELL NO, SNOW!"

"THE HAPPY FACES!"

"SNOW WHAT THE F*CK!"

"HAPPY. FACES!" Snow screamed, before running back over the branch and hugging the structure.

"What- where is Henry?" Cora wondered. She and Hook had both come back from getting some cotton candy and apple juice for the family.

"In the tree," Emma replied hoarsely. Charming stormed over to Cora and grabbed his stick of cotton candy before walking back to the tree.

"Holy sh*t," Cora whispered. "WHO KIDNAPPED HIM? WHO PUT HIM UP THERE?"

"Cora, he wasn't kidnapped, he went up there by himself-" Emma started.

"I WILL FIND THE PERSON WHO DID THIS!" Cora screamed.

"Cora-"

"SILENCE, PEASANT!"

"I'M THE DAUGHTER OF SNOW WHITE AND PRINCE CHARMING, SO I'M TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS!"

"PEASANT!"

"F*CK IT CORA!" Emma threw her hands up in the air as Cora stormed over to a random Disney Employee dressed as Belle and dragged her to the side.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?" Cora screamed, throwing her into a chair.

"Done with who?" the woman asked nervously.

"HENRY!" Cora screamed, shaking the chair.

"Calm down, love," Hook said, backing Cora away from the chair.

"NO!" Cora yelled.

"If ya wanna get answers, luv, hear me out," Hook whispered into her ear, still eyeing the suspect. "Now, what ye wanna do is this thing called 'good cop bad cop'. I'll be the bad cop, and you be the good cop," he instructed. "That way, we'll get our answers." Cora nodded in understanding.

"All right, got it." She walked over to the chair and continued to violently shake it.

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!" she screamed. Hook ran over and tried to pry her off of the person.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Cora continued to scream.

"Calm down!" Hook yelled, pulling her away. "Remember, I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop," he corrected.

"Ohhhh," Cora said.

"Now," he said, walking over to the chair. "This is how we do it." He grabbed the posts and began to shake the wooden piece.

"WHERE IS HE?" he screamed.

"CALM DOWN!" Cora yelled, dragging Hook off of the chair. "We have donuts," she said, pointing towards a box lying on the ground.

"Where?" Hook wondered.

"There," Cora said, pointing at the box. Hook dashed off.

"Now, I'm going to ask you something. Do you know where Henry is?" she asked, a sweet smile plastered on her face. The Belle cosplayer squirmed nervously and a low whimper was emitted from the back of her throat.

"Fine, then," Cora said stubbornly. "A bribe it is. Now, do you like coffee?" The cosplayer shook her head slowly.

"You don't like- you don't like coffee. Okay, then," Cora said, biting her lip. "How about donuts? We have donuts."

"No, we don't," Hook said, tossing the empty box at her.

"Okay. We don't have donuts either. Hmm," Cora said, tapping her chin. "How about cotton candy?" The Fake Belle shook her head.

"YOU DON'T LIKE COTTON CANDY?" Cora screamed. "HOW? HOW!" Hook grabbed her.

"GOOD COP BAD COP!" He yelled.

"COME ON HOOK!" Cora cried out, whirling around.

"Good cop bad cop," Hook reiterated.

"I know, but she doesn't like coffee!" Cora cried. Hook gasped.

"Well... That's..."

"And she doesn't like cotton candy!" Another gasp. "It's so horrible!" Cora leaned over and started to cry.

"It's so horrible!" Hook gasped. The two didn't even see the fake Belle sneak away.

* * *

"SNOW!" Charming screamed. "I DEMAND THAT YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE AT ONCE!"

"NO! MY TREE!" Snow screamed.

"Snow..."

"MINE!" Snow yelled, a feral growl escaping from her throat.

"SNOW GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!" Charming yelled.

"IT'S MY DAMN TREE!"

"SNOW!"

"WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY UP HERE! I LOVE THEM! THIS IS MY FAMILY, CHARMING! WE ARE ALL HAPPY TREE FRIENDS UP HERE!"

"SNOW GODDAMNIT!"

"MY TREE! DON'T BE JEALOUS, CHARMING!"

"SNOW, LISTEN TO ME!"

"NO!" Snow disappeared back into the tower sitting atop the tree.

"SNOW, DAMMIT, GET DOWN, YOU'LL GET RABIES OR SOMETHING!"

"HAPPY FACES, CHARMING! LOOK AT ALL THE HAPPY FACES!"

"SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO W!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO!"

"SNOW I AM BEING SERIOUS HERE!"

"AND I'M NOT!"

"What's happening here?" Belle wondered, walking over to the scene hand-in-hand with Gold.

"Snow won't get out of the goddamn tree and she keeps on saying happy tree friends and it's driving me insane and she won't come down and HELP ME," Charming gasped all in one breath.

"Snow," Gold called.

"F*CK OFF!" came a loud voice from the tree.

"Snow, I have a squirrel," Gold called.

"NO!"

"I see your point," Gold mumbled.

* * *

_**Hahaha. This was my favorite chapter so far, mainly because it was super fun to write. B-)**_


	26. Mr Toad's Wild Ride

"What's next?" Regina wondered. It had taken a while, but the group had finally gotten Snow down from her beloved tree. She was still pouting to this moment.

"Mr. Toad's Wild Ride," Emma answered absently.

"WHAT?!" Regina shrieked.

"Mr. Toad's Wild Ride," Emma repeated, confusion evident in her voice.

"NO, DO YOU REALIZE HOW WRONG THAT SOUNDS?"

"No," Emma said. Hook leaned over and whispered something in her ear. She flushed red.

"Oh," she mumbled. "Now I see."

Pause.

"But it isn't that kind of ride," Emma said slowly. "It's a car ride. Not like the ride... you know..."

"Please stop talking about s*x," Charming groaned.

"Right," Emma said, making a zip-my-lips gesture.

"I have no clue what's going on," Belle told Gold.

"Good, because I do," Gold replied smoothly. "And I promise you it isn't anything all that pleasant."

"Wow," Henry said as they approached the buggies. "Look, they have little names on them." Emma and Henry boarded the buggy titled 'Mr. Toad'.

"Really?" Hook groaned as he got into a cart with Regina, the name reading 'Toady'.

"A word that well describes you," Regina said with a grin.

"Facepalm," Hook drawled as he watched Belle and her crocodile board a cart with the name 'Ratty'.

"But I don't want to get in the cart," Snow whined. "Look, it says 'Moley' on it."

"Snow, I don't want to hear it, just get in the car," Charming groaned, shoving his wife into the buggy.

"How did I end up sitting next to you?" Neal groaned, loading a cart with no title next to Cora. She smirked.

"Why isn't there a name?" Neal wondered. Cora rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Because there isn't."

"Damn magic-wielding witches," Neal groaned. "Are you driving, cus' you're sitting at the wheel."

"Oh, right, well- OH MY GOD I AM DRIVING THE CAR?" Cora shrieked.

"Looks like it," Neal teased.

"OH MY GOD!"

"You do know how to drive, right?" Neal joked.

"NO!"

"It's fine, just make it up as you go along," Neal advised.

"MOM, LOOK!" Henry shrieked. Emma leaned over and took the wheel into her hands to humor him.

"STOP!" a policeman shouted as the car swerved.

"HOLY CRUD!" Hook yelled, letting completely go of the wheel. His arms flew up to shield his face, when he opened his eyes nothing had happened. "W... What?"

"You idiot, look, the car is following a track, the wheel doesn't do anything," Regina groaned.

"Snow, do you want to drive?" Charming joked.

"No," his wife huffed.

"Still upset about that tree?"

"THE HAPPY FACES CHARMING."

"HOW DO YOU OPERATE THIS?" Cora screamed as she desperately turned the wheel. Neal was currently whistling casually from behind his phone.

"Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it, eventually," he murmured.

"IS THAT A COP?" Cora shrieked.

"STOP!" the policeman shouted.

"F*CK THE POLICE!" Cora screamed, swerving the car.

"That's my job," Neal mumbled.

"Phew, I think the worst is past us- AAAAH!" Henry shrieked as they plummeted towards another cop car. Quite suddenly, the two swerved into what appeared to be a courtroom.

"GUILTY!" the judge yelled.

"But we never got a trial!" Emma yelled, before they were sent tumbling into another room- this resembling Hell.

"Well, we're screwed," Henry mumbled.

"WHY ARE WE IN HELL?" Hook screamed.

"You're a pirate, it was bound to happen," Regina said, putting on some lipstick behind a pocket mirror.

"Damn, well, it's a lot hotter than the Locker," Hook groaned.

"Are you just gonna sit there moping or are you gonna kiss me already?" Regina wondered.

"Eww, hell no, you're too young for me," Hook said, scooting away from the Queen. "Why... do you want to kiss me?"

"No, I just wanna humor the fans," Regina said with a shrug.

"WE'RE IN HELL?" Belle shrieked.

"No, honey, it's okay," Gold said reassuringly.

"YOU IDIOT YOUR DRIVING KILLED US!" Belle screamed. "And I bet I'm in Hell with you because of you you killed so many people!"

"Slow down, there were hardly any commas in that sentence," Gold mumbled.

"OH MY GOD ARE WE IN HELL?" Snow screamed.

"NOOOOOO!" Charming yelled. "I WANTED TO DO SO MANY THINGS, LIKE KILL A DRAGON AND GET MARRIED AND HAVE A KID...wait... did those things."

Silence.

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" he screamed.

"OH MY GOD I'M MELTING!" Snow screamed. "TOO MUCH HEAT! I'M GOING TO MELT!"

"Snow, it's okay, you're gonna be okay," Charming panted.

"I'M SNOW I'M NOT GOING TO BE OKAY AROUND FIRE CHARMING!" she screamed.

"NEEEEAAAALL!" Cora screamed. "WE'RE IN HELL!"

"BLOODY HELL!" Neal screamed. "IT'S YOUR FAULT, YOU WERE DRIVING!"

"NO, IT'S YOUR FAULT, BECAUSE YOU F*CKED THE POLICE!"

"IT WAS ONLY A FEW TIMES!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN WE'RE F*CKING DEAD, NEAL!"

"SHIP!"

"DAMNIT!"

The couple stared at the end of the ride, they were clearly alive and the ride had just ended.

"That was fun," Cora said, happily getting out of the cart.

"Remind me to never let you drive again," Neal groaned.

* * *

_**So do you guys want me to make this Hooked Queen? I've had a few requests for it so far. **_

_**R&R!**_

_**P.S. If anyone is wondering, updates might be a bit shorter because I'm currently preparing/studying for this role in a school play later on- I'll let you know if I get the part I want! ^^**_


	27. Return To The Hotel & Blue Bayou

"Don't tell me you had a make-out session during the ride," Cora groaned as she saw Hook and Regina standing next to each other outside the line. The two looked at each other, then back at Cora, then back at each other again, then scooted as far away from each other as they could get.

"Did not," Regina huffed. "Just ask the FanFiction audience."

"Yeah," Hook agreed.

"Well... in my defense, the first thing I saw when I got out of Hell was you two standing next to each other, so pardon me for assuming things," Cora mumbled.

"It's not my fault that there are literally NO SINGLE MEN IN STORYBROOKE, Mother."

"I can name a few," Cora said with a smirk. "There's... well... there's..."

"There's Jefferson, Archie, Hook, Tiny the giant thing, the seven dwarves, Dr. Whale, Sydney but we haven't seen him since Season One, Pinocchio who is currently in little-boy mode, aaaand that's about it," Regina replied smoothly.

"Whatever did happen to Sydney?" Emma wondered.

"I don't know, you tell me what happened to King George," Charming said with a shrug.

"I wish I was gay," Regina deadpanned.

"If you were gay, man, the possibilities would be endless," Cora murmured.

"Mother," Regina warned.

"No, I'm serious. You could end up with Emma."

"YAAAY, SWANQUEEN FEELS!" the Swan Queeners shouted. Regina paled, she was being surrounded by a crowd of avid fangirls.

"GUYS!" Regina shrieked as she stood there flailing her arms wildly. "HELP ME!"

The rest of the family stared at the former Evil Queen, who appeared to be fighting off a crowd that didn't exist.

"You do see them, right?" Emma wondered.

"See who?" Charming wondered.

"Ohh, I get it, only the ship mates can see the crew, I see," Emma mumbled. "HANG ON!"

The crowd eventually dissipated.

"You could even hook up with Snow," Cora suggested after a long moment of silence.

"MOTHER GODAMNIT THAT IS CROSSING THE LINE I FREAKING HATE SNOW OKAY?!" Regina shouted. The entire family went quiet.

"Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends," Snow suddenly sang.

"Not now," Charming said, giving her a nudge.

"You ain't never had a friend like me," Snow tried.

"Shhh," Charming mumbled.

"OKAY I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU FREAKING KILlED DANIEL!" Regina screamed.

Silence.

"Actually..." Cora drawled. "I might've... cast... a teensy tiny little spell on her."

More silence.

"What?" Regina gasped.

"Yeah," Cora said, playing with a leaf.

"What?"

"Hey, how about we go get some ice cream?" Cora suggested vividly. The family nodded and ran off, leaving Regina alone in the dust.

"What?"

* * *

"I'M HOOOOME!" Cora drawled as she stalked back to their hotel room at the Grand Californian "Palace".

"I wonder why there were quotation marks around that statement, Palace," Cora mumbled as she walked down the hall.

"I can't believe you hypnotized Snow," Regina grumbled, reaching for the key. "I mean-"

"PEASANT!" Cora shrieked. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" the maid froze.

"I- I just..."

"MOTHER, STOP IT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KICKED OUT!" Regina yelled.

"SHUT UP, REGINA, I'M PUTTING IT IN IT'S PLACE!" Cora yelled back. "Now, peasant, go back to your duties! I see a spot on the floor!"

"It- it isn't my job to clean the floors," the maid stuttered.

"WELL I'M MAKING IT YOUR JOB NOW CLEAN THIS PALACE!" Cora screamed. "AND ALWAYS ADRESS ME AS 'MADAME'!"

"Well, f*ck," Regina groaned.

"SERVANT, DO IT NOW!" Cora yelled.

* * *

"Hey, Emma," Henry whispered, giving the blonde a nudge. "I'm bored."

"Can say the same for me too, kiddo," Emma mumbled.

"Wanna go do something?" Henry suggested.

"Like what?"

"Like... prank Regina or something!" he said happily.

"Kid, remember last time we pranked your mom?"

"Yeah," Henry mumbled.

"Yeah, I think I'm still missing a patch of hair," Emma groaned.

"Let's do it, pleaaase?" Henry whined.

"Fine. What is it this time?" Emma wondered.

"We're gonna steal an apple from her. She brought a basket from home and put it on the counter of her hotel room, we should steal it and see if she notices," Henry exclaimed happily.

"So like Grand Theft Apple? Allrighty," Emma said, getting up off the couch. "Let's do it."

* * *

"Hey, mom, Hook said he wanted to see you," Henry explained.

"What for?" Regina wondered.

"He just said he wanted to see you," he said with a shrug.

"Okay, then," Regina said, frowning and walking past her son and out into the hall.

"Now to get Cora out," Henry whispered into his walkie-talkie.

"Righto," Emma whispered back. "Wait... we're right next to each other. Why are we using these?"

"I don't know."

* * *

"Regina, I might've blown up the tv again," Cora whined. Nothing but silence. "Huh."

RIIIIING!

Cora fell out of her chair and onto the floor, spotting the phone. She didn't know much about technology but she figured she could handle this, she'd done it before.

"Hello?" Cora answered the phone.

"Hi, this is the weather channel," Henry said in his best disguised voice. "We are calling to tell you it's going to rain... spiders!" Cora shrieked and slammed the phone down.

"HELP! HELP! IT'S GONNA RAIN SPIDERS! CLOSE ALL THE WINDOWS! HELP!"

"Now," Henry whispered, the pair sneaking into the room and grabbing the basket.

"THIS. IS. GRAND. THEFT. APPLE!" Henry shrieked, before running out of the room, basket in hand.

* * *

"What are we doing back in the park for dinner?" Hook wondered. "It's nighttime." Emma grinned.

"Well... since it's around our last few nights here, I figured we could eat at the Blue Bayou Restaurant tonight."

"YEEESSS! YESSSS!" Hook screamed. "THANK YOU!"

"Aww," Cora crooned. "Did someone forget to take his meds?"

* * *

"YO HO YO HO A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!" Hook screamed out at the passing boats. Emma slammed her face down on the table.

"This was my 'brilliant' idea?" she groaned. Neal patted her on the back.

"Hey, it could be worse," he said with a smile. "Remember Chicago?"

"Oh, don't remind me," Emma said, although she was grinning now.

"I do remember," Neal said, inching his face close to hers.

"OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED IT MIGHT RAIN SPIDERS!" Cora screamed.

* * *

_**Sorry this chapter came late (and sorry it was pointless, too)! See, our wi-fi was really messed up and I couldn't use it... so I just had to toss this together really fast so you could get an update today. I usually go to Youtube for the rides and stuff so I remember all the details and stuff, but I couldn't this round.**_

**_Sorry! I promise I"ll have a ride for you all next chapter!_**


	28. Toontown

"Isn't this a kid's ride?" Cora wondered as the group approached a ride titled "Gadget's Go Coaster".

"All Disneyland rides are," Emma mumbled.

"No, I mean, isn't this like a little little little kiddie ride?" Cora wondered.

"Dunno. Why don't you ask Neal, he's been here before," Emma groaned.

"Yeah, but you're the one who's always pointing out the rides and their history and stuff," Cora pointed out.

"But I haven't been on them, so I really don't know that."

"It didn't rain spiders yesterday," Cora mumbled finally. "I thought it would, but it didn't."

"HIDDEN MICKEY!" Henry screamed, before pausing. "Wait... that's just an unidentifiable stain. Never mind."

"WAIT!" Snow suddenly screamed, causing everyone to hush up. "I have the perfect sound effect for this!" she pressed a button and the sound of booing could be heard.

"That isn't very nice, sweetie," Charming said sadly.

"Tell that to the phone, Charming," Snow snapped.

"What IS your name?" Hook wondered finally.

"David, duh," Charming exclaimed proudly.

"That's your cursed name, I mean your real name," Hook said impatiently.

"Uhm... James?"

"That's your dead brother's name."

"I think... Charming?"

"That's Snow's nickname for you."

"Ohh... then I don't have a name, I guess," Charming exclaimed sadly. An awkward silence spread across the group.

"Potato," Cora said.

"We're here," Henry said as he buckled into the seats in the roller coaster.

"Why are the tracks red, did someone commit a murder here?" Gold joked.

"Murder, murder, in the night air, murder, murder, it's a right scare!" Regina sang. The whole group got really quiet. "What? What's wrong with liking Jekyll and Hyde?"

"Potato," Cora repeated.

"Why do they always have a big belt before the drops?" Henry wondered as the ride slanted upwards.

"Because roller coasters don't have batteries," Emma explained. "They take you up a belt and then gravity does the rest." Henry pondered this for a moment.

"Huh. Interesting."

"Potatoes."

"Luv, I hate to point it out to ya, but I think your mother has gone a bit... ya know..." Hook mumbled, making the 'brush my teeth and I curl my hair' gesture.

"She's always been like that," Regina said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Wee," Henry said, although it was obvious he was very bored as they plunged down another drop. Neal sighed.

"This ride was a major part of my childhood. I used to go on it all the time... it was my favorite roller coaster." Emma gave him a funny look.

"Really?" Neal nodded.

"Yeah, although I guess I'm all used to the drops now- whoa," he said as they plunged down a slightly steep drop. "I mean, we just went down a pretty fast one."

"The family is half asleep, Neal," Emma said lamely.

"I'm aware," Neal said with a sigh.

* * *

"Oh my god, I thought we were past this," Emma groaned as Snow shrieked bloody murder.

"YOU! THE CHIPMUNK IS A LIE! THE CHIPMUNK IS A LIIIIIEEE!" Snow screamed hysterically.

"Bloody 'ell," Hook groaned. "By gods, is she really doing this now?"

"How did she get the hat thing off anyway?" Regina wondered. "I mean... she just did this... thing... with her hand... and then... bam! She's berserk."

"Am I the only one who is just a little traumatized by the fact that my wife's mother just ripped off the head of Dale and has now revealed the cosplayer, and is now screaming like hell?" Neal wondered.

"No, mate, and, besides, she won't be yer wife for long," Hook said, giving Neal a wink.

"HEEEEY!" A crowd of Swanthief shippers shrieked. "DON'T SCREW WITH OUR SHIP, MISTER!"

"GET THEM!" another crowd of HookedQueen shippers yelped. "WE MUST PROTECT OUR SHIP!"

"I'm just gonna pretend that a mob of fangirls did not just appear here," Neal groaned. Hook was currently running around in circles, trying to fight off the mob with his hook.

"Well, this is f*cked up," Charming mumbled as he watched his wife bite into the fluffy fake costume head of Dale and Hook run around in circles like a madman, brandishing his hook around at nothing in particular.

"Am I missing something here?" Henry wondered.

"It's homicidal in here," Belle whispered from inside the tree.

"Do you think we should... you know, stop her?" Regina wondered as she watched Snow rip up the fake head.

"Naw, just let her burn herself out," Emma suggested.

* * *

It was about four hours later by the time Snow had burned herself out.

...Just kidding. A flake of Snow can't burn. That's absolutely preposterous! The family eventually managed to pry her off the head of Dale... who promptly quit.

"Wow... this guy... Mickey Mouse..." Emma mumbled after they had walked through Mickey's house. "He sure is fa-mouse."

"STOP WITH THE PUNS, EMMA!" Cora shrieked.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself. Just don't rat me out, all right?" Emma asked with a grin.

"Goddamnit," Cora groaned.

"Yeah, they ARE some really cheesy puns, but I can't help myself," she continued.

"Shtap it," Belle moaned.

"Fine," Emma said, pouting like a little girl.

"Where to next, your Highness?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"Minnie's House," Emma replied, straightening herself out a little bit from being called royalty.

"Oh, shoot me already," Gold groaned. "I'm sorry, but if Snow rips off another cosplayer's head, I swear I'm going to go berserk."

"We're all berserk, get used to it," Emma snapped.

"GRAND THEFT APPLE!" Henry suddenly screamed.

"...Anyway, let's do this thing!" Emma yelled, showing the family into a sickly pink house.

"Gold, look familiar?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"Well, dearie, I'm afraid I have no recollection as to what you're referring."

"You. Live. In. A. Pink. Mansion," Regina snapped as they walked through the pink nightmare.

"Do I?"

"...Screw you."

"Because everybody wants to," Gold replied with a grin as they walked into the kitchen. Regina's eyes widened.

"Is that a cake in the stove?" she asked, examining the scene.

"Yeah," Emma said with a grin. She would've given the former Queen an explanation, but she wanted to see what she'd do first.

"Maybe I can bake it," Regina wondered, reaching out and playing with the controls set up on the stove.

"While you're at it, make a lasagna!" Henry piped up.

"In a minute, honey," Regina mumbled, trying to fix the flattened cake. All of a sudden, the thing puffed up.

"YES!" the group cheered.

"CAKE TONIGHT!" Cora yelled, fistpumping.

Unfortunately, at this moment, the cake fell back down into the pan, identical to how it had looked before Regina had attempted to fix it.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!" Regina finally screamed. "IT'S A LIE!"

"I'm sure we can fix it," Emma said nervously. She extended a hand but Regina snatched her arm before she could do anything, a wild, rabid look in her eyes.

"IT LIES EMMA! STAY AWAY FROM IT!"

"But-"

"STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY, I SAY!"

"Regina-"

"THE CAKE. IS. A. LIE!"

"..."

"..."

"Potatoes."

* * *

_**So I had to include that really old joke in there- the cake is a lie. :)**_

_**R&R!**_


	29. Astro Orbitor & Autopia

"What's next?" Cora wondered.

"We're running out of rides to go on," Emma groaned. "Well, next is Astro Orbitor."

"Dude..." Hook mumbled as they approached the ride. "Isn't that... like... a rip-off of Dumbo? You know, the one where the elephant things fly around in circles and you can control how high they can go?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Emma said with a shrug. "The only real difference is that they're rocket ships instead of Dumbo thingies."

"But... why?" Hook wondered.

"Think about it this way, maybe boys like rocket ships more than they like cutesy elephants," Emma suggested.

"But... I like Dumbo," Hook said slowly. "And I'm a boy."

Silence.

"I mean... I like..." Hook searched his mind for a way out of the predicament he had trapped himself inside. "I... think... umm... look, a flying monkey!"

"WHERE?!" Cora screamed, running all over the place. "WHERE IS CHISTERY?"

"Facepalm," Regina moaned as they boarded the ships.

* * *

"Why am I sitting next to you?" Snow wondered from next to Cora.

"What, it's not like I want to sit next to you, you bi-"

Cora froze in her tracks as she saw an entire army of SnowxCora shippers raised rotten tomatoes threateningly at her.

"I mean, dear," Cora corrected, still eyeing the army.

* * *

"We finally get some time to ourselves," Emma said happily, giving Neal a tight squeeze. In the distance, the roaring crowd of Swanthief shippers cheered.

"Holy crap, that's a big crowd of shippers," Neal said, obviously in awe.

"SWANTHIEF FOREVER!" Emma screamed, giving the entire park a huge wave.

* * *

"So..."

"Hello, Charming," Gold said lazily.

"How come we never talk?" Charming wondered casually.

"Uhm, I dunno, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you locked me up in a jail cell in the bottom of your palace for like years?" Gold stated clearly.

"Doesn't ring a bell," Charming mumbled.

"Did someone mention my name?" Belle called from the ship behind them.

"No, dearie," Gold said, giving Charming the evil eye.

* * *

"Why can't we be friends?" Snow sang from next to Cora.

"Because you killed me," Cora said darkly.

"But why?" Snow wondered.

"You killed me. You're a killer."

"Am I?" Snow wondered.

"YOU KILLED ME!" Cora exploded.

"OH NO!" Snow screamed. "I AM SO SORRY, CORA!"

Pause.

"Wait... when did I kill you?" Snow wondered.

"GODDAMNIT!" Cora yelled.

* * *

"We're going on Autopia next," Emma exclaimed happily, holding Neal's hand.

"This was my favorite as a kid," Neal exclaimed excitedly. "I really wanted to drive."

"What is Autopia?" Regina wondered. She had just endured an entire ride of sitting next to Belle on Astro Orbitor, and she wanted some answers.

"It's like a driving thing," Emma explained. "You basically drive and stuff." Cora's eyes widened to the size of very large saucers.

"WE'RE DRIVING?" she shrieked.

"Yeah, but it isn't too hard," Emma exclaimed. "You're sort of on this bumper belt, it keeps you on track and you can't crash."

"OH MY GOD I CAN'T DRIVE!" Cora screamed.

"It's not as hard as driving a carriage, Mother," Regina explained duly.

"I NEVER DROVE A CARRIAGE!"

"What about a horse?" Regina wondered.

"NEVER!"

"Have you ever rode a rocking horse?" Regina asked, exasperated.

"NO!"

"What about... Dad? Did you ri-"

"NO INNUENDOS ALLOWED!" Charming screamed. Henry covered his ears.

"INNUENDOS? WHERE?" Hook screamed, flailing his arms wildly.

"Why would you want to put a hook on your hand?" Belle wondered suddenly. "I mean, really. Why? Why not anything else? Why a hook? Doesn't it get in the way all the time? What if you tried to give someone a hug but you stabbed them on accident?" Hook pondered this for a moment.

"I don't really know, love," he said finally.

"Or what about this? Why don't you get a sheath for your hook? Why don't you protect yourself, what if you fall asleep or get knocked out, which happens a lot to you, and then you stab yourself with your hook?" Hook looked at his hook for a moment.

"I never really thought of it that way," he said finally.

"Or what about this? Why would you name yourself 'Hook'? If you're naming yourself after an accessory, then what would Snow be named? 'Hair bow'? Or what about Charming? 'Red cape'? Or what about Red, what- oh, never mind, but you get the idea," Belle said, dismissively waving a hand.

"And just like that, I'm going to reevaluate my entire existence," Hook said, staring at his hook.

"Guys, the ride?" Emma asked, motioning the family towards the ride. She helped Neal into a pink car.

Regina and Cora entered a green car, unfortunately, Cora somehow ended up at the steering wheel.

Charming and Snow ended up in a golden car, while Gold and Henry boarded a yellow. Belle happily bounced into a black car with a rather frazzled Hook, who was still staring at his hook.

* * *

"I don't like this," Cora whispered, a terrified expression on her face as she toggled with the wheel. Regina rolled her eyes.

"Mother, you're holding up the line. There are cars behind us. Look, just press on this pedal to move-" she paused to demonstrate, and the car jolted forward. Cora let out a scream.

"DEVIL! THE CARRIAGE IS POSSESSED, REGINA!"

"Mother, it's just the-"

"POSSESSED, I SAY! POSSESSED!"

"Mother, calm down-"

"WE MUST ESCAPE, REGINA! HOW DO WE ESCAPE?!"

"Mother, listen-"

"..."

"Mother?"

"...Potato."

* * *

"This isn't too hard," Snow said happily, before squinting. "OH MY GOD! I THINK I RAN OVER A ROCK!" she screamed.

"It's all right, Snow," Charming said reassuringly.

"I KILLED A ROCK! CORA WAS RIGHT! I'M A KILLER!" Snow screamed.

"Snow, it's okay."

"I ROCKED THEIR WORLD, CHARMING! HE'S GONE! DEAN IS GONE!"

"Dean?" Charming wondered.

"THE ROCK! THE ROCK WAS NAMED DEAN!"

"...Uhm..." Charming started. "Maybe we should enroll you in therapy later on." He made a mental note.

* * *

"You're so deep," Hook mumbled as Belle continued to comment on life and how things were created.

"That's because I'm a Tumblr. It's just how we roll," Belle explained. "See, that's why I fear the darkness so much. The truth is, darkness is just a place without light. It's just the opposite of white. Darkness is simply..."

* * *

"So, Grandpa, have you played Slender before?" Henry asked Gold as they continued to drive. The little kid had turned out to be a natural at driving.

"No, I haven't," Gold said with a shrug.

"It's a really cool video game," Henry exclaimed.

"I do not divulge myself in children's play," Gold said slowly.

"Just try it, it's fun." Gold stared at his grandson for a moment, before glancing down at his iPhone.

Five minutes later, Gold was a new Slender addict.

* * *

_**Okay, so sorry for the scarce updates lately! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. BUT EMMA SPEAKS THE TRUTH! WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF RIDES!**_

_**..Ahem. Meaning that there's literally only one more ride in the park, and that one is next chapter. If you ask me, it's kind of cool we got it on the dot, I mean, the last ride (in this park) is on chapter 30. Nonetheless, this won't be the end.**_

_**As many of you can see, I changed the title. *Sigh*. Now it's even more of an atrocity than it was last time- I'm horrible with my titles. If anyone can come up with a better title using the words 'Disneyland' and 'California Adventure Park' then I'll change it. Maybe.**_

_**Basically, this fic will now include rides from California Adventure Park (CAP). Stuff like 'California Soarin'' or 'Tower of Terror' (my personal favorite ride in that park), and the new 'Cars' section will be included. Yay!**_

_**As for the HookedQueen thing that's been going on (and that I may or may not have accidentally started) I think I'm kinda gonna keep things the way they are now- but this doesn't mean Hook won't stop trying to flirt with 'Gina. Hope this should suffice.**_

_**Anyway, please R&R for the next chapter! Thank you all!**_

**_P.S._**

**_Also, to the people who got the mark for the 50th/100th, they are the following:_**

**_Fabala Throp_**

**_Guest_**

**_EvilRegalGleek_**

**_And they have yet to submit their rides and all. Don't worry, though, you can sumbit them for the new park (CAP) and all. Or, if you really want to, Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin, but I was avoiding that one because I tend to get really, really sick on that one- even while watching the Youtube vids. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!_**


	30. Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage &Fireworks

"Commas are important," Emma said slowly.

"Oh yeah how is that?" Henry asked, huffing a little.

"Because, they're important," Emma repeated.

"Nobody cares Emma."

"Well... like this. 'Let's eat Grandpa.' Or 'Let's eat, Grandpa.'," Emma said slowly.

"Mom come on they can tell the difference."

"POTATO!" Cora screamed.

"Guys, I can't believe I'm saying this, but please shut up, I really want to go on this ride!" Regina yelled.

"What are we even going on?" Belle wondered.

"EVERY DAY I'M TUMBLRING!" Snow screamed.

"Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage," Emma lazily answered Belle.

"Oh, hell no," Regina groaned.

"What?" Emma wondered. "What is it?"

"You say it so casually, Miss Swan, while I assure you it is NOT a casual matter. That movie was about a son being torn away from his father! A little boy who lost his mother and his father and is all alone in the f*cking ocean and you're saying it sooooo GODDAMN CASUALLY!" Regina screamed. Hook patted her on the back comfortingly but she shoved him away.

"Uhh... I'm sorry?" Emma tried.

"NO YOU AREN'T!" Regina screamed.

"Thank you for screwing my daughter up," Cora groaned.

"THAT COULD BE AN INNUENDO!" Hook screamed.

"Yaaaay!" several offscreen SwanQueen shippers shouted, brandishing their SwanQueen banner flags about.

"SHUT UP!" Gold screamed as they began to board the submarine. "This is our last ride here, let's just get it over with, all right? Thank you." He made his way down the escape before taking a seat on the bench by the window next to Belle.

"Is this ride going to be dark?" Belle wondered, taking out her Harry Potter light-wand.

"Probably," Cora mumbled, taking a seat on the bench.

"What if we drown?" Henry wondered.

"Kid, relax, we aren't going to drown," Emma reassured.

"Henry reminds me of Chip a little," Belle said suddenly. "I mean, Chip was always a messed up ADHD kid. Maybe that was why he had that chip in his head. Just odd and slightly mentally ill."

"You aren't giving me a good image," Emma mumbled. "And, wait, I thought there wasn't actually a Chip in your canon story, just the chipped cup which... you broke. Twice. And then Rumple fixed."

"Don't you remember, you made all of us watch the movies?" Belle reminded her.

"Oh, yeah, it's coming back to me now," Emma mumbled.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?!" Cora shrieked, pointing at a giant clam.

"It's a clam, Mother," Regina stated, as if it were exceedingly obvious.

"IS IT THE MOUTH OF THE DEVIL?!" Cora screamed.

"It's a sea creature," Regina groaned.

"IT IS THE MOUTH OF THE DEVIL!" Cora shrieked.

"OH MY GOD, THAT COULD BE AN INNUENDO!" Hook cried out.

"Facepalm," Gold groaned.

"Has anyone ever wondered why the ocean is so dark?" Belle wondered. "Maybe it's because of all the people who drowned there. Maybe every time someone drowns or perishes there, the sea gets a shade darker. It would be like a memorial. I wonder if the sea gets darker with every passing year? And where does all the water come from?" Belle suddenly gasped. "OH MY GOD, WHAT IF THE SEA GETS DARKER AND FILLS UP WITH MORE WATER EVERY TIME SOMEONE DIES?!"

"Wow," Charming mumbled. "Sh*t can get preetty deep."

"PIEFACE!" Snow screamed, smashing a cucpake that had appeared out of nowhere in Charming's face.

"MOTHER, SHUT UP! THE CLAM IS NOT GOING TO R*PE YOU!" Regina screamed.

"YES IT IS!"

"I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!" Regina yelled, sparks of magic flying everywhere.

"REGINAAAAA!" Emma screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" the rest of the group yelled for no reason.

"I'm fine," Cora mumbled, waving a hand dismissively. "I don't think that that spell did much of anything." Quite suddenly, she jumped up at the sight of the tunnel they were entering. Little fish projections danced around the walls of the tunnel.

"FISH!" Snow screamed. "MY LITTLE HAPPY SWIMMING FRIENDS! I WILL BREAK OUT OF HERE AND JOIN YOU!" she frantically began to claw at the window.

"STOP IT!" Neal shouted, dragging her off the window. "Don't do that!"

"It's double-layered, we aren't going to die," Henry mumbled, before pausing. "You're scared you're gonna get sucked out."

"No I'm not!" Neal shouted.

"What about pot?" Cora wondered.

"Uhm... Mother?" Regina mumbled.

"Molting? What is the meaning of saying that?" Cora asked with a frown.

"Oh dear... I think I screwed up her hearing aids with that spell I cast," Regina mumbled.

"What? Your mother has hearing aids?" Emma wondered.

"Yeah, she got them because her hearing hasn't ever really been that sharp," Regina answered. "I guess I jacked them up."

"What jacket?" Cora wondered.

"This could be very... interesting," Emma mumbled.

"Snow, what was in that cupcake?" Charming wondered. "I think there's something moving around in here."

"It's dark in here," Belle whispered.

"OH MY GOD, I WAS RIGHT, THERE'S A BUG IN HERE!" Charming screamed.

"Stop quoting Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, it isn't going to make you a happy person!" Cora shouted at Charming.

"Oh, facepalm," Regina groaned. Her eyes widened at the sight of a treasure chest spewing out bubbles.

"GALINDA! I WILL BURST YOUR BUBBLE!" she screamed, joining Snow at clawing at the window.

"INCOMING INNUENDO!" Hook shouted. "Hey, guys, I just thought up this one. Listen. 'Have you seen my submarine? It's long and hard and filled with seamen'," he quoted with a wink at Belle.

"Oh, gross," Belle groaned.

"What was that about a carrot?" Cora asked Hook.

"GRAND THEFT APPLE!" Henry shrieked.

"Stop it, Chip, it's getting annoying," Belle mumbled. "We get it, you stole Regina's apples." Regina, who was currently clawing at the window, froze.

"What?"

"THAT SOUNDS WRONG, TOO!" Hook screamed.

"HOOK, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR EYELINER!" Cora screamed.

"THERE'S A BUG IN HERE!"

"CAN EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Emma shouted. "OKAY? AFTER THIS WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE FIREWORKS SHOW AND WE AREN'T COMING BACK TO THE PARK AGAIN! SO JUST SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES!"

Silence.

"Thank you," she mumbled, closing her eyes. A few more moments of silence passed.

"This is the end," Henry sang softly.

"I WILL BURST YOUR BUBBLE!"

"INNUENDOS!"

"THERE'S A BUG IN HERE!"

"WHAT IS THAT ABOUT AN ELLEN DEGENERES CARROT?"

"...It's dark in here."

* * *

_"Once upon a time, there was a magic kingdom made of hopes and childhood fantasies, a timeless place where every land was filled with wonder! A place where everyone would be given the gift of the young at heart. The power to wish upon a star and unlock its magic. It's time to open your heart and remember, dreams come true!"_

"Wow," Regina whispered, as she watched the fireworks light up the sky, the song Star Bright playing. "It's so beautiful."

"My magic looks better than that," Cora said confidently. She carefully eyed Gold and Belle, who had just eased her head onto his shoulder.

"Hmm," Emma mumbled, giving Neal's hand a squeeze and scooting closer to him. In the meantime, Hook inched closer to Regina. Inched, mind you.

_"Tonight, we're going to share a wonderful dream come true together. In 1955 an amazing man named Walt Disney invented a magic kingdom."_

"It's... a... uh... shame that Walt is dead," Hook said, casually draping an arm around Regina's shoulder. She eyed him carefully but made no gesture to push him off.

_"Disneyland is your land. And here you may savor the talented promise of the future."_

"Was that just Walt Disney that spoke?" Snow wondered, she was currently hugging Charming.

"Yeah, it's an old recording of his voice," Emma answered.

"IT'S TINKABELL!" Regina shouted at the tiny figure that was zooming about the castle. "TINKER, GO SAY HI TO BLUE FOR ME- IN HELL! HAHAHAHAH!" She paused, looked around, then chilled for a moment.

"Uh oh," Regina mumbled as the music stopped. Quite suddenly...

_"In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room! In the Tiki-"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cora screamed. "WHY WOULD THEY PLAY THIS?!" Regina jumped up and out of Hook's embrace, trying to calm Snow down.

"I LOVE YOU!" Snow screamed as the Tiki Room theme continued to play.

"Facepalm," Henry groaned, but he was smiling.

"Should we kiss now?" Neal asked Emma, who grinned.

"Probably-"

"It's dark in here!" Belle screamed, just as an entire ton of fireworks lit up the sky.

_**"Yes, yes it is,"**_ an overhead voice spoke. _**"Thank you to all the readers of this fic and for following it for so long! The next chapter will be up soon, and I hope to see you all there! Remember, R&R!"**_

"Oh no," Charming groaned. "Not the fourth wall again."

"What was that about a leprechaun eating my dress?" Cora wondered.

* * *

_**So I'm really really sad that we're done with this park... But who knows? Someday, in an upcoming chapter by the end of the book, maybe they can revisit the place or something... Who knows?**_

_**Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Last I checked, I think we were the 155th most reviewed story in the ENTIRE OUAT ARCHIVE. Which makes me really happy. So I just want to give a shoutout to all my reviewers who have stuck to this story and reviewed every chapter! You're all appreciated!  
**_

_**Please be sure to stick around for the upcoming park!**_

_**P.S. And, yes, they do play the Tiki Room in the fireworks show.**_

_**P.P.S. And I forgot to mention again. Oops. So, thanks to a fellow author on the site, Lover SwanQuen, this fanfic has been translated into Portuguese! There's a link in my profile. Thank you all, and remember to R&R!**_


	31. OUAT In California Adventure Park

"GET UP!" Emma Swan yelled, pounding hard on the hotel door of Regina Mills. The family was still in Disneyland, the lot of them, Gold, Belle, Henry, Regina, Cora, Neal, David, Snow, and herself.

It was a little while before Regina lazily answered the door.

"What is it, Miss Swan?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes. "I get it. We gotta get up early. But-" she glanced at her watch and her jaw dropped. "HOLY SH*T, IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING, EMMA!" she yelled.

"I know," Emma babbled excitedly.

"I thought we were done with Disneyland!" Regina growled. "You said so yesterday after the fireworks show!"

"Well, we're not," Emma mumbled. "We're going to California Adventure Park right now. Get ready." With that, Emma slammed the door shut and jabbed he earbuds in.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came Regina's scream of horror.

"You done yet?" Emma wondered, poking her head back in the room.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Sigh," Emma groaned as she shut the door. "I see why your mother needs hearing aids so bad."

"What was that about pickling Henry for tomatoes?" Cora asked curiously.

"Never mind," Emma groaned, slamming the door shut and dashing over next door.

"Gold, ya up?" she yelled.

"What now?" the dealmaker groaned. "I mean, didn't you tell everyone and everything in the family that we weren't going to come back to Disneyland?"

"Yeah, but there's another park we're going to, it's called California Adventure Park. It's supposed to be fun, I think you'll like it." she quickly closed the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Came Gold's scream.

"I didn't think you'd handle it that way," Emma mumbled from the other side of the door.

"No, it's just that Belle's wand is out of batteries... and she refuses to let me fix it. I don't know why!" Gold yelled.

"The darkness is our friend," came Belle's soft voice. "It guides us. Without darkness, there would be no light. Without darkness, we would not be here." Emma's face resembled an 'O_o' as she walked away from the room.

"Mom, Dad, get up!" she yelled on the other door.

"Don't come in here!" Charming yelled.

"Sh*t, what are you doing now?" Emma groaned.

"DON'T!" Snow yelled.

Emma opened the door and walked inside to see Snow and Charming in the climax of a poker game.

"DAMN IT EMMA DON'T YOU SCREW UP MY F*CKING HAND!" Snow screamed at the top of her lungs. She picked up a huge kitchen knife and threw it at her daughter's head. It barely missed her.

"And now I am scarred for life," Emma said as she closed the door.

* * *

"Holy crap," Cora groaned. "Why are we even standing in this ridiculously long line, anyway?"

"This is the line to get into the park," Emma answered causally.

"Oh. Okay."

Pause.

"Wait... WHAT?!" Cora screamed.

"Yeah, the park just got this new attraction, it's called Cars Land. Everyone really wants to go there, so the lines will be like cray-cray," Emma answered casually.

"Oh my cat," Cora muttered.

"Hey, Emma, you sure know a lot about Disneyland even though you've never been here before," Charming said suspiciously.

"That's because I am Disneyland," Emma said with a false grin.

"What?" Charming wondered. "Oh, great, do I need hearing aids now?"

"What if that bug in the cupcake crawled into your ear?" Belle wondered. "What if it's actually possessing you right now? What if the cupcake was secretly a hypnotizing device? What if everything is not as it seems? What if you're actually DEAF RIGHT NOW?! OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE!"

"Holy f*cking sh*t," Snow screamed. "I never thought of it that way!"

"Why, do you not want Charming anymore?" Cora wondered. "Because I'll take him if you don't want him."

* * *

"I HATE LINES," Henry groaned. They'd finally made it into the park.

"Which ride are we going on first?" Regina wondered.

"We're not going on any rides right now, we're going to eat first because I'm starving," Emma moaned.

"Dude... it's our first day in the park. We're going to just gorge ourselves and ignore divulging our energy into rides?" Regina asked skeptically.

"When you put it that way..." Emma said slowly.

* * *

_**So this chapter was super short, really pointless, and yada yada, but I promise the next chapter WILL contain rides and stuff, so stay tuned for tomorrow's update! Thank you all, please R&R!**_


	32. Hats & Monster's Inc

"Hey, guys, so I thought I should tell you all this," Emma said with a grin. The group was currently walking to Monsters Inc. "While I was out last night..."

"I KNEW YOU SNUCK OUT!" Neal screamed. "I knew you did... I KNEW IT!" Emma ignored his screaming and continued to talk.

"While I was out last night, I decided to get us all... Mickey ears!" Emma called excitedly, pulling out an army of mouse-eared hats. The group stared at them for a while.

"What the f*ck is that?" Cora asked finally. "Looks like... a bra-hat."

"Eew," Henry groaned.

"No, seriously, doesn't it?" Cora wondered. "It looks like a bra-hat!"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned. She passed around the hats.

"What's this embroidered on the back of our hats?" Regina wondered, looking at the sewing pattern that read 'Evilly Regal'.

"I just had them put on words or phrases that I thought described you best," Emma said with a shrug. "Like the dwarf's pickaxes." Regina straightened up, knowing she now had to seem very regal.

"Whoa, I'm a fop! Yay!" Charming said excitedly, looking at the lettering. "It says 'Fop' on it. That's a good thing, right?"

"Why am I a 'Flake of Snow'?" Snow wondered.

"Because you are," Emma said stiffly.

"Mine's says 'Hooker'. YES!" Hook screamed.

"Aww, I got 'Mini Knight' on mine," Henry said happily.

"Why does mine say 'Heartless'?" Cora wondered. "That's not very nice." Emma rolled her eyes and looked away. "Oh, I see how it is, well... I never wanted the bra-hat anyway!" Cora yelled.

"Mine says 'Hot Dude'," Neal said happily.

"I don't get this," Gold said slowly. "Why does mine say 'Guy With Green Glitter On His Imp Face'? How does that even fit?"

"Mine says-" Belle started, before she was rudely interrupted by Cora.

"No one cares what your bra-hat says, b*tch," Cora yelled.

"I care," Gold said slowly.

"So do I," Henry piped up.

"And I," Neal mumbled.

"And me, too," Regina said softly.

"WHAT? YOU TRAITOR!" Cora screamed.

"I said, mine says 'Deep Chick'," Belle said happily. Gold gave her a hug and Cora turned red as a tomato.

"What does yours say?" Regina wondered.

"Mine says 'The Hope'," Emma said happily, turning out her hat so that everyone could see.

"But it doesn't describe you," Regina whined.

"Oh yeah? Then what does?" Emma asked smugly.

"This," Regina said, waving her hand. The words 'The Hope' shrunk down a little to make the statement 'The Hopeless'.

"The... Hopeless?" Emma gawked, staring at her hat.

"The Hopeless," Regina said proudly as they approached Monster's Inc.

* * *

"Happy birthday, smoochie poo," was the first thing they were greeted by once they were on the ride. Cora's eyes widened at the sight of a weird-looking green monster with his arm around a purple thing with hair resembling Medusa's.

"Gross, it looks like Charming and Snow," Cora whined.

"But I like Celia and Mike," Emma said haughtily. "I totally ship them."

"Who's Celia?" Cora wondered.

"She's purple. Mike is green," Emma answered casually.

"Mike looks like a soccer ball," Cora said, scrunching up her nose.

"But he's cute," Emma whined.

"Soccer balls can be cute," Cora argued.

"No, they can't."

"OH MY GOD IT'S A LIZARD!" Regina screamed upon sight of Randall, the color-changing lizard monster.

"Awww, don't you just wuv the wittle lizards?" Snow cooed.

"No, I hate them!" Regina exploded.

"But they're so cute!" Snow whined.

"I hate them, they're disgusting and they deserve to die. DIE!" Regina exclaimed dramatically.

"What did they ever do to you to make you hate them so much?" Snow whimpered.

"They were born," Regina said darkly.

"GASP!" Snow screamed.

"What the hell is that thing?" Hook wondered as they passed a scene where Sullivan was holding Boo.

"The blue monster? He's Sullivan," Emma answered.

"No, I mean the little abomination he's holding," Hook said, still wide-eyed. Emma chuckled.

"It's Boo. She's a little girl."

"BOO?" Hook screamed. "OH MY GOD, IT'S TERRIFYING!"

"It's a little kid, Hook."

"THE HORROR!"

"Hook..."

"IT'S GOING TO EAT MY FACE OFF AND THEN MURDER MY JOLLY ROGER!"

"Sushi?" Henry wondered as they entered a scene with a sushi restaurant in disarray.

"Damn it, I knew we should've gone Chinese tonight!" Charming cried out.

"Chinese and Japanese have very similar languages," Belle said slowly. "They're very unique themselves, but when it really comes down to it, what separates the two from each other? Really?"

"That's an... interesting thing to say," Regina said slowly.

"I ate my twin in the womb," Belle said softly.

"What?"

"Shine bright like a potato."

"MIKE WAZOWSKI! AND ON MY BIRTHDAY!" Celina screamed.

"Whoa, cool it, snake face, before I make sushi out of your hair!" Cora screamed. "You look like that b*tch Ursula!"

"I thought I was Ursula?" Regina wondered.

"Overly attached girlfriend," Hook mumbled as he watched her rant. "I need to get me one of those."

"Why are we surrounded by doors?" Gold wondered.

"Because... we are making a theatrical entrance!" Neal screamed.

"How about a dramatic yet speedy exit, because I would prefer that," Cora said slowly.

The group was pulled up to a giant model of Roz, who was holding a clipboard.

"What's it to you, slugface?" Cora jeered.

"You!" Roz snapped.

"Me?" Cora wondered.

"You in the first row to the right!"

"That's me," Cora mumbled.

"Nice ears!"

Cora turned red as fire as they made their way out of the exit. "How did she do that, was that magic or something?" She finally asked once they were a distance away from the ride.

* * *

_**So in Disneyland, I realized no one had any Mickey Mouse hats! HOW! HOW COULD I FORGET THAT?!**_

_**...Ahem. So I decided to give everyone a hat upon entering the park... ^^**_

_**Oh, yes, and I forgot to mention what my favorite ride in the Disneyland park is. Mine would be Pirates Of The Caribbean... although you all saw that one coming.**_

_**What's your favorite Disneyland ride? I'll be back next chapter with my favorite California Adventure Park ride!**_

_**R&R!**_


	33. Flik's Fun Park Part 1

"Flik's Flyers? What the hell is that?" Cora wondered.

"It looks like another copy of that Dumbo ride," Gold mumbled.

"Hey, it'll be fun!" Emma exclaimed.

"No, it won't, dearie."

"Would you rather be in boring old Storybrooke in your pawn shop?"

"Yes."

"...Funkiller."

"I am the Dark One."

"Shut up and get on the ride, the less complaining, the faster it'll be over," Regina snapped.

"Fine, but... you're sitting by me," Snow said with a grin.

"No I'm not- oh. I guess I am," Regina mumbled, as she realized she'd just accidentally climbed into the same cart as Snow.

"This will be fun!" Snow exclaimed as the cart began to move.

"Oh sh*t," Regina groaned.

"So, Regina, how have you been doing? Do you have very many happy tree friends?"

"No, Snow, now shut up," Regina groaned.

"What 'bout that apple tree of yours?" Regina straightened up upon mention of her little baby.

"Well... she is my prized possession." Snow beamed.

"See? You DO have a happy tree friend! Therefore, you're the Happy Tree Queen!"

"No- No, I'm not!" Regina stuttered. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"YOU'RE THE HAPPY TREE QUEEN!" Snow screamed.

"What?!" Regina gasped.

"Happy! Happy! Tree Queen! Tree! Tree!" Snow chanted.

"I- I... I... I am the Happy Tree Queen," Regina said suddenly, smiling a little. "I'M THE HAPPY TREE QUEEN!"

"Yaaaay!" Snow coed.

"That is not normal, is it?" Charming told Emma as he watched Regina hug Snow in the other cart.

"This family is not normal," Emma answered rather smoothly.

"Facepalm," Charming groaned.

"I AM THE HAPPY TREE QUEEN!"

"YEAH!"

"It sounds like they're having s*x," Cora told Henry.

"Nana!" Henry yelled, blushing.

"No, but listen!" Cora exclaimed.

"I'M NOT LOOKING!" Henry said, burying his face inside his Mickey Mouse hat.

"Get your face out of that bra-hat and listen to me!"

"This is fun, WEEE!" Hook screamed.

"Why am I sitting by you?" Belle wondered.

"Because ya are, luv," Hook said happily.

"I'm not your love," Belle said haughtily.

"Oh, well, I SEE HOW IT IS THEN! Well... I never cared for your deep face anyway!"

"Jerk!" Belle yelled, her face inching closer to Hooks.

"Snotty princess!" Hook's face inched closer to hers.

"Hooker!" Their foreheads were now touching.

"Oh, thank you!" Hook said with a beam.

* * *

"Next is Francis' Ladybug Boogie," Emma said simply.

"What is- oh, look, another copy of the teacup ride at the other park!" Cora yelled. "Cheap Imagineers."

"Yay! I want to get on the one that's red!" Henry said excitedly.

"But they're all red," Belle said, confused.

"I WANT THE RED ONE NOW!" Henry screamed.

Gold leaned over and whispered into Emma's ear.

"I am not sitting with him this ride, I did so last ride, and, tell me, is he high on drugs or something?"

"Yes, you are, yes, you did, and yes he is!" Emma answered smoothly, before pausing. "I mean, no, he isn't. He's high on candy."

"Really?" Gold groaned as Emma shoved him and Henry into the same cart.

"Hey, Grandpa, have you ever wondered what our faces would sound like if they turned into a brick wall?" Henry inquired excitedly.

"No," was all Gold could manage to say.

"OH MY GOD REGINA I'M GOING TO DIE!" Cora screamed as the carts began to spin.

"Mother, it's all right," Regina said slowly.

"I'M DEAD! I'VE DIED!" Cora screamed.

"Mother-"

"I WISH I HAD TIME TO TELL GOLF- I MEAN, GOLD, THAT I LOVED HIM!"

"You're not dead!" Regina practically yelled.

"AND I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO LARRY!"

"Who's Larry?" Regina wondered.

"MY PET POTATO, REGINA!"

"...Umm... It's just a potato."

"NOO LARRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"..."

"Hey, Grandpa, have you ever wondered what the moon would say if it turned into a goldfish?" Henry asked.

"No, go talk to Belle," Gold mumbled.

"Good idea!" Henry yelled, standing up and jumping into Belle and Emma's cart. "Hey, Belle, have you ever wondered what noises our faces would make if they turned into a brick wall?"

"OH MY GOD, I KNOW, RIGHT?!" Belle screamed.

"HI CAT!" Henry yelled, raising his hand. Belle smacked it happily.

* * *

"Heimlich's Chew Chew Train is next," Emma said happily.

"I don't think I can bear any more," Gold groaned.

"Umm... I don't think I can go on this, I'm dead," Cora said slowly.

_"Hey! Come on, everybody, here we go!"_

"WHAT IS THAT NOISE!?" Henry screamed. "IS IT THE SOUND OF A BRICK WALL FACE?"

_"There's an orange, just like candy corn! Do you like carrots?"_

"Carrots?" Cora wondered. "But that's really unrelated! Gees, I must be really dead."

_"Oh, mm, this apple tastes just like apple strudel! Only without the strudel, ahaha!"_

"He says that like it's the funniest thing in the world," Gold said plainly.

_"Oh, watermelon! Oh, come with me to the watermelon and taste the beautiful melon!"_

"That sounds so wrong on so many levels," Hook said in awe.

_"Oh, mm, it smells so yummy in here!"_

"That sounds even more wrong," Hook mumbled.

"Why are we driving through a giant cardboard animal cracker box?" Gold wondered.

_"Oh, I just love something sweet, they're my favorite things to eat!"_

"THAT RYHMED!" Henry screamed. "MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE!"

"I KNOW RIGHT?!" Belle shrieked, slapping Henry a 'high-cat'.

_"Ohhh, it's my favorite, CANDY CORN!"_

"Ohhh, it's my favorite, the end of the friggin ride!" Gold yelled.

"Papa, be nice!" Neal mumbled.

* * *

"I need to use the restroom, so just hang around Princess Dot Puddle Park," Emma instructed the group.

"What's that?" Cora wondered, before finding a concrete landing with little holes around. "Why is it all wet? Is there something in there?" she leaned closer and closer to the concrete until she was lying down, back-up, her eye positioned directly above the spout.

"F*CK!" she shrieked as a blast of water hit her square in the eye. "WHAT THE ASDFGHE WAS THAT?!"

"Yay!" Henry yelled, drinking from each spout that hopped up.

"IS THIS FACEJUICE, BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE IT IS!" Belle screamed.

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!"

"HI-CAT!"

"That sounds wrong, too," Hook mumbled.

* * *

_**Okay, so this chapter came a little late too... sorry! I'll update earlier in the day next time, I promise! Accidentally slept in a little late... -.-**_

_**Anyway, my favorite California Adventure Park ride would be Tower of Terror. Actually, I think it's my favorite ride like out of ALL the rides I've ever been on. I just LOVE IT. And, yes, in case you haven't guessed, I'm a bit of a 'daredevil', I love all the crazy rides, especially the ones with the loop and such. Once I accidentally almost skied off a mountain- but as true that that is, it's beside the point.**_

_**R&R! Let me know what your favorite ride is!**_

_**Oh, yeah, and I'm thinking of having a final chapter where everyone states their favorite ride. Just to bring good closure to the story. ^^;**_

_**...And, yeah, I did almost ski off a mountain. It was fun! Although I'm not saying you should do it at home... it's not safe. Do it somewhere else! JK, just don't do that. -.-**_


	34. Flik's Fun Park Part 2

"I'm not sure I can stand another ride," Cora moaned as she watched Emma walk out of the restroom. "Just what is this one?"

"Tuck and Roll's Drive 'Em Buggies," Emma answered simply.

"Emma, no one wants to f*ck and ride turkeys," Cora growled.

"I said, 'Tuck and Roll's Drive 'Em Buggies'," Emma answered, sounding slightly exasperated.

"What is a duck and toll pie um duckies?" Cora wondered.

"All right, who's screwing with Cora's hearing aids?" Emma yelled, shaking her fist around in the air. "I swear- EEK!" she tumbled over a rope that Henry and Snow had set up and fell backwards into 'Princess Dot Puddle Park'.

"Really, guys?" Emma sputtered as squirts of water leapt onto her face. Snow and Henry doubled over in laughter.

"We couldn't help it," Henry said in between giggles.

"Henry, you ruined her hair!" Regina screamed suddenly.

"What? It's hilarious, and you're worried about her hair?" Snow wondered.

"Aw, hair no!" Regina screamed.

* * *

"Herro, I'm Emma, and today I will be your tour guide," Emma teased as she boarded a bumper buggy next to Neal.

"Oh, dear lord, save me," Neal prayed.

"To the left, there are coconut trees. There will be coconuts there in the summer, and, in the fall, bananas," Emma joked as the carts began to move.

"Make it stop," Neal pleaded to no one in particular.

"What is that about a lemon cucumber squeeze with a dill pickle?" Cora wondered.

"Stay still so I can fix your damn hearing aids," Regina groaned.

"Regina, I told you you were forbidden to quote Adam Horowitz. This is an AU FFN. And what was that about a cheese stick?" Cora wondered bluntly.

"Mother," Regina said with a kind smile. "Please do me a favor... AND SHUT THE HELL UP! I CAN'T FOCUS!"

"You can't locust, well, I can help with that!" Cora said with a grin.

"ABANDON SHIP!" Regina screamed, jumping into a car with Hook.

"WAIT! REGINA! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!" Cora screamed.

"What would potatoes say if they could talk with their wings?" Henry wondered.

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S SUCH AN INTERESTING QUESTION!" Belle screamed. "Huh, well, let's see."

"Hey, hey, how about this. What if garage doors can actually talk and they speak to us whenever we open them, but they're just speaking in a frequency too difficult for us to comprehend?" Belle was in awe.

"I've always wondered that, you know. I bet there's a scientific answer to that one!" Belle shouted. Regina and Hook rammed their cart into theirs.

"Yes, that 'scientific answer' is something called THERAPY!" Regina yelled.

"Actually, luv... I do wonder that sometimes," Hook admitted. Regina drove their cart away with a curse.

"HOW DO YOU WORK THIS MACHINE!" Cora screamed as her car drove at less than one mile per hour. "I'M GOING TO DIE!"

Pause.

"I'M GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE! Wait... I'm already dead from the last ride... OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE TWICE! NAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Charming, I just realized something," Snow gasped. "The carts... they're shaped like bugs."

"Yeah," Charming said simply.

"With bug-like pattern paint," Snow gasped.

"Aaand?"

"WE'RE DRIVING IN BUG CORPSES!" Snow screamed.

"...And?"

"WE'RE KILLERS, CHARMING!"

"Snow, it's fake, it's plastic, see?" Charming asked, knocking on the side of the cart.

"OH MY GOD, THEY DIPPED THE BUG CORPSES IN PLASTIC TOO! HOW AWFUL!"

"Snow, listen to me, they're fake," Charming said reassuringly.

"WE'RE KILLERS! WE'RE DRIVING IN REAL LIVE BUGS! WELL, REAL LIVE DEAD BUGS! WE'RE ALL KILLERS!"

"..."

* * *

"Next up is 'Mater's Junkyard Jamboree'," Emma read clearly. "Wait... I didn't remember seeing this on the 2010 map. Am I missing something here? Huh. I wonder why they call it 'Cars Land'. Or is it Carl's Land?" She buried her nose in the paper.

"Mom," Henry said, tugging on Emma's sleeve.

"Hold on, I'm looking at this," Emma said, her brow furrowed in thought.

"Mom."

"Hang on..."

"MOM!"

"Henry. Hang on! Okay, so the next ride is... wait, why is everyone so quiet? Is it something behind me or- holy f*cking sh!t."

As she looked up, she was greeted by a gigantic fake canyon. Not that it looked fake, but it was spectacular. Spectacularly fake, that was.

"Okay, who put this canyon here?" Emma shouted. "This was not on the map."

"We're in Cars Land!" Henry screamed. "I saw an advertisement for this."

"Really? Was I in it?" Regina asked hopefully. Henry's brow furrowed.

"No, why would you be in an advertisement?"

"Never mind," Regina said, smacking her palm against her face. "You wouldn't understand."

"Anyway, I'm really hungry, so I guess we can eat at this place, what's it called, the 'Cozy Cone'? Huh," Emma said wonderingly.

"The Cozy Cone?" Cora asked. "Wow, it does look cozy. OH MY GOD IS THIS A MOTEL?!"

"No, Mother, it's a fake motel," Regina said plainly.

"IT IS A MOTEL!"

"Mother-"

"SILENCE, PEASANT!"

"Excuse me?!" Regina heard her voice raising to a dangerously high level. The author did not bother to mention how wrong that would have sounded if an 'r' was removed from the 'heard' in that sentence. And put in with a lot of other words. Well... the author was sick minded, that's all! ...The author will now shut up.

"How dare you call me a peasant!" Regina shrieked. "I am the Happy Tree Queen and you will listen to me! This is not a motel, it is not a goldfish, it is not a hamster and it most certainly is not a s*x toy, it is a cone-shaped restaurant!"

There was a long pause, before Hook spoke up.

"That sounded-" he said slowly.

"Who wants a 'chili cone queso'?" Emma cut him off. "I heard they have really great custom menu items here!"

"Yeah!" the group cheered, before running towards the place, all excited.

A few minutes later, they were engaged in an epic food battle... titled...

EPIC MEAL TIME!

...Just kidding. But by food battle, I mean they had a food fight. It was bound to happen, right? ...Oh well, goodnight. I'm just going to take my plight in this cozy cone thing. What a wonderful sight!

* * *

_**LOL. So I went overboard this chapter. Figures. Anyway, I would appreciate a bunch of reviews from you guys and next chapter I will take a crack on Cars Land! ...That sounded wrong.**_

_**...R&R!  
**_

_**P.S. I started a new crack!fic series, it's called "Once Upon A Crack". It's basically where the entire extended Charming family (love that bunch, couldn't help myself) gets together for stuff like watching movies, internet videos, pranking the town, fluffy romance, and go on short cruises and vacations. It's fun, so go check it out! In later chapters, it might contain some carnival rides and stuff, definitely gonna do a trip to Japan.**_

**_Check it out!_**


	35. Mater's Junkyard Jamboree &Luigi's Tires

"All right, so, our first stop is 'Mater's Junkyard Jamboree'," Emma read clearly. "This should be fun."

"I still wanna sleep in a cone," Cora whined.

"Ookaay," Emma drawled, showing the group towards a ride that strongly resembled the teacup ride they had been on earlier.

"WHAT IS IT WITH THESE TEACUP RIDES?!" Cora cried out. "And why is the ride soooo long? I mean, come on, it's so early!"

"It's lunchtime, and this is a popular park," Emma answered simply. "They just added it in."

"No joke," Cora groaned. "But why do they keep on copying the same idea?"

"I wouldn't call this the same idea," Emma said slowly.

"I'm bored. Let's have a pun contest!" Henry suggested. Cora's eyes widened.

"WAIT! Let's make jokes about things that have happened in the past, in Storybrooke and stuff," Cora said excitedly.

"I don't want to do that, that sounds boring," Henry mumbled.

"I'll go first," Cora said, ignoring Henry's protest. She really hated pun contests and wanted to avoid one at all costs. "Wreck-it Wraith!"

"What?" Gold wondered.

"Wreck-it Wraith!" Cora said again, grinning like an idiot. "Get it? Anyone?"

"I'll go first," Henry said finally. "If only we were all _pear-fect_, we would all be _berry_ happy."

"As much as I rack my brain to think of a good pun, my efforts end up _fruitless_," Regina said with a grin.

"Banana," Charming said with a grin.

"Banana?" Henry wondered. "How is that a pun?"

"I just said it because... hmm," Charming mumbled.

"Shut your _trap_, or else I'll _rat_ you out," Gold said with a smirk.

"Even you know that one was _cheesy_," Mary Margaret observed with a grin.

"Come on, guys, I don't want to get _trapped_ in this situation again," Neal finally said.

"You all know I'm _tear-able_ at pun contests, why can't _eye_ sit this one out?" Cora whined.

"Nobody _nose_," Henry said jokingly.

"I _ear_ you, man," Neal groaned.

"I _h-eight_ pun contests."

"Aren't we already out of _six_?" Neal wondered.

"Get in the damn ride already, I won't be waiting _four_ you forever!" Emma yelled, showing them to the ride.

"He's singing," Hook whined as he listened to the gravelly voice of Mater sing. "Don't let cars talk. Or sing!"

"We're in the middle of a pun contest, so come up with something _gr-eight_, or else we'll tear you limb from limb," Cora threatened.

"Let's theme it as cars, then," Belle suggested. "I'll start off the new theme. Let's see... _Wheel_ you are all arguing, I'm going to stay quiet."

"Doesn't _steam_ to be too hard," Gold quipped.

"Where's my mom?" Henry wondered.

"I'm right here," Regina mumbled from where she was sitting next to him.

Henry ignored her. "I wonder if it's possible to _tractor_ her down."

"I'm getting dizzy," Cora whined. "It's like we've landed in a tornado. Which actually was only supposed to happen to Dorothy and Nessarose. Can we just stop the puns? Please?"

"Fine," the group grumbled.

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Henry screamed. "Let's make life like a song!"

"What do you mean, like a pop song?" Cora wondered.

"Well, you know how music points out the most obvious things? You know, like, 'there goes the baker with his tray like always' or 'I'm at a payphone' or whatever? We should like narrate everything around us in a song!" Henry suggested. Cora's eyes widened.

"That I can live with," she said happily.

"Round and round, in circles we go!" Belle sang. "Wherever we stop, nobody will know! Whether or not we're in a tornado or inside a toe, we will continue to go!"

"Inside a toe?" Cora wondered. "Okay, my turn." she paused for a moment, before getting an idea. "We bounce and whip around, like we're inside a river, let's go with the flow!"

"Keep everything together, and everyone be sure to duck low," Regina sang softly. "Or else you might die!" she added quickly.

"While we walk off this ride, I will continue to reside inside the little bit of pride that I still contain!" Gold sang as he walked around, you could almost see the dizzy flying ducks spinning around in circles above his head.

"Let's just hope and wish and pray that it doesn't rain!" Hook added.

"If it washed away the canyon, everything would be plain!" Charming sang. "It would look just like the aftereffects of an email chain!"

"Or maybe like a storm just came," Snow added. "You know, just sayin'."

"Next is 'Luigi's Flying Tires', Emma cut them off.

"Flying tires, why do they call it that, do the tires fly?!" Cora asked excitedly. "ARE THEY SPACESHIPS? ARE WE GONNA BE ALIENS?!"

"Calm down," Emma said. "They call it Flying Tires because there used to be these giant floating beach ball thingies all over the ride. But they removed them because they cause a lot of injuries."

"Pfft," Cora said. "Who cares about injuries? They don't matter as long as you're having fun!"

"I don't think- Okay, Cora, what did you do?" Emma asked, as she boarded the ride to find plenty of red and green beach balls scattered all over the place.

"I took us back in time and made everyone leave the park except the ride operators," Cora giggled. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"It'll be fun, she said," Emma grumbled. "I took us back in time, she said."

"Umm... Emma, we stopped the singing game. Although that was just talking," Cora said slowly.

"Okay, okay!" Emma said, getting on the ride next to the older woman.

"The balls are floating!" Henry said happily as he reached out and touched one.

"Air blows from the bottom," Emma explained. "That's how the tires move and the balls float. HEY!" she yelled as Gold suddenly threw a large ball at her and burst into snickers. "Oh, that is it, it is ON!"

"FLYING BALLS!" Charming screamed.

"That sounds wrong," Snow mumbled.

* * *

_**Puns:**_

**"If only we were all _perfect_, we would all be _very_ happy."**

**"You all know I'm _terrible_ at pun contests, why can't _I_ sit this one out?"**

**"Nobody knows."**

**"I h_ear_ you, man."**

**"I _hate_ pun contests."**

**"Aren't we already out of _tricks_?"**

**"Get in the damn ride already, I won't be waiting _for_ you forever!"**

**"We're in the middle of a pun contest, so come up with something _great_, or else we'll tear you limb from limb."**

**"_While_ you are all arguing, I'm going to stay quiet."**

**"Doesn't _seem_ to be too hard."**

**"I wonder if it's possible to _track_ her down."**

**A/N:**_** At least the puns weren't too terrible that round. XP**_

**_Please do R&R! Just one really does make a difference. After all, it takes me between half a hour and an hour to write a full chapter and just a few seconds to put in a quick review!_**


	36. California Screamin'

"That was fun," Henry said happily. "Although I do wish that I had one of those balls, only smaller."

"Whoa," Emma said as Cora waved her hand and transported them back to the present. "The park seems weird now."

"Here," Cora said, handing Henry something small and round discreetly. "I snuck one off and shrunk it. Don't tell Emma." Henry gave the woman a hug before happily shoving his new toy in his pocket.

The family was passing a small diner at this point, little chair set up around the courtyard.

"OH MY GOD!" Hook suddenly screamed, causing the entire family to stop walking.

"What? What's the matter?" Emma asked anxiously.

"AAAAH!"

"What?" Emma yelled.

"THERE ARE SO MANY EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES!" Hook screamed, waving his arms around wildly and motioning towards the diner.

At this comment, Emma's face resembled a '._.' emoticon.

"What?" Cora asked. "Is there something wrong with my hearing aids again, 'cus I don't think I heard that quite right."

"EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES! NOOOOOOOOO!" Hook yelled. "THERE ARE MORE THAN A SEVERAL FEW!"

"Several few?" Regina wondered. "Damn, that's confusing."

"I think I need to get better hearing aids," Cora groaned.

"SHUT UP, REGINA, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR CURLY STRAIGHT HAIRED SELF!" Regina's hand immediately flew up to her head.

"How can my hair be straight and curly?"

"IF YOU COPIED GOLD'S HAIRSTYLE!"

"OH NO, YOU DIDN'T!"

"YEAH, I JUST DID!"

"CALM DOWN!" Emma yelled, breaking the two apart. "We're going on California Screamin' next, you can save all your breath for that one."

"What's California Screamin'?" Henry wondered.

"That," Emma said, pointing towards a ride on the end of the pier by them. Henry looked down to see a cart full of people, a loud overhead voice chanting down the words;

"Get ready, Screamers! Head back, face forward, and hang on! Launch in five, four, three, two, one!"

Like a flash of lightning, as soon as the voice spoke 'one', the ride zipped off the pier at... well, screaming speed. Henry's jaw was agape and the rest of the family was deathly silent.

"It's the fastest ride at this Disneyland resort, it can go up to fifty-five miles per hour in just four seconds," Emma spoke gravely. "Oh, yeah, and it's the world's sixth longest roller coaster."

"Wait... we- we're going on that?" Cora asked hesitantly.

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but I'm afraid I'll have to sit this one out," Gold spoke slowly.

"Yeah... it does look a bit... fast... Emma..." Neal said nervously.

"PRISSIES, WE'RE GETTING ON THE DAMN RIDE!" Emma screamed.

* * *

"How did I get into this mess anyway?" Charming wondered as the family took a seat in the coaster. He was in the very front, sitting next to Snow. Behind him, Gold and Belle, and behind those two, Regina and Hook. Henry and Emma in the cart behind that and Neal and Cora in the final cart.

"Well, sh*t," Cora whispered. "We're screwed."

"I'm scared," Hook said slowly. "Can I hold your hand?" Regina scowled but didn't make a move to stop him from grabbing his hand, although her face went sort of white when he squeezed it with Superman strength.

"Aaa!" Henry shrieked.

"The ride hasn't started moving yet, kid," Emma said slowly.

"Well, in a few seconds, it will," Gold said dryly.

"Get ready, Screamers! Head back, face forward, and hang on! Launch in five, four, three, two, one!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*K!" the entire coaster full of Charmings screamed as the ride rocketed forward at an inhuman speed. A little bug flew into Regina's mouth and something hit Henry in the head.

"AAAH! MOM, THERE'S A FLYER IN MY FACE!" Henry screamed. "SOMEONE THREW A FLYER AT ME!" As the ride escalated, he took the chance to look at the flyer before screaming again at the horror- a promotional picture for Happy Tree Friends!

"AAAAH!" Henry screamed. "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT- OH MY GOD!" he screamed again as the ride soared down. "NOT THE TREE! NOT THE TREE FRIENDS!"

"WOOHOO!" Regina seemed to be the only one who was having fun. "THIS IS AWESOME!"

"I think the wind blew off my eyeliner," Hook gasped, breathless.

"Not another drop," Mary Margaret whimpered. "I- AAAAAAAAH!"

Belle, who seemed to be in a trancelike state, softly started singing the lyrics to 'I Believe I Can Fly'.

"No, you can't," Regina snapped. "Get over it."

"Shut up!" Gold yelled, even though he looked blankly terrified as they escalated yet again.

"You shut up, Fairy Godmother," Regina sneered.

"I-" Gold paused, before realizing how true that statement was.

"Oh sh*t."

"OH MY GOD, THE LOOP!" Emma screamed.

"THE LOOP!"

"NOT THE LOOP!"

"...It's windy out here."

"AAAAAH!" Henry screamed as they flew through the loop and then back down, the air streaking through his hair. Regina looked very pale and... and Snow was texting on her phone. The author will have to remember to figure out what she's writing so she can help Madame Mayor put it on 'Txt You Later'.

"Is it almost over?" Charming asked. His eyes were closed and he was shaking like a leaf in the wind. Or a fop in the wind, whichever you prefer.

"Yeah, I think it's done," Neal said slowly.

"Phew," Emma gasped. "Wasn't expecting that."

"Why am I all wet?" Belle wondered.

"The blastoff at the pier, sometimes water gets kicked up and blows into your face," Emma explained.

"We're going on again," Cora said slowly as she wiped a tadpole off her face.

"No, we're not," Emma said, glaring in her direction.

* * *

_**All right. So, since Cars seems to be a fan-favorite, I'm planning on bringing everyone back there once I get the chance. To go on Cars without a insane wait time, you gotta go there super early. Thanks to the 'Grand Californian Hotel'- 'Palace', I was able to get on the rides with my family a lot earlier. Trying to keep this as realistic as possible, but, for now, just sit back and enjoy!**_

_**Oh, and P.S. Someone got the 300th review yesterday;**_

_**Emily 6/3/13 . chapter 34  
OMG YESSSSS HILARIOUS!**_

_**So you get to pick who sits by who, the prompt, some stuff you want them to eat at/eat or do, and the ride they go on.**_

_**And for the 300th review, I decided to throw this little last bit in here. Enjoy!**_

* * *

"How did I get myself into this mess... again?" Emma wondered as she boarded the cart.

"Hahaha, very funny," Cora said, handing her a bucket filled with golden sparkly dust. She poofed the rest of the family members theirs.

"So we throw the dust once we're at the loop?" Neal asked for confirmation.

"Yeah," Cora said simply.

"I don't like this blastoff, will it make all the dust get whooshed out of the bucket?" Charming whimpered.

"No, it'll only come out when we get to the loop, it's enchanted," Cora explained.

"Get ready, Screamers! Head back, face forward, and hang on! Launch in five, four, three, two, one!"

"WEEAAAH!" Henry yelled as the ride took off, climbing up another drop.

"Don't think I'm ready for this," Emma said weakly as they approached the loop.

"You can do this, Swan!" Cora shouted. "You were born to do this!"

"Really?" Emma asked, perking up.

"No, b*tch!" Cora laughed, before preparing her bucket as they circled the loop.

"NOW!" she yelled, and the entire family dumped their buckets out quite quickly. Some hit Charming in the face, who was sitting in the back, but the rest was picked up by the wind and was sent swirling. For one split second, the dust formed the words 'THANKS FOR THE 300 REVIEWS!' but they were gone as quickly as they had come.

"YAAAY!" The family yelled, before Henry screamed out something quickly.

"NOT THE TREE FRIENDS!"


	37. Toy Story Midway Mania

"What's next?" Cora groaned.

"I think I left half my stomach on that ride," Henry said, but he was smiling.

"Wait... was this blue spot on my arm before I got on the ride?" Belle wondered quietly.

"We're doing a simple one. 'Toy Story Midway Mania' is what it's called. It's another one of those shoot 'em down rides- holy sh*t." Emma froze at the sight of the line, which was snaking its way far out of the ride.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later...

* * *

"I got us all ice creams," Emma said, slipping back under the line to join her family.

"He talks," Henry said, in awe, pointing at the giant Mr. Potato Head by the entrance.

"Sure he does," Emma said, reaching out to hand Henry a cone. Suddenly, she saw the Potato Head open its mouth and begin to sing.

She dropped the ice cream cone, and her jaw loosened.

"Aww," Henry said sadly.

"I hate to say it, but your dress is the ugliest thing I've ever seen," Charming said, scowling in Cora's direction. She fumed.

"Hey! It is not ugly!" Cora said, fuming. "I think it's pretty."

"That wasn't charming of you at all, Charming, but I will admit, it is a little ugly," Snow said slowly.

"Grr," Cora growled, stomping to go stand with Regina and Henry. Quite suddenly, she heard a voice.

"Hey, you!"

She spun around, to see the Potato Head.

"Me?" she questioned.

"Yeah, you in the ugly blue dress!" Potato Head clarified.

"ARGH!" Cora screamed, running back and away from the thing. "IT'S ALIVE! THE POTATO IS SPEAKING! HE CAN SEE ME! WHAT TYPE OF MAGIC IS THIS?!"

"Cora-" Emma started.

"NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU PEASANT! I'M ASKING THE POTATO A QUESTION!"

"Cora, the potato is-"

"AAAAAAH! NOOOO!" Cora screamed.

"Facepalm," Regina said, taking a big lick off of her ice cream cone.

* * *

"All right," Emma said as she boarded a cart next to Regina. "This one is for the SwanQueen fans, I guess, but I'm not going to promise much," she said slowly, just so the readers could pay heed to her comment. Offscreen, the entire armada of SwanQueeners cheered loudly.

"Not another shooting game," Gold groaned as he and Belle boarded the same cart as Regina and Emma, only their seats were set up back-to back. In the meantime, Hook, Henry, and Snow and Charming boarded a cart.

"I'm actually kind of excited for this one," Neal said happily as he boarded the same cart as Cora.

"Not me," Cora grumbled.

"I like the opening," Gold commented as he closed his eyes with his glasses on.

"Rumple, you're supposed to open your eyes," Belle reminded him.

"No, the reason I like it is because I can't see anything," Gold replied happily.

"BANG! BANG! YOU'RE DEAD!" Regina screamed as she fired crazy on the first scene, which was a barnyard setting consisting of a pond with ducks in it, cows on land and a horse in a barn. She hit several targets while Emma struggled to shoot one. Every time she aimed at one, Regina shot it down. It was infuriating.

"NOOO!" Snow squealed in the last cart. "I CAN'T BEAR TO SHOOT THE CUTE WITTLE ANIMALS! THEY HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!" Charming continued to fire away like crazy.

"Snow, they're fake," he reassured her. "Don't you want to win?"

"I DON'T WANT TO WIN IF IT MEANS KILLING ANIMALS!" Snow screamed, horrified. "HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT, CHARMING? HOW?"

"Snow, they're fake."

"THEY'RE REAL! THEY'RE REAL TO ME!" Snow shrieked.

"Snow-"

"THE HAPPY FACES, CHARMING! THE HAPPY FACES!"

"Oh, God no," Charming groaned.

The carts were taken to a new area, this one with a volcano and several balloons. The bullets now appeared to be darts.

"I don't like this!" Henry whimpered. "I'm scared of pointy objects."

"Mate, if ya wanna be a bada** you're gonna have ta shoot that fear out of the water," Hook said slowly.

"But I don't want to shoot anything pointy," Henry whimpered.

"It doesn't have ta be pointy, mate."

"Okay."

Pause.

"Are you saying that to make me feel better?" Henry suddenly asked. Hook looked taken aback.

"No, I-"

"You're lying," Henry whimpered. "OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA DIE! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! MY LIFE IS RUINED! WHY CAN'T I LIKE POINTY THINGS!" Hook watched him bang his head against the cart, then he shrugged and went back to shooting targets.

"It's not like he's even my kid anyway," he mumbled to himself.

"Wait. I'm confused, what do we have to do?" Cora wondered as the ride pulled up towards another scene, this one with plates to shoot.

"You gotta shoot the plates, just like everything else," Neal explained.

"I have to goot the lanes, just like your er*ction d*ck?" Cora wondered, confused. "I didn't... er..."

"No, I said, you have to shoot the plates," Neal said, blushing at her language. But only a little.

"I have to sh*t on the paste?"

"No, you have to... fire at the plates."

"I have to f*ck with planes?"

"...I give up."

"You pill chug? Or pill bug?"

"...Fug."

"BULL IN A CHINA SHOP!" Snow screamed, shooting wildly at the plates. "Now this is more like it!"

"Phew," Charming said, relieved.

"What?" Snow asked as they transitioned to another scene, this one with little alien doll-looking things.

"NOOOO!" she bawled, falling apart.

"DAMMIT!" Charming yelled, shaking his fist in the air.

"Is it almost over?" Gold wondered. "I want to open my eyes." Belle gave him a funny look.

"You can just open your eyes," she said slowly.

"Really?" Gold's eyes fluttered open, he looked around, they were still on the ride. He screamed, and covered his eyes once again. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, BELLE? WHY?"

"What?" Belle asked.

"WHYY! WHYYYYY!"

"I don't understand," Belle said, confused.

"WHY!"

"I wonder why we don't understand things," Belle said suddenly. "Is it because of the fact that time travelers have been proved to exist, then that means that we are currently living in an alternate universe meaning that there have been, say, different fates, or paths we have travelled down currently, that clearly states that we are living currently in an alternate dimension allowing us to transfer and alter fates?"

Pause.

"What?"

* * *

"Scores," Emma huffed. "Now. I got... 100. Again."

"700,000," Regina said proudly.

"700,000," Hook said slowly.

"Hook..." Emma warned.

"Fine," the pirate groaned. "600,000." Emma smiled and nodded.

"All right. Henry?"

"100,500," he replied happily.

"I got 450,000," Cora said eagerly.

"350,000," Neal said slowly.

"650,000," Belle answered smoothly.

"I got 900,000," Gold said proudly. "AND my eyes were closed. The whole time."

"400,000," Charming said with a sigh.

"Zero," Snow said. The group turned to look at her.

"What?"

"I... I don't want to talk about it," she whispered, before bursting into tears.

"And then John was a zombie," Regina narrated slowly.

* * *

_**So this morning, I found out MissiB took in my request on her story, so I just wanted to say thank you very much for that! ^^ It really made my day.**_

_**Now, forward on, I was super happy by the amount of reviews you guys gave me the other day. You all rock! ^^**_

_**So this chapter is dedicated to MissiB and all of my readers/reviewers! You guys rock!**_

_**As for the 300th review, that request is next chapter. :3 Thank you for your patience!**_

_**In the meantime, we're still waiting for another Guest's submission as well as EvilRegalGleek's.**_

_**R&R, thanks, and I'll write to you all tomorrow! ^^**_

_**P.S. I also decided last night that Tower of Terror is going to be the ride to end this fic, mainly because it's my favorite ride and I'm saving it for last. I hope this doesn't upset anyone, there won't be much more rides left (CAP is a small park) after this one. But please continue to read! ^^**_

_**P.P.S. By the way, I'm going to do Muppet Vision for those of you who asked. It'll just come in a bit later. ^^**_


	38. Soarin' Over California

"We're doing California Soarin' next," Emma read off of her paper.

"YES!" Neal shouted, fistpumping in the air. "One of my favorites as a kid. Did I tell you that?"

"Yeah, you stated it pretty clearly in the very first chapter of this fanfiction," Emma said slowly.

"Wasn't it the second chapter?" Neal inquired.

"Whatever, but you said it," Emma said, dismissively waving a hand. "Now, then, it says you shouldn't ride it if you're prone to motion sickness or whatever, blah blah blah, who gives a sh*t, right?" she tossed the paper behind her and it flew onto Henry's face, who instinctively screamed out.

"NOT THE HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!"

"Uhm, wow," Snow said, in awe. "The line looks really long."

"Luckily for us, they have posters and historical information set up here regarding aviation," Emma said.

"Excuse me?" Charming blurted after a moment of silence. "What does that mean? You know, the big words, did you swallow a dictionary or something?"

"I think she's swallowed something entirely different," Hook said, raising his eyebrows.

"You're like a vacuum," Emma said tauntingly. "You suck."

"Ouch, I'm wounded," Hook said coyly. "But what type of suc-"

"NO INNUENDOS ALLOWED HERE!" Emma screamed.

"But-"

"NO! JUST NO! You'll have to be quiet for the rest of the time we're in the line, or else I will let Gold 'impale you upon his cane'," Emma threatened.

"Stealing quotes?" Hook asked lamely. "Fine, fine, I'll be quiet."

* * *

Two hours later...

* * *

"We made it," Emma gasped, breathless. "We actually made it to the ride."

"Can I talk now?" Hook mouthed.

"Can you f*ck now?" Cora asked. "Sorry, never really been good at reading lips.

"I said, can I talk now?" Hook mouthed, getting annoyed.

"You ship canon scrawl chow?" Cora wondered.

"I SAID, CAN I TALK NOW?" Hook screamed.

"SHUT UP OR GOLD WILL GET YOU!" Emma threatened.

"Shutting up," Hook whispered.

"Look, there's a safety instruction video," Neal said happily.

"What is he saying, my hearing aids are sort of jacked up," Cora said with a blush.

"Just warning the riders about stuff," Charming said nonchalantly.

"Ah. I see. I really really appreciate the thoughtful description," Cora said slowly.

"He's saying to take your hats off, including the Mickey thingies," Neal explained.

"Ahh, well, nobody likes hickeys on rides," Cora said casually.

"No, he said the Mickey hats," Neal said with a frown.

"Ohh. You mean the bra-hats?"

"Yes."

"FINALLY I CAN TAKE THIS GODDAMNED THING OFF!" Gold yelled as they boarded the ride, slipping his hat into the bin.

"Wow, I feel like we're on the plane," Cora said with a smirk.

"I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO REGINA!" Hook cried, running towards the woman like an overexcited puppy.

"Fine, fine," Regina grumbled as she took her seat. "Hey, what the heck?!" she cried out suddenly. "This seat is all wet- oh, really?" she made an uncertain noise at the water leaking over her seat, some rude guest from a previous ride had left their water bottle on the chair and it had leaked everywhere.

"You can sit on my lap if you like!" Hook suggested.

"No way!" Regina recoiled. "Just give me your jacket." Hook sulked but handed her the thing.

"I'm excited for this ride," Snow told Charming.

"I am too," he replied happily. "I've always wanted to fly and stuff."

"Really, then why did you become a knight?" Snow wondered. He pondered this for a moment.

"Well... when I was little, I used to think 'knight' meant 'goldfish', and I really wanted to be a goldfish. Then I thought that it meant 'parrot' and I wanted-" Snow quickly clamped a hand over his mouth.

"We're moving," she said. "I'm scared!"

"It's all right, sweetie pie, I'm sure we aren't that high," Charming said, looking down. His eyes widened.

"HOLY CRAP!" he screamed as he saw a screen displaying the Golden Gate Bridge as the ride swayed accordingly to the movements on the screen, he thought he was actually flying. "WE'RE REALLY HIGH!"

"OH MY GOD! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET THIS HIGH!" Snow screamed.

"WE'RE SO HIGH!"

"I KNOW RIGHT!"

"I don't like this ride," Gold whined. Belle patted him on the shoulder.

"It's all right, look at the bright side," she pointed out.

"The bright side? Sweetie, I'm getting motion sickness."

Pause.

"Oh... well, there's always a bright side to death," she said slowly. "Darkness is our friend. Darkness is what makes light possible. Without light, there would be no dark, without dark, there would be no light. They need each other to survive." Gold contemplated this for a moment.

"You know... you're right," he said thoughtfully.

"Neal, sweetie, look!" Emma shouted. "If you smell really hard, you can smell pine in this forest scene."

"Really?" Neal took a whiff. "Oh, I wasn't expecting that."

"There's also some tangerine," Emma pointed out. "I love it when they scent rides. It's fun."

"How do you know all these things?" Neal wondered.

"I don't know," Emma admitted. "I think it has something to do with an author whose pen name is that of a color."

Pause.

"That was a long sentence," Neal whispered.

"LOOK, THERE'S WATER!" Emma screamed suddenly.

"IS THERE A FISH?!" Mary Margaret screamed back. "COME MY LITTLE FRIENDS AS WE ALL SING A HAPPY LITTLE SWIMMING SONG! BRING OUT THE TRUMPETS IN ORDER TO PROLONG ALL THE SWEET AND AWESOME LITTLE FEELINGS! MAKING SURE THE DEALINGS ARE APPEALING!" she sang loudly.

"That... is interesting," Emma commented.

"I feel like we're on a magic carpet ride like Aladdin," Henry said slowly.

"But carpets are more bouncy," Regina commented. "They're super unstable. This is more smooth."

"I guess..." Henry said, before pausing. "Wait, is that a spoiler or something for an upcoming season?"

"Chicken potato," Regina said slowly.

"OH MY GOD, I KNOW RIGHT?" Henry screamed.

"LOOK!" Snow screamed suddenly. "WE'RE FLYING OVER DISNEYLAND!" There was a pregnant pause as a sound effect for realization dawning dawned upon the realizing Snow.

"Ohh," she said. "That's why it's called 'Soarin' Over California'!"

"Fireworks!" Henry exclaimed happily, before singing to the lyrics of a certain Katy Perry song.

"OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THAT FIREWORKS ARE MADE OUT OF FIRE!" Charming suddenly screamed. "DOES THAT MEAN BOX TURTLES ARE MADE OUT OF BOXES?!" And just like that, the prince reevaluated his entire lifetime.

"Once upon a time in Disneyland and California Adventure Park..." Snow narrated slowly.

* * *

_**Grizzly River Run is up next, so get ready!**_


	39. Grizzly River Run

"Allrighty, what's next?" Snow asked once they had exited the ride. Emma grinned.

"I don't think I'll tell you."

"B-but!" Snow blurted.

"Calm down, you can just read the chapter title," Emma reassured her. "Now, let's just go this way."

"But why won't you tell us?" Snow whined. Neal paled once he saw the upcoming statue- resembling none other than a grizzly bear.

"Oh, no," he whimpered. "Oh, HELL NO!"

"What? What is it?!" Snow asked, panicking.

"She- she's... she-" At this point, Neal promptly burst into tears, Charming and Snow glancing worriedly at each other.

"There is nothing such as pain," Belle said slowly and softly, so quiet she mightn't have even said it at all. "We are all immortal justified magnificent beings with a hint of glory."

"Miss Swan, what ARE we going on, exactly?" Gold wondered nervously. Emma grinned.

"You'll see."

"Holy cat, long line," Henry commented. Emma rolled her eyes.

"I got us Fastpasses." she handed a man the tickets and they were able to cut to the front. The whole time, the group's faces (except for Emma's) looked like a 'D:'.

"Why- why couldn't you do that with other rides?" Gold stuttered.

"Because you can only use it for certain rides. And only during certain times, and also you can only get a few per day," Emma explained.

"I got about half of that- oh hell no," Gold whispered as he saw what they would be getting on- a literal raft.

"'Grizzly River Run'," Emma said with a grin. "The wettest ride ever."

"INCOMING INNUENDO!" Hook screamed.

"It's the longest, fastest, tallest river rapids ride... IN THE WORLD!" Emma screamed.

"I refuse to go on," Cora stuttered. "I mean, this is a new dress."

"Too bad. Learn to take sh*t." Cora scowled.

"I take no sh*t. I say if life gives you lemons, squeeze them into life's eyes."

"Okay," Emma said slowly.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Belle asked suddenly. "Was it feeling suicidal? Was it sleepy? Drugged? I mean, why DID the chicken cross the road?"

"To get away from you," Cora sneered.

"Wow," Belle said slowly.

Pause.

"You know, I never considered that," the brunette continued. Cora smacked her palm against her face.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she mumbled.

"POTATO BABY!" Henry suddenly screamed, hugging something to his chest.

"Henry?" Emma wondered. "What's that, what are you holding?"

"His potato baby, Miss Swan," Regina answered fluently. "It's made out of a brown sock, he's had it since he was... well, a baby."

"Potato baby?" Emma asked, looking down.

"Get on the ride, I- whoa!" Gold yelled as he stepped on the rotating plate and began to move. Hook leapt onto the rotating device.

"Oh my gosh!" he exclaimed. "Since this is moving in a circle, does that mean it's like a hamster wheel? I want to be a hamster! Can I be a hamster?"

"..." was all the family said.

"YAAY! I'M A HAMSTER!" Hook screamed, hookpumping and running around.

"Get on the boat," Emma snapped. "But it only has eight seats, so we'll have to split up." Cora scowled.

"Screw that," she said, waving her hand discreetly, Emma blinked and then she saw that the rafts now had ten seats.

"How- wha- why-"

"Let's get going, shall we?" she asked as she boarded the boat first, urging for the rest to join her. Gold hesitantly climbed in, Belle, Charming, Snow, Regina, Emma, Neal, and Henry following.

Hook continued to run around, screaming about hamsters and hamster wheels and hamster toys and hamster fur and also cows. Cora squirted him with a water gun that had appeared out of nowhere and he ran over and sat down.

"Doesn't look too bad so far," Belle said slowly as they approached a ramp that pulled them upwards. "How bad do you think it can be?"

"Bad," Regina whispered as she saw how high the belt was, expecting there to be an upcoming steep drop. "Very bad."

"Mom, it's okay," Henry reassured her. "You can always buy new clothing. And if you die... well, I've always wanted to meet a ghost," he said with a shrug. The former Queen paled visibly.

"THERE'S A DROP AHEAD!" she screamed as water came into view. "HOW STEEP IS IT?! I CAN'T BEAR TO GET WET! I-" she paused as she saw how steep the drop was, and how their raft slowly moved into the waves with waves rocking tenderly.

"Oh," she said after a while. "Never mind."

"The water is picking up speed," Hook said nervously. "Never a good sign for a man of the sea."

"Hook, the ride is made artificially," Emma said with a look that said 'facepalm'.

"Oh," he said, sounding very similar to Regina's 'oh'.

"Whoa!" Henry yelled as the raft picked up speed and sent their cart flying around in circles.

"Yeah, yeah," Cora mumbled. The look on her face could best be described as bored. "Guys, come on, we've been on CALIFORNIA SCREAMIN'. This is nothing! This is- AAAAAGH!" she screamed as they plummeted down a short but steep drop and a huge wave of water splashed her at the sides. "DAMNIT!"

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," Gold sneered, wiping water off of his face with a handkerchief.

"Damnit, I think my mascara is running," Regina groaned.

"At least it's calmed down," Henry said happily.

"Let's get an ice cream after this," Neal suggested.

"Are you crazy?!" Emma shrieked. "I'm soaked to the bone!"

"Guys...?" Henry asked, tugging on Emma's sleeve.

"Cora, Gold, and Regina can dry us off," Neal pointed out.

"So? I don't want ice cream!" Emma whined.

"Guys...?"

"There's no point in arguing," Neal continued. "We should just go back to the hotel for dinner anyway, it's getting sort of late."

"GUYS!" Henry screamed.

"What?" Emma asked, annoyed.

"LOOK!" Henry yelled, pointing to a very long, very steep drop up ahead.

"Oh... no," Emma mumbled. "Anyway, Neal, like I was saying- OH MY GOD THERE'S A DROP AHEAD!" she screamed.

"NOOO!" Belle screamed as they went down.

"MY DRESS!" Cora yelled.

"MY POTATO BABY!" Henry shrieked.

"AAH!"

"...WAIT!"

Pause.

"I have the perfect sound effect for this!" Snow declared, hitting the button right as they-

SPLASH!

And then silence.

* * *

"That was one ride," Henry groaned as they got off.

"I know, right?" Emma was wringing water out of her shirt from the sides.

"It could be worse," Charming piped up. "It could be snowing."

A few Snowing shippers popped up from the side. "Did someone call for us?"


	40. Golden Zephyr, Jumpin' JF & Maliboomer

"All right, so next we're going on the Golden Zephyr," Emma said happily.

"GOLDEN SWAN!" Several offscreen GoldenSwan shippers screamed, waving their flags in accordance to their chanting.

"No, I said 'Golden Zephyr'," Emma corrected.

"Ohhh," the GoldenSwan shippers groaned, putting their flags down.

"That thing is the Golden Zephyr?" Gold sneered as they walked up towards an attraction that seemed to be moving less than five miles per hour. He sneered when Emma nodded. "Damn, it moves slower than my (censored)."

"Eww," Henry said, scrunching up his nose.

"Why did the authoress cut that out?" Gold wondered. "All I said was 'car'."

"Get on it," Cora groaned, ushering Gold onto the ride.

"Charming!" Snow screamed, excited. "I think this ride moves slow enough for us to be romantic and stuff!"

"Really?" Charming asked with an eyebrow raise. "This thing looks like it could've been Emma's baby glass mobile."

"That's why it's perfect!" Snow cried out. "This is the scene the shippers have been waiting for!"

"This is the scene I've been waiting for!" Regina declared. "I can finally just relax, in peace and quiet."

"FOR NARNIA AND THAT LION DUDE!" Henry screamed, smashing an ice cream cone on Regina's head for no apparent reason. He snickered and leaned back into his seat.

"Henry!" Regina exclaimed. "You wasted a perfectly good ice cream cone!"

"Zoo Wee Mama!" Henry said back.

"Shh," Charming said slowly. "There's a roach on this ride."

"EEW!" Snow shrieked. "Kill it!"

"Okay," Charming said, grabbing it and popping it into his mouth. His face screwed up. "Eww, it doesn't taste as good as it does chocolate dipped."

"Y-you eat chocolate covered insects?" Belle stuttered, Charming nodded as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Eew," she said, shuddering.

"Isn't this great?!" Hook exclaimed happily. "I think it's so awesome! Don't you agree, Regina?"

Silence.

"Regina?" Hook leaned over to see the former Evil Queen snoozing away in the ride. "Oh," he huffed, folding his arms over his chest. "I see how it is."

* * *

"Allrighty, next is 'Jumpin' Jellyfish'," Emma read easily.

"I don't want to go on 'Humping Shelly Dish'," Cora whined. "Who is Shelly Dish, anyway?"

"We're going on this," Emma said, writing down the name and showing it to her with a sigh.

"Ohh," Cora said. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned. "Now, this upcoming attraction is sort of like a smaller version of the 'Maliboomer', only it's themed."

"What's the Maliboomer?" Cora asked.

"The Maliboomer used to be a ride that would shoot you up 180 feet in the air," Emma explained. "It was in operation for nine years before it closed down in September 2010."

"What a pity," Cora said sadly. "I would've loved to- wait, no." A smirk spread across her face, and Emma frowned, before simply shrugging it off.

"So this ride launches you 50 feet up in the air," Emma continued simply.

"Ma'am, are you going to get on the ride or are you going to continue giving us the history of the park?" the usher asked snarkily. "Because there are people behind you."

"Oops!" Emma exclaimed, rushing the group onto a lift.

"This is going to be fun!" Snow squealed. "Wait... wait... we're going up."

Pause.

"GUYS!" Snow screamed. "THIS BENCH IS MOVING UPWARDS!"

Another pause.

"IT'S ALIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIVE!"

"Facepalm," Charming groaned. "Snow, it's supposed to move." Her eyes shot back up at his.

"You mean it was SUPPOSED TO MOVE?!" he nodded. "BUT WHY?!"

"It's fun!" Charming said.

"FUN? FUN? YOU CALL THIS FUN? I WANTED TO SIT ON A BENCH AND IT MOVED! IS THIS FUN? I THINK THIS IS VERY NOT FUN! IN FACT, IT'S WORSE THAN NOT FUN! IT'S BAD!" Charming gasped.

"Snow! How could you say that?!" he demanded.

"It's the truth," she said with a huff.

"Weee! Wait, is it over?" Belle wondered. "Aww, it's over. But that was too short!"

"We're not done," Cora said, grabbing Belle's arm, Gold grabbed her arm and tried to pull her back but Cora didn't stop. Emma grabbed onto Gold's arm and- okay, you get it, they formed a chain.

"Where are we going?" Emma demanded.

"The Maliboomer," Cora answered through gritted teeth. "In 2009."

"Cora!" Emma shrieked. "I-"

BAM!

"I- I... I'm in 2009," Emma said weakly.

"Get on!" Cora demanded.

"We can't, there's a line," Emma moaned.

ANOTHER BAM!

"Nevermind," she said with a blink. "I'm getting on."

"This looks a lot higher," Henry commented.

"It is a lot higher," Cora answered smoothly.

"NOOO!" Snow bawled as Charming dragged her on.

"It's nighttime," Belle said slowly.

"Yeah?" Gold asked.

"It's dark in here," she whispered, before getting on a seat and pulling the bar down.

"Haven't heard that in a while," Cora murmured.

"AAH!" Snow screamed as the ride shot up into the air suddenly. "LAST TIME IT WENT SLOWER!"

"The... Maliboomer... is... designed... to... go... up... faster..." Emma said through gritted teeth.

"Your hair looks like Regina's," Hook whispered, petting Gold's hair.

"Stop it!" Rumplestiltskin screamed. "Or else I'll turn you into a roach and feed you to Charming!"

"Shutting up," Hook said quickly.

"THERE ARE BUGS UP HERE!" Charming yelled.

"Gross," Belle moaned.

"That is just plain weird," Hook said slowly.

"Yumm," Snow said, taking a bit out of a chocolate thing. "What is this?"

"Chocolate-covered cricket," Charming answered happily. Snow paused for a second.

"You know, for some reason, I have this feeling I should feel bad about eating crickets, but whatever," she said, popping it in her mouth. "Hey, they taste like candy!"

"You two Dum Dums better seal your Wax Lips or else you're gonna make friends with the Jawbreakers," Regina snarled, holding up her fists.

"Stop quoting other people!" Snow whined.

"Yeah, Regina, we aren't having a Ellen quoting contest," Cora huffed.

Pause.

"That wasn't Ellen," Regina sniffed. "I- AAAAAH!"

"AAAAH!" the group screamed as they suddenly plummeted down.

"Nom nom nom," Charming said very softly.

* * *

_**Yay! Another chapter for you guys. Sorry I didn't update yesterday, it was a holiday for me and stuff like that and I was hanging with my family.**_

_**Anyway, please R&R!**_

_**P.S. I started a new series, it's called 'Wipeout: Once Style!' and it's basically Wipeout with OUaT characters mushed into it. If you watch Wipeout or not, it's still really funny, although I suggest you watch the first episode to know what's going on.**_

_**I won't be doing the full season, just the first episode, 1x01, but all perspectives will be shown in chapters for the first round, same with second and following, etcetera. I won't give you the timing until the end of the round because it's more fun that way.**_

_**Please check it out! You guys all rock!**_


	41. Mulholland Madness or Goofy's Sky School

"Next up is 'Mulholland Madness', or, as it's only recently been changed to, 'Goofy's Sky School'," Emma read sharply.

"Hey!" Cora exclaimed. "This is the ride I can see from our hotel window!" Emma rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, just get in," Emma groaned.

"Um, you kind of need to stop saying that," Cora said slowly. "There's a line that we have to wait for."

"Screw that, just poof them away!" Emma said, although she was a little quieter in this remark.

"Facepalm," Cora groaned. "Fine, but you're getting all spoiled."

"YES!" Henry fistpumped. "Sweet, no line!"

"I don't like the feel of this carriage," Cora said, squirming in.

"It's just one of those normal coasters, Mother," Regina said. "You could handle California Screamin, so please, don't freak out on this, okay?"

"Okay," Cora said back, although her face had terror written all over it. "Wait, what did you say? Something about a doorstop?"

"Nevermind," Regina groaned.

"Narcoleptic hind? You're so odd," Cora said with a chuckle.

"Think about your cone," Regina suggested. "You know, your cone sweet cone."

"What cone?" Hook wondered.

"Ever since we saw that 'Cozy Cone Hotel' thingy at Car's Land, she's been sleeping in a giant cone in our hotel room," Regina explained. "She wouldn't let it go. Cones are now her new best friend."

"That's... interesting," Hook commented slowly.

"Oh my god!" Cora yelled. "REGINA, IT'S TURNING!"

"Mother," Regina groaned. "It's supposed to turn, that's the point."

"I wonder if there are any bugs out here?" Charming wondered, opening his mouth open a crack just in case. Snow rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Charming, really? Everyone knows you need to open your mouth wider to catch bugs. Maybe put a piece of hotdog in there to attract some flies," Mary Margaret said casually.

"Thanks!" Charming said, taking a piece of bacon from the author and sticking it on his tongue.

"This is really boring," Belle commented as they rode around another turn. "I mean, the view is cool and all, but I think I'm developing a bit of a knack for roller coasters. You know, the kind that move more than fifteen miles per hour."

"This moves faster than that!" Emma declared. "Uh, I think."

"Emma, dear, let's face it," Neal moaned. "This is the worst ride ever."

"That's my childhood you're insulting!" Emma spat. "I love this ride! When I was a kid, the 'Mulholland Madness' ride was one of my favorites! Just because they re-themed it, it-"

She froze. She'd revealed too much.

"Wait... you've been here before?" Neal asked.

"Well..."

"EMMA!"

"Yes!"

"GASP!" Neal and the rest of the family gasped.

"Really?" Henry asked.

"Yeah, that's why I know so much about it," Emma said. "I had this one foster family who loved Disneyland a lot, she always took me here."

"What happened, why aren't you with them anymore?" Henry wondered.

"She had an accident," Emma explained. "Too many commercial breaks. Oh, yeah, she mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the season. LIke King George, sort of!"

"What a pity," Gold said lamely.

"I don't really remember her, actually," Emma admitted.

"WHOA!" the cartful of people yelled as they plummeted down a short but surprising drop, considering most of the ride had been flat.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BACON, NOOOOOO! NOOOOO!" Charming suddenly screamed, breaking them out of their trance. "NOOOO! HOW CAN YOU BE GONE? IT WAS TOO SOON, IT WASN'T YOUR TIME!" Snow huffed and hit him in the arm.

"Just ask the author for another one!" she snapped impatiently. "I mean, I'm sure she has lots of bacon!"

The author shook her head. "Sorry, guys," she wrote. "That was all that was left, it was breakfast."

"Make some more!" Snow demanded.

"NO!" the author wrote back.

"She said no," Snow told Charming.

"OH NO! NO MORE BACON?" Charming screamed. "I'M GOING TO DIE! DIE, I SAY, DIE! DIE! NOW WE ARE ALL BOWLS OF F*CKING SOUP!"

"NOT THE SOUP!" Cora screamed back. "ANYTHING BUT THE-"

.

This part has been removed due to a "maintenance issue". Instead, please enjoy this part where Neal randomly eats a sandwich!

"Yay!" Neal yelled. "I'm eating a sandwich!"

.

"That was weird," Neal commented as he stepped off the ride. "All right, Emma, where to next?"

"We're going to take a quick break and dry off, I'm still a little wet from Grizzly River Run," Emma said. "It's getting dark out, anyway. We should go back to our hotels, clean up, then we can meet outside and go get a bite." The family nodded in agreement and was sent off.

* * *

Little While Later...

* * *

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled. "Stop making noises, I can hear you even when you're in the cone!"

"No, you can't!" Cora hissed back.

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!"

"SHUT UP! JUST DO IT, JUST SHUT UP!" Hook screamed from next door. "I can hear both of you from this room! Cora, you too!"

Cora and Regina both flushed red and climbed back into the bed and cone.

"I hate this cone," Cora suddenly whispered.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled. "Can you be quiet for one second?" Cora seemed to think it over.

"No."

"I'm going to go get a snack," Regina groaned, getting up to go find an apple- but there weren't any left in the basket.

"Mother?" she wondered. "Did you eat all the apples?"

"No."

"Mother..." she warned.

"You know I hate apples!" Cora whined back. "They're peasant food! Just like that other place... Mc Ronalds!"

"It was Mc Donalds, and all the apples are gone!" Regina exclaimed.

"GRAND THEFT APPLE!" Henry screamed into the room suddenly, before running off.

"HENRY!" Regina screamed. She bolted out of the room to go chase him around the hallway.

"It's dark in here," Cora said.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

_**Be sure to give that review button a click! Thanks to you all!**_


	42. Silly Symphony Swings & Mickey's Wheel

"First up is 'Orange Stinger', or as it has now been changed to, 'Silly Symphony Swings'. Originally, it was a swing-set ride inside an orange sculpture, but it was changed to 'Silly Symphony Swings' in 2010, and the sculpture was removed," Emma explained. She opened her mouth to continue, but Cora clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Wait... really? It was really called 'Orange Stinger'?" She asked in disbelief. Emma nodded.

"Yeah, it says so on Wikipedia and on the map and stuff."

"Why would you call it Orange Stinger?" Cora wondered. "Why not Orange Swinger?" Emma shrugged.

"I dunno. I'm not an Imagineer."

"You sure seem like it, the way you know everything," Cora mumbled. "But maybe they made a typo," she decided.

"I'll just let you think that," Emma said as they approached the Silly Symphony Swings. "Get rid of the lines... please?"

"No," Cora refused.

"I'll steal more apples," Emma threatened. Cora glanced over to Regina, whose eyes were bloodshot from chasing Henry around all night. Henry was surprisingly bubbly and hyper.

"Fine," Cora groaned, waving her hand. The line was gone.

"All right!" Emma cheered.

"Do ya ever wonder where the people in line go?" Neal wondered suddenly.

"I don't know, and I don't care!" Emma cheered as she boarded a swing.

"Crazy people," Cora groaned as she boarded a swing of her own.

The swings on the attraction then began to move.

"This is boring," Regina commented. "I mean, it's just going in circles. Smooth circles."

"I'm gonna be sick," Gold groaned. "I'm going to be very very sick. I can't handle rides that go in circles."

"Are you okay?" Belle asked nervously.

"Yes, sweetie, thanks for asking," Gold said with a smile.

"No, I was just asking so I knew in case you were going to vomit on me," Belle continued. "These ARE new shoes, after all."

Gold's face and the rest of the fandom ended up looking like this ':(' for the rest of the chapter.

"Look at the little ball of light!" Henry screamed, looking into his hands. "The little light! The little teeny weeny ball of light!"

"He got a glow-in-the-dark figurine the other day," Emma explained to her horrified parents. "He's very attached to it."

"I can see that," Neal dryly commented. "I don't think your dad is listening." Both glanced over their shoulders to see Charming screaming bloody murder.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE, MAAHAHAKE IT STOP!"

"Yeah, I don't think so either," Emma said dryly.

* * *

"Next up is 'Mickey's Fun Wheel'," Emma continued. "It used to be the 'Sun Wheel' but they changed that, too."

"Why do they change everything?!" Cora cried out.

"Emma, that looks really boring," Snow commented. "I mean, it's cool and all, but mainly to look at. I really don't want to ride on it. Like, at all."

"Suck it, you dorks!" Emma yelled. "C'mon, someone get rid of the line!"

"I'll do it," Regina said, waving her hand. "My mom is getting tired of doing sh*t for you."

"You only called Mary Margaret and David- James- Charming- whoever the hell he is Mom and Dad once in both seasons!" Mary Margaret suddenly screamed. "Why?!"

"Why are you talking in third person?" Emma asked as she boarded a cage.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Mary Margaret called back.

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!"

"IT'S NOT YELLING, IT'S CAPS LOCK!"

"THE AUTHOR MUST HAVE GOTTEN STUCK IN IT!" Emma cried.

"This is awkward," Henry commented as Cora and his cage climbed up.

"Shh, trying to sleep," Cora groaned. "Using magic to get rid of every single line gets tiring."

"ARE WE STILL IN CAPS LOCK?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I THINK SO!"

"Stop shouting at me!" Charming whined. "I have sensitive ears!"

"I'M SORRY BUT THE AUTHOR HAS US IN CAPS LOCK!" Mary Margaret answered.

"Shut up!" Hook yelled.

"You shut up!" Neal threatened. "That's my wife you're screwin' with!"

"I was- never mind," Hook groaned.

"Look at the little ball of light!" Henry exclaimed, trying to show Cora his glow-in-the-dark figure. "Look at it! The little light!"

The cage suddenly jerked, and, as if in slow motion, the figure fell out of Henry's hands and far away.

"Noooooooooooo!" Henry screamed. "NOT THE LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT! NOOOO!"

"Let's face it, kiddo," Cora said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "'It's dark in here' lasted way more chapters than most inanimate objects did, didn't it?" Henry sniffed.

"I don't know if that's meant to make me feel better, but thanks anyway." Cora studied him for a moment.

"Want another?" she waved her hand and a new figure was in her palm.

"No thanks, it isn't the same," Henry sniffed.

"Dude...I just retrieved it," Cora huffed.

"THANK YOU!" Henry screamed, grabbing the figure. "LITTLE LITTLE LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!"

"He shall never know," Cora said with a tiny grin.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"I'M SO TIRED," Snow groaned, pausing when she felt a sensation like something was crawling up her neck. "WAIT..." she opened her eyes and looked on her shoulder, there sat a giant cockroach.

Pause.

"CHARMING! CHARMING GET IT OFF ME! CHARMING! SOMEONE!" the others in the cages froze. Neal stared at it in horror, Emma rolled her eyes, Regina fought back a smirk, and Charming looked at it like it was a snack.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" he declared, before biting it off her shoulder. "BEST SNACK OF THE DAY!" he yelled with a weird juice dripping from his mouth.

"SOMEONE HELP ME I'M STILL IN CAPS LOCK!" Snow screamed.

Henry softly sang the lyrics of 'I See The Light'.

* * *

_**Hope you enjoyed the ride, literally! Next up is Ariel's ride thingy or whatever you call it. I don't know. XD If there are any rides I missed in Paradise Pier, let me know, please! After all, I have the 2009 or 2008 map or something and it messes me up a lot.**_


	43. Ariel's Undersea Adventure

_**Before this chapter starts, I want to remind you to please remember to read the author's note at the end, it's kind of important. Thanks!**_

* * *

"Next up, we have 'The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Undersea Adventure'," Emma said happily. "This ride just recently opened here in June 2011. It's a dark ride that-"

"SHUT UP!" Hook yelled.

"Okay," Emma mumbled.

"It's empty in here," Cora realized as they walked in. "No ride... nothing."

Pause.

"WHY IS IT EMPTY?!" Cora shrieked.

"Maybe everyone, maybe normal people are out there getting lunch," Emma suggested cautiously. Cora began to hyperventilate when she realized that the carts they would be boarding were in the shape of clamshells.

"OH MY GOD, EMMA! THEY'VE BEEN EATEN!" Cora shrieked.

"Who?" Emma wondered.

"THE GUESTS! IT'S A TRAP, EMMA! THE CLAMS WILL EAT US!"

"Cora, it's not a trap, everyone is probably just busy," Emma said reassuringly.

"YEAH, BUSY BEING EATEN!"

"Cora, it's all right-"

"NO IT ISN'T! THE CLAMS ARE HERE TO EAT US! THEY WILL EAT US WITH THEIR COLORFUL SHELLS!"

"Cora!" Emma grabbed the woman's arm. "You've walked onto the attraction." Cora looked down to see herself sitting in a clam.

"Wh- NOOOO!" Cora screamed.

"I think she's stuck in caps lock," Mary Margaret whispered to Emma.

"Agreed," Emma said casually.

"Guys, she's freaking out!" Regina brusquely interrupted. "Calm her down!" Emma looked at the panicking Queen in the cart next to her.

"I don't think I will," Emma said casually.

"Fine," Regina huffed, plopping down in a seat next to Neal.

"WHOO!" the entire armada of Thief Queen shippers screamed.

"This should be fun!" Snow said as she boarded a cart next to Gold. Belle and Charming boarded the cart behind them, Henry and Hook in the final.

Behind them, Ruby and Whale boarded a cart.

"What the hell is that thing?!" Cora screamed, pointing at a seagull, Scuttle.

"Scuttle, Cora," Emma answered. "He's a seagull, one of the main characters in 'The Little Mermaid'."

"OHMYGOD IT'S GOING TO EAT US!" Cora shrieked.

"Cora, he can't, he's fake," Emma groaned.

"HE'S AFTER OUR BRAINS!"

"Cora-"

"It all started when Ariel fell head over fins in love!" Scuttle suddenly exclaimed.

Cora screamed again and scurried to the opposite side of Scuttle, but at that moment the cart turned, so she was moving back and forth in a frenzy, all the while, screaming. "HELP MEEEE!"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

"I'm watching you," Charming said darkly as their clamshell passed Scuttle. "Don't you eat any of my bugs, you hear?"

"Why must we humans eat?" Belle wondered. "Is it because we'll die without food? Or is it something else? Do we eat so we can be us? Not another un re reversed person?"

"Huh," Charming said.

"And what about us as a group?" Belle wondered. "What- OH MY GOD IT'S DARK IN HERE," she suddenly screamed.

"BUBBLES!" Regina cried, jumping up and trying to pop the bubbles that were being projected onto the back of the clamshell of Gold and Snow.

"Yay! I didn't know it vibrates!" Snow said excitedly as her cart shook around. "It's like a massage, wouldn't you say?"

"I WILL KILL YOU GALINDA! I WILL BURST YOUR BUBBLE!"

"This is weird," Gold mumbled.

"I get ya," Neal said from the other cart.

"I ate my boyfriend," Ruby whispered.

"Ruby? When did you get here?" Emma wondered.

"Who's Ruby?" Ruby asked.

"You!" Emma yelled.

"Who's you?" Ruby asked. "I'm Ruby, nice to meet you."

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

"You ate your boyfriend?" Whale asked her.

"Yeah," Ruby said sadly.

"INCOMING INNUENDO!" Hook screamed.

"Hey! Look up there!" Henry suddenly yelled, pointing at the ceiling where there was a screen showing an Ariel singing 'Part Of Your World'.

"That's Jodi Benson's (Ariel's) original voice," Emma confirmed. "She tweeted that her voice would be used in the ride, along with those of Pat Carroll (Ursula) and-"

"SHUT UP!" Hook yelled.

"Okay," Emma whispered timidly.

_**Wait!**_ the author suddenly wrote. _**I have an announcement. I've decided that-**_

"SHUT UP, THE SPOTLIGHT IS OURS!" Cora yelled, throwing a tomato at the author's face.

"ARIEL! GUYS LOOK IT'S ARIEL!" Henrys suddenly screamed, pointing at a giant animatronic singing Ariel.

"Lalalalaaaa," she sang.

"Stay away from it, Henry, it's cursed!" Cora whispered.

"It makes me happy, I want to hug it," Henry said suddenly, inching closer to the thing.

"This is getting weird," Emma commented. "Hey, kid, where's your little ball of light?" Henry blinked.

"LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT! LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!"

"THEY'RE DEAD!" Snow suddenly screamed, recoiling from a plastic fish on the wall she'd been poking with her finger. "THEY AREN'T MOVING! THEY'RE DEAD!"

"Wow," Emma whispered as the group moved into a giant room full of singing creatures. "Okay, so in this room, it's themed as 'Under The Sea', which is the song they're singing and-"

"We know what they're singing, we aren't blind," Cora groaned, before pausing. "Or deaf."

"You're sort of deaf," Hook pointed out. "The hearing aids and all."

"Well, sort of deaf, but not completely," Cora continued with a shrug.

"It's getting dark in here," Belle whispered as they transitioned to another cave. The song, 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' (Pat Carroll) was playing vaguely.

"What is that thing?" Regina wondered as they approached a giant singing Ursula.

"That's you," Emma answered. "I mean, I think it is. 'A certain mermaid', right?"

"Impossible," Regina snapped. "She looks horrendous. I'm sexy."

"I agree!" Hook said quickly. Regina proudly sat up and straightened herself.

"Eyes," Belle whispered, motioning towards the glowing eyes set up all over the walls. "They're watching us. They're always watching us. They will always watch us."

"Okaay, Henry, turn away," Emma said, covering her son's eyes once they approached an Ariel transitioning into a human.

"But it doesn't show anything," Hook pointed out. "Bloody disappointment."

'Kiss The Girl' began to play as they transitioned into another room, this with a Prince Eric and Ariel sitting in a boat, holding hands.

"KISS DA GODDAMN GIRL ALREADY!" Cora screamed. "SO THIS RIDE CAN BE OVER!"

"GASP!" Mary Margaret gasped.

Quite suddenly, they transitioned into a room where King Triton, who God knows where had been during the ride, and a bunch of other random peasant fish, happily swam about in a pool of water.

Meanwhile, Prince Eric and Ariel waved from a stand, they were dressed in wedding attire.

"Yaaay," Cora said blankly. "It's over."

"And then they lived happily ever after!" Scuttle finished from where he was casually leaning on the stand. Charming glared at him.

"I will eat you to get my bugs if it is the last thing I do," he threatened.

* * *

"It's over, thank God," Cora groaned, before pausing. "Wait..." she patted herself. "I'm alive! I'M ALIVE! THEY DIDN'T EAT ME!" she did a little happy dance, before freezing.

"I just realized something," Cora continued, her face turning pale. "Am I already dead, and you guys are my eternal punishment?"

"Come on," Emma groaned. "We're going on the next ride."

_**Waaait!**_ the author shrieked. _**I still have to announce that thing!**_

"Wait for the author's note," Emma replied shortly.

_**Emma, this is the authors note.**_

"Oh," Emma said simply. "We'll just go, then."

_**All right, so thanks! Sorry this chap came up a little late, I was making edits and stuff. Anyway, I decided that I don't want this fic to end.**_

_**I mean, I love it waaay too much. So I thought last night, maybe I can just change this fic to ALL Disney rides. Then the title can change to something shorter again, like Once Upon An Disney Park or something.**_

_**I've only been to the California park, though, so I really need your guys' help on this. Please remember to suggest any Disney parks you've been to. I wanna keep this Disney exclusive for now, but that might change later on.**_

_**Also, other news. We've reached out 400th review! Oh my god, it's an honor. I'm so excited, that's just A-MAZING for me. Thank you so so much! The response to this fic has been incredible!**_

_**So to this Guest:**_

_**Guest 6/16/13 . chapter 42  
This fanfic is too funny where did you even coke up with the little light idea? Cora's right "it's dark in here" did last at least 7 chapters**_

_**Please submit your prompt, eating place, ships and stuff, etcetera. Thanks for reading, you all, and have a great night/day or whatever time it is in your time zone! Thanks!**_

"Can the author's note be over now?" Henry asked. "I want cotton candy."


	44. Radiator Springs Racers

_**There's a long author note at the end. Be prepared.**_

* * *

"So next up is 'Radiator Springs Racers'," Emma happily announced.

"I don't think we can go on it, mom," Henry whispered, his eyes growing wide as he saw the attraction line. Emma, who was staring at her map and not paying attention, rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come on, Henry, don't chicken out of this one."

"Hate to _brake_ it to ya, luv, but the kid's right. I refuse to wait in THIS line," Hook commented.

Emma looked up.

Stopped walking.

Turned around.

Walked away.

"Guys, we have to!" Charming exclaimed, running after Emma. "The Guest is making us do it!"

"We can not disappoint the Guest!" Mary Margaret demanded.

"Fine," Emma groaned. "For the Guest."

"_Wheel_ you all wait here, I'm going to go take a little stroll around the block," Hook said casually.

"Stop making these terrible puns," Henry groaned.

"Fine," Hook moped. "Actually, no."

"Go make out with my mom instead," Henry suggested.

"Eww. Wait, which one?"

"Regina, duh," Henry said, sticking his face in his hands to see his little ball of light.

"Okay!" Hook exclaimed, running back.

"Well, that worked, didn't it, little ball of light!"

_**If anyone's wondering how I got the little ball of light idea, it's from-**_

"SHUT UP!" Hook screamed.

_**Sorry.**_

"What'cha looking at, Henry?" Belle asked curiously.

"LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!" Henry yelled.

"Wow," Belle whispered. "Can I see?"

"Sure," Henry said, showing her.

"Wow," Belle whispered again. "Those past two lines could've been an innuendo. I wonder where Hook is."

Pause.

"So I wonder how it glows," Belle whispered.

"I know, right?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Maybe it's actually fragmented from items of a universe with great diversity from ours," Belle whispered.

"Wow," Henry said. "I never thought of that. I don't know what it means, either, but I never thought of that."

* * *

Five hours later...

* * *

"WE MADE IT!" Emma shouted, pumping her fist in the air and boarding the car. "Come on, Neal!"

"No way," Neal said, shaking his head. "It's family vs family."

"NOOOOO NEAL!" Emma screamed. "I NEED YOU!"

"I NEED YOU TOO!" Neal screamed back. "K, bye."

"I AM JOINING THE DARK SIDE!" Emma yelled, jumping into the same car as Neal, Gold, Belle, and Henry.

"GASP!" Charming gasped.

"Sorry dad!" Emma yelled.

"Well, this is awkward," Regina mumbled as she boarded the front of the car, sandwiched in between Cora and Charming.

"NOOO SNOW!" Charming yelled, looking behind him where Snow was sitting in the backseat next to Hook.

"CHARMING! Wait, Hook, can you and Charming trade places, please?" Snow asked politely.

"Why should I do that?" Hook scoffed, before looking in the front seat, where Regina was sitting.

Pause.

"Okay," he said quickly, hopping to it.

"Oh god, we're moving," Cora whispered. "OH GOD WE'RE IN CARS I JUST REALIZED THAT!"

"Calm down, Mother," Regina reassured.

"Hookie's here!" Hook exclaimed happily.

"Ugh," Regina groaned. "Why me," she deadpanned.

"I know you like me," Hook said, raising his eyebrows back and forth.

"Shut up, Snow and Charming are copying us," Regina said, motioning towards the back where Snow and Charming were making out. She froze. "Oh... never mind."

"Wow," Emma whispered. "Look over there." She motioned towards the giant manmade waterfall by the edge of the canyon. "This whole canyon is artificial, did you know that?"

"No, I did NOT know that," Gold groaned.

"Stop it, you're upsetting the Golden Swan shippers," Emma whined.

"I can upset who I want, dearie," Gold said simply. "Go make out with Neal."

"GASP!" Emma gasped. "I KNEW IT! You're a Swanthief shipper."

"I said nothing of the sort," Gold said slyly.

"It's dark in here," Belle whispered as the scene changed to a tunnel in the canyon.

"AAAH!" Cora screamed. "WE'RE DRIVING TOO FAST!"

"YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST!" Snow screamed from the backseat.

"THERE ISN'T A DAMN WHEEL, YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST!" Cora screamed.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Snow screamed back.

"SCREW YOU!" Cora screamed.

"That's my job!" Charming yelled.

"Yeah!" Snow exclaimed proudly. "Wait, what?"

"Slow down!" a cop on the side muttered.

"Ever go tractor tipping?" Mater suddenly asked out of nowhere. "It's easy!"

"I... what's tractor tipping?" Regina wondered.

The car swerved around and yanked them towards a field where a few tractors sat simply. Quite suddenly, they fell over.

"NOOOO, TRACTOR!" Snow screamed as she watched the tractors topple. "IT WASN'T YOUR TIME!"

"Facepalm," Regina groaned.

"AAAAAGH!" Charming screamed as out of the bushes a giant tractor appeared.

"HOLY F*CKING SH*T GET ME THE F*CKING SH*T OUT OF HERE!" Regina screamed.

"OH MY GOD IT'S CHASING US!" Neal screamed.

"THIS IS REALLY TRAUMATIZING!" Emma yelled. "YOU SHOULD HOLD MY HAND!"

"OKAY!" Neal yelled back.

"I think we escaped it," Emma mumbled as the scene changed to Luigi's car shop.

"Whoa!" Regina yelled as the car bumped up and down.

"I think it's trying to communicate," Cora said as Charming continued to blubber in the backseat about how terrifying the Tractor had been.

"Wait... did they just say something about a race?" Emma gasped.

"Oh no," Regina groaned as she realized her car was now side-by side next to Emma.

"LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!" Belle and Henry were chanting.

"GUYS, WE'RE IN A RACE!" Emma screamed. Henry dropped the figure and Belle stopped chanting.

"Against who?!" Belle gasped.

"US!" Emma screamed back. "I MEAN OUR FAMILY! I MEAN... OH JUST LOOK OVER YOUR F*CKING SHOULDER!"

"OHMYGOD!" Belle screamed. "Does this mean we aren't bowls of soup any more?"

"Yikes!" Henry yelled as the cars rocketed forwards, battling each other in a race for dominance-

_**I kid you. The fastest it goes is around 40 mph. Don't worry, I checked on Wikipedia.**_

"SHUT UP AUTHOR AND LET US BE EPIC!" Emma screamed.

"FOR NARNIA AND THAT EDWARD VAMPIRE GUY DUDE!" Henry cried.

"Shh, I'm trying to text here," Mary Margaret groaned. "And you'll wake up David." Quite suddenly, in the backseat, David jumped up.

"NARWHALS!" he screamed. "SHHH, YOU'LL WAKE THE NARWHAL!"

At this moment, Corliss Kat burst into the story. "STOP STEALING LINES FROM MY FANFICTIONS!"

"We're winning, I think!" Gold yelled.

"No, we're winning!" Regina yelled back. "See, our car is like a foot ahead of yours."

Pause.

"MAGIC!" Cora yelled, zapping the car. It rocketed ahead.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Gold yelled back, zapping his own car.

"BUGS!" Charming yelled. "BUGS!" He opened his mouth hopefully.

"This is just sad," Emma managed to stutter.

FLASH!

"I saw the light," Emma said in awe. "The little ball of light! LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!"

"It was just the camera flash," Regina told her as their cars pulled up to a stop and they all clambered out.

"Yay! Let's go get the picture!" Hook said excitedly. No one knew why he was so cheerful and they would never know... EVER.

"Okay..." Emma said slowly. "Damn it, there goes the HookedSwan ship," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Neal asked.

"Nothing!" Emma said cheerfully, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Look at our pictures," Henry giggled. "We look sooo stupid!"

"Well, we won the race," Regina said. "I can't believe I'm saying this... BUT CHARMINGS FOREVER!"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned, before going to go pay for the pictures.

Cora smiled. They would never know that she had purchased pictures of them on California Screamin'.

* * *

_**WARNING: Long author's note ahead**_

_**Okay, so someone asked for my ships. This is gonna take a while...**_

_**Hooked Queen (I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! But I won't write for it a lot.)**_

_**Stable Queen (I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! I mean, I wrote a fic about it that was 70,000 words long...)**_

_**Evil Charming (I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!)**_

_**Snowing (but mainly just 'cause they're hilarious)**_

_**Nemma/Swanfire/Swanthief (Who doesn't?)**_

_**Cora/Hook (yeah, mainly as a friendship pairing although I adore Hook)**_

_**Rumbelle (who doesn't?)**_

_**Golden Heart (that's Gold/Cora, I think they're really cute together! Not the innocent cute, though. But I ship this! I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!)**_

_**Hook/Emma (not that much, but I'll read it, not write it)**_

_**All canon show pairings**_

_**I don't ship SwanQueen or any other femmeslash, incest pairing, slash pairing, you name it. Sorry, guys. I promise I don't hate it, I just think it's because I don't understand it. I mean, you don't really get certain ships until you actually SHIP them.**_

_**This chapter was originally 1,100 words long without the author's note... sigh. There's still more stuff.**_

_**I got the little ball of light idea from Nemo. Don't laugh! I watched it recently because Ellen DeGeneres portrayed Dory and I LOVE ELLEN DEGENERES!**_

_**...Anyway... **_

_**Thanks to everyone who submitted their stuff! I checked out Epcot, WDW, and a lot of other parks in my spare time. I also had a PM from someone who wanted to help... not sure if they want to remain anonymous as of now...**_

_**I'm probably going to do Walt Disney World or whatever it's called (yeah, it's sad) and a few other places around. I can't guarantee Epcot, although I'm seriously considering it (don't get your hopes up). I mean, Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Nye The Science Guy. Ellen is like my role model! Bill is still funny, although I'm way past 5th grade. Anyway, ranting. I'm not sure I'm gonna do Ellen's Energy Adventure, though, 'cus it's like 45 minutes long. And look how long Pirates took!**_

_**I'm still executing a lot of research, but Disney doesn't seem to have that accurate maps over there... if anyone can link me to a good map, cookies to you and other stuff might happen! Although we're running out of rides over here... lol... (not laughing but whatever)**_

_**Still waiting for requests from EvilRegalGleek and Guest... I know EvilRegalGleek hasn't vanished off the face of the earth 'cus I'm still reading some of her stuff... although I'm not gonna PM her and badger her to do it. It's cool if she doesn't wanna.**_

_**Now, if anyone's wondering 'WHAT THE HECK WHY WASN'T THERE AN UPDATE YESTERDAY'... I was at an audition. A crazy one, where I had to sing Defying Gravity. A crazy one, where there's only two slots open. Well, yeah, I can hit the notes pretty smoothly (belt too) but I have a cold and a stuffy nose... so yesterday consisted of a lot of warm-ups and other stuff, I just didn't have the time to finish the chapter, make edits, and then post. I updated Dear FanFiction, although I'm not sure that that helps. Sorry. I really don't have an excuse except for... yeah, no excuse.**_

_**Anyway, happy update, and please continue to suggest certain places, restaurants, and other stuff (and please name the park it's from)! Thanks to you all!**_

_**By the way, I wasn't sure I should announce this or not, but this has become the most reviewed Parody fic. Thanks to you all and cookies to everyone! (Though not literal ones because my cooking sucks.) You're all incredible people! ^^**_


	45. Muppet Vision 3D Part 1

_**Hey, guys. I need your opinion on this. Do you want me to do the Aladdin musical play thing they have here? I don't really know if I can review a whole show, add in the Genie's improv, and make it funny, so I need your opinion on this. I can only do it if a lot of people want it 'cus it'll be super hard with the no-lyrics rule. That's all, and please tell me what you think!**_

* * *

"We're going to do 'Muppet Vision 3D' next!" Emma exclaimed.

"Is that a show?" Cora asked.

"Yeah, in 3D," Emma said happily.

"What's 3B?" Cora asked.

"3D," Emma corrected. "It's like... well, you'll see."

"Okay," Cora said suspiciously. "There... there... uh, is no line."

"Yeah," Emma said casually. "They're all at Cars Land."

* * *

"I don't know about this," Regina muttered as they took their seats. "My mother might flip. She's never seen 3D anything."

"And neither have we, thanks to you trapping us in a town in like the 80's," Mary Margaret growled.

"I thought we've been over this matter," Regina groaned. "It was the 90's."

"You said it was the 80's."

"Yeah, but it was actually the 90's. I think."

"You think?"

"Hey, Waldorf, what are we going to see in here anyway?" Statler the Muppet from up on one of the wings asked curiously.

"Some kind of 3D movie," Waldorf the Muppet answered lazily. "Put on your 3D glasses."

"You heard him," Regina told Cora. "Put on your glasses."

"You mean these?" Cora asked, holding up the pair.

"Yeah."

"Why do I need to wear these?" Cora asked slowly.

"Just put them on."

"Are you sure this isn't some sort of trick to see if I'm getting blind?" Cora asked suspiciously.

"Yes, Mother," Regina answered wearily.

"Hey, look at that guy in the Goofy mask!" Statler yelled suddenly.

"That's not a mask!" Waldorf huffed back.

"Oh, sorry lady!" Statler yelled out into the crowd.

"We're an orchestra of penguins!" a group of penguins sitting by the stage declared.

"Well, this is gonna be interesting," Henry said with a grin.

"I don't like where this is going," Gold commented.

"Penguins," Belle whispered softly.

The curtains pulled away to reveal a sign that said, "Kermit The Frog Presents Muppet Vision 3D", the letters "3D" sticking out towards the audience.

"AAAAAH!" Cora screamed, backing away. "IT'S A SWORD! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US! LOOK!"

"Mother, if you get scared, just take off your glasses," Regina said calmly.

"O-okay," Cora whispered, taking her glasses off. She gasped when the letters shrunk back onto the screen. "OH MY GOD, I AM BLIND!"

"Did you say cheap 3D tricks?" Fozzie Bear the Muppet exclaimed, running onstage next to Kermit who'd been explaining the show.

"Uhh..." Kermit said slowly.

"Then I'd like to spring this on you!" Fozzie said happily, pulling out a can and sending wild sparks into the crowd.

"AAAH!" Cora screamed. "SOMETHING HIT ME IN THE FACE, I SWEAR!"

"Hey, look, it's that bear again!" Statler exclaimed from the wing.

"Yeah, he's not even funny in 3D!" Waldorf sneered.

"Aw, not you guys again," Fozzie moped, sulking offstage.

"Ahem..." Kermit continued. "Now, if you come this way, I'll show you our secret laboratory. I invited distinguished scientists from all over the world to come here, unfortunately no one showed up." There was no pause as he spoke.

"I'd like to introduce you to the scientist who invented Muppet Vision, and some other- AAAH!" Kermit ducked under an electric arm. "I'm going to hand you over to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker."

"Well, thanks, Hermit," Dr. Bunsen said graciously. "Beaker, will you turn on the machine for 3D?"

"This isn't going to end well," Henry commented as Beaker pulled on a string.

"Poor guy," Charming whispered as Beaker was sucked up into the machine.

"See, it never pays to be a background character like Bill The Lizard," Gold pointed out.

"Hi!" A little insectile-looking graphic exclaimed from the screen. "I'm Waldo, and I'm the spirit of 3D!"

"Facepalm," Henry groaned.

"Where's Waldo?!" Cora exclaimed. "I can't see him!"

"Put on your glasses," Regina advised.

"AAAAH!" Cora shrieked as it came into view. "IT... IT'S SO CUTE!"

"See, all these other people think I'm talking to them, but I'm really just talking to you!" Waldo exclaimed, motioning towards Cora.

"OH MY GOD, HE TALKED TO ME!" Cora screamed. "HE LOVES ME!"

"Actually-" Emma started, but Regina clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Let her fantasize," she whispered.

"That's enough of Waldo, let's deactivate him!" Dr. Honeydew exclaimed cheerfully.

"NOOO!" Cora screamed. "I WON'T LET YOU! You're just jealous of him, because he has a face, and you don't! You're just a jerk! You think if you put on glasses, people will think you have a face but you're worse than Slender you ugly two-faced jerk!"

"Umm..." Emma gulped as Beaker pulled a lever, sending sparks flying everywhere.

"It isn't working, he won't deactivate!" Dr. Honeydew shrieked.

"HA!" Cora yelled.

"VACCUM!" Dr. Honeydew screamed, a giant vacuum appearing on screen. "Ladies and gentleman, please hold onto your seats!"

"NOOOOOOOO WALDO!" Cora screamed as the screen was slowly sucked up by the vacuum.

"I'm free!" Waldo declared, floating around on black space where the screen and lab had once been. "Taxi!" Waldo morphed into a taxi and drove away cheerfully at these words.

"YAAAY WALDO!" Cora screamed. "SUCK IT DR. HONEY POO!"

"Oh, great," Emma groaned.

"Sorry, guys," Kermit mumbled, running onstage. "Muppet Vision seems to have been temporarily... sucked up."

"LOL!" Cora yelled.

"This brings us to the next portion of Muppet Vision, the first musical act, starring Miss Piggy!" Kermit continued.

The screen darkened.

"Lalalalalaaaa," Miss Piggy sang.

"Cover my ears," Cora gasped. "Or turn off my hearing aids. Either will work."

* * *

**_Should I continue this? And finish the whole thing? I don't want to make it too long, but I don't want to cut out parts that you like. Please let me know!_**

**_I can't help myself, when I was a little kid, I used to think that Waldo really liked me. Not like boyfriend like, just I thought he wanted to be my friend... what? I was a little kid, okay? So my parents went along with it._**

**_Glad I'm not four anymore._**

**_UPDATE: Sorry for the late update, my wifi went crazy again._**

**_UPDATE 2: Oops. When I was talking about 'should I continue this and finish the whole thing' I meant should I finish Muppet Vision 3D? XD Sorry, guys._**


	46. Muppet Vision 3D Part 2

"Lalalaaaaa," Miss Piggy continued as Bean Bunny hopped around onscreen, blowing bubbles for the 3D effects.

"OH, I GIVE UP!" Miss Piggy finally yelled. "Stop it! Penguins, stop!"

"But it was going so well!" Bean Bunny protested.

"That's it!" Miss Piggy fumed.

"Is it just me, or does that bunny thing remind you of a Starbucks coffee napkin that's been used? You know, the brown ones?" Cora asked curiously.

"That's not very nice," Henry pointed out, right as Emma said "Emma approves".

"Facepalm," Regina moaned.

"Aww," Bean Bunny whined.

"What's that?" Miss Piggy asked curiously, motioning towards a stick resting in Bean Bunny's hand.

"It's for the big waterskiing finale," Bean Bunny said truthfully as she took it out of his hand.

"WAAAAH!" Miss Piggy shrieked as she was pulled offstage. Bean Bunny held in a few snickers, but Cora didn't.

"AHAHAHA!" Cora yelled. "Gosh, that's the best thing I've seen all day."

"Hey! Get out!" Sam the Eagle huffed, ushering Bean Bunny offstage.

"I was only trying to help!" Bean Bunny protested.

"Get out! Go away!" Sam the Eagle continued to shout.

"Aww," Bean Bunny whined, opening a door to the set and walking onto black space.

"Hey, do you know where to exit this film?" Waldo asked a bummed-out Bean Bunny.

"Well, you can come with me, I just got fired and I'm running away," Bean Bunny said sadly.

"Terrific!" Waldo cheered, following him towards the exit.

"The poor napkin," Cora commented wryly. "At least he's got Waldo."

"OH MY GOD!" Belle suddenly screamed. "What if we're all actually in a 3D movie? What if we're a film?"

"Or worse, a TV show?!" Gold exclaimed. "That means we're sponsored! By other things! And we have commercials!"

"GASP!" Charming gasped. "Not commercials!"

"Thank god FanFiction has a no Ads tablet," the author breathed a sigh of relief.

"Get out! Author's note isn't here yet!" Emma yelled.

"I'm in the theater," the author noted dryly.

"Oh," Emma said slowly. "Then I guess you can stay."

"Hey, Bean, what's up?" Gonzo asked curiously.

"Bye, I'm going away forever," Bean Bunny moped.

"Oh, okay! Could you get me a sandwich?" Gonzo asked simply, before turning to face the audience. "Do any of you want anything? I mean, since he's going out and- FOREVER?!"

Pause.

"Bean? Bean?" Gonzo called, but Bean had already walked offstage... to God knows where. "Keeermit! Keerrmit!"

"Okay, first he's like 'Bean, Bean' and then he's like 'Kermit, Kermit'!" Mary Margaret pointed out. "Is it just me or does this sound like a sappy Korean drama?"

"Shut it, Mary Sue!" Regina snapped. "I'm trying to watch the movie."

"Kermit!" Gonzo exclaimed, running onto black space to find Kermit. "Bean Bunny's run away, and we have to look for him!"

"Whaaaat?!" Kermit gasped, turning out to the audience. "Hi, everyone, Bean Bunny's gone and we need to look for him!"

"This is boring," Charming whined as the characters ran all over onstage.

"It's better than two hours of 'I will always find you'," Cora pointed out.

"No it isn't!" Mary Margaret whined.

"Shut it, Mary Sue!"

"Beaan? BEAN BUNNY?!"

"Hey, guys," Bean's voice said.

"I'm hearing things, great," Cora groaned. "It's time to get new hearing aids."

"No, look up there!" Emma pointed towards the balcony in real life, where Bean Bunny was sitting.

"Wow!" Cora exclaimed. "When he's off the funny screen, he looks even more like a napkin!"

"What are you doing up there, Bean?" Kermit asked from down below.

"Nobody wants to let me help with the 3D movie," Bean sulked.

"Gosh, he's like a little crybaby," Cora commented. "I wonder if he uses himself as a tissue."

Pause.

"And where's Waldo?" Cora suddenly wondered. "Where did he go?"

"Hey, Bean what are we doing hanging around here?" Waldo asked, popping onstage. "Let's go!"

"I would want to go, too, if I had to see that pig thing all day," Regina wryly noted.

"Agreed," the rest of the family chorused.

"But Bean, you can't go, you'll miss the fireworks!" Kermit exclaimed. "Is there anything Bean can do to help?"

"He can set the fireworks!" Gonzo pointed out.

"All right, I guess I'll stay," Bean said.

"Well, this is definitely a Korean drama," Snow groaned.

"Shut it, Mary Sue!"

"Everyone, get in your places!" Kermit told the group before facing the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present the final act of Muppet Vision 3D!"

"What is this?" Cora asked as the screen suddenly changed to a toy soldier band playing instruments and beating on drums.

"OH NO! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AGAIN!" Emma shrieked.

"Well, f*ck," Regina commented.

"Bean! The fireworks!" Sam the Eagle called, the screen panning upwards to the sky.

"Wooohooo!" Waldo cheered, flying around above as fireworks went off.

"This is... weird," Emma commented as the screen panned downwards to show Miss Piggy dressed as the Statue Of Liberty, surrounded by band members. Waldo flew down.

"Yay!" Cora cheered. "It's Waldo!"

"Where's Hook?" Emma suddenly wondered.

"He disappeared somewhere," Cora said with a shrug.

"Okay..." Emma said slowly. "My ship is SINKING!"

"What was that?!" Neal asked.

"Nothing, dear," Emma said sweetly.

"AAAAH!" Miss Piggy shrieked as Waldo swooped past her, causing her lower dress to fall off the hoopskirt she was wearing.

"Shut off the film! Stop it!" Sam the Eagle said quickly.

"What the hell...?" Hook wondered as the screen suddenly adjusted and Waldo managed to fly off the film at the last second. "What did I miss?"

"Where have you guys been?" Emma asked.

"I went on the Ferris Wheel," Hook answered smoothly.

"Why?"

"Because I felt like it," Hook said sharply.

"Grrr," Emma growled.

"AAAH!" Waldo suddenly shrieked, startling everyone. "HE'S GOT A CANNON!"

"NOOOO WALDO NOOOOOO!" Cora shrieked as the screen exploded.

"I'm sorry for your loss, luv," Hook said, patting her on the back.

"IT WAS TOO SOON FOR HIM!" Cora yelled. "IT WASN'T HIS TIME!"

"Hey, guys, sorry about the show, we've been facing minor technical difficulties," Kermit apologized. Neal slowly picked up a sandwich.

"I hope you enjoyed the show and please have a great time in the park!" Kermit concluded just as the red curtains flashed back over the stage.

"Why, Waldo?" Cora asked simply.

"Hey guys!" Waldo exclaimed, suddenly popping onscreen. Then the most amazing thing ever happened.

The Charming family was quiet.

Finally, Cora spoke. "WALDO!" she screamed. "COME WITH US!"

Then another amazing thing happened.

Waldo was sucked back offstage and into the curtains. Again.

"NOOOO WALDO!" Cora screamed.

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

* * *

_**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. **_

_**We're reaching the end of OUAT in California Adventure, but I'm planning on moving it to Walt Disney World.**_

_**Thanks, and please R&R! ^^**_


	47. The Twilight Zone Tower Of Terror Part 1

"What's up next?" Cora asked curiously.

"You'll see when we get there," Emma said. "In the meantime, I have to go adjust my contact lenses, so I'll be in the restroom."

"You wear contact lenses?" Emma scoffed.

"Where do you think the glasses went from my flashbacks? Helloooo?"

"Okaay," Cora drawled nervously as Emma skipped off. Suddenly, her eye caught sight of something.

"'Off The Page'," she read. "Huh, interesting name."

"I wanna go look!" Henry piped up.

"Yeah, it's boring here," Hook and Regina simultaneously agreed.

"Oh, my Lord," Cora whispered as she approached the window display. "WHAT IS THIS?!"

Lined up in the window were the costume replicas of Prince Charming, Regina the Evil Queen, Snow White, and Maleficent, along with a description for each of them.

"OH MY GOD!" Regina screamed. "Look at Snow's definition."

_Snow White is an ethereal princess in this one of a kind white gown during the pilot episode of ABC's Once Upon A Time. She can be seen wearing the gown in her bedroom after her wedding to Prince Charming._

"Wow," Cora said after a while. "Really, ABC? That sounds really wrong."

"Look at mine!" Charming declared. "That's not fair, I don't get a description, just a big leather book with the words 'Once Upon A Time' on it!"

"Why does Maleficent get a dress?" Belle whined. "I mean, she was only in one episode."

"Wait... are you saying she should've been naked?" Gold asked.

Pause.

"Anyway... where's Cora?" Neal suddenly asked.

"There," Regina said, pointing towards a terrified Cora curled up in a ball on the ground.

"Why is she there?" Neal asked.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALL NAKED!" Cora shrieked.

"Facepalm," Regina groaned.

"IS THIS WHERE YOUR FASHION SENSE WENT, REGINA?!"

"Mother..."

"YOU'RE ALL F*CKING NAKED NOW SHUT UP!"

"Does anyone have something to shut her up with a double purpose like a Sonic Screwdriver?" Hook asked politely.

"You're a Whovian?!" Neal gasped.

"Hardcore," Hook replied.

"YEAH!" Neal yelled. "I'm not alone! Did you see the yellow bug in 'Rose', episode 1x01? That's why I wanted a yellow bug!"

"OH MY GOD!" Hook screamed.

Emma walked outside to see Regina in a black creepy dress that made her look sort of emo and Hook and Neal brofisting each other in slow motion.

"Whatever it is that happened here, I don't want to know," she finally said, leading the group off.

"We're all wearing nice clothing for this last ride!" Cora yelled.

"What-"

POOF!

Emma looked down and shrieked. She was wearing a big pink ball gown and her hair had been let down. Snow and Charming were wearing their display costumes from Off The Page, as was Regina. Henry wore a very Daniel-resembling outfit which made Regina burst into tears.

Neal was wearing a tuxedo-looking thing and so was Gold. Belle wore a giant red dress because Cora wanted her to and Hook was wearing a white wedding gown.

"Coooraaa," Emma groaned. "Be nice and give Hook something other."

"Fine," Cora groaned, waving her hand. He was now wearing a tuxedo as well.

"I feel like a bloody gentlemen," Hook said with a sour face.

"Then you'd best start acting like one," Cora threatened, before whooshing herself into the same red dress she'd worn at the masquerade party. She held up a mask and started singing 'Masquerade' from Phantom of the Opera. Luckily, no one heard her.

"What... is... that?!" Neal stuttered as they approached a very large tan building with the large white words at the top reading 'The HOLLYWOOD TOWER Hotel'.

"The Tower of Terror! YES!" Henry screamed, running ahead. He flipped several cartwheels and crashed into the bushes. Regina dramatically ran after him.

"HENRY! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID YOU GET A CUT? BREAK A BONE? GET A CONCUSSION?"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

"This ride... is it safe?" Cora wondered.

"Nope!" Emma said happily.

"You ever been on an elevator, Nana?" Henry asked excitedly, brushing branches and leaves out of his hair.

"Yes, a couple," Cora said nervously.

"Well... This is like a... BIG elevator," Henry explained slowly. Cora breathed a sigh of relief, before looking up to see a flash and a mob of screaming people near the top. "Oh, just ignore that... they're just screaming because that high up they can see... Umm... pictures of One Direction."

"WHAT IS THAT THUNDERING NOISE?!" Snow screamed. She had her headphones in and was clearly playing Slender.

"It's Slenderman," Charming said slowly.

"IT'S TOO LOUD! IT MUST BE THE RUMBELLE FANDOM!"

"Snow-"

"IT'S THUNDERING! IT'S THE SOUND OF FANGIRLS!"

"..."

"Guys!" Emma said, motioning for everyone to join her inside the ride lobby. "Let's hurry, it's still early so we can get on without a line."

_"To unlock this door with the key of imagination, beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You just crossed over into... the Twilight Zone."_

"OH MY GOD, WE CROSSED OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE? DOES THIS MEAN THAT THIS IS NOW 'ONCE UPON A TIME IN DISNEYLAND AND CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE PARK, CROSSOVER WITH THE TWILIGHT ZONE'?" Cora screamed.

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

"Honey, you facepalm so much that Regina's gonna start to worry about Henry that you might die from a concussion," Neal said slowly.

_"Hollywood, 1939. Amid the glitz and glimmer of a bustling young movie town at the height of its golden age, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was a star in its own right. A beacon for the show business elite. Now, something is about to happen that will change all that."_

"What's gonna happen?" Snow wondered, eyes wide as saucers. "The Rumbelle fandom?"

"I'm scared," Belle whimpered, hugging onto Gold. Her eyes were glued to the scene as five people boarded an elevator, one appeared to be a nanny, one an usher, one an older man, perhaps a father, another woman, perhaps the mother, and a little girl who was bouncing around, seemingly the couple's daughter.

"That's not scary," Cora said boldly. "They're just getting onto an elevator..."

Quite suddenly, lightning struck the tower and the elevator fell down. Henry gasped and Regina covered his eyes and hers, before taking a quick peek.

"That's a little scary," Cora admitted.

_"The time is now, on an evening very much like the one we have just witnessed."  
_

There was another flash of thunder, and as Cora looked around, she realized that the room she was in had thunder inside it as well. Well, not thunder inside it literally, just thunder outside but... there was just this thunder, okay?

_ Tonight's story on the Twilight Zone is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction. This, as you recognize, is a maintenance service elevator, still in operation, waiting for you. We invite you if you dare to step aboard, because in tonights episode, you are the star. And this elevator travels directly to... The Twilight Zone."_

"AAAH!" Cora screamed as the lights in the room flickered menacingly. She jumped back, startled, colliding with Henry, who collided with Neal, who collided with Emma, who collided with about thirty-nine other people in the room.

"Ouch," the usher groaned, clutching his head. He stood up in a presentable way, knowing he had to be in character. "We will now drop you to your deaths- I mean, we will now take you up to your rooms."

"Cool!" Henry exclaimed. "Can we get cotton candy afterwards?"

* * *

_**I love the Twilight Zone, Tower of Terror, Rod Serling, cotton candy, the movie of Tower of Terror- oh, I just like the Twilight Zone, okay?**_

_**R&R!**_

**_P.S. Corliss Kat, one of my friends, recently posted a FanFiction called 'Uh Oh, I Think We're A Crack Fic!'. You should all go check it out, it's really funny!_**

**_P.P.S. Yes, the 'Off The Page' thing was real. I had a similar reaction when I saw it, only I was all fangirly._**


	48. The Twilight Zone Tower Of Terror Part 2

"Now this is creepy," Cora murmured as the group made their way up a heavy set of stairs.

"Not so creepy," Hook mumbled. "Besides, what would the Doctor say?"

"The Doctor what?" Cora asked.

"Doctor Who, duh," Hook said.

Cora scratched her head.

"Hook's a fanboy, it's best you stay away from him," Emma advised.

"Okaay..." Cora said slowly.

"Do we go in?" Henry asked as the elevator doors slowly opened to reveal a room full of chairs with seat belts.

"I guess," Cora commented as she seated herself in a chair. "Wait... is this family the only one on board?"

"Yeah," Hook said. "Hang on, I need my Sonic Screwdriver!"

"Would you shut up?!" Emma yelled.

"No!" Hook yelled back.

"I don't like this," Belle mumbled as the seats pulled backwards and a swirling pattern appeared on the door they had just entered in.

"How is that possible?" Gold gasped as stars appeared around all of them.

"OH MY GOD I CAN SEE THE STARS!" Mary Margaret screamed. "Hold on, I've got the perfect sound effect for this one!"

"Whaaaaaa-" Henry shrieked as the lift moved upwards to reveal a room.

"Your destination is unknown, but this much is clear, a reservation has been made for you. Wave goodbye to the real world, for you have just entered the Twilight Zone. What happened here to dim the lights of Hollywood's biggest showcase is about to unfold once again."

"How.. pleasant," Cora paled as the elevator approached another room filled with five people, beckoning them forward.

"One stormy night long ago, five people stepped into the door of an elevator and into a nightmare. That door is opening again, but this time it's opening for you."

"Good to know," Gold wryly commented.

"Merry old chase, sounds like fun!" Emma said happily.

"That isn't normal, is it?" Henry asked as the elevator the five people had just boarded plummeted downwards.

"Nothing is normal, Henry," Regina said blankly.

"What about our family?"

"...Ha."

"Wave goodbye to the real world."

"Bye! I'll see you later!" Cora called, before pausing as their reflection in the mirror sparked and transformed their images into ghosts.

Belle dropped her teacup in shock.

"AAAAAH WE'RE ALL NAKED!" Cora screamed.

"Calm down, how bad can this get?" Regina assured them. "Not that bad, I mean, you've seen worse."

"WE'RE GONNA GET EATEN! THE MIRROR WILL EAT US!" Cora shrieked.

"ISN'T THE MIRROR A NEWSPAPER? WE'RE GONNA GET EATEN BY A NEWSPAPER?!" Charming shrieked back.

"NO YOU IDIOT THE MIRROR WE JUST SAW!" Cora screamed.

"Sydney can't eat us, silly," Regina chuckled. "He's moved on from OUAT, although he might guest-star in other episodes later."

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked.

"We're moving up," Henry gasped.

"AAAAAGH!" the group screamed when they reached the top and the metallic doors opened to show the entirety of the California Adventure Park.

"CHEESE!" Emma yelled, throwing her hands up just as the camera flashed. "BAD CHOICE!" she shrieked as the lift plummeted down giving her no time to pull her arms down.

"I'm flying! WEEE!" Belle screamed.

"Think about cupcakes," Henry said to himself. "Nice little cupcakes with evil teeth. No wait, not that. Think about black holes. Wait, not that either."

"I AM CAPTAIN HOOK, I CAN'T DIE HERE!" Hook shrieked.

"What are you captain of, the innuendo squad?" Neal chuckled as the ride calmed.

"Stop quoting Doctor Who," Hook gasped.

"I think it's over," Belle whispered.

"We're moving again," Henry whispered as the ride lifted up again.

"Oh noooo!" Snow shrieked. "I need epic music. Umm... hang on."

"We're dead," Regina whimpered. "We are so so so very dead."

"This is fun!" Cora exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. "Gold, hold out your hand!"

"Why?" Gold asked suspiciously.

"So I can put a quarter in it," Cora said, placing it into his hand.

"Cool, I'll put this quarter into my pocket," Gold said. Just as he moved, the ride fell downwards, the quarter suspended in air.

Belle dropped her teacup again.

"SAVE ME!" Neal screamed.

"NO YOU SAVE ME!" Emma screamed back.

"SAVE ME FIRST!"

"NO, YOU!"

"SAVE ME!"

"STOP IT OR I'LL FEED YOU TO A TRASH CAN NEXT TO OUR BUG!"

"GASP!" Neal gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"I didn't sign up for this," Maleficent whined.

"Maleficent, what are you doing here?" Regina managed to choke out.

"Duh, where do you think I went, why do you think they had to replace me with that screaming thing in season two?" Maleficent rolled her eyes. "I was here."

"Awesome," Henry crooned.

"I don't like this," Cora said as the ride slowly came to a stop. "Why does it have to be over?"

"Sigh," Emma sighed. "I'm gonna miss this park."

"Let's meet back here tonight," Maleficent suggested.

"Good idea," Regina said with a wink.

"OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THERE'S A DOCTOR WHO LINK TO ONCE UPON A TIME!" Hook shrieked. "The name Regina, who in the movie Mean Girls was a member of the Plastics group. Plastic as in the conscience in the first episode of Doctor Who, where Mickey, possibly related to Mickey Mouse, was swallowed up in a trash can next to a VW Beetle, similar to Emma's own."

"What?" Gold finally managed to ask.

* * *

_**Sorry, guys! Seriously, in all honesty, I'm gonna tell you guys where I've been this week... I've been watching Dr. Who.**_

_**Yeah, kill me now. -.-**_

_**I don't even know how to say it except SORRY. I just watched one episode, then I thought, one more, and then I'll do a chapter, and pretty soon I'd watched it for over seven hours straight. I got completely hooked on it, it was like watching Once Upon A Time for the first time again. Other than that, I went completely loony after the season 2 finale and refused to budge from the couch.**_

_**But I'm back with updates, and I promise that I will update daily for the rest of this week. -.- You guys have every right to be mad at me. And Netflix.**_

_**Anywho, R&R, if you haven't vanished as of now. I'm horribly sorry for neglecting this.**_


	49. The Wonderful World of Color

"Something isn't right," Charming commented as the group of four made their way towards the park where Cora had told them to meet.

"Nothing's ever right, not when you're with this family," Emma said with a groan.

"What a terrible thing to say!" Snow gasped.

"Facepalm," Emma groaned again. "Can't you be any... less Mary Sue?"

"My name is Mary Margaret, I don't understand why you call me that," Snow said blankly.

"Never mind."

"Why do we have to go in groups?" Henry asked.

"I don't know, but I have a bad feeling," Charming repeated. "My head is sore."

"My ears are sore from listening to you talk," Emma groaned.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm bored," Henry piped up.

"Wait a minute," Emma said, slowing down. "What's that?" she reached out and tapped a piece of white cloth hanging from a nearby pole.

"It's toilet paper," Snow said blankly.

"What's it doing here?" Emma asked.

"It's toilet paper," Snow continued. "You know, toilet paper. Don't act like you've never seen it before."

"Something's wrong," Emma said.

"Hey! That's what I said!" Charming yelled.

"Emma?" Henry asked, tugging on the woman's sleeve. "Look over there."

"Oh f*ck," Emma groaned as she did. "Someone has TP'ed California Adventure."

"Guess who?" Charming deadpanned as the group caught sight of a very wild-eyed Cora running about, brandishing rolls of toilet paper.

"Well, this is weird," Henry commented.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Charming yelled, snatching the roll out of Cora's hands.

"Oh," Cora said. "Regina and I are taking over Disneyland."

"WHAT?!" Snow yelled. "Why?"

"Because it's fun!" Cora yelled back, running around and whooping.

"She's insane," Emma gasped. Cora froze and sent her a blank stare.

"Sweetie, if you only noticed that now, I feel terribly sorry for you," she deadpanned, patting her on the back. "Off I go!"

The four watched her run off. "Okay, then, where's Regina?" Charming asked.

"When I rule this place, things might not be so 'happily ever after'," a very familiar voice crooned. The group spun around to see a very familiar Regina.

"What are you doing, Mom?" Henry gasped, running towards the former Evil Queen.

"I knew it!" Charming yelled. "I bet she turned us into a crackfic in the first place just so she could take over Disneyland!"

"Whoooo-hoooooooo!" Maleficent yelled from a tower up above. The group looked up.

"That's Maleficent," Charming said blankly.

"She's floating," Snow said.

"No sh*t, Sherlock," Emma groaned. Snow brightened.

"Really, you think I'm as smart as Sherlock? Thanks!" she squealed.

"Ariel? In my version, not much wins," Regina said simply.

"Who is she talking to?!" Charming yelled.

"I have no clue," Cora said, walking over. "Hey, wanna help ruin the place?"

"Sure!" Charming said gleefully, grabbing a roll and running off. "Wooo-hoo!"

"What's happening?" Emma asked.

"LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!" Henry chanted.

"Wait... are we becoming crack-ficed?" Emma wondered. "Oh, that's it!"

"And Belle," Regina continued. "Maybe that tale as old as time needs a new twist."

"She is talking to no one!" Charming yelled. "Doesn't that scare you like a little?"

"IT IS STARTING!" Belle yelled, running onscreen with Gold and Neal.

"Am I late?" Hook asked, running onscreen as well.

"Late for what?" Emma gasped.

"Regina and Cora have hijacked the system," Hook spoke quickly. "They're putting on a special show for us."

"What show?"

"Facepalm," Hook groaned. "Well, facehook. Just take a look! Hey, that rhymed."

"Wha-" Emma froze as she looked out over the dark lake, where a spout of colored water shot upwards. "What just happened?"

"The world of color!" Hook announced. "You know, the show? The water show? Only it's like the world of... um... Disneyland or something like that. We didn't really work out the name."

"That's where you've been disappearing to all these chapters!" A reader suddenly yelled. "You've been building this thingy!"

"Thingy, that's not original at all," Regina said with a frown. "Anyway, do you wanna see a show?"

* * *

_**So the final chapter of Once Upon A Time In California Adventure Park shall end with the World of Color, my favorite Disneyland spectacular show when I went there.**_

_**The continuation will be of Disney World, although occasionally I will have the cast go to parks like Seven Flags in my other series, 'Once Upon A CRACK! (The Charming Bunch)' which you should recognize as mine by the insanely long title. I'm not doing a sequel, just a continuation. Although OUAC is sort of like the prequel to this. The unfinished prequel, that is.**_

_**Anyway! I'll see ya'll next chapter, so be prepared. Still transitioning into the new Disney World and conducting research and stuff, and I'd also like to thank nahbois.**_

_**nahbois68 7/1/13 . chapter 48  
Maybe I really don't want to know, but where did Belle have her teacup this whole time? Loved you bringing Mal back -maybe you could write a little bit where she and Regina do meet up in the park later and wreak havoc!**_

_**Not that surprised that someone guessed it, although there was a reason characters started missing from some chapters. ;)**_

_**R&R! The review box is... hungry and needs to be fed. So feed it reviews before it eats you!**_

_**Just kidding. ;)**_


	50. OUAT In WDW & Magic Carpets of Aladdin

"Ohh, my head," Henry groaned.

"You aren't the only one, kiddo," Emma said with a sigh.

"Anyway, at least we're back," Belle said with a sigh. "Although I'm gonna miss Disneyland."

"I'm gonna miss Disneyland too," Emma agreed.

"Too bad we aren't done with Disney yet," Regina said with a grin. "Did anyone bother to check why our flight was so long?"

Charming, Snow, and Emma looked at each other.

"Oh no, you're kidding me," Charming moaned. "Not again! What else is there, huh? I mean, we've already been to Disneyland! What's the point!"

"Yeah," Snow agreed. "We should just go home. There are too many Disney parks. I mean, it's more like the Germiest Place On Earth than the Happiest," she said bluntly.

"That was the longest mockery ever," Regina said, miming a yawn. "But I'm not quite done yet."

"You're insane!" Emma spoke slowly.

"YES!" Henry yelled. "FINALLY! 'OPERATION: BE AWESOME AND STAY AT DISNEY' IS ACCOMPLISHED!"

"No more of this!" Hook sulked. "I'm going home."

"There will be cake," Neal said slowly.

"Never mind," Hook groaned.

"Where's Cora?" Belle suddenly wondered.

"Umm... I don't know," Regina admitted.

"IT'S RAINING HAPPINESS!" Cora screamed, running around in circles and waving her hands. "IT'S RAINING HAPPINESS!"

* * *

"So which rides are we going on first?" Henry asked once they had eaten and left the hotel.

"It's more like which PARK are we going to first," Regina said mischievously.

"What is she going on about?" Emma asked.

"I'm the leader, now, Emma, so I get to be the know-it-all. So much for your precious little Californian Disneyland, I have a WORLD of Disney."

"You're drunk," Emma said, patting her on the shoulder. "We should go home."

"Eew!" Regina shouted, recoiling from Emma. "MOM! I HAVE EMMA GERMS!"

"DISINFECT! DISINFECT!" Cora shrieked, grabbing a bottle of Windex from out of thin air.

"They're like the Brady Bunch," Emma commented.

"Only with more charming," Charming added.

"I think I like Brady Bunch better," Snow said. "It has a nice ring to it."

"Oh, f*ck, everyone's drunk," Emma groaned as she watched in dismay as Hook and Neal ran all over the place, throwing pieces of bacon at random people.

"BAAAAAAAAAACON!" Hook screamed.

"What are you doing?!" Emma snapped, grabbing the bacon out of his hand.

"Eating," Hook answered simply. "And sonic screwdriving things."

"With a piece of bacon?"

"Yep."

"...You're all drunk," Emma groaned. "I swear, there is not enough alcohol in the world."

"Good!" Hook said, brightening. "Then let's make more!"

"All right, so the first ride of the day is 'The Magic Carpets of Aladdin'," Regina read aloud from the map.

"Hey! That's my job!" Emma protested.

"Sweetie, don't be rude," Snow chided.

"But-" Emma protested.

"DON'T BE RUDE!" Snow shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Ok-okay," Emma stuttered.

"Good girl!" Snow said, beaming casually.

"Ooh! That worked!" Cora exclaimed. "Can you give me some parenting tips, please?"

"The park we'll be visiting first is 'Adventureland'," Regina continued.

"She's more thorough than you," Charming said.

"Grrr," Emma growled. "Well, I'm still better than you at doing something!"

"What is that, dear?" Regina smirked.

"I'm better... at.. being shipped!" Emma yelled. "Everyone ships me with everyone. Everyone knows I would have chemistry with a rock!"

"GASP!" Regina yelled. "Wait, what does that make you?"

"If I didn't have Charming, I'd be practically unshippable," Snow commented.

"Got that right," Regina muttered.

"I mean, honestly," Snow continued. "The only ones I can think of are Regina and Ruby."

"Eew!" Ruby said, popping up from the sidelines. "That's disgusting! Although it might work..."

"I don't understand you people," Regina said with a sigh. "Well, here we are, anyway." She led the group towards an attraction similar to something they'd seen before...

"Hey!" Hook yelled. "This is exactly the same thing as 'Dumbo The Flying Elephant' from California!" he shook his fist at the ride. "YOU COPYERS! OR COPIERS! OR COPYPEOPLE! THIS IS A FRAUD! A FRAUD I SAY!"

"But we can still enjoy it," Henry piped up. "I mean, new theme and all." Even so, as they boarded, Hook made a I'm-watching-you gesture at the usher.

"I am watching you," Hook growled. "I will always watch you."

"Hey! Stop ripping off our thing!" Charming cried.

"What? You mean 'I-will-always-find-you-and-I-mean-that-in-a-compl etely-non-stalkerish-way'?" Hook sneered.

"Facepalm," Emma groaned.

"This should be interesting," Gold said as the ride began to move.

"HELP! I'M FALLING!" Cora screamed. "OH GOD IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I DID THIS!"

"That sounds wrong," Hook commented.

Cora froze. "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BREATHE! THERE ISN'T ANY OXYGEN UP HERE! I'M GONNA DIE AND SUFFOCATE! AND THEN DIE AGAIN!"

"Cora, there's air up here," Emma said blankly.

"NO YOU IDIOT I CAN'T BREATHE!" Cora screamed.

"Ooh! A bug!" Charming squealed, popping something unidentifiable into his mouth. "Crunchy."

Quite suddenly, Snow screamed.

"What is it now?" Regina asked, slightly annoyed.

"CHARMING BIT ME!" Snow screamed.

"Gross," Regina said, pulling a face.

"NO! I MEAN HE BIT MY SHOULDER!" Snow yelled.

"WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?" Regina said.

"BECAUSE IT HURTS!" Snow yelled.

"Stay still so I can eat that bug that just landed on your shoulder!" Charming cried.

"Still, gross," Regina said with a groan.

"THAT ISN'T A BUG, THAT'S A ROCK!"

"WHY IS A ROCK ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MY PET ROCK!"

"WHY IS YOUR PET ROCK ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

"HIS NAME IS TIMOTHY!"

"WHY IS TIMOTHY ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"HANG ON, I JUST SAW A MOTH!"

"OWW! THAT'S MY HEAD!"

"SORRY!"

* * *

_**Charming and Snow are insane. Sometimes I worry about those two- wait, hang on. I wrote these ones... never mind. Maybe I'm insane.**_

_**R&R! I'll see ya'll next chapter! And be prepared, 'cus you never know what'll happen then...**_


	51. Prince Charming Carousel & Barnstormer

"Next up is 'Prince Charming Regal Carrousel'," Regina read aloud. "Yuck. It's pretty much a normal carousel, but there is some interesting history behind it. Did you know that each of the horse's name is the same as a member of the staff?"

"No, I didn't know," Emma sulked. "And that name suggests that you and Dad have a thing going on." Regina and Charming recoiled.

"Gross!" Charming made a face. "It just means I'm charming AND regal. Not that I'm dating Regina."

Several offscreen EvilCharming shippers sulked in dismay, the author being one of them.

"Listen to me, pudding face," Regina snarled. "I'M the only regal one here, got that? Why do you think my followers are EVIL REGALS you twerp?"

"She called me a twerp!" Charming said happily. "That's a good thing, right? Right?"

"Not gonna even bother," Neal groaned.

"REGINA!" Cora screamed upon sight of the carousel. "OH MY GOD! THEY'RE STUFFED HORSES!"

"Calm down," Regina said. "They're plastic."

"BUT THEY'RE REAL!"

"Doctor Who reference!" Neal and Hook cheered. "You know, plastic?"

"THEY ARE REAL!" Cora yelled. "I BET ONE OF THEM IS ACTUALLY YOUR OLD HORSE NAMED WHATCHAMACALLIT!"

"Rocinante, Mother, and they are fake," Regina said, slightly peeved. "They're like stone statues, only made out of different material."

"WEEPING ANGELS!" Belle suddenly screamed, before closing her eyes and calming down.

"Just get on the ride," Regina said, mounting a horse. Cora walked to the end and sat on a bench.

"I'll just sit here, thank you," she said simply. "No more circular rides for- OMG WE'RE MOVING! SAVE ME, I DON'T LIKE THIS!"

"Calm down, Mother," Regina reassured. "It's sort of almost over."

"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

"That's normal," Regina lied.

"No it isn't! Snow protested. Cora began to hyperventilate.

"OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA GET KILLED BY A PLASTIC BENCH!"

* * *

"Thanks for spoiling the ride," Regina grumbled. "All right, next up is 'The Barnstormer'."

"Interesting name," Emma commented.

"Regina," Snow said as she licked an ice cream cone. "I have something to tell you."

"Hurry it up, what is it?" Regina asked, peeved.

"Remember how you asked me if I had the Evil Queen in front of me if I would kill her?"

"Yeah," Regina said, her brow narrowing.

"Well, I wasn't gonna kill you," Snow admitted. "I was just gonna use some fairy dust to turn you into a cockroach. And then make a lizard eat you or something."

Regina's jaw dropped, her face resembling an 'o_O'. "You, uh, don't happen to have any of that dust on you now, do you?" Snow shook her head.

"I used it for Charming, we fell in love," Snow sighed happily.

"You turned Charming into a roach?" Regina asked in disbelief.

"No!" Snow exclaimed. "I just turned some monster thingies that were chasing us and saved his life."

"Dude, I didn't ask for your life story," Regina said, recoiling sharply.

"Well, I'm gonna tell it anyway! Or I'll write it down in a big brown book," Snow declared as they boarded the roller coaster.

"I don't think I can handle more roller coasters," Gold mumbled.

"It's just a kiddie ride," Neal reassured him.

"I've never met a kiddie before," Belle said, fascinated. "Are they a new type of species?"

"Kiddie is a term for kids," Neal said.

"Then why didn't you just say kids?"

"I don't know, actually," Neal realized.

"Lazy people," Hook groaned, just as the coaster began to move.

"AAAAH! THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY FACE!" Snow screamed suddenly.

"Are you sure there isn't something on your back?" Neal sneered. Hook slapped him a five for the reference.

"THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY FACE!"

"IS IT A MOTH?!" Charming yelled.

"No," Snow said, calming down. "Never mind, it was just air."

Cora's eye twitched.

"Whoo-hooo!" Henry cheered as they plummeted down a short drop.

"I want to buy a hat," Regina suddenly said. "And get a murderous llama. Anyone else getting these feels?"

"MY EARS!" Charming yelled. "I CAN'T FEEL THEM!" Snow leaned over and bit his ear. "OUCH!"

"You can feel them fine," Snow said, leaning back into her seat as the ride calmed.

"No, I mean the ears on top of my head," Charming said, gesturing towards his Mickey Mouse hat.

"Uhh... 'kay," Hook said slowly.

"It's over already?" Emma asked in disbelief as the cart came to a slow stop.

"But it was so short!" Neal exclaimed.

"That's how most kid's rides are," Regina said.

"Hey! See, Regina knows proper English!" Belle cried.

"Oh no," Neal moaned.

"Sorry, I think she's going through another one of her phases. You know, first the dark stuff, then the deep stuff, and now the Grammar Naziness."

"Gramma Naziness isn't a word," Belle said through gritted teeth. Gold put on a cheesy smile.

"Sorry, sweetie."

"I don't tolerate words with 'ie' at the end," Belle growled.

"But if I said sweet, it would sound like I was calling you a candy!" Gold protested.

"Grr," Belle growled.

"This is really weird," Regina muttered. "All right, so, next time, we'll be checking out 'Enchanted Tales With Belle' and some other cool places. Remember to R&R and be sure to F&F! Otherwise Fanfiction wouldn't have two F's!"

Snow and Charming looked at each other then back at Regina. "Who are you talking to?"

"The readers, of course."

"Yeah, sure, we'll do that stuff you asked," Emma said slowly, making a psychopath gesture.

"Of course, Mom," Henry said.

"Stop making psychopath gestures behind me," Regina snapped.

"Whaaaat?"

"I have eyes on the back of my head, you know," Regina said with a wry smile.

"Gross!" Charming made a face. Regina rolled her eyes.

"Not literally."

"Okay?"

* * *

_**R&R, F&F, you know the drill!**_

_****IMPORTANT****_

_**By the way, in a few days, I'll be going on an Alaskan cruise (it's Disney) and there won't be ANY wifi whatsoever, meaning... :( no updates for a week or so. But don't worry, I'll be back soon.**_

_**See y'all next chapter!**_


	52. Enchanted Tales With Belle Part 1

"I am not sure that I am going to enjoy this attraction," Belle stated boldly. Regina rolled her eyes.

"First of all, it's called 'Enchanted Tales With Belle'. Corny as the title is, I would so pay to have my name on the title of a ride. Second of all, shut up, no one's listening," Regina snapped back.

"But you listened," Belle said innocently.

"UGH!" Regina yelled, storming off.

"Why's she so grouchy?" Belle wondered as she ran ahead to go stand with Mr. Gold.

"Regina's grouchy?" Gold asked, surprised. "Really? 'Cos I thought she was just naturally like that." Belle rolled her eyes.

"Actually, ' 'cause ' and ' 'cos ' are not proper words. You should say 'because'," Belle corrected him.

"Whatever," Gold said, rolling her eyes. Belle's own gaze darkened noticeably.

"SAY. IT."

"Because!" Gold said quickly, pausing and singing the 'because' part in 'We're Off To See The Wizard'.

"Good," Belle said, vaguely lowering a knife.

"All right, 'Enchanted Tales With Belle', here we are!" Regina announced proudly. "Right this way in."

"Stop acting like the group leader," Emma whined. "It isn't fair!"

"All right, I'll stop acting like the group leader," Regina said fairly. "I mean, I already am the group leader, so I'm just gonna become the full-out group leader."

Emma's jaw dropped.

"HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?" Belle suddenly screamed as the lights went out and the wall began to glow an eerie color.

"Not I!" Gold said.

"Nor I!" Henry tossed in.

"Shut up!" Regina groaned as the glowing faded slightly and the doors opened automatically.

Henry gulped nervously and the group moved towards the hallway.

"I don't like this," Belle commented.

"I don't like your face," Charming mumbled. Snow smacked him in the arm. "OUCH!"

The group nervously made their way through the corridor, jumpy, looking around for monsters in the dark. But the only dark, devious, most hideous thing they would find in the room, according to Snow, was Emma's shoes. They were so appalling!

"Bonjour!" a voice suddenly spoke. Regina in the front froze, causing Gold to crash into her and cause a chain reaction. Belle after Gold after Regina, Snow after Charming after Emma, Henry after Neal after Hook after- you get it. The whole group ended up face-down on the floor.

"OUCH!" Charming yelled, rubbing his arm as he stood up. "That wasn't fun."

"Did that cabinet just talk?" Cora asked, pointing a shaky finger at the cabinet positioned in the middle of the room. Emma chuckled.

"Don't be ridiculous, Cora, cabinets don't talk," she said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Yeah, they don't talk, they only transport kiddies- I mean, kids," Snow corrected, after receiving a glare from Belle, "to another world. They can't talk; that would be preposterous!"

"Bonjour!" Madame Wardrobe, the cabinet, repeated. Snow's jaw dropped and Belle's teacup fell from her hands again.

"Please, let's have the young ones right up front," Madame Wardrobe continued. "Grown-ups behind there, so everyone can see."

The group scooted back and spread out across the room, Henry positioned at the front. Regina hesitated for a minute, before walking next to Henry in case this cabinet was hostile and ate children.

"Are we all here?" Madame Wardrobe inquired enthusiastically.

"I think we are," the usher said brightly.

"Wonderful!" Madame Wardrobe exclaimed. "Aren't you a good-looking bunch! Especially you in the back." Upon hearing these words, Charming darted to the far back and grinned widely.

"Tonight is a very special night! Tonight is the night Belle falls in love with the Beast." Belle and Gold made a face, similar to how one looks after eating a lemon. Not a FanFiction lemon, just a normal one.

"So we're gonna act out the story for them!" Madame Wardrobe continued. "First, we'll need two charming knights." Prince Charming immediately lit up and ran back to the front, jumping up and down at sight of a cardboard knight armor costume.

"MEEEE! PICK MEEEEE!" he yelled at the usher, waving his hands around. Henry giggled.

"I can play the role," Neal said coolly. The usher handed him a prop.

"Maybe he hasn't given you the role because he can't hear you," Henry joked.

"LOUDER! MEEEEEE!" Charming shrieked. Henry blanched, he wasn't being serious. The usher chuckled nervously before handing the cutout to the Prince. "YAAAAAY!"

"Next, we'll need the Beast," Madame Wardrobe continued. "He has a mighty ROAAAR!"

"Can everyone please roar for me?" the usher asked nervously, hoping that that man who had panicked was just the odd one in the group.

"ROOOOOOOOOOOAR!" Henry yelled. The rest were silent.

"Okay!" the usher said cheerfully, draping a red cloak around Henry's shoulders. "Go stand in the front with mister Knight!" Henry happily darted over.

"Next, we need Belle's father, Maurice!" Madame Wardrobe continued. Gold made a face like he'd tasted something nasty.

"Maurice gets locked in a dungeon and shivers from the cold!" Madame Wardrobe said darkly. Gold immediately brightened.

The usher handed Emma the bars and the former sheriff groaned, taking the prop and walking over to Henry and Charming.

"Next, we need someone to play Maurice's horse!" Madame Wardrobe said happily.

"Everybody, NEIGH!" the usher shouted happily.

"Neigh," Regina said unenthusiastically. She froze up when the cutout was handed to her. "Me?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes, you," the usher said cheerfully. Regina groaned and stalked up to the front with Henry, Charming, and Emma.

"Now we need someone to play the portrait! They're always laughing!" Madame Wardrobe voiced cheerfully.

"Ha," Cora deadpanned.

"Here you are!" the usher said, handing her the frame. Cora froze.

"Oh, great, it's like Hogwarts all over again," the mumbled, going to the front.

"And now, my friends, Mrs. Pott and dear little Chip!" Madame Wardrobe said happily. Gold jumped up at the sight of the teacup.

"NOOOOOO! BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!" he screamed, tackling the usher to the ground and hugging the cutouts protectively.

"Ouch!" the usher yelled, standing up. "That wasn't very nice!"

"My precious," Gold snarled, petting Chip. "MY PRECIOUS."

"Oh, and then there's Lumier's friend, the featherduster!" Madame Wardrobe continued as if nothing had happened. "She says, 'Oh La La'!"

"Oh, Lala!" the group repeated in horrible French.

"Here you go!" the usher said, handing Mary Margaret the featherduster. Her nose crinkled up in disapproval but she moved over to the corner with the others.

"And, finally, we'll need someone to play ME!" Madame Wardrobe said cheerfully. "I need everyone to sing in their best soprano voices!"

Unfortunately, Hook was the only one left, so he swallowed and sang a high A quite perfectly. The usher and rest of the group stared at him awkwardly.

"He's a better soprano than you!" Snow said, giving Charming a nudge, shocked.

"Now, Lumiere will be coming in here in a minute. File into the library and take your seats," Madame Wardrobe explained carefully.

"Madame Wardrobe! We are ready!" came Lumiere's voice from the other room.

"Oh!" Madame Wardrobe said happily. "All right, cast, that's your cue! Good luck! Bye-bye!"

"I'm not cut out for theatre work," Cora said nervously as she took a seat with her picture frame cutout.

"Don't worry, you'll be picture perfect!" Hook said, flashing her a thumbs-up. She scowled and rolled her eyes.

"I think we're ready," one of the ushers said, backing away from the curtain to reveal Lumiere.

* * *

_**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and I hope you liked it! Please R&R! I'm having a great cruise. :D Part Two is up next.**_


	53. Tales W Belle Pt 2 & Casey Jr Station

"Bonjour and good day, ladies and gentlemen!" Lumiere said with a wink. "Are we ready to begin?"

"YES!" Charming screamed, limbs limp from fangirliness over his knight costume.

"Yeah," Belle said, looking bored.

"Bonjour!" a sudden voice called, causing Belle and the rest of the group to turn, seeing a brown-haired woman in a yellow dress waltz into the room from the corner.

"Whatda frequently asked questions?!" Belle exclaimed, watching the other Belle, or, Beauty, run around the room.

"Hello! You look lovely today. Lumiere! What are all my friends doing here?" Beauty asked.

"YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND!" Belle screamed, but Beauty seemed to ignore her. Mr. Gold was sitting shock-still.

"We thought it would be fun to act out the story for you!" Lumiere cheerfully replied.

"SHUT UP YOU SKINNY PIECE OF WAX!" Belle shouted.

"Oh, a story? I love stories!" Beauty said excitedly, sort-of nervously eyeballing the bulge-eyed Belle.

"Very well, then," Lumiere replied. "Let's begin! Once, there was a charming young woman named Belle."

"GASP!" Beauty and Belle gasped at the same time. "That's me!"

The only difference between the two was that Beauty girlishly giggled after everything she said. Belle huffed and crossed her arms.

"Listen, you incessant, whiny, toad," Belle snapped, standing up. "Get out of here. It's called, 'Enchanted Tales With Belle' and I'm Belle."

"This isn't gonna end well, is it?" Henry noted from the audience.

"Nothing ends well," Emma said with a sigh. "I hate endings as it is. It can't be happy, because it was the end. Ooh, except for Twilight. The ending was my favorite part."

"GET OUTTA HERE! THIS IS MY SHOW!" Belle screamed.

"STOP SHAKING ME!" Beauty whined.

"YOU'RE SO RUDE!" Belle shouted.

"WERE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF ON THAT ONE?" Beauty shouted back.

"GASP!" Belle gasped. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK OR YOU'LL BE COUGHING UP GUNPOWDER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

"I'M WARNING YOU; I'M A RAINBOW BELT IN KARATE!" Beauty shouted, both stared at each other for a minute, before whipping girly blows at each other.

"Girls, girls, you're both ugly, now, stop," Cora said shushingly.

"Shushingly wasn't a real word," Belle corrected.

"But it's cool."

"And saying cool things makes you cool?" Mary Margaret asked in disbelief. "Really? Oh, in that case... ice cube... snowstorm... snow... snowing..."

"You're gonna make me blow my top, prissy!" Beauty shouted.

"That sounded wrong!" Hook yelled from the audience.

"You just can't open your mouth without an innuendo sneaking its way out, can you?" Neal asked, exasperated.

"Has anyone noticed that the candlestick is still talking?" Cora asked. "How does it do that? Is it magic?"

"Whatever you say," Neal said, annoyed, watching Belle and Beauty fight. "This is better than the movies!"

* * *

"That was terrible," Belle said as she tried to brush something unidentifiable out of her hair. "Let's never do that again."

"Agreed," Emma said. "All right, so, next up is-"

"Next up is '_Casey Jr_. _Splash_ 'N' _Soak_ Station', Miss Swan, as if you even know where we're going," Regina scoffed. "Didn't you notice, I'm THE LEADER here?"

"I was just sayin'," Emma said slowly.

"Then don't say," Regina snapped.

"Where are we even going?" Emma wondered.

"OH MY GOD, THERE'S WATER HERE!" Snow suddenly screamed. "I'M GONNA MELT!"

"Calm down, Snow, there isn't any water here- AAGH!" Charming yelled as a squirt of water hit him in the face.

"That's interesting," Belle noted.

"Humans," Hook joked.

"Shut it with the Doctor Who comments!" Neal shouted.

"I'M MELTING!" Snow screamed.

"MY DRESS!" Cora shrieked. "IT'S GOTTEN WET!"

"Geez, you'd expect... well..." Emma mumbled, jumping up in shock as Henry pushed her into a puddle and giggled maniacally.

"Henry? What are you doing? Why'd you push me into a puddle? And why are you laughing evilly?" Emma wondered.

"I'm practicing my evilness," Henry said. "Plus my evil laugh."

"That was an evil laugh?" Gold sneered. "Sounded more like something choking."

"Hey!" Regina snapped. "I think it sounded good!"

"Really?" Henry asked.

"Well... sure," Regina said slowly.

"Hate to say it, but I agree with Gold," Emma butted in. "You aren't evil, kid."

"He is too, I raised him!" Regina yelled.

"No, he's not!" Emma yelled just as a squirt of water hit her in the face.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"MELTING! I'M MELTING!" Snow's shouting broke the two out of their thoughts.

"You aren't, you're fine!" Charming reassured her.

"IT BURNS!" Snow shrieked.

"What are you doing, Mother?" Regina wondered, noticing that Cora was staring at a fake elephant.

"I'm having a staring contest," Cora said.

"Your dress is wet," Regina commented.

"Yeah, it is," Cora said absently.

"Why are you staring at a fake elephant?" Henry wondered finally.

"Because I am," Cora said.

"I just pushed Emma into a puddle!" Henry exclaimed happily.

"That's nice," Cora said. "BWAAAH!" she yelled as water was squirted into her face.

"Wow," was all Henry said. "That weird or what?"

* * *

_**Oops! Sorry this took a while. We've hit 'Hell Week' in our performance and stuff, and more work for me since I got into that thing I auditioned for (not that I'm complaining... ;) But it might mean less updates and stuff this week.**_

_**Anyway, if anyone's wondering, Hell Week is the worst week in musical productions and stuff, 'cos it's the final week for practice before the actual production. Quite literally, I'm gonna be working from nine to five everyday. (Well, 10 to 4, but you get the idea.)**_

_**R&R!**_


	54. The Barnstormer & Haunted Mansion Part 1

"Next up, we've got 'The Barnstormer'," Emma said.

"Where's Regina?" Cora wondered.

"Somewhere," Emma said.

"Where is she?" Cora asked firmly. Emma sighed.

"I tied her up and threw her in the pond," Emma said with a sigh.

"Great," Cora said. "Come along, pond," she said, magicking Regina out of the pond.

"I'm wet," Regina groaned.

"That could be an innuendo!" Hook shrieked.

"Shut up and get on board," Neal hissed.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen!" Goofy's voice spoke happily.

"I think you've made a mistake, I don't see any ladies or gentlemen in here," Gold sniffed. "Except for Belle and myself, of course." Hook rolled his eyes.

"Welcome to my plane, the Barnstormer! Please remember to keep your arms, legs, feet, and hands inside the vehicle at all times, and watch your children!" Goofy continued.

"Why do they never say ears?" Henry wondered. "Everyone needs ears. Ears are delicious."

"What's wrong with Henry?" Charming wondered.

"I gave him some candy," Snow said, tapping on her phone. "Here we go, great sound effect!"

"That isn't so pleasant," Charming said.

"What did you say?" Cora asked, cocking her head to the side. "Something about a peasant?"

"I said, this isn't so pleasant."

"You said 'this missing soap pendant'?" Cora asked. "What is a soap pendant, anyway? Well, whatever it is, I want one," she said, frowning.

"Bacon," Hook said.

"That is not grammatically correct," Belle said, her features hardening.

"But-"

"That is not grammatically correct," Belle repeated.

"You made that up!" Hook said. "It is grammatically correct!"

"You're irresponsible," Belle said slowly.

"Irresponsible? What's that supposed to mean?" Hook wondered. "Is, er... irraeasponsible even a word?"

"Irresponsible," Belle corrected.

"I bet that's not even a word," Hook said boldly. "I bet you're just making things up to sound smart."

"Face-palm," Belle said.

"What are you facepalming for?" Hook wondered.

"It's called, face-palm. You need to add a little dash in between the two or it's not a real word," Belle hissed.

"What do you mean, this isn't the real world?!" Cora asked, panicked, after mishearing Belle's comment. "I'M NOT REAL? OH MY GOD, I'M DREAMING! OH MY GOD! I'M NOT REAL! IT'S LIKE CORACEPTION!"

"Or Disneyception," Gold joked.

"That is grammatically incorrect," Belle hissed.

"Sorry," Gold said.

"We're flyiiing!" Snow sang. "Free flyyyyyiiiiin!"

"I can't feel my feet," Cora said.

"Why not?" Regina wondered.

"Well, if you don't think about them, then you can't really feel them, can you?" Belle asked. "GASP! What if we're not real? What if we're machines? What if when we blink we aren't real?"

"That's scary," Henry said. "But what if you're right? What if we're all actually narwhals?"

"That makes no sense- aaaaaaah!" Emma shrieked just as the ride plummeted downwards.

"Wait! TIMOTHY!" Snow screamed as the rock fell off her shoulder with the drop. "NOOO!"

"It's a rock," was all Gold said.

"HE WAS MORE THAN A ROCK!" Snow sobbed. "HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME!"

"Hey!" Charming protested.

"IT'S TRUE!" Snow whined. "I LOVED HIM!"

"It's a rock," Gold said again.

"It is a HE!" Snow shrieked. "TIMOTHY! WHY! TIMMY!"

"Facepalm," Emma groaned as the ride bucked up and down again, before slowing to a stop. A sign above read 'Fly Again Soon!'.

* * *

"It wasn't his time," Snow whined.

"I found you your rock," Henry said, nudging Snow and holding up a rock.

"That isn't Timothy!" Snow protested. "He was more rugged and handsome!"

"It says Timothy on the bottom," Henry said.

"TIMMY!" Snow shrieked, hugging the rock. "IT'S YOU!"

"Why is Regina staring at me?" Hook wondered suddenly.

"Hello?" Emma asked, waving a hand in front of Regina.

"Is there something on my face?" Hook wondered.

"Next up is 'The Haunted Mansion'," Regina said suddenly as if nothing out of the blue had happened. "It's not the holiday version, we're way past that, but the original. A movie has been published, which was inspired by the ride. It received a rating of 13% on Rotten Tomatoes, and-"

"Shut it, we get it, okay?" Emma groaned. "Thanks, Shakespeare."

"It also received a total of 4.8 on IMDb," Regina continued.

"Shut it, and let's just go!" Emma hissed.

"Emma, dear, don't be rude," Snow said sweetly.

"But-"

"DON'T BE RUDE!" Snow said, her eyes flashing red.

"Right. Sorry," Emma said.

"Here it is," Regina said, leading the group to the place.

"Wow, it looks so different when it's not like, in holiday version," Henry said.

"It's weird," Hook said.

"This is more like it," Cora said boldly. "This place, I could live in."

"You're always saying that," Gold said.

"It's better than a pink house," Cora said tauntingly.

"I like my pink house," Gold said boldly.

"No, you don't, you're always complaining about how Regina made it pink," Belle countered.

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't gonna tell her that," Gold hissed.

"Good job," Cora said, slapping Regina five.

"Now, this rendition of the Haunted Mansion was first built in-"

"SHUT IT!" Emma howled.

"You're just jealous that I know more than you," Regina said. "For example, did you know that Walt Disney originally used actual skeletons for his rides because fake ones seemed to be too unrealistic? However, when the park was revamped, they replaced the real skeletons with fake ones."

"You're insane," Emma said, before entering the attraction lobby.

"You're jealous," Regina countered.

* * *

**_Stella 7/22/13 . chapter 53_**

**_I literally just found this story yesterday. I. Love. It. It's hilarious. You know what'd be awesome was if they ran into the actors who played their characters at one of the parks_**

**_Our 500th review. You know what this means, you get to submit a prompt!_**

**_But 500 reviews?! I think this counts for an award, or something, 'cos seriously?! YOU GUYS ARE INCREDIBLE!_**

**_I remember when I wrote the first chapter, I thought, should I post this? And I'm really glad I did, because I'm so surprised by the response to this story, seriously. It means sooo much to me and I can't even express how much._**

**_I'd like to thank everyone who's R&R'd so far, and thanks so much for your continued support! :D_**


	55. Haunted Mansion Part 2 (ORIGINAL VER)

Henry shuddered. "I know it isn't the same ride, but the room still creeps me out." he mentioned to a ballerina in one of the pictures. "I mean, you know..."

"It's a ballerina," Cora said. "Nothing creepy about that, unless it's Hook cross-dressing."

"Hey!" Hook said. "I don't cross-dress THAT much!"

"Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your... Ghost Host," an overhead voice spoke ominously.

"Ooh," Charming said. "Pretty lights!"

_"Kindly step all the way in please and make room for everyone. There's no turning back now. Our tour begins here in this gallery where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state," _the Ghost Host continued.

"Ooh, the Ghost Host still sounds creepy," Emma said.

_"Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm?"_

"Well, f*ck," Emma mumbled, watching the pictures move up to reveal that the ballerina was standing on a thin wire above a crocodile. Hook paled.

"IT'S A CROCODILE!" he screamed. "GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAAAAY!"

"That's actually really clever," Cora noted. "I wish I'd thought of that, but I want moving pictures in my house. I must find out what kind of magic they're using!"

_"And consider this dismaying observation. This chamber has no windows and no doors, which offers you this chilling challenge, to find a way out!"_

"I'M SCARED!" Snow bawled, grabbing onto Timothy and at the same time clawing for Charming, whose eyes widened in the dark.

"THERE'S SOMETHING GRABBING ME!" he howled.

"I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! WHAT IF IT GETS ME?!" Snow shrieked. "EAT HIM FIRST! EAT CHARMING FIRST!"

"AAAH!" Charming shrieked.

_"Of course, there's always my way,"_ the Ghost Host continued, just as the group looked up to see the flash of thunder and lightning and hear an echoing scream.

"I can't get any connection to call for help," Neal said, his eyes widening. "I knew I should've switched to Verizon!"

"Phew," Belle said, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the doors open up. "I forgot that happened for a second there."

"It's the same ride, but it's so... different," Gold commented.

"Of course," Regina said. "They always deck it up around Halloween and Christmas in the months October and December to fit with the tale of Jack Skellington and-"

"Okay, okay, we get it!" Emma hissed as she walked into a familiar hallway with moving pictures.

_"Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely, the real chills come later. Now, as they say, look alive, and we'll continue our little tour. And let's all stay together, please."_

"OH MY GOD! IT'S A SHIP!" Hook screamed, running up to a picture. "I LOVE THIS SHIP I WANT IT!"

"It's a picture, Hook," Gold said.

"IT'S MORE THAN A PICTURE!"

"Dear God, it's like 'Timothy 2'," Emma mumbled.

"NOOO!" Neal suddenly screamed, seeing the two statues at the end of the hall that appeared to look wherever you went. "IT'S A WEEPING ANGEL! IT'S GONNA KILL US!"

"What?" Emma said. "But that isn't an angel."

"DON'T STOP LOOKING AT IT!" Hook howled. "WE'LL ALL DIE! WE'RE ALL DEAD!"

Emma dragged the two away from the statue, just as Neal glared at it. "I'm watching you."

_"There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts from all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand. Any volunteers?"_

Cora swallowed and jumped up. "PICK ME! PICK MEEE!"

_"If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer,"_ the Ghost Host continued. _"The carriage that will carry you into the moldering sanctum of the spirit world will accommodate you and one or two loved ones. Kindly watch your step as you board, please. We spirits haunt our best in gloomy darkness, so remember, no flash pictures, please."_

"DARN IT!" Hook shrieked, placing his camera in his bag as he climbed into a carriage with Cora. Gold and Belle boarded a cart, Emma and Neal, Charming and Snow, Regina and Henry.

"HELP! THE BAR WON'T GO DOWN!" Snow screamed. "I'M GONNA FALL OUT AND DIE! I'M GONNA DIE IN THE HAUNTED MANSION... AT DISNEYLAND! OH MY GOD, I CAN SEE THE LIGHT ALREADY!"

"Do not pull down on the safety bar, please, I will lower it for you," the Ghost Host warned.

"Oops," Snow said. "Forgot that bit."

"I think I'm deaf," Charming moaned.

_"And heed this warning, the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated at all times,"_ the Ghost Host finished just as the group was pulled into a corridor filled with doors.

"There's too many doors!" Charming screamed.

"I may never look at a door the same way again," Cora ruefully noted.

"But if there's a door, there's got to be a way out," Snow said, trying to get out of the cart just as the doorknob rattled as if there was something in there trying to get out.

_"All our ghosts have been dying to meet you! This one can hardly contain himself!"_

"Never mind," she said hastily.

"Sounds like a Hook ghost," Cora said with a grin.

"I am not a ghost!" Hook whined. "You're a ghost!"

_"Unfortunately, they all seem to have trouble getting through. Perhaps Madame Leota can establish contact. She has a remarkable head for materializing the disembodied."_

"It's the head," Henry said. "It's the talking green head again."

"ELPHABA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU LAST TIME?!" Cora yelled, trying to stand up. "YOU GET YOUR HEAD DOWN FROM THERE AT ONCE! YOU'LL CATCH A HEADCOLD!" she sat back down.

"She's so hardheaded at times," she mumbled to Hook as Madame Leota continued to chant. "She really does give me a headache."

"Why isn't her chant appearing on the page?" Henry wondered suddenly.

"Disney owns the rights," Emma said with a shrug.

_"The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They're assembling for a swinging wake, and they'll be expecting me. I'll see you all a little later..."_

"Sounded wrong," Hook said just as the group was pulled into a familiar hall, one that they recognized similar to the gingerbread-house room.

"There's too many ghosts in here," Regina said. "And not enough scare, it seems," she mumbled, just as a ghost lifted up a gun.

"I SURRENDER!" she screamed.

"Facepalm," Emma mumbled.

* * *

**_All righty! So a few reviewers asked a chapter ago what I auditioned for, it's a short part in Sister Act for the solo 'Shout'._**

**_Now, there's one specific review..._**

**_Stella 7/25/13 . chapter 54_**

**_500 reviews! Congratulations! I stand by my previous review. Could you pleaseeee have them meet their actors? And if you are going to WDW then go on Rockin' Roller Coaster in Hollywood Studios. Thanks!_**

**_I'm very, very sorry, I really am, but real-life people/characters aren't allowed in FanFictions. Seriously, it's in the guidelines I have to submit to every time I post something new._**

**__****"Entries not allowed:**

Non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians**_"_**

**__****So there you are. Sorry about that. I'd really have a lot of fun with that, and don't get me wrong, it's a brilliant idea. I'll have them do Rockin' Roller Coaster, but is there anything else you'd like? **

**__****Now! For the rest of my lovely readers, please do continue to R&R! Thanks to all of you and I shall see you in the next chapter!**


	56. Haunted Mansion Part 3

"Whoo," Cora said as the cart pulled them into another dark room. "What is this place? I haven't seen someplace this messy since I went to Hook's house."

"Why did you go to Hook's house?" Emma asked.

"We're friends, okay?" Hook defended. "So what if she came over for a drink?"

"I refuse to believe you two simply had a drink," Regina scoffed.

"Hey! It's true!" Hook yelled.

"She's just winding you up," Emma said.

"Hooked Queen, this ship will sail!" Hook yelled.

"What about Captain Swan?" Emma whined.

"Hmm," Hook said. "Give me a minute to think about- no."

"OH MY GOD!" Henry screamed as he saw a greenish ghostlike figure in the room.

"What is it?! Is it an evil spirit?" Hook asked, his cart was behind Henry's.

"It's a woman!" Henry yelled.

Hook crossed himself.

"Wait, it's a dead ghost woman," Henry yelled again. "Is that better?"

"No! It's worse!" Hook yelled.

"Phew, we're leaving the room and going... holy crap," Emma said. "It's the graveyard! You know, the one from before?"

"I know something's gonna jump out, I know something's gonna jump out," Charming repeated, before pausing. "Hey, nothing's jumping out- AAAGH! SNOW SOMETHING JUMPED OUT!"

"Aww, little ghosty," Snow was cooing, smiling every time a ghost popped up. "Look, he came up to see me- HEY! HE WENT DOWN! COME BACK GHOSTY! COME BACK!"

"This is seriously deluded," Hook said shaking his head as he watched Snow shake her fist at a statue.

"Look at this sh*t," Cora said, motioning towards three singing statues of heads.

"Holy crud, they're singing head ghost statues," Neal said.

"I don't like how they're looking at me," Belle whined.

"It'll be okay, yeah?" Gold asked.

"Stop being fluffy!" Belle whined. "You're ruining the crack!"

"STAY AWAY FROM CRACKS IN YOUR WALL!" Hook suddenly shouted.

"Ah, there you are, and just in time!" the Ghost Host exclaimed. "There's a little matter I forgot to mention. Beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return! Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!"

"Holy ship," Emma said as she watched with big eyes as a ghost appeared in the cart. She looked to the side and there was nothing, but it was visible in the mirror.

"HOLY F*CKING SHIP THERE'S A GHOST ON MY FACE!" Cora screamed. "GET IT OFF THIS INSTANT! GUYS! THERE'S A GHOST ON MY FACE!"

"It could be worse," Henry commented as he looked at his ghost in the mirror. "At least they aren't the ghosts of vampires, because if they were we wouldn't be able to see something in the mirror."

"OH MY GOD!" Cora shrieked, spinning around in circles in an attempt to get the 'ghost' off, not realizing it was just a spectrum in the mirror. "IT'S EVERYWHERE! IT'S ON MY NECK! ON MY FACE! ON MY BACK! GET IT OFF MY BACK!"

"Ghosty," Snow said, trying to hug the ghost and frowning. "I go right through him. I want to hug Ghosty."

"He's not real," Charming said.

"HE IS REAL!" Snow screamed, grabbing his collar and shaking him. "HE'S REALER THAN THE REALEST REAL THING ON THE REALLY REAL WORLD, YOU GOT THAT?"

"Clear as a ghost," Charming gulped as she safety bar was raised. The group slid out of their seats except for Snow who refused to leave.

"HE IS MY GHOST AND I AM NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND!" Snow shrieked.

"Uhm, well, Ma'am, you see, the Ghost is always with you, you can only see him if you look in a mirror," the usher stuttered, trying to get Snow out of the chair.

"Okay!" Snow said, hopping out of the chair.

"Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We've been dying to have you," Madame Leota drawled.

"Ohh, that's so creepy," Henry said with a shudder.

"Not as creepy as the Snowing ship," Hook scowled.

"Careful, that's my ship!" Charming warned.

* * *

Afterwards, Emma had to use the restroom so the group stopped by for a break.

"Where's Snow gone?" Hook suddenly wondered.

"No clue," Charming said with a shrug. "Maybe she went in with Emma?"

Suddenly, they heard a piercing scream from the bathroom.

"THEY LIED TO ME!" Snow screamed.

"She's looking in the mirror, isn't she?" Regina deadpanned.

"Yeah," Emma said.

"Dear, there is a ghostly element in there," Regina called. "It's called your face."

* * *

_**Haha. Hope you liked that little tidbit at the end. Please remember to R&R and I shall see you in the next chapter! Be prepared, though, 'cos it's gonna be a little crazy. Up next we've got Rockin' Roller Coaster so please do stay tuned, thank you. :D**_

_**(P.S. IMPORTANT: Stella, I'll be sure to to do the American Idol thing. Problem is, I can't use real song lyrics so it might take a bit to get it up and stuff 'cos of copyrights. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do it, but I'll have to look for song lyrics not in the public domain. If anyone knows any good songs that aren't in the public domain, please be sure to let me know.**_

_**Or are you okay with me just having them sing it but with no lyrics? Any songs in particular you'd prefer? For example, I can have them sing 'Jar of Hearts', I just can't put the lyrics in. Please let me know if you'd prefer song lyrics not in the public domain (which does limit the songs to ballads and classics like the Alphabet Song, Row your Boat, etcetera) or have them sing songs without lyrics. Thanks!)**_


	57. Rockin' Roller Coaster

"All right, next up, we've got 'Rockin Roller Coaster'," Regina said. "It was first built in-"

"Shut up," Emma said as they neared the ride.

"What is this noise I'm hearing?" Cora wondered.

"That's Rock 'n Roll," Emma answered. "God, I do love rock."

"I hate it, it sounds like someone puking," Cora said darkly.

"You look like someone's puke," Emma retaliated. "I like rock. Deal with it."

"Hey, guys, I just realized something," Snow said, her eyes widening. "If people are being negative, I bet if you say something nice then it makes them happy!" Snow said. "Okay, so I better thing of something nice... what do people like? ...AHA! BANANA!"

"What?" Emma finally asked.

"BANANA!" Snow screamed. "SPREAD THE LOVE! BANANA!"

"I'm just gonna scoot away and pretend I don't know her," Regina said.

"Are we almost there?" Henry whined. "The line is so long. Can't you use magic to make it shorter?"

"No," Cora said sternly. "The farther away I am from this noise the b-"

"BANANAAAAA!"

"Fine," Cora mumbled, waving her hand. The line vanished and she whipped on a set of earmuffs. "That's better!"

"Ohmygod it's Selena Gomez!" Emma shrieked. "OH MY GOD! IT'S A POSTER OF SELENA GOMEZ!"

Cora blinked then took off her earmuffs. "Sorry, did you say something about serene Wizards of Waverly Place?"

"No," Emma said. "I just said Selena Gomez."

"Oh," Cora said.

"Look!" Snow squealed as they neared the entry. She ran over to the display case which presented several different microphones. "It's microphones! BANANAS! SPREAD THE LOVE!"

"Is anyone going to make her stop?" Gold asked, annoyed.

"I doubt it," Regina said dryly, slipping on a pair of earmuffs herself.

"Then I'll have a set as well," Gold said.

"Why do all the villains hate rock 'n roll?" Emma wondered. "I always thought it was more their style."

"I like classic," Regina, Gold, and Cora chorused.

"Weird," Emma said.

"I like country!" Charming piped up.

"Shut up, nobody asked for your opinion," Gold sniffed.

"Look!" Henry said, pointing into the next room. "There's people there!"

The group watched as another group of people walked into a limousine. The author cheered at how jinxy that sentence sounded them promptly shut up because she was supposed to be doing her math homework.

"Wait, hang on, we can't leave these people here like this!" a man with glasses and frizzy hair spoke, stopping the second group again.

"JIIIIIINNXXX!" the author screamed.

"We can't?" a woman who looked suspiciously like Regina groaned.

"No, we can't," the man spoke. "Let's take 'em backstage!"

"Yeah!" both groups chorused.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, please make your way over to the left," a voice on intercom spoke. Belle's eyes widened.

"THE VOICE IS BACK!" she screamed.

"Riight," Hook said. "You know, I'm just gonna use this as an excuse to inch away from you and closer to Regina..."

"What did you say?" Regina wondered, lifting up her earmuff. Hook froze then started casually whistling.

"Nothing!" he said, breaking out a sweat. "Nothing at all!"

"And they think we haven't noticed," Emma whispered to Charming.

"We've finally made it," Henry said once he saw the roller coaster, breathing a sigh of relief. "Finally."

"This should be interesting," Cora told Hook as she took a seat. "I mean, it should be interesting because I totally hate Rock 'n Roll." (Unfortunately, the author spilled the beans again and told the readers those were not earmuffs, they were headphones and she was listening to 'Jar of Hearts' at this moment.)

"F*ck," Cora swore.

"BAAAANAAAAAANAAAA!"

"Will somebody shut her- aaaah," Gold groaned just as the ride began to move. "That did not go well with me. I think I'm regenerating."

"Are you the TARDIS?" Hook joked to Regina. "'Cause you sure are sexy."

"What?" Regina asked. "What's a TURDIS?"

"Never mind," Hook said.

"Is tonight Saturday, 'cos I'm gonna miss Sherlock," Regina said.

"Oh, no, not another one of those," Hook groaned. "But Wholock needs to happen!"

"Shut it, nerds-"

"BANANAAAAAA!"

"This ride is so slow," Cora commented. "When is it going to get more- AAAAAAAAAGH!" she screamed as the coaster finished driving upwards and plummeted down a steep drop very quickly.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Charming shrieked.

"BANANA!" Snow yelled.

"I CAN'T FIND MY LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT!" Henry whined.

"WHERE DID MY HOOK GO?" Hook yelled.

"WHY IS THERE A GOLDFISH ON MY FACE?" Gold wondered.

"WHAT IS 2 DIVIDED BY 3 MINUS NEGATIVE 4 PLUS THE SQUARE ROOT OF 64?" the author wailed.

"SHUT UP AUTHOR, WE'RE NOT HELPING YOU WITH YOUR MATH!" Cora shouted.

"There's a stop sign!" Charming gasped.

"Well, I don't care, I'm a rebel!" Emma sniffed. "GERONIMO!"

"ALONS-Y!"

"WHERE IS TIMOTHY?!"

"Whoo," Snow said as it slowed down. "I think it's over."

"Well, that's no fair!" Henry pouted as Gold picked a goldfish off of his face.

"That poor traumatized goldfish!" Snow gasped, her lips almost matching the pout the goldfish had on. "Give him some water!"

"Yeah, yeah," Cora said, waving her hand and making a fishbowl. Snow plopped the fish in and sighed happily.

"I'm not carrying him around the park," Cora said, handing the bowl to Snow.

"Oh, I'll carry him!" Snow volunteered. "Ooh, pick me! Pick me!"

"Snow, you carry him," Cora said.

"I'll name you Timothy!" Snow said cheerfully, before frowning. "Wait, I already named my rock that. Oh, I know, I'll call you Rock 'n Roll! Or Rocky for short."

"Oh, the irony," Emma said, shaking her head.

"I really need a calculator," the author mumbled.

* * *

_**Seriously, you guys are sooo lucky I had time- okay, well, used my math time to write this.**_


	58. American Idol Part 1 (Auditions)

"Right," Snow said. "So this is the one, yeah?"

"Sure," Henry said. "Well, what are you gonna sing?"

"I didn't even think about it," Snow gasped. "What AM I gonna sing?"

"Sing... pop songs," Henry suggested.

"Yeah, that helps a lot," Hook mumbled. "Look at them, slapping numbers off on us. I'm 13. What 'bout you?"

"I'm 11," Henry said.

"Ten," Snow said simply.

"I think Hook should be 24601," Emma joked.

"...What?" Hook asked.

"Never mind," Emma said. "Les Mis reference."

"Mother!" Regina whined. "Stop playing with your number!"

"But it's just SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH!" Cora screamed.

"Okay," was all Gold said.

.

"Hi!" Snow said. "My name is Mary Margaret Blanchard, although my friends call me Mary Sue. I really don't know why, because-"

"Yes, yes, moving on?" Timothy, the first judge asked.

"Right! I'm going to sing 'I Dreamed A Dream'!" Snow said.

"Pop songs," the second judge, George, said.

"Okay, well... is Rock pop?" Snow asked.

"No, Rock is not pop," George groaned.

"Okay," Snow said. "Can I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?"

"That isn't pop either," the third judge, Maria, said.

"Okay. How about... 'Bad Reputation'?" Snow asked. A blonde suddenly popped her head in the room.

"Did someone say 'Bad Wolf'?" she asked.

"No," Snow said.

"Never mind," she said, retreating.

"That's a rock song, I believe," George moaned. "Can't you sing something else?"

"How about... Stronger?" Snow asked.

"The Kanye West song?" George asked.

"Kelly Clarkson," Snow said.

"Okay, go ahead, sing," Maria said.

"I can't," Snow stated. "Copyrights."

.

"'Cause who do you think you are? Running 'round in city baaaars! Gatherin' that jar of taaar!" Cora sang.

"I thought you were going to sing 'Jar of Hearts'," Maria said.

"Yeah, I am, but I changed the lyrics," Cora said. "I think I made it better, don't you?"

.

"Just eat your mother's dress!" Regina sang. "Don't need to confess, it's always such a mess, just eat your mother's dress!"

"Okay," Maria said. "Tell me again, what is this from?"

"It's from Happy Land!" Regina said. "No copyrights there, 'cos the author wrote it."

"Right," Maria said. "Well, you're good, I'll give you that."

.

"And that's how we all came to be the Charming buuuuunch!" Charming sang. "There's albums available for purchase," he added. "I can ship them to you if you like."

"Riiight," Timothy said.

"Is he done?" George asked, taking out some earplugs.

.

"I'm singing 'Because of You' by Kelly Clarkson," Emma stated as she walked in.

"Well, you're very thorough," Maria said with a smile.

"Thanks," Emma said. "All right."

"Wow," George commented as she started to sing. "She's actually pretty good."

"I'm just glad she's not singing about eating dresses," Timothy commented.

.

"I'm Henry!" Henry said sweetly as he walked in.

"Hello there, you cutie," Maria said. "What are you gonna sing for us today?"

"Well," Henry said. "I think I'm gonna sing..."

(Meanwhile, outside)

"Stop eating gum wrappers," Gold told Belle. "It's not healthy."

"But they have all the flavor!" Belle whined, just as Henry hit another loud note.

"Is he ever gonna stop?" Gold moaned.

"What?" Cora asked, taking off her headphones. "Sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"I said, is he ever gonna stop?"

"Is he ever going to mop?" Cora asked. "Why would he mop the floor here?"

"I can't believe they even let him sing 'Bad Reputation'," Snow said, shaking her head. "They wouldn't let me."

.

"Hi!" Belle said sweetly.

"Sorry, what?" Timothy asked, rubbing his ears. "My ears are a bit... messed up. That kid was singing a bit loud."

"Hi!" Belle repeated. "Sorry, he's my... uh... grandkid?"

Pause.

"Oh, that's awkward," Belle mumbled. "Anyway, I'm going to sing 'Clarity'."

"All right," the judge said. "Shoot."

.

"NOOOO!" Maria screamed. "Don't leave! You're the only sane one here!"

"Sorry," Belle said. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"NOOOO!"

.

"Hello," Hook said, clicking his tongue.

"And you are?" Timothy asked, the expression on his face best described as bored.

"Hook," Hook said. "Or Killian Jones. Whichever you prefer." Another tongue click.

"Right," Maria said. "What will you be- ooh, sexy eyebrow- huh? Oh, I mean, what will you be singing today?"

"Troublemaker," Hook said.

"I see," Maria said.

.

"Because I will go down with the Rumbelle ship," Gold sang. "I really don't sing, can I just stop? Please?"

"No, Dad, come on," Neal said. "We're auditioning together."

"Right," Gold said. "Whenever we go, wherever we leave, we're going to get out of this together!"

"That's not the right lyrics," Neal said. "But never mind."

.

"Okay, so, I've run through the results," Maria said, bringing the group of judges around. "Hello." she waved at Hook who winked back.

"That's not fair!" Regina whined. "HE'S MINE YOU HEAR ME! MIINE!"

"Shh!" Belle hissed. "You're gonna wake the narwhal!"

"Shut up!" Maria hissed. "So, by default, all ten of you are in, since you're the only ones who've auditioned. Thank you and please enjoy this simulation of American Idol." she winked at Hook again.

"Stop flirting!" Regina whined.

"HOOKEDQUEEN!" the author screamed.

"You're the one writing it, so make it canon already!" Maria hissed.

"THE NARWHAL!"

"Anyway, thanks, and... we'll see you later," Maria said.

"I'm watching you," the author said. "You and your creepy face. I'm watching you."

* * *

_***Hides in a hole* DON'T KILL ME!**_


	59. American Idol Part 2 (Performance)

"Okay, okay, stage fright, nothing unusual, I just have to breathe," Hook said, before coughing.

"Right. It's like trying to breathe underwater," Cora groaned. "I'm so nervous. And something's wrong, I can feel it."

"You can't feel anything," Regina scoffed. "You're a loony witch with magic powers, duh."

"I'll tell you who sounds loony right now," Cora said, raising her eyebrows. "Anyway, I can feel it. I always did have a fifth sense."

"Don't you mean sixth sense?" Snow asked.

"Shut up," Cora said sharply.

"I don't mean to insult you," Snow said.

"I put two and two together," Cora said.

"What, and got five?" Hook sneered.

"That was very rude," Cora said sharply.

"Whatever," Neal said, pacing back and forth. "Our first performance is starting. We need to stay calm."

"Stop petting my shoulder," Emma groaned.

"I'm not petting your shoulder," Neal said. "Look, I'm all the way over here. And there isn't anybody behind you."

"Then what," Emma said, "is on my shoulder?"

Pause. Emma slowly looked over her shoulder and-

"OHMYGOD!" Emma shrieked. "THERE'S A CATERPILLAR ON MY SHOULDER!"

"I'll get it!" Charming declared, hopping up onto a nearby desk where Hook was applying his mascara. "Charming to the rescue!" he leapt over to Emma and bit her shoulder.

"OW!" Emma shrieked. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"I think I missed," Charming groaned.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, AAAAAGH THERE'S A CATERPILLAR IN MY DRESS! BUG IN MY DRESS!"

"Emma Swan?" the usher asked, popping his head into the room. "You're onstage, right now. No time to waste." he dragged the fussy blonde out onto stage.

"Emma Swan!" the announcer called. "This is Emma Swan! And she will be singing-"

"GET OFF!" Emma screamed. "GET OFF! PLEASE GET OFF!" she sweated, noticing the people watching her from the audience. She swallowed.

What were the lyrics again?

Oh! She could make it up! Yeah, she would do that. Make it up!

"There's a caterpillar in my dress!" she sang randomly. "It's making me look like such a mess!"

Two audience members looked at each other and shrugged. A-cappella?

"I like... ice cream!" Emma continued with a frown. "But this caterpillar is making me scream!"

'Singing flats,' she mentally told herself. 'Try jazz it up a bit.'

"I hate caterpillars in my DRESSESSSSS!" Emma shrieked the last note, jumping up and down as the caterpillar squirmed around. "They make me feel like such messes!" she belted the last note and the audience winced.

"Okay, the end," Emma breathed. "Wait, what do I say when I'm done?"

"Thank you, Emma!" the announcer said nervously.

"Thank you!" Emma said, relieved it was over. "That was sort of a new genre, I'm guessing. Screaming and singing at the same time."

The announcer blinked. "Isn't that rock?"

"DON'T DISS TIMOTHY!" Snow screamed, hugging her rock.

"Riiight," the announcer said. "Moving on, we have Mary Margaret Blanchard. Welcome her to the stage!"

"Yaaay," the audience deadpanned.

"Hi everyone!" Mary Margaret said sweetly. "Today I'm going to be singing 'Happy Working Song'!"

"That's not pop," the announcer said.

"Hey, you, announcer?" Mary Margaret asked sweetly.

"What?"

"SHUT UP!" Snow screamed. The announcer backed away and ran offstage.

As soon as Snow started singing, all the birds and animals in the building ran away except for Timothy and Rocky, who were stuck in the fish bowl.

Even the caterpillar ran away.

That's why you never see animals in Disneyland to this day!

* * *

"Next up, we have David Nolan up," the announcer continued.

"Hi!" Charming said, jumping up and down on stage. "I'm gonna sing 'Ohmigod you guys' from Legally Blonde!"

"Sir? You need to sing pop," the announcer said.

"Okay," Charming said. "I'll sing 'I'm Sexy And I Know It'." he clicked his tongue at the audience who sharply recoiled.

"No offense, but I don't think that should be legal," the announcer said slowly.

"Shut up, I'm singing now," Charming said as the background music began to boom. He danced badly onstage, waddling like a duck for a few minutes, then sticking his head out and back like a chicken to the beat.

Half the audience left the theater.

* * *

"All right, so, now we have Lacy French!"

"She said she would go by Belle," Rumpletiltskin said disapprovingly, watching Emma under the desk. On the same desk, Hook was applying more makeup.

"Whatever," Emma said. She was under the table because she dropped a penny.

"Hi!" Belle said onstage. "I'm going to sing 'In The Tiki Room'."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Emma screamed, jumping up and hitting her head against the table. The table flew up and hit Hook in the chin, and the mascara went flying and hit Snow in the face, then dropped in the fishbowl.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO TIMOTHY AND ROCKY!" Snow screamed.

"Groan," Cora said, waving her hand and making the water clean again.

"Phew," Snow said. "Hey, since you're magic, I had a question. Can you put a force field around the water and leave infinite air so they don't get hurt?"

"No," Cora scoffed.

"You can," Regina said with a frown.

"But I don't want to," Cora said.

"Okay, next up, we have Regina Mills!" the announcer called. Regina jumped up and ran onstage.

"Hi everyone!" she said happily. "I'm going to sing 'Defying Gravity'."

"Not pop," the announcer reminded her.

"I know, it was a joke," Regina said, surprisingly the audience laughed. Even though it wasn't very funny.

"I'm actually going to sing 'Done' by Perry," Regina said shortly. "Oh, yes, and I also play the guitar." she lifted up a hand and held out a guitar that she'd magicked earlier.

"Huh," Cora scoffed. "Show-off."

Just as Regina started to sing, the lights dimmed and strobe lights cut through the room. On the screen behind her, a checkerboard was shown with flying flags in front.

"Wow," Hook said.

"Pretty light," Henry repeated.

The audience came back.

* * *

_**Hi! *waves* I'm back! I finally finished this. There's gonna be one more part to finish with the rest of the characters and then we're done with American Idol because the editing is literally driving me insane. I'm not even sure if I want to be sane when I'm writing this.**_

_**Anywho, this is also important. I want you to vote for who you want to win! You've already seen the auditions so just type in the review box who you want to win. One vote per person, please. Want to make this as fun as possible, or else I'm just gonna pick my favorite character... so, yeah.**_

_**R&R, and V&R! Vote and review? Vote and read? ...Forget it. Just vote.**_


	60. American Idol Part 3 (Performance)

"I think Regina's secretly a siren," Cora mumbled. "Except she sings with actual words instead of just 'ooohs'."

"The only reason they have them sing 'oohs' in the first place is because they're too lazy to write a score and lyrics," Hook said. "And also because it sounds more mystical."

"Facepalm," Henry said as Regina bounced around onstage. "She's just too good."

"All right, thank you, Regina!" the announcer said as Regina made her way offstage, grinning smugly at the shocked group.

"Next up, we have Henry Mills!" there was some quiet applause as Henry made his way onstage.

"Henry's 12," the announcer said, as if it was very very important.

"I'm going to sing 'The Doctor And I'," Henry teased. The audience blanched. "It's a joke. I'm actually gonna sing 'Dirty Paws' from the album 'My Head Is An Animal'."

"That was in our promotional trailer," Hook said, nudging Emma.

"Talk to me instead!" Regina whined.

"Shut up, Regally Blind," Emma groaned.

"Quit talking, Legally Blonde!"

"Girls, girls, you're both beautiful, now stop," Hook moaned. This didn't stop Emma and Regina from glaring daggers at each other.

"Would anyone like some salmon?" Charming asked randomly, holding up a piece of smoked salmon. As if on cue, Rocky the goldfish leapt out of his bowl, bit it out of his hand, then fell back into the bowl.

"That is just really, really gross," was all Emma said.

"Shut up!" Regina said as Henry fidgeted onstage, before opening his mouth and singing.

"I thought I liked him," one of the audience members moaned. "But then he opened his mouth."

Henry continued to hit horrible flats, until he glanced to the side and saw Regina give him a tentative nod that told him not to worry.

The audience looked surprised when Henry continued singing but sounded much better. Regina flashed him a thumbs-up and he grinned.

"Are you making your voice better with magic?" Emma asked, her eyebrows raised. "Because that's cheating."

"If you must know, every Disney princess needs to have singing lessons," Cora said. "I made her. It was mandatory!"

"Ohh," Emma moaned. "That better not happen to me."

"Is it just me or does Henry actually not sound like a dying whale anymore?" Gold asked, taking his earmuffs off.

"He's pretty good," Emma said. "He could play Gustave or something in 'Love Never Dies'."

"But love does die!" Cora growled.

"It's a play."

"That's stupid. Why would you write a play about love? It isn't sentient."

"It's... oh, never mind."

"Is love immortal?"

"Shut up, Cora."

"All right!" the announcer said as Henry bounded offstage cheerfully and gave Regina a hug. "Next up, we've got Mr. Gold!" the announcer continued enthusiastically although his expression screamed that he really needed a cup of coffee. Or maybe several. Or maybe he needed a Doctor. The author sure did.

"I'm going to sing 'The Charming Bunch'," Gold said.

The lights dimmed.

"There's this fairytale, 'bout this prince named Charming, who was bringing up one very lovely chick! She had blonde hair, not like her mother, her own son in..."

"I don't want to know," was all Charming said as he watched mortified as Gold continued. "I just don't."

"I don't want to go!" Neal joked.

"What? DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE!" Hook shouted.

"And here's how to pick up chicks!" Snow said, bending over and picking up a little chicken. Hook looked dismayed.

"I thought you were talking about- oh, nevermind," he muttered. "I know how to pick up Whovian chicks." he grabbed his speakers and placed it on the ground, then played the TARDIS materializing effect.

Girls came running. And a few guys.

"And thats the way everybody came to be the Charming Buuuunnnnnch!" Gold finished.

There were scattered bouts of applause through the audience. Gold wasn't THAT bad.

"Next, we have Cora Mills," the announcer called. Cora nervously inched her way onstage.

"Hi!" she said. "I'm gonna sing 'Poor Unfortunate Souls'."

"She can't sing that, it's not pop," one of the audience members pointed out. The judges shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. Free advertising," they said.

"Purple things make me happy," Cora suddenly shouted as the lights dimmed and she started her song.

"Holy-"

"Hamburger-"

"Flippin-"

"Ship," Emma, Neal, and Charming finished at the same time.

"Wow, she sounds really good," Belle said anxiously. "But the readers like me more so I'll win." she tossed her hair around.

Everyone promptly began arguing about who would win except for Neal who was pretty much useless, except for some Swanthief fluff.

Henry jumped as Cora cranked up the last note to hit an E5. Emma's jaw dropped and Regina smirked.

"I can belt an E6," she said.

Cora went up to an E6 and Regina's smile faded.

"Okay," Regina said. "That's impressive. But I sound better when I sing. She can hit high notes but she sounds... all sort of... screechy."

"She's better," Emma said.

"You're just saying that because I have a larger fandom," Regina smirked.

"Thank you!" Cora said, catching roses that were tossed onstage. "A rose by any other name would not smell as sweet." she frowned when she caught a white rose.

"THIS. ROSE. IS. WHITE!" Cora shrieked, before cheerfully grinning. "Thank you, dear. It'll look nice amongst the red."

"Phew," the audience member said that had thrown the white, relaxing.

"I mean the red of your blood," Cora said deviously. The audience member paled.

"I'm Regina and I'm angsty, so people will vote for me," Regina said. "Now where is that fourth wall? I need to get through to the readers..."

"Thank you, thank you," Cora said, bowing repeatedly as she walked offstage. She smirked at the shocked group.

"I am good," she said.

"Yes, you're good," Regina said. "But I'm better."

"Finally, to wrap it up, we have Neal Gold!" the announcer called cheerfully. "Very interesting name. Is his father named 'Mister' and that's why he's called 'Mr. Gold'? Or does he have no name? Is it a definitive article? The world may never know."

"I'll be singing 'Charlie's Girl'," Neal said. "It was played in Once Upon A Time on the first episode of the second season in my first appearance!" he beamed, but nobody knew what he was talking about since nobody paid attention to him anyway.

"Re-remember?" Neal stuttered. "I dropped my phone? Out the window? No?"

There was an awkward silence. Poor Neal.

"Mommy, why does that man up there look like a cucumber?" a little girl asked.

More silence.

"Anyway!" Neal said, clearing his throat. "here I go."

The lights slowly dimmed and Neal started singing smoothly.

"He has a very smooth voice," Cora said.

"Yes, thank you," Emma said. "The author's details already said that."

"He's pretty good," Cora said. "He hasn't ever had lessons."

"I suppose," Emma said. "But he could sing the best ever, better than us, but nobody would vote for him because he's Neal."

"I'm voting for him," the author frowned.

"That's only 'cos you feel bad for him," Emma said.

"Yeah."

"Sigh," Emma said.

"Okay! We're taking a short 15 minute recess while the judges finish discussing the winner and receiving the votes!" the announcer announced announcedly. "Tell us who you'd like to win and thanks for watching... American Idol!"

Pause.

"We'll add the music effect in afterwards when I saw 'American Idol', right?"

* * *

_**Okay! Finished! Winner will be announced next chapter, then during the same chap we'll move on to the next ride/attraction. Sorry this took so long. -.-**_

_**Still send in your votes! Someone sent in a vote of two characters, so to be fair, I'm just gonna keep it valid except they're not allowed to vote this chapter, but nobody is allowed to send in two from this point. Gotcha?**_

_**So you can re-vote this chapter an your previous votes will still be withheld. I'm putting up a poll on my page as well so you can vote again via that.**_

_**Votes:**_

_**Regina: 4 point(s)**_

_**Belle: 3 point(s)**_

_**Charming: 1 point(s)**_

_**Hook: 1 point(s)**_

_**Gold: 0 point(s)**_

_**Snow: 0 point(s)**_

_**Neal: 0 point(s)**_

_**Cora: 0 point(s)**_

_**Henry: 0 point(s)**_

_**Emma: 0 point(s)**_


	61. American Idol Part 4 (Finals)

"Okay!" the announcer called. "We're in the finals, now. The top three competitors for the winning role are..."

The lights flashed out and a Jeopardy theme played on the speakers. The announcer frowned.

"Wrong theme," he said.

"Sorry!" the sound guy backstage yelled, correcting his mistake.

"The top three competitors are..."

Pause...

"Oh, look, it's commercial break!" the announcer suddenly said. The audience groaned.

"There's no commercial break," Gold yelled. "Get on with it!"

"Fine, the top three are... Regina Mills!"

Regina excitedly ran onstage, waving at the crowd.

"Lacey French!" Belle ran onstage and bowed several times. Regina glared at her.

"And... finally... we have... Cora Mills!" Cora slowly walked onstage, and Emma, offstage, frowned.

"She's wearing a hoopskirty dress," she said. "Why is she wearing that?"

"I told her this round of American Idol was in costumes," Charming said. "So she dressed up as her character counterpart."

"All the Mills women look hot today," Hook said.

"That... I'm not going to react to that," Emma said.

"So!" the announcer said. "After these finals, it will be revealed who had the highest vote and who wins American Idol!"

"Yaay," the audience deadpanned.

"Cora Mills will sing first," the announcer said, ushering Regina and Belle offstage.

The lights around Cora dimmed dramatically, and Cora paused as the intro played.

"Holy ship," Hook said, his mouth agape. "She's singing 'The Final Countdown'!"

"Oh my god," Emma said.

As soon as the intro ended, Cora raised her hand and a burst of fire enveloped her, when she stepped out she was no longer dressed in the ridiculous dress and was instead wearing a goth-looking black trench coat over a very nice white collared shirt.

"Hey!" Hook said. "She copied Hunger Games!"

"Oh, that is really not fair," Belle whined as Cora waltzed around onstage. Regina smirked.

"I'm gonna win."

"We're tied," Belle said. "I read the reviews."

"But you didn't see the poll," Regina said. "Nobody knows."

"Oh," Belle said. "Well, that's not fair. Maybe some guests like me but they can't vote via the poll."

"Doesn't matter."

After Cora finished the final note and the music dimmed down, she grinned, waved at the audience and the judges.

"Well," George the judge said, "that was... interesting. And a slight ripofff of Hunger Games."

"It wasn't my fault," Cora said. "David told me it was a costume version." George just stared.

"I liked it," Timothy said. "But you sort of resembled a dying goat. No offense."

"None taken," Cora deadpanned sarcastically. "Dying goats are so much fun to be around."

"Fantastic job," Maria said. "But it's all up to the votes now."

"Thank you," Cora said, slipping offstage.

"Please welcome to the stage... Lacey French!" the announcer called as Belle timidly walked onstage. She wore her hair in a ponytail and a lacey black dress. Gold sniffed disapprovingly.

"Hi," she said. "I'm gonna sing..."

There was a quite pregnant pause.

"Nah," Belle said. "You'll find out."

The intro slowly played.

All of a sudden, almost out of the blue, a group of background singers slowly rose up from behind Belle, who smirked as the music dramatically changed key.

"No," Hook said.

"No," Gold said.

"Mmph," Emma said through half a mouthful of Oreo.

"She's singing 'I Knew You Were Trouble'," Hook said.

"Am I the only one who's trying to find a goat onstage?" Henry asked.

As soon as Belle opened her mouth, she reached up, pulled her ponytail out, and grinned, started dancing to a fully choreographed song.

"Oh, that's cheating," Cora said. "What is that? Did she time travel to, like, last year to prep this?"

"Agreed," Regina said. "Although it would be very embarrassing if you beat us."

"Hey!" Cora said.

"Wait 'till you see what I have planned," Regina said with a smirk.

"Can't wait," Cora said, bored.

Suddenly, halfway through the song, the keys changed and Belle transitioned into a very loud version of 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together'.

"It's a mashup," Cora realized.

"That's cheating!" Regina whined.

"Because I knew you were trouble... and that means... we! Are never ever getting back together!" Belle sang, winking at Regina who, offstage, was fuming.

"Oh, that is it," Regina said. "She is so dead."

"Mine was better," Cora said as Belle slipped on a pair of rabbit ears.

"What's up with the ears?" Henry asked.

"Maybe to mimic the music video?" Gold suggested.

"I feel sick," Snow said, holding out her phone and playing a vomiting sound effect.

"That's it," Regina said.

Belle finished her song smoothly, then grinned at the judges like a Cheshire Cat.

The judges just gaped back, looking like Snow's fish, Rocky.

"Thanks!" Belle said, not even bothering to listen to what they had to say as she bounced offstage, giggling crazily.

"She's so dead," Regina said to Cora. "You're so dead," she told Belle.

"I heard," Belle said.

"O-okay," the announcer called, still surprised at what had just happened. "Next, Regina Mills!"

There was small amounts of scattered applause as Regina walked onstage in her regular dress. She held a cup in her hand.

"Hi!" Regina said, sitting down. The lights did not move and Cora stared at her expectantly.

Charming's jaw dropped as she sat down and began to sing the cup song.

"That's it?!" Snow said. "Is anyone else expecting the big flashly lights and stuff?"

"Flashy," Belle corrected. "Not flashly."

"Flashy," Snow said. "But really?"

Regina continued to sing, but her voice dropped and she stopped singing, pulling out several more cups behind her back and progressing the song into what was a very loud drumming sound.

The lights dimmed and strobe lights cut through the audience.

The stage went completely black. When the spotlights fell back onstage, Regina was dressed in Enchanted-Forest type garment.

"What." Snow said.

"She's singing 'Guillotine' by Yadi," Charming said.

"How do you know?"

"It was in our promo," Charming said.

"Oh," Snow said just as the stage- literally fell out from under Regina and water rose up.

"How did she do that?!" Cora cried.

"I think she's using magic," Belle said. "But that's cheating!"

"What's that you're wearing?" Hook asked, grabbing Belle's arm.

"It's a watch."

"No, it's a Vortex Manipulator!" Hook said.

Just as Regina finished the last phrase of the song, fire and water erupted behind her.

"She's doing the same thing with the World of Color," Cora noted cheerfully. "Clever."

"I can't use magic," Belle said. "That's no fair."

"Gold can," Cora said. "And I think you did. There aren't any trapdoors under the stage."

"Darn it," Belle said. "But I was supposed to be cooler!"

The lights flickered back on and Regina was back in her regular dress. She looked to the side and smirked at Belle.

"Wow," the announcer said. "Er, thanks, Regina."

More scattered applause as the audience members failed to recover from shock of three insane performances.

"That was pretty good," Belle admitted.

"Welcome back to the stage," the announcer said, "Lacey French and Cora Mills!"

There was much more applause now, and a few cheers and whistles.

"Now, it will be revealed, who is the American Idol?" the announcer asked.

"The winner... is... With the highest vote..."

Pause.

All three closed their eyes.

"Regina Mills!"

"Darn it!" Belle and Cora chorused as Regina grinned.

"You win! Yay!" the announcer said. "You'll be awarded a Disney Cruise ticket for... ten," he said.

"Good job," Regina said, shaking Belle's hand and giving Cora a hug.

"You did good," Belle said.

"Oh, do shut up," Regina said. "It's just because the Evil Regal fandom is larger than the Rumbelle."

"Hey!" the Rumbelle group screamed, appearing at the door.

"Run?" Regina asked, looking at Belle, who nodded.

"EEK!" Regina shrieked, running offstage. Belle chuckled and the fandom vanished.

"What was that?" Cora asked.

"Magic," Belle said, slipping offstage.

"Uh, since both competitors have vanished, then I guess we'll award you the stuff," the announcer said, handing Cora an envelope. Cora's eyes widened and she squealed.

"SEE YA SUCKERS!" she yelled. "I have a great idea for a new FanFiction; Once Upon A Cruise!" she whooped and ran offstage. "And it'll be hosted by me!"

* * *

_**That's it. Done. I must say, the votes for Belle and Regina were neck-in-neck. Regina had 6 and Belle had 5, Cora had 2 and pretty much everyone else had 1. So... yeah.**_

_**Cora didn't win. Promise. She just... stole their prize.**_

_**Not promising anything about the new FanFiction. What do you think?**_

_**R&R, and I'll be doing an Arcade chapter for Secretly Imaginative, who was the 550th reviewer, soon! Maybe not next, but we shall see!**_

_**-Sam**_


	62. Space Mountain Arcade

"Next stop is-" Regina started, before she was oh-so rudely interrupted by Henry.

"I want to go to Space Mountain!"

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I do!" he pouted.

"We've already gone on that ride," Regina pointed out.

"Oh, mom, just shut up and move!" Henry said, clapping his hands. Regina gawked, then glared at Emma.

"What exactly are you teaching him?" Emma shrugged.

"Just the usual."

"Which is?"

"Oh, you know. Shoplifting, insanity, that stuff."

Regina looked like she wanted to morph into a giant dragon and eat Emma. Which wasn't right fairytale wise, because Maleficent was the dragon. Except for the one Charming slayed. That was just Puff the Magic Dragon. He didn't mean any harm, he was just hanging with his buddies in the clifftops.

But he's not important. Never mind him.

"I'm just kidding," Emma said. "Dude, get a sense of humor."

She looked right at the author. "You, too. You need a better belt of funnies."

"Fine," the author groaned. "Gotta work on my singing and humor belt."

"Good," Emma said.

* * *

"ARCAAAADE!" Gold suddenly screamed as he realized what they'd just approached. He ran the opposite direction on instinct and crashed into a pole that was suspiciously loitering there.

"I'm alone, all alone. Nobody's home. 'Sept for me, the dog, and his bone," Henry sang.

"You're good kid," Cora beamed. "You should join American Idol-"

Pause.

"I meant American... Potato," Cora said.

"Sure," Hook said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not a dog or a bone," Emma huffed.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A CAR GAME!" Henry squealed suddenly, darting over to the machine. "Can I play?!"

"I'm broke," Emma said.

"Same here," Regina said. "Well, not anymore." she waved her hand and a sack of coins appeared.

"How can you make money?" Emma asked. "I've been trying to figure it out for ages!"

"I don't make the money," Regina said with a laugh. "I steal it. I wave my hand and it teleports from somewhere else."

"HEY!" a person suddenly shouted. "Where's all my money?"

Emma chuckled.

"You thieves!" Snow screamed.

"Thieves? Where?" Charming asked excitedly. "There wouldn't happen to be any incredibly sexy thieves around here with a rock in their hand, would there?"

"Cars!" Henry screamed. "Dad, come play with me!"

Charming and Neal both ran over to the console and frowned.

"I'm his dad," Charming said.

"No, I'm his dad," Neal said. "You're his granddad."

"That has 'dad' in it," Charming said. "It just means... I'm... grander. I'm a very grand dad."

"Uh-huh," Neal said. "But I'm his dad. So... yeah."

"You're not his dad!" Charming whined. "You're the son of a reptile!"

"Dads, calm down," Henry said with a sigh. "Neal, will you play with me?"

Neal scoffed and nodded, sitting at the console next to Henry.

"Fine," Charming said. "I see how it is?"

"Emma," Hook whispered. Emma didn't hear him, so he whispered it louder. "Emma."

Nothing.

"Emma. Emma. Emmmmaaaaaa!"

Still nothing.

"EMMA!" he shouted.

"Sorry?" Emma asked, taking out her earbuds. "Did you say something?"

Hook glanced at Regina and Neal who were chatting away. Regina stood behind Henry's seat and she appeared to be cheering her son on.

"Since... the... people are occupied, do you want to do some... fun things?" he asked with a wink.

"You trying to make Regina jealous?"

He hung his head. "Yeah."

"Good," Emma said. "Because I'm not."

"Are you flirting with me?"

Emma tried to wiggle her eyebrow suggestively but Hook just gawked.

"Uhm, is your eyebrow having a spasm?"

Emma groaned. "Oh, I give up. How do you even do that thing with your eyebrow?"

"You mean this?" Hook asked, demonstrating.

"Yeah! That!" Emma said.

"Well, you gotta..."

"HOOOK!" Neal shrieked. "GTFO!"

"I was just... teaching Emma how to wiggle her eyebrow," Hook said.

"Yeah!" Emma said, before realizing how awkward that sounded. "I mean, not like that."

"Right," Regina said disapprovingly. "Miss Swan, do step away from my boyfriend."

"BoyWHAT?!" Emma shrieked. "There goes my ship!"

"Not like that," Regina said quickly. "I just... said boy and friend too quickly."

"Riiiight," Hook said, wiggling his eyebrow.

"Stop that," Regina said. "Whatever that is."

"No."

"GUYS!" Henry shrieked. "CAR RACING!"

"I'm on it!" Charming yelled, jumping onto the console. Literally, he was on it.

"Missed," he moaned, sliding into his chair.

"Let's go," Henry said. The game started and Charming's seat jerked around.

He screamed.

"THE SEAT IS MOVING! IT'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" he screamed.

"It's not trying to kill you," Henry said. "It's automated so you feel like you're really racing. Like Mario Kart Wii, except your seat moves in this."

"IT'S ALIVE!"

"Facepalm," Henry groaned. He stood up and left the game while Charming continued to thrash around.

"IT'S LIKE AN AUTOMATED HORSE! IT WANTS TO MURDER ME!"

Charming froze.

"Like a horse," he said. "I need to calm it."

He leaned over and began to pet the seat. "There, you go. What should I call you? Hmm... Metal? Naw... Gold? No... Silver! There we go!"

He sat up straighter. "HEIGH-HO, SILVER!"

Henry cringed. "Never do that again."

"What are you holding in your hand?" Emma asked.

"Lightsaber," Henry said. "Mom took me to the build-your-own thingy."

"Henry," Emma sighed. "I told you not to carry massive weapons of destruction around? You might hit someone in the face with it."

"Fine," Henry moped, retracting the lightsaber. "You wanna race spaceships with me?"

"Sure!" Emma said, running over to the game and sitting down.

"Mom," Henry said. "You have any money?"

"Nope!" Emma said cheerfully. "I'll try to make some." She waved her hand and a burrito appeared.

"Mom," Henry said. "Maybe other Mom should do it."

"No, I got it," Emma said. She waved her hand and a piece of bacon fell onto her shirt. She squealed. "Ohh, getting close! Bacon looks more like money."

Henry sighed and went to get some money from Regina.

* * *

_**Sorry for the delay. I've been rehearsing for my auditions which are next next week and running through lines I may have to read. Might sound paranoid, but this is a role I've been pining after all summer and I'm really, really excited about this play. Thanks for your patience. I will try to update as often as possible this week. I had an audition the other day as well so there's a lot of stress there as well. -.-**_


	63. Grand Floridian Resort and Spa

**_'_**_**Kay. Sorry I took so long to get to this. I had short writer's block and blah, and normally when I get writer's block, I sit down for two to three hours brainstorming/brainhurricaning and then it's gone. But this was a really, **__**really**__** bad block and I spent almost 8 Fanfictions on trying to figure out what to do next. Sorry.**_

_**Other than that, 'Piper Emerald', who is formerly Fabala Throp, changed her username this week, so if you're reading the spinoffs like 'Once on This Island' and stuff, that's why I reference someone named 'Fabala Throp'.**_

_**Next chapter, I promise they'll actually... you know. Do something.**_

_**R&R!**_

* * *

"I don't think this is such a good idea," Henry said, taking a bite out of his cotton candy.

"True," Emma agreed. "But when has anyone in this family ever had a good idea?"

"I think everyone should just be quiet," Gold said.

"I think that all the time, too," Belle agreed. "But it never happens."

"That's it," Cora said finally. "When we get back to the hotel, you and I are having a chat, missy."

"Missy?" Belle asked. "Don't tell me you've got a pet something too!"

"I was talking to you," Cora said.

"Talking to who?"

"DAVID TENNANT?! WHERE!" Hook yelled.

"Facepalm," Cora said. "I was talking to you, Belle."

"Well, why do you want to talk to me?" Belle asked.

"Because you stole my man!" Cora shrieked.

"Oh," Belle said. "Well, try telling that to the Rumbelle fandom."

"I liked him first," Cora said.

"You tried to kill him!" Belle cried.

"Who cares?" Cora sniffed. "Snow killed me and nobody hates her for it!"

"Actually," the author said. "I do kind of hate her for it. But I still like her, just to make fun of."

"Oh," Cora said.

"We're here," Emma said, leading the group to the reception desk. Regina pushed ahead of her and got the room keys, then nodded at the group.

"So what's this hotel called?" Henry asked Regina.

"It's called 'Grand Floridian Resort and Spa'," Regina said. "Winner of 4 Diamond award. It has over 850 rooms and-"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks," Henry said. "Didn't need a history lesson."

"You're sounding like Emma," Regina said with a frown.

"Yeah," Henry said. "Guess I do... wait, was that an insult?"

"Lalala," Regina sang as they neared the upper staircase.

"Oh," Cora said. "Is this a peasant place?"

"Sorry?" Emma asked. "It's called the Grand Floridian Resort, does that sound like a peasant name to you?"

"Yes," Cora said. "There's no 'palace' in the name."

"Facepalm," Emma groaned. "Listen, Cora... the last hotel, it wasn't actually called the-"

"WOW!" Henry yelled as the door swung open. "That's our room?!"

It was a huge room, well, a collection of conjoined rooms, enough for the family to stay in. The walls were white, there was a quiet little bedside table- well, of course it was quiet, it wasn't like it could talk or anything... *wink wink*

"Everything's white," Snow shrieked excitedly.

"It could be worse," Regina said. "It could be _Snowing_."

Snow and Charming suddenly kissed and she rolled her eyes.

"Never mind," she mumbled. "There goes the Evil Charming ship."

"Look!" Cora shrieked as she ran into the bathroom. "They have hairbrushes in here! Like little fold-up hairbrushes! THAT FOLD UP!"

"She better not stay here too long, or else facepalms will become extinct," Emma noted duly.

"I'll go set up my stuff," Regina said, exiting through one of the adjoining doors into her room.

"Regina?" Emma asked. "That's the closet."

"I knew that," Regina said, walking the other direction. "I knew that. I was just testing you."

"Then please never test me again," Emma said plainly.

"I want my own room!" Cora yelled, sounding like a child.

"No," Emma said firmly. "Regina spent extra money to get you your own bed."

"Fine," Cora said, disappearing into the room. She waved her hand and-

"What did you do-" Emma froze. A white wall had just appeared in front of her. She'd created a wall... to separate the beds.

Emma's eye twitched.

"How are you gonna get out of there?" Emma asked.

"I'll just fly out the window," Cora said nonchalantly.

"Like Mary Poppins?" Emma asked. "You'll fly out of the building."

"Stop talking to me like I'm a little kid," Cora said. A window appeared right by Emma and she jumped backwards. A few seconds, a door appeared there. "I was kidding."

"Can you do that to Snow and Charming's room?!" Emma asked excitedly.

"Already did," Cora said.

"CORRAAAA!" came Snow's loud voice from the other room. "My eyes are broken! I'm seeing a wall in the middle of the room!"

There was a thump and Emma guessed it was from Snow throwing herself against said wall.

"CHARMING!"

"SNOW!"

"Facepalm," Cora groaned. "But that was the best decision I made in my life, splitting the two of 'em up. Do you have any popcorn, Emma?"

There was a knock at the door and Emma went to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi," the bellhop said with a wave. "Seven days."

Emma stared at him, her jaw agape, as the door closed and the bellhop left.

"What the-"

"Emma?" Henry asked, running up to the blonde. "Have you seen my toothbrush?"

"I think Cora fed it to the narwhal," Emma said absently.

"Okay," Henry said, sighing.


	64. Welcome to Epcot!

"Did you know that they used to have women dressed as mermaids in the dock by the 'Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage' attraction, but they were removed because the chlorine in the water would hurt their skin. Oh, yeah, and men used to try to swim to them," Regina told the group nonchalantly.

"I'm the factoid chick here!" Emma whined.

"Your facts are just intellectual and annoying, Regina's facts are actually... ya know, interesting," Henry said. Emma gasped.

"Henry, that's rude!" Henry beamed.

"IKR," he said, skipping ahead.

"They also used to have a guy dressed as Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, but they had to remove him as well because women used to chase him," Regina continued.

"Poor Jack," Hook said, grimacing. "I know how fangirls can be. With their fanfictions. That I totally don't read."

"Also, there are more than one Prince Charming featured in the cartoons," Regina continued. "Both 'Cinderella' and 'Snow White' heralded a Prince."

"Is that a compliment?!" Charming asked excitedly.

"No," Regina said. "The only compliment you'll be getting from me is a complimentary punch in the face."

Charming moped.

"Also, the monorail in Disney's California park was originally put there by Walt Disney. He'd hoped people would see it and it would become widespread, but it's the only one running in the state now, sadly," Regina continued.

"Please stop with your facts," Gold groaned, just as they passed a golden camel by the Aladdin ride.

The camel squirted him in the face with water and he froze.

Belle burst out in laughter and Regina smirked.

"Oh, did I tell you?" she asked. "The camel is operated by a nearby cast member who can enjoy squirting people with water."

Gold let out an irritated squeak.

"There is also a secret graveyard in the Haunted Mansion ride," Regina said. "The graves are that of pets and animals. It's rumored that these are the actual burial spots of real pets, but this rumor has not been proved as of yet."

She paused and glanced at the group, who did not appear to be paying attention.

"Did you know that trees also bear leaves?" she asked.

Nobody noticed anything.

Regina sighed.

"She talks to herself all the time," the author said. "Well, actually, she thinks she's talking to everyone else, but she's really just talking to herself."

"Also, did you know that in jungle-themed areas, the fire hydrants are painted green?" she asked.

"Welcome to the zoo. The fire hydrant, the rarest of all the creatures in the world. See it in its natural habitat. Oh, look, it's moving. Wait, it's not," Henry dramatically exclaimed.

"Also, in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, a cast member named George died. It's said that the cast members, every day, have to say 'George' in front of the entrance, or the ride will malfunction," Regina said.

"Ooh," Henry said. "Good thing I'm not named George."

"KING GEORGE? WHERE?" Charming cried.

"We were talking about a different George," Regina said.

"Oh," Charming said. "Sorry, I forgot. King George recently died a brutal death. It's called neglect from television writers."

"Yeah," Gold agreed. "Once he was like to Charming, 'I WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS KILL YOU' and the next thing, BOOM! Gone."

"We're almost here," Regina told the group as she led them out of the park.

"Thought we were going on rides?" Henry asked.

"We are," she said. "Right. We're in the perfect temporally disfunctional place for me to teleport us to exactly where we need to go."

"Why here?" Henry asked.

"She sucks at magic and she needs an unstable point to teleport us," Cora said lazily.

"Not!" Regina cried. "Well... not all the time. Just this once."

"Why?"

"Because Disneyland is magical!" Regina said.

"Yeah, right. I bet you just can't teleport us."

"Yeah," Regina said.

She waved her hand.

"Oh. My. God." Henry said when he saw where they were.

"That's not fair!" Emma cried.

"I'd like to welcome you, Charming family," Regina said. "Welcome... to Epcot."

"Wow!"

"Why do YOU get to host this?"

"It's a giant golf ball!"

"You called us Charming! I want to be the only charming one here."

* * *

_**Ya. Hopping to Epcot. When I'm done with Epcot, I'm gonna do deleted chapters and scenes for California's Disneyland, WDW, and Epcot (if there are any). This will also include rides I previously 'skipped'. Everyone happy? :D Good, 'cos it wouldn't be Disneyland without happy. It would just be crappy. And if it was crappy, then my writing would get really sappy.**_

_**...Ahem.**_

_**R&R!**_


	65. Soarin Over Epcot

"Epcot. Really?" Henry asked.

"Really! Am I the only one who's seeing a giant golf ball?!" Cora cried. "It does, doesn't it? It looks like a GIANT golf ball!"

"Well," Regina said, a smile plastered on her face. "This is not the reaction I was picturing."

* * *

_**(Cue epic Once Upon A Time In Disneyland theme)**_

* * *

"We have a theme?" Henry asked.

_**(Sorry. Technical difficulties in playing the theme song because... the authoress... can't find it!)**_

"Sure," Henry said. "I bet you didn't write it yet."

_**(It's not that I forgot to write it, it's just that I lost it!)**_

"How do you lose a theme song?" Henry wondered.

"Sweetie, you can't lose a theme song," Regina said. "It's virtually impossible. She must be lying."

"It's not impossible, well, not for her, at least," Emma said. "She'd lose her head if it wasn't attached."

"HEY!" the author yelled.

"Get outta my story," Regina hissed.

"Fine, be that way," the authoress huffed.

"Okay," Regina said. "Now that that's done with, our very first ride of park Epcot will be 'Epcot's Soarin''."

"Well, didn't we already go on that one?" Gold asked as they approached the building.

"No, the other one was called 'Soarin' Over California'," Neal said to them.

"Well, the difference between these is that in this one, you're flying TO California, whereas in the other one, you're just... flying around California," Regina explained. Emma, however, spoke at the same time with a more interesting explanation.

"No, the different thing about it is that Epcot's one is boringer than the other."

Emma and Regina looked at each other.

"SWANQUEEN!" the offscreen SwanQueen shippers cheered, waving their flags.

"Next thing you know, they're gonna get an anthem," Regina mumbled.

"Shh!" Emma yelled. "Don't give them ideas!"

"Hey," Snow said. "Why am I not popular?"

"Trust me, it's not a good thing being popular in FanFiction world," Emma told her.

"I would ship myself with Red if it meant I could get popular!" Snow exclaimed.

"That... is already a ship," Ruby said, poking her head in. "Hi!"

"Oh, hello," Emma said.

* * *

"Well, I'll tell you something that's also the same," Henry mumbled. "The line. It's just as long as the other."

"I dunno," Emma groaned. "Don't think I'll like this one much."

"I'm gonna get motion sickness again," Gold said, paling.

"Remember when we were in the taxi to the airport, and you got sick?" Regina asked, laughing. "You handled Tower of Terror but you got sick in the taxi!"

"I can perfectly handle fast rocking," Gold said. "It's just the slow movement that gets to me."

"..." was all the family said. And since "..." means nothing, the familly said nothing. Why the author didn't write this in the first place was just one of those moments where you smack your palm against your face.

Before sitting down, Regina inspected her seat. If you don't know why, go reference 'Soarin' Over California', Chapter 38.

"Just close your eyes," Belle told Gold.

"NO!" Cora screamed. "You can't!"

"Why not?" Gold asked.

"Because you'll miss it!"

"That's... er, kind of the point."

"YOU CAN NOT MISS IT!" she screamed, smacking him with her Mickey Mouse ears hat.

Just as the ride started to move upwards.

"NO!" Hook screamed. "I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!"

"Why is my head telling me that my ears are not going to enjoy this?" Snow mumbled.

"I never thought I'd say this, but your head's telling you right," Regina said.

"That sounded wrooong!" Hook sang.

"Thought you were busy being scared of heights?" Regina asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh, right," Hook said. "HELP ME! I'M SCARED! MAYBE IF A REALLY PRETTY BRUNETTE CAME AND HUGGED ME I'D NOT BE SCARED!" he stole a glance at a clueless Regina.

"I'll hug you!" a random woman sitting by Hook said. "You're really handsome, dude."

At this moment, Hook suddenly wished he had a gun. Or a stick. Or a bottle of fangirl-repellent. Or... anything.

Then he remembered what he had. What he'd had all along. What had replaced something that a crocodile had cut off.

"I HAVE LOVE!" Hook screamed.

"What?" the woman asked.

"LOOOOOOOVE!" Hook screamed. "The most powerful magic in the cosmos! Not just any love, true love! Yeah, you heard me! You better stay away because I AM A LOVED PERSON!"

The woman stared at him for a while. "Okay. Less talking, more kissing?"

.

"Oh my god," Snow said. "I feel like I'm actually moving!"

"It looks really nice," Charming said, just as they passed a field. Where a boy kicked a soccer ball.

That appeared to fly right at Charming.

"HELP ME!" Charming shrieked. "THE BALL HIT ME IN THE FACE! DID YOU SEE IT? OH MY GOD, THERE'S A SOCCER BALL ON MY FACE!"

"It's not on your face," Cora said with a look that clearly said 'facepalm'.

"OH MY GOD!" Charming shrieked. "Then it can only be... IN MY STOMACH! HELP ME! I SWALLOWED A SOCCER BALL! HELP! CPR! AMBULANCE! POLICE! MICHAEL JACKSON! ANYBODY!"

"These are one of the moments when I just sit here and think, 'gosh, my life is really messed up, isn't it'?" Henry said to Timothy, Snow's pet rock.

* * *

Deleted scene (that can still count as this story's canon if you want):

Snow had a confession to make.

"Hey, guys," she said nervously. "I... I have something to tell you. Timothy, the judge from American Idol... was... was... secretlymypetrock."

"Huh?" Emma asked.

"I said, he was... secretlymypetrock."

"I don't think anyone here speaks stupid, sorry," Cora said.

"I said... THE JUDGE FROM AMERICAN IDOL WAS ACTUALLY MY PET ROCK TIMOTHY!" Snow screamed. "CORA TURNED HIM INTO A HUMAN USING MAGIC!"

"GASP!"

"Ooh," Regina said. "That's awkward."

Deleted for general weirdness.

* * *

_**R&R? Pretty please? Pretty please with a Robert Carlyle on top?**_


	66. Mission: SPACE

"Our next ride is 'Mission: SPACE'," Regina told the group.

"I had a nightmare," Belle was saying. "We were in this terrible fanfiction where we got shipped together."

Hook scrunched up his nose cutely (that's Regina's narration). "Sorry, love, but I don't... well, love you."

"Me neither," Belle said, shaking her head. "And I wasn't even looking for a ship between us. I was just looking to see how many people wrote fanfictions about me so I could screw with Regina's fandom. But then I saw the ship, and I thought, oh, that's odd, so I clicked on it-"

"Dude," Hook recoiled. "I didn't ask for your life story."

"It's not my life story," Belle said. "It's just the story of how I found the story that was a fanfiction about you and-"

"Talk to the left hand, because you are so not right," Hook told her.

"Anyway," Regina said, clearing her throat. "'Mission: SPACE' was a ride that opened in August 2003. It has four riders per vehicle and-"

"Shh," Emma said.

"But-"

"Shh," Emma said. "No, really. Shh."

"Look at that sign," Henry said, pointing to a sign that listed the ride times. The lights were flashing quickly. Ridiculously quickly.

"It's gonna give me a seizure," Cora said, blinking.

"Are seizures really seizures?" Belle wondered suddenly. "Or are they just in our imagination? Is illness really real or is it just when our body wants to play hooky?"

"Who's saying hooky?!" Hook yelped.

"Hooky means when you skip school," Belle said. "I think the real reason people get sick is because it's in their frame of mind. They want to be sick and miss school or work subconsciously, so they get sick."

"I am going to rethink every single doctor's appointment I have ever had, now," Charming said.

"Deep," Hook muttered.

"What- what is that?" Neal suddenly wondered as they approached a hedge cut to look like Buzz Lightyear.

"It's a hedge," Snow said, smiling sweetly. "A hedge that looks like Buzz Lightyear. I like those kind of bushes, I've always wondered how they grew that way."

Regina blinked.

"Once I saw one that grew in the shape of a giraffe," Snow continued. "I can never get my bushes to grow that way. I wonder what their gardening secret is!"

Regina blinked again.

"I'm not going to respond to that," she finally mumbled.

"No, really, guys, what is that?" Neal asked, backing away from the bush. "It's scaring me."

"Prissy," Gold mumbled as they entered Mission: SPACE.

* * *

_Welcome to the International Space Training Center._

"Man. Disney really likes their overhead, looming voices, don't they?" Henry asked.

"You mean looming overhead voices," Belle corrected him.

_You're here today to train for the greatest adventure in the history of mankind: the exploration of deep space. I know you're probably feeling a little bit nervous right now, but don't worry. Even the heroes who went to the moon felt that way. But there is one thing that they have that you don't have. Training._

"I thought he was going to say the power of love," Charming said, sounding a bit disappointed. "Because the power of love is the greatest power in the universe. It creates happine-"

Snow clapped a hand over his mouth.

_Right now at NASA and ISTC facilities around the world, future astronauts are learning how to live and work in space. But you're here today for flight training, the most thrilling experience that any astronaut candidate will ever have._

"Sure sounds thrilling to me," Emma said, rolling her eyes. Henry peered over her shoulder, she was playing Slender.

_Before you decide if it's right for you, let me introduce you to your spacecraft. The X-2 Deep Space Shuttle. It's powered by solid hydrogen, and can accelerate from zero to six thousand in sixty seconds._

"Regina, he sounds exactly like you," Gold said, sounding amused. "You'd be good at this job."

"I haven't got any spare time," Regina said, shaking her head.

"You've so got spare time, you don't even have a job!" Emma cried.

"Actually, I do have a job," Regina told her. "I terrorize children in my spare time."

Emma blanched.

"I'm only joking, dear," Regina said.

"Oh," Emma said.

"Blah, blah, blah, dialogue," Cora said, rolling her eyes.

_When the flight bay doors open, follow the markings on the floor to your capsule. Then move all the way across, taking your crew positions in the cockpit, and stow all personal items in the compartments in front of you. Then reach up and pull down your restraint._

"Whoever you people are, thank you for finally doing a smart thing and restraining Regina," Snow said.

"Facepalm," Regina groaned.

_Well, I guess that's everything. Good luck, Mars team. You are on the clock._

Snow looked around wildly. "I don't see a clock!"

"What clock?" Regina asked, confused.

"He said we were on a clock!" Snow cried. "And if we aren't on a clock, are we on nothing? ARE WE DEAD? ARE WE IN HEAVEN?!" Snow shrieked.

"WE'RE DEAD?!" Charming yelped. "WHO KILLED US!"

"SHE DID!" Snow screamed, pointing to the authoress.

"I didn't!" the authoress said. "You're alive!"

"So it's your fault!" Snow said, pointing to Charming.

"No, it's... her fault!" he said, pointing to Regina.

"I didn't even do anything!" Regina cried.

"Yeah, but even so, it's ALWAYS your fault," he said, narrowing his eyes.

_Mission Control, this is the firing room, give us the go/no-go for launch._

"_You are go for launch_," a different overhead voice spoke.

_We have main engine start. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Zero. Mission Control, the tower is clear. They're all yours._

And they were off, unfortunately.

"NOOOO!" Gold screamed, thrashing about in his seat. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"You'd think he was being tortured," Hook mumbled.

"He sounds like he's being brutally murdered," Regina said calmly. "Even I didn't make that much of a fuss."

"It's torture to all of us to have to be around each other every chapter of this fic," Charming admitted. "I guess he finally snapped."

"You idiots, he has motion sickness," Belle said.

"Ohh," Henry said. "That's why he was vomiting on the cab back home!"

There was a slight pause.

"Probably shouldn't have posted that on YouTube," he mumbled.

_We've lost auto pilot! Commander, activate manual control, now._

"NO! I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE, HOW DO I FLY A F*CKING SPACESHIP?!" Cora shrieked.

_All hands on the control sticks._

Ten pairs of hands flew onto the control sticks faster than you could say supercallifragilisticexpialidociousidontknowhowtos pellthatwordwhatever.

_Pull back, pull back! Left, pull left! Watch the canyon walls! Now right! Ease it left._

"That could be an innuendo," Hook mumbled.

_You're coming in too hot! Back to center, hold it steady._

"Still sounds wrong," Hook mumbled.

_Pull back! Hang on! Down, and... clear._

Gold nearly vomited when he saw that their vehicle was parked right on the narrow edge of a cliff.

_Okay, heads back. Releasing restraints. Now push the restraints up, gather all your belongings, and follow the arrows to the advanced training lab for further training._

"That's it," Neal said, unbuckling his seat. "I'm never going to join the Navy. Period."

* * *

_**So we reached our 600th review the other day. Thanks to Grace5231973 for reviewing! Let me know what ride you'd like me to do next. ;)**_

_**Do R&R, thanks for your awesome support! :D Cookies to all! *holds up tray of burnt unrecognizable cookies***_


	67. Rocket to the Red Planet (Virtual)

"I do not like the look of this ride," Henry commented as the group entered the main ride room, all blue, sci-fiyey (is that a word), and futuristic.

"I doubt it'll be anything worse than the Tower of Terror," Gold grumbled.

Cora scoffed. "You should be talking, Mr. Little Pawn Shop of Horrors."

"I-" Gold paused. "I'm not going to even argue."

"He admits it," Cora whispered. "HE ADMITS IT!"

"Epic, sad, creepy music," Henry wryly commented as a onscreen guide explained that their trip to Mars would have to take a while so they would be put to 'hypersleep'.

"Wait. What hypersleep?" Cora asked.

"He said it'd only feel like a second," Emma shrugged.

"I feel like this is a ride I'm going to be sick on," Henry said.

"Do what the creepy screen lady said and just put your head back and keep your eyes ahead at all times," Cora advised him.

Henry rolled his eyes as the screen in front of him flashed and he looked up to see a huge blue sky with...

A launchy roller-coaster track looking thing above.

"Uh-oh."

Five, four, three, two, one-

"I'm not really moving!" Henry squealed. "I'm not moving! I'm not moving! I'm not moving!"

"Take it easy on the insane catchphrases, kid," Jefferson told him, sipping from a cup of tea. "You'll make yourself ill."

Henry blinked.

"Shut up, Jefferson," Regina told him. "Anyone would get ill laying eyes on you."

Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "Ah. Yes, a lot of people seem to catch this disease from looking at me. It's called the 'fangirl' disease."

"I never thought I'd say this, but you're right about the fangirls being a disease," Regina mumbled.

"Oh, my god," Henry suddenly mumbled. "We're in space."

"Cool," Hook said happily. "Let's look for the TARDIS!"

"Fanboy," Cora mouthed to Gold.

"Wait," Belle said suddenly. "If we're in space, how are we breathing?"

"We're not in space," Neal said. "We're in a space simul-"

Gold shot him a look that said 'don't, just don't'.

Neal didn't.

"I think maybe they put an oxygen bubble around us," Neal suggested.

"That's stupid," Belle said. "Oxygen bubbles don't exist. It's a basic scientific fact."

"Hey, Belle? It's dark in here," Jefferson said, turning on a flashlight and holding it up to his face creepily.

"Yeah, yeah," Belle said, waving her hand dismissively. "I'm over that already."

"Aw, really?" Jefferson asked. "I rather liked that one."

"Well, I didn't," Henry mumbled.

"Shut up, you guys! We're in space and all you can do is blog and whine and blah blah!" Regina yelled.

"She's a David Tennant fangirl," Cora mumbled. "Whoever the heck he is."

"SHUT UP!" Neal roared.

"YEAH, SHUT UP! DAVID TENNANT IS A GOD!" Hook shrieked.

"But-"

"HE IS A GOD!" Hook yelled.

"HE IS A GOD!" Neal screamed.

"Okay, then," Cora mumbled.

"Normal day!" Henry chirped cheerfully.

"Wait, what is that ominous red countdown doing?" Charming asked suddenly, staring at the screen.

"You idiot, it's not ominous at all," Snow said. "It's just substantially creepy, is all."

"What does substentual mean?"

"Substantial. It means... great. Big, you know," Snow said.

"But I don't know," Charming said innocently. "That's why I asked."

"Facepalm," Gold mumbled.

"Let's go kill the world!" Henry suddenly exclaimed.

Several heads shot around to see him.

"WHAT?!"

"I just wanted to see if you were paying any attention," Henry said, shrugging.

"I think we're crashing," Charming suddenly said.

"I KNEW THOSE NUMBERS WERE EVIL! I KNEW IT! BUT YOU ALL IGNORED ME!" Cora wailed.

"You didn't say anything!" Emma shouted.

"Well... maybe I did, but you didn't hear it," Cora said slowly.

"Doubt it, I've got ears like an owl," Emma told her, gritting her teeth as she struggled to fix the ship.

"You mean ears like an elephant," Regina mumbled.

"Are you implying anything?" Emma asked.

"Nope!" Regina said quickly. "Nothing at all!"

"Guys? Ship crashing?" Charming asked, exasperated.

"Normal day!" Henry chirped.


	68. Test Track

"Test Track," Regina concluded, nodding epicly. "The next ride."

Emma nodded epicly as well. "Were those nods supposed to be epic?" she asked the author suddenly.

"Yep!" the author said cheerfully, walking past them (in the story) with a cotton candy in her hand.

Wait... she was hungry. So she gets... three cotton candies! Wait, no. Seventeen! Why seventeen? Umm... five hundred cotton candies!

"Seriously? Stop messing with our world," Emma mumbled.

Okay, one cotton candy.

"Anyway..." Regina mumbled. "I'm excited for this one. It seems to be a real ride, not just a virtual one."

"Great!" Henry said, beaming. "I don't get sick on real ones, just on the virtual ones!"

"Tell me about it," Gold mumbled as he got into a purple car with Neal, Emma, Cora, Charming, and Snow.

Henry, Regina, Belle, and Hook entered a separate yellow car.

"It's a race, then?" Hook asked, glaring at Neal.

"A race," Neal agreed, nodding epicly.

The cars started off with a hiss, shoving the cars through a purple psychedelic tunnel with flashy lights on the side.

"Wow," Henry commented. "It's like Christmas, only creepier."

The car approached a yellow opening at the end, and Cora blinked at the flashing lights.

"I swear to god, I'm going to get a seizure from all these Disney rides," she mumbled.

"You and me both," Belle said, blinking.

"It's still dark in here," the authoress told Belle.

"Okay, can you stop blinking in and out of our story? Because it's seriously creeping me out," Hook said. "You randomly appearing here is like looking up at night and seeing the face of the Grim Reaper."

"Honestly, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two of them," Belle mumbled.

Gold looked up to see bright blue lights on the roof and another corridor with screens displaying several racing patterns and flashing lights, wires, etc.

"Honestly, I think the authoress just put 'etc' there because she was too lazy to write out all the details," Neal said slowly.

"Agreed," the rest of the car chorused.

The group passed more screens and jagged black rocks with purple, flashing lights strewn across the edges.

"Keep away from those rocks!" Snow shrieked. "They want to kill us!"

"Rocks aren't alive-" Cora started, before remembering Snow's avid obsession with rocks and pet rocks. "I mean, they are, but those aren't real rocks."

"They're real, living rocks!" Snow shrieked. "They're mad and they want to kill us!"

"Why?" Cora asked, hoping that once Snow realized there was no motive, she would drop it.

"Because they're jealous of Timothy's beauty and they want revenge!"

"...Ship." So much for 'no motive'.

"Look, a waterfall!" Henry said, motioning towards a screen displaying a waterfall with snowlike tufts of air.

"10 out of 10 for observation," Gold plainly stated.

They went through another tunnel and crossed onto a black road lined with bright yellow lights in what appeared to be some strange kind of Tron-looking town.

"The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round, 'round and-" Cora clapped a hand over Henry's mouth to stop him singing.

"Don't sing nursery rhymes," she told him very seriously. "Especially on dark rides. Nursery rhymes are just plain creepy. And so are clowns. And dolls. Children's dolls."

"You've been watching too many horror movies," Regina said, rolling her eyes. "You know they aren't real, right?"

"Yeah, but it's still scary!" Cora said.

"Don't bother. She came to my shop one time asking if I had a vacuum spell so she could go Ghostbusting," Gold mumbled.

"Seriously?" Emma asked, pausing. "Do you have one for Star Wars lightsab-"

"NO!" Gold wailed.

They crossed through a green tunnel of mirrors.

"Look at my beautiful reflection!" Snow said happily, pointing to the mirror. Where they saw their car in the glass... with something green and strange on the top, right above their heads.

"That's cool," Regina said. "Cool effects."

"I don't get what it's supposed to be," Belle said, her voice trailing off. "Unless..."

She froze.

"They're green," she noted slowly.

S-l-o-w-l-y.

"GERMS!" she shrieked. "THEY'RE GERMS! EVIL GERMS!" she swatted above the car at nothing.

"Why do you think they're germs?"

"This is a magic mirror, and the reason we can only see them in the mirror is because it's magic, and we can't see germs in real life," Belle explained.

"Oh... facepalm," Gold groaned.

The cars passed another purple tunnel with purple christmas trees.

"We've travelled in time," Cora said in awe. "It's Christmas. WE'VE TRAVELLED IN TIME!"

"Okaaay," Hook said. "But everyone knows to travel in time you need to be in either a Delorean or a phone box."

Everyone blinked.

"Weeping angels," Neal whispered.

The cars zipped through another tunnel with bricklike walls.

"I like this ride, it's cool and calm," Henry said.

They turned another bend and they saw a huge truck right in their path. Henry shrieked and the car swerved around.

"What were you saying?" Cora asked Henry.

His eye twitched.

They crossed through a final tunnel with cards on the wall reading "efficiency" and some other stats that appeared to be for the cars.

The car drove outdoors onto something resembling a real highway.

"Where are the red and green lights?!" Cora shrieked. "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE? WHERE?"

"Calm down, Cora," Emma said.

"WE'RE GOING TO HIT A PEDESTRIAN!"

Neal, who was a far distance away and couldn't hear Cora well, wondered what type of a pterodactyl would want to hit on Gold.

They continued driving, then reached another dark tunnel with a drop.

"It's a drop!" Hook wailed.

They slowly moved down the drop at, like, 1mph.

"Oh," Hook said.

They finally reached the end of the ride, showing the stats for the cars.

"HA!" Cora yelled. "WE WON! FISTPUMP!"


	69. Maelstrom

"I mean, really," Belle continued. "Who names their kid Dick? I'm sorry if your name is Dick, but really. Do the parents just wake up one morning and say 'let's name our kid Dick'?"

"What about a what?" Cora asked.

"I said, who wants to name their kid Dick?"

"You said who wants to go naked their kind dork?" Cora asked, frowning. "Don't count me in."

"You need to get better hearing aids," Belle mumbled.

"I need to goat butter pairing maids?"

"You need to get BETTER HEARING AIDS."

"Belle, you don't need to make better-hearing Lays," Cora said. "Nobody even likes Lays anymore."

"I give up," Belle groaned, her arm brushed across Regina for a second.

Regina froze.

"GERMS!" She wailed. "The germs are here!"

"Why does everyone hate me?" Belle moped.

"They don't hate you, they just strongly dislike you," Cora said.

"Can we go now?" Hook asked.

"Can you f*ck a cow?" Cora asked. "Why would you want to do that?"

Hook smacked his palm on his face.

"Let's go shoot people!" Neal said cheerfully.

"Sorry, what?" Gold asked.

"I was just seeing if anyone was paying attention," Neal said.

"Shh," Emma said suddenly. "I'm hearing something."

"What you're hearing is Cora's voice," Neal said sarcastically.

"No, something more sinister," Emma said.

"You mean Cora's face," Neal said.

"That's stupid," Cora scoffed. "She can't hear my face. She said she was hearing something. How can you hear a face?"

"I see something sinister," Regina said. "South of Snow."

Snow looked down. "Where?"

"There."

"Where?"

"For Pete's sake, I mean your shoes," Regina snapped.

Pause.

Then,

"Who's Pete?"

"Just shut up already," Regina groaned, taking her seat inside one of the boats. "This ride is Maelstrom. Now, it was-"

"I really don't like this ride," Charming mumbled. "It's dark and scary."

"Look at that tower," Neal said, pointing towards a Viking tower.

Gold got up and shook his fist at it. "What are you doin' here, Tower of Terror?"

"You're drunk, Tower of Terror, go home," Henry teased.

"Alcohol? Where?" Hook asked, scrambling about.

"AAGH!" Charming screamed upon sight of a glowing poster of a face in the dark. "IT'S THE EVIL FACE OF EVIL DEATHLY DEATH!"

"Charming, it's a cutout," Regina sighed.

"IT'S A CUTOUT, ALL RIGHT. A CUT-OUT OUR EYES!" he shrieked.

"The only thing Cora's hearing aids are useful for- for turning off," Snow said, watching as Cora muted herself.

"It's a cute little fire!" Henry said as they passed through an area with burning trees. "A cute little forest fire!"

The boat swerved and took them into a Viking-themed village.

"Yaay!" Neal said. "Let's go shoot people!"

"Really, why?" Emma asked.

"I want to see if you're paying attention," Neal told her.

They passed through another scene.

"OHMYGAD!" Charming screamed as they approached a giant troll thing. "IT'S A GIANT TROLL THING!"

"We have to get him to a hospital," Emma said.

"A hospital, what is it?" Snow asked, wondering what was wrong with Charming.

"It's a place where they take people to heal, but that doesn't matter," Emma said.

"I wasn't asking what a hospital was..." Snow mumbled.

"Nobody cares," Regina said.

"Timothy cares!" Snow insisted.

"Well... Timothy is a rock," Regina said. "And you can tell him I said so."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," Neal suddenly said, paling. "We're going backwards!"

Cora hit Hook in the arm. "You're a terrible pirate, but a pirate nonetheless, so make us go forwards!"

"I don't know how to!" Hook said.

"Why are we going backwards?" Henry wailed.

"We're going towards the light!" Snow said. "We're gonna die! Yay!"

Emma blanched. "I don't think she actually knows what she's saying," she mumbled.

"HELP ME!"

"Wait," Cora said. "I think... I think we're turning around."

The group breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God," Emma mumbled.

"Aww, I was looking forward to dying!" Snow said.

Neal scooted an inch away from her.

"Where are we going?" Cora suddenly wondered as they passed towards the town.

"No clue," Henry said.

* * *

"I'm so confused, what's happening?" Henry asked as they exited the ship and entered a theater.

"Why are we seeing whales?" Belle asked.

Pause.

"Am I the only one seeing whales? On the screen?" she asked.

"No, I'm seeing them too," Emma said.

"Oh," she said. "I thought I was going mad."

"You are already mad, dear," Cora told her.

"I don't like whales, they remind me of Doctor Whale," Henry said.

"Doctor? WHERE?" Hook shrieked.

"This is the weirdest ride I've ever been on," Henry said. "First there was a water ride, then we went backwards, and now we're watching completely unrelated shorts."

"Pretty normal by my standards," Hook mumbled.


	70. Where Did Everybody Go?

_**Here's a little special I did! **__**I thought it was about time I did a special for a chapter since it's been so long since I last did one. So... enjoy! **_

_**Sorry it's so short.**_

_**On another note, tomorrow's field day! Yay! (AKA as the worst day of my life... -_- and no update either...)**_

_**Also, my iPad is being stupid. It doesn't like iOS7. So sorry if there's a lot of typos.**_

* * *

"Guys?" Emma asked. "This is not looking good."

"Everyone was here a minute ago!" Cora wailed. "They've all disappeared! Everyone in Disney World and Epcot have vanished!"

"Ten out of ten for observation," Gold said dryly.

"But where did they all go?" Cora asked.

"What if they never existed in the first place?" Belle asked suddenly. "What if, the whole time, they were just a figment of our imagination?!"

"GASP!" the group gasped.

"I wouldn't be so freaked out if there was, like, a hat or maybe a sneaker there, but there's... nothing!" Charming said, sounding frustrated.

"Maybe they all... went home!" Snow said.

"Why would they go home?" Henry asked.

"To... uh... eat cake!" Snow declared, ignoring the glances from the fellow family members. "What? Everyone likes cake!"

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!" Maleficent wailed, running in front of the group. "Hey, you guys! How you doin? I just finished murdering a whole colony of ants with a spraypaint can and a match!"

Henry breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. Someone sane, at last."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Maleficent, do you know what happened to everybody?"

"Nope!" Maleficent said cheerfully. "I've got absolutely no clue!"

"Well, that helps a lot, sure great having you 'round," Hook mumbled.

"There's nobody here," Maleficent pointed out. "We could go on some rides and stuff."

"But it's... creepy with nobody here!" Emma whined. "I'm expecting a clown to jump out of the bushes any second and eat our brains!"

There was a pregnant pause.

"What?" Emma asked. "Oh, come on, be ridiculous. Nobody likes clowns! They're so creepy!"

Nobody even noticed that Emma said 'be ridiculous' instead of 'don't be ridiculous'. Except for now.

"Clowns are evil," Belle piped up. "They want to murder us all and use our blood to make jam."

"Finally, someone understands!" Emma said.

"Huh? Oh, no, that's not what I actually think about clowns, I was just having my daily batch of insanity," Belle said.

Emma's eye twitched.

"Emma, can you make your eye stop doing that twitchy thing?" Hook asked. "I mean, you have nice eyes and all, but-"

"Ooh," Oohed a crowd of HookedSwan shippers.

"I mean, your eyes look nice-"

Another ooh.

"Can you make your eye stop doing that, it's creeping me out," Hook said.

"Ooh."

"Will you shut up?" Hook yelled.

"Ooh."

"My eye isn't doing anything!" Emma shot back.

"Yeah!" Charming said. "Well, it looks like your eye is doing the tango, but still, it isn't doing anything!"

"Guys, focus," Cora said. "Whole park of people. Vanished!"

"Okay," Henry said. "Do you think they saw a picture of Johnny Depp and ran after it?"

"No, fangirls aren't _that_ stupid," Cora said dismissively.

"I don't know, a lot of people seem to act stupid even if they aren't fangirls," Emma pointed out.

Hook licked his hook.

"Gross!" Snow recoiled.

"I was just trying to see what metal tastes like," Hook said with a frown. "Since Miley Cyrus is obsessed with hammers and all. She _really_ likes her hammers."

"I'm going to ignore that statement," Regina said, just as Emma piped up.

"But I love Miley Cyrus!" she said.

"No, I mean it," Hook said. "She _really_ likes hammers."

"Okay, now I know something's wrong here, because Hook didn't even notice how much that sounded like an innuendo," Cora stated.

"I'm hungry," Henry whined. "Let's go steal food!"

"Okay!" Maleficent said cheerily.

"Wait a minute," Cora said suddenly. "You... first, everybody vanished. Then you showed up. Which you never do, unless the authoress decides to put you in for a chapter special. Which means..."

"This is Maleficent's doing," Regina said at the same time that Cora said "this is the author's doing."

"Ooh, that's a pickle," Maleficent said, scratching her head.

"I didn't do anything!" the author said. "I think... they... went to Comic-con!" she suggested.

"Maleficent has magic, though, and the author doesn't," Regina pointed out.

"Yes, but the author is writing the story," Cora said.

"Fine, fine," the author said. "Yeah. I made everyone vanish."

"I KNEW IT!" Cora shrieked.

"Whoa, hey, guys," the author said, backing away. "Uhm. Do you guys want..." she paused. "A... um... cake?" she held out a cake.

"YES!" they yelled, grabbing it.

"Beam me up, Scotty," the author said, smiling. "I've always wanted to say that!"

She vanished.

"This... cake... sucks," Henry said.

"The cake is a lie!" Maleficent wailed. "What did I tell you?" she shook her head. "Always listen to the foreshadowing at the beginning of the chapter! ALWAYS!"


End file.
